Where Do Broken Hearts Go
by CollinsJ
Summary: The first time Maura Isles held a gun, she never thought it would be pointing to her head. If she survives, what does that mean for her future? STORY COMPLETE.
1. The day they met

**AN: I was inspired by whitney hustons ''where do broken hearts go''. it perhaps wont make sense as of now, as this is more of an introduction or backstory if you will. but I assure you, it will come together in a few chapters**

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**disclaimer: God forbid if I owned anything Rizzoli and Isles related, the show would have long been off air - for various reasons...lol. ****I will leave it to those who know what to do with them, albeit infuriating at times.**

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January 2000

Casey Jones grew up with Jane Rizzoli. Like the attended-grammar-school-together and having-the-same-sort-of-friends kind of growing up together. It wasn't until their late teenage years that they suddenly found themselves in a relationship. It was a symbiosis relationship of sorts. And for the years they were together it couldn't have worked out more perfectly. Just after Jane's 26th birthday Casey announced that he was recruited to join the soldiers going to Afghanistan. His deployment was for two years, in which they both agreed to preserve themselves for each other. Jane in that time threw herself entirely into her work, and succeeded at that as well. As Casey's two year deployment period came to its end, he informed Jane he would be extending it for two more years.

''I haven't seen you in two years Casey, what the hell?'' Jane was slowly losing her battle with patience.

''baby I know, its just that this is a great opportunity for me, and those next two years will fly by just like the previous ones. I miss you so much Jane. Look, I knew if I told you before I left that I was planning on extending my stay to complete a four year period you-''

He was cut off immediately by an infuriated Jane, ''let me stop you right there Casey. And let me warn you, choose your words VERY wisely, because you are going to have only one chance to answer my questions''

Jane was met with silence, as Casey already knew he had it coming.

''so you had this planned all along? Didn't even bother to tell your dear old girlfriend. All those FUCKING months I kept saying I cant wait to see you soon. You knew! You took me for an idiot. Oh Jane will understand – is that it Casey, huh? Thats what you thought right?''

He was about to speak. ''DON'T YOU EVEN DARE!'' Jane shouted. ''don't'', the last word came out as a whisper. And the line went dead, on Caseys end that is.

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The next day jane showed up in the precinct looking like the bad side of awful. She had spent the whole of the previous night crying, berating herself, punching bags, drinking, basically everything within her physical ability. It had dawned on her that she spent the past years in a sort of vaccum. She never bothered to make friends, apart from the few she already had. She had taken zero interest in anything resembling a relationship that could edge on non platonic. Her life had been routine. At work she did her job and socialized with Korsak and Frost, at home she spent time with her family or skyped Casey. That was all of it.

Her partners knew her too well to even bother asking what the problem was. And for some reason that particular day, that seemed to bug her more. _Can't anyone just ask me what the problem is? Or if I want to talk? Something, anything_. Nothing came, and the more she thought about it the more she really wanted to cry. Obviously she wouldn't do it in the middle of the precinct with everyone watching her, she had a reputation to keep-seriously. So just as she stomped in literally two minutes ago, she stomped out. Her feet took her to the parking lot where she lunged into her car, forehead on the steering wheel as she wept.

Seems not all odds were against her that day. A figure stood by the window of her passenger seat indicating for her to open up. She couldn't even be bothered to look up and simply gestured for them to come in.

''emotional or stress related tears are known to physically rid the body of toxic chemicals. Removing this chemical from the body is beneficial because it triggers cortisol, the stress hormone – too much of which can lead to health problems associated with stress.''

Now that got Janes attention. _What the fuck is she talking about? _

''I'm sorry, what?''

''I am saying its ok to cry''

Jane just shook her head, ''gee, who would have known. I thought I was at risk of death for a moment there'', Jane proudly wore her sarcasm badge.

'' crying may not directly result in death, instead it is the toll sadness in particular may have on your overall health that could lead to death.''

And so jane looked up. ''of course, Dr Isles. I am not very sure whether this is your field of expertise. But I appreciate the Crying 101 though'' with that jane gestured for her to leave. _Maybe not being asked anything was better after all. _

That wasn't a fair comparison because technically Dr Isles hadn't asked her anything, she had merely shared a couple of facts. She didn't quite understand Janes last statement anyway, so just proceeded to talk.

''I had a minor incident with my car last night and took a cab in this morning. I believe I wouldn't be too far off if I said you seem like you won't be doing much this morning, and you certainly haven't had breakfast. I don't have anything urgent to do myself right away. Maybe we could get something to sustain us till lunch and if you don't mind driving me to pick up my car on our way back''

Jane honestly had no will power to retort. She wasn't going to get anything done, she was hungry, and being in the company of someone who knew little to nothing about her could perhaps help. As she drove off she asked

''would you like to go anywhere in particular?'' her voice was still groggy from the crying.

''The Café On New Chardon'' was Dr Isles response.

Jane pulled up to the front of the café when they arrived, and rushed to open the door for her morning companion. The doctor thought it strange, but fascinating; Jane, thought absolutely nothing of it. Possibly she was still wallowing in self pity. The pair made it to a table in silence till a waiter came up to them.

''two fried eggs and bacon with a bagel and a large coffee'' Jane spoke in one breath without even looking at the waiter. Her partner looked mortified, Jane however, did not see this.

''I will have a vegetable and cheese omlete with a small tea please'' The doctor spoke in her usual polite tone, then continued when they were now alone. ''may I call you Jane, detective?''

''why do I feel like I am about to begin a therapy session?'' Jane deflated as was her custom. And when that was met with nothing she let out a sign and said ''yes, I would prefer if you called me Jane''.

''terrific, you may refer to me as Maura if that's not too much to ask…''. She was not able to finish before Jane piped in.

''don't get me wrong, but what exactly is going on here _Maura_. I mean..'' it was Maura's turn to cut in.

''Jane, I am not entirely sure what you think about me. We have never exchanged a single word outside of a crime scene for the whole year we have worked together. I would not conclude that to be your behaviour because you seem to interact well with your fellow workers. I may have given off the wrong impression or somewhere along the lines said the wrong thing. If so, I apologize. I am also aware you are experiencing some sort of turmoil, and I do not wish to make things any worse for you than they already are. But you must know that if there is any way I can be of help, I would be more than delighted''

She looked genuinely sincere and a tad distraught that it absolutely threw jane off. She took a moment to recover then unknowingly formed the best relationship of her life. She poured her heart out to this woman with whom she was basically speaking to for the first time. She told Maura all about her relationship with Casey and how they grew up together. Then proceeded to tell her about their dating days and his eventual departure. Which then led to her current predicament. Maura, for her part, was all ears. She took it all in, listening and asking all the right questions and throwing in opinions when necessary. Their morning breakfast lasted nearly two hours and a beautiful friendship blossomed thereafter. They were a walking ray of sunshine together. Jane had never been that happy, ever! And Maura was far beyond the point of even trying to describe her bliss.

Maura's lonely upbringing and parental neglect often affected her from time to time, but with jane around, all understanding and supportive, it all of a sudden seemed to not be an issue. Jane's tomboyish nature and rowdy behaviour never once left Maura questioning. They loved each other in an all encompassing way, respected one another and were always willing to spend time together.

In the weeks that ensued, Jane and Casey's relationship came to an inevitable end-mutual one for that matter. They communicated on and off from time to time, the 'hie, hie' kind of conversations. Meanwhile, Maura found herself with a family, a bestfriend, friends, and a fulfilling job. Life was in one word, great! Until….


	2. Plan to impress her

**AN: nerves got the best of me on that first chapter. I forgot to mention that I have a number of chapters written out already so I will be updating every other day, or 2 at most. I am also new at this. and I also thought I could add a new flavour to our Rizzles World! thanks to all those reading :D**

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2002

Jane had just finished watching Pretty Woman with Maura than night. It was their second movie night, and truth be told she never put any thought into part of the conversation they had that night-well, until it became applicable

''_I think its sweet how she went out of her way for him'' Maura mused_

''_in case you forgot, she was getting paid Maur''_

''_I remember that. But my point is, she didn't really have to put all that effort into looking nice. What she did doesn't fall within the parameters of her personality. She could have just walked into a shop, picked up any dress and left. But she went the extra mile, looking for something extravagant and doing her hair immaculately. She wanted to impress him, and i think its cute. It paid of in the end''_

''_would you go out of your way to impress someone'' Jane was now curious._

''_well I think it would depend-''_

''_on…..?'' Jane impatiently cut through_

''_-on whether I really want to be with the person. Like if its really worth the effort. I don't think its something I will put on my daily to-do list, but once in while I think its worth the effort for someone to go an extra mile for the person they like'' Maura turned to Jane after a minute silence wondering if maybe she had not heard what she said. ''Jane…''_

''_do you think I gave up on Casey too easily? Like, maybe I didn't put in this _extra effort_ you're talking about?'' _

''_I can only judge from what you have told me about your friendship turned relationship with Casey. Jane, you waited for him for two whole years, in which he didn't see it fit to tell you of plans he had by the way, made before he even left''. Maura was met with silence and chose to continue. ''Jane, you are a 28 year old woman. You have a future to plan for, not to mention physical needs-''_

''_geez Maurrrrra!''_

''_-what Jane? These are just facts. You are beautiful and would have absolutely no problem finding a partner, if you put your mind to it. But you have always held out, for Casey, and if that's not putting effort, then I don't know what is. You didn't give up too easily, you did what was within your capacity. Its his loss''_

_Jane was uncharacteristically starting to feel teary and chose to steer the conversation in a direction that didn't put her in the spotlight._

''_when Casey left, and we decided to maintain a long distance relationship, I felt a little nervous. Like things weren't going to work out. But I saw Caseys dedication to me. He communicated as if he were around. I could__ see how he chose to talk to me every moment he was free. And on to__p__ of that, he still wrote to me, they were more like journal entries of what he did, and he often sent them to me on a bimonthly basis. It made me feel very important. I was _impressed _by how__ he lived to his word..'' she wanted to say more, but stopped there regarding all things Casey. ''what would a guy have to do to impress you?'' she concluded_

''_I think I date the wrong genre of people'', Jane didn't know if that was supposed to be a joke or not, but she burst out laughing anyway. Maura soon joined her. And as their laughs subsided she continued. ''if I could make a check list before I go on date, when I got home I would have the same tabs ticked off every single time. Rich. Handsome. Boring. Intelligent. Reputable job. Snobby. Blunt. Plain. Humourless. Its all the same thing wrapped up in a different package. So the only thing new about my date nights is the physical appearance of the person''. Maura looked wistful for a moment. _

''_you must be looking in the wrong places then''_

''_I suppose. I would like for once to meet someone who is forthcoming. Someone who makes me laugh till I cant breathe. A person who isn't so wrapped up in their own little mind. Someone I can challenge on a different level, not just academia. Someone who is willing to take risks and do fun stuff you know. I am a relatively boring person, so it would be nice to have a partner who is just fun, to make up for the both of us, maybe to also help me loosen up a bit. Honestly Jane, where do I even begin to look for someone like that? They will probably think I am all those things I said my usual dates are'' _

_What Jane caught in that moment from all of that was that Maura said someone or a person, not _he._the rest of everything Maura __said eventually came to her over the years, bit by bit._

January 2004

Jane never understood the art of impressing people, like really! Was that even necessary? Wouldn't it become a job trying to impress someone just to get them, then having to live the rest of your life maintaining that standard. Or would you just go back to the slacker you always were after you got that person. It really made no sense to her. Ironic how the world works however – here Jane was, trying to impress Maura. She seriously had to laugh at her own hypocrisy. Though nothing about her endeavour was funny, quite the contrary actually. I mean, isn't it a serious matter when you fall helplessly in love with your BFF, a woman, who also happens to be your co-worker, and only real friend- if you think about it carefully. So yes, Jane was shamelessly trying to impress Maura, and doing a damn good job of also. At least that's what she thought. Apparently she had it all figured out. Her carefully thought out plan to woo Maura Isles had commenced about a year and a half ago.

''I know you would like to become sergeant one day Rizzoli. And I gotta tell you, this is a darn good opportunity for your profile'' Cavanagh began, attempting to thaw Jane a little first.

''yes sir'' she answered, trying to ascertain where the conversation was going.

''now, you have been a detective under my watch for four years. And I know I can depend on you to carry out this assignment''

''of course you can sir, its just that I haven't been given full details to the whole plan as yet, so I am not really sure what I am in for here. I do trust you though.'' Jane quickly added the last part not wanting to upset the good lieutenant.

''precisely why I called you in here. You have to leave tomorrow, so I will meet you at the airport at 11am. Ok? And you can go home and get yourself together. I will explain all I know when I meet with you tomorrow. I don't want to see you here tomorrow morning'' having worked with Jane long enough Cavanagh had to emphasize because there was a good chance Jane would show up for work in the morning, before a 12pm flight.

With that, Jane nodded and left Cavanagh's office heading home. She had to finish her packing before she headed to Maura's for the night.

''hey…'' Jane managed when Maura opened the door. It immediately dawned on her that this was going to be their last movie night for a long while, and if her plan worked out well, it would be their last night as just friends.

''welcome back to earth'' Maura said after seeing jane drift for a while. And her attempt at a joke did not go unnoticed. Jane chuckled heartly as she swaggered in.

''I am so excited about tomorrows senimar. Can you imagine all those great people in one place?'' Maura enthused

''believe it or not, I can'' it was a testament to Jane how thrilled Maura was. From her vast vocabulary, all she could come up with was 'great people'. Jane had to chucked once more

Now anyone looking at this next scene would have bet all their worth If anyone said these two were not a couple.. Jane strode to the couch, propped her feet on the table with the remote immediately in her hand. Maura meanwhile was in the kitchen putting dinner together. She paused for a bit while pouring her usual and taking a beer to Jane, who by the way her hand flew up seemed to have been already waiting for it. Upon releasing the bottle Maura went to push her legs off the table throwing her a warning look. Jane appeared undeterred and just smiled. Maura resumed her previous chore and practically ran over to Jane with two plates in hand on completion. All this was done in complete, comfortable, normal, silence. Who can oppose to the notion of these two being together? Not to mention all the eye blazing going on. What it was each of them were thinking was different however. From the day in café they had spent almost all their free time together. The movie nights, baseball games, Rizzoli Sunday dinners, lunches, shopping, you name it. between Jane's failed relationship with Casey, and Maura's hopeless attempts at dating, they seemed to fulfil each other, never mind that there was no active sexual component in their friendship. Through all of Maura's unsteadiness that night, Jane noticed nothing. Maybe that night she was too preoccupied trying to suck in all that was Maura before she left and loathing herself for not being able to tell Maura she was leaving. Jane never for one second entertained the idea that Maura could feel the same about her. How could someone who spoke so much about sex and the male anatomy be gay. Although Maura had one time said she never had any qualms over homosexuality, stating – 'if you love someone, does their genetilia development really matter?' There were hints here and there, but Jane knew subtlety was not Maura's game. Therefore, if she felt something, she probably would have said something. Maura wasn't at all bothered by peoples opinions of her and felt thoroughly comfortable in her body. Surely if Maura wanted Jane, Jane would have noticed something. But then again, Maura was very smart, she might have known exactly how to hide her feelings and moderate her actions when necessary. Maura was often flirty anyway, and none of that could honestly be taken serious. A week ago she had been winking at Rondo whilst saying ''you know how I like it''. Nevertheless, Jane was a detective. It was her job to figure out that sort of thing – but she didn't. One would honestly become a little suspicious of this police academy she went to. All those detective skills seem to do her no good whatsoever when it came to her life. seriously, can someone that oblivious be trusted to protect the citizens of Boston? God help us all. So Jane's master plan that night was to overtly show her feelings for Maura by incorporating a lot of gratuitous touching and throwing in more than platonic compliments. _Smooth work detective. _After dinner and watching Nottinghill (which Jane though was super cheesy, and Maura completely loved), they went up to bed.

Maura was out like a light in no time at all, Jane on the other hand, could barely close her eyes. She was nervous about leaving the next day. Not so much about the job (which by the way, she knew little to nothing of), but about being away from Maura and her family for a while. She hadn't spent a single day away from her family since her days in the academy and away from Maura since they became friends four years ago. She couldn't even fathom how badly missing them was going to feel, not forgetting the hysterics Angela was going to get into on her return. Suddenly Jane had an epiphany while looking at Maura's sleeping form. Something in her heart that very moment told her she couldn't go on without being with Maura. She resigned herself in that moment to be sure Maura knew how she felt. She didn't want to go through the agony of laying with Maura and not being able to hold her passionately, she couldn't do it, she refused to do. So quietly she slid out of bed and headed to Maura's study. Having that kind of talk in the morning was definitely not the way forward, her foot would most likely land in her mouth. So quickly spotting a writing pad and pen she settled herself on the desk. _This is going to take a while she thought_.

Two solid hours later Jane sauntered back to Maura's room and tiptoed to the bed. She laid there, for a whole two minutes before coming to the obvious realization that she wasn't going to sleep if she didn't hold Maura. _whats it matter, she's asleep anyway right. We have woken up like this before. It will just be like our bodies got__ into that position of thei__r own accord, no minds involved__._ This was Jane pep talking herself and justifying her imminent actions. So Jane turned to face mauras back and pushed her front flush against maura. They fit so perfectly it made jane almost want to cry. Her pelvis was firmly situated along Maura's bottom,her legs against the length of Maura's. Jane breasts smashed into her best friends shoulder blades as she buried her face in said friends hair. Of their own accord, (at least that was justified, she internally smiled to herself) her hand snaked Maura's stomach were it found a lone one to intertwine with. That was Janes definition of perfect – fuck that thing she thought she had with Casey! Sleep came effortlessly.

the next day...

All the excitement Maura felt about the seminar that morning went flying out the window. For a genius she had no idea what the hell had transpired between her best friend and her the night before. She was utterly in love with Jane, that she had no doubt about. She knew Jane had some feelings for her, she just wasn't sure how to define them, or how Jane defined then for that matter. She could be attracted to her, love her, could be curious, there was really a lot of things Jane could really feel for her. and then there was last night. Jane had looked at her in a way she had never done before. She had looked at her like that from the moment she said ''hey'' when she walked in. It was like she hung on her every word for dear life. If Maura was blunt with herself, there were several instances in which she honestly thought she was going to pounce on Jane. At one point she couldn't handle it and had literally gone to the bathroom to cool herself of. She was actually embarrassed by the wet substance on her panties but could not be surprised at all. Jane kept touching her hand, she stoked her hair, the way their thighs kept rubbing. Not to mention all the flirting. Her heart and mind was in overdrive, she was surprised she didn't pass out. It was also the way Jane seemed to not guard herself at all, she didn't seem to think twice about her actions, it almost seemed like she was doing it purposefully. Ok, maybe not purposely per se, but with specific intent. Like she felt like she wasn't going to see Maura again and had to convey that she loved her without actually saying it.

Then she had woken up that morning, 6:37am on the dot. Her alarm hadn't even gone off, but she woke up like someone who had splashed a bucket of cold water in their face. She was trying to orient herself while maintaining her 'still as death' posture. Jane had her body moulded into Maura, there was literally no space between them, at all. Maura was slightly on her stomach with Jane's half partially on top of her. Their right hands were clasped together beneath Maura and Jane had her head in the crock of Maura's neck with her lips touching Maura's skin. Maura could feel all of Jane's body weight, her breathing and her breasts squished against her. Further down their bodies Jane had her one leg firmly tucked in between Maura's thighs, it was pleasantly close to her centre.

Maura had taken a few minutes to comprehend all of this when Jane stirred a little and released an audible moan. It didn't help matters because Jane's bare leg then lightly rubbed between Maura's bare thighs. It took all of 3 seconds for Maura's arousal to sky rocket and she suddenly felt she couldn't breathe. Out of fear of aggressively advancing on her best friend she tried to quickly pull herself out of bed. Not a good move it turned out. A sleepy Jane pulled her impossibly closer. The throbbing between Maura's thighs was turning into a substance dangerously threatening to start dripping out.

''I have to get up Jane'', she said as if she had just finished running a marathon.

With that, Jane slowly met consciousness and let out a ''sorry'' before reluctantly letting go of Maura. And as always, they went about their morning routine as if nothing happened. Well, technically nothing had happened, because this had occurred every night they slept together, so anyones bet would be that it couldn't be classified as an 'incident'.

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The whole day she spent at the seminar ended up being a nightmare. All those 'great people' began to annoy her. She wanted to see Jane so desperately and just try to figure out if she hadn't been imaging things. She had just come out of a mild November cold, maybe these were some side effect of those meds she was taking. Well the only way to be sure was to be with Jane again, and this day couldn't end soon enough for Maura.

After swiftly ending all potentially long conversations with her fellow acquaintances, Maura finally made it home, her watch read 22:12. She'd been so preoccupied with trying to get her Jane situation out of her mind and concentrate on the speakers that she forgot to even text Jane. Well to be fair she didn't really forget as such, she was just unsure of what to say, and afraid of the response she would get. So now she continued to ponder whether to call Jane, it kind of worried her how Jane hadn't contacted her at all.

So as she uncharacteristically leapt out of her shoes her eyes caught sight of an envelope on the countertop. It had Jane's sloppy writing on the top. Then her heart skipped a beat, like really skipped a beat. Fuck science. Since when did Jane start writing letters, to her! Her hands trembled as she picked it up. Her first thought was to call Jane but curiosity got the best of her and she opened it.

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**Just thought maybe i should ask, it may be just me - but have Jane and Maura ''touched'' these 2 episodes? i am really really concerned. and what happened to all the eye shagging? what is going on with R&I?**


	3. Letter to Maura

**AN: So..., thanks you guys!**

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**Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles do not belong to me.**

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Maur….

First of all, there is no need for you to freak out, everything is alright. If anything, I am the one freaking out. Hope you don't mind, I borrowed some stationary from your office. And yes, I wrote this in the middle of the night. It's actually 1:03am right now. I couldn't fall asleep. There is so much I want to say to you Maura, it's driving me crazy. I know I am not the most eloquent person, heck, I am so far from it. But I figured if I write this all down I have enough time to think through what I have to say, and amend my mistakes where necessary. It's the coward's way out, I know, but this is really not my strong point. I won't lie to you, I am scared shitless right now. I am sorry that I couldn't tell you I was leaving and where I am going-protocol. I myself don't even know much. But I promise I will be back before you miss me too much. I still cannot believe I formed a friendship with you over breakfast in the middle of a café on one random morning. I had worked with you a while and I swear I have no idea how I never even thought to have just one non work related conversation with you. In fact I do know, my apologies. I was so wrapped up in Casey to see past my office desk. You saved me that day Maura, I don't know if I have told you enough times- but thank you. I just felt so helpless and angry that morning. Casey was such a huge part of my life, even in his absence. And I believed that my world was falling apart without him nearby.

Remember the first time you took me out to that fancy French restaurant for dinner? That was 7months 2weeks and 4days since we had become friends. I can tell you exactly the way you looked that day from my sleep. I know you are inwardly stating all the scientific reasons why that Is not possible, but still, I know I can. You looked radiant, glowing even. I had never seen you laugh so much Maura. Everything I kept doing and saying was stupid, but you genuinely enjoyed my company anyway. When I got home that night, Casey skyped me. I didn't answer his call. Instead, I sent you a text to say thank you. And do you remember what your reply was? I don't even know why I am asking, it's not like you are going to respond whilst I'm writing this. But anyway, you said, and I quote ''I cannot wait to that over and over again''. If you remember, I didn't reply. I honestly didn't think the English language had anything adequate to offer me. But when I laid in my bed that night, I tried to think of what it is I loved about Casey. The list had only one item – he accepted me. That was all I could come up with, not for lack of trying. God knows I searched my brain, heart and soul. But the only thing at that point I knew I ever loved about that man was that he accepted me. He accepted my dangerous job, my laid back lifestyle, my often sour mood and inability to tolerate bullshit, my short temper, my outdated wardrobe, my sloppy eating and my crazy family. I am not even sure if he liked all these things, but what I do know is that he accepted it. And at one point, that was enough for me.

In the midst of wrecking my mind, you sent me another text. It read ''will bring a movie to watch tomorrow night. And the unhealthy pizza for dinner''. It would be a sin for me to explain how I felt that night. Nothing put to words will ever equate. But the reason I am writing this to you in the first place, is to let you know that, that night is the night I knew with no doubt that I had fallen in love with you. There was no grey area, no misunderstanding or uncertainties. I was absolutely sure. And when I thought about all those things I love about you, I didn't end on number one as I did with Casey. In fact, I fell asleep counting all the reasons down. You don't just accept my behaviours and habits and attitude. You like it all. You don't just tolerate me, or humour me. You look for me, and find ways to not make me leave. When I say something you don't understand, you don't just brush it off and smile. You ask me. When you don't agree with my opinions you tell me, and state why. If I do or say something you don't appreciate or find offensive, you voice your concern. You are never afraid to piss me off, and when I am mad, you aren't scared to approach me. You ask if I need company or prefer to be alone, and never take offence in the answer. When I ignore you, you keep talking, because you know even though I will not be responding I will be listening. I don't know about you Maura, but I consider myself the luckiest person in the world. You share (almost) all of yourself with me. You share your house, your bed, your food, your time, your knowledge, your car, your stories, your happiness, your past, your sorrows, your future plans, your love, almost everything Maura. When it comes to you, I am a little speechless. I have never done much travelling, but I am confident in saying you are as beautiful as women come. I don't see myself living to the day someone will prove me wrong. It would definitely have to be centuries from now in a world consisting of a whole new species of humans. If we could take your smile to Africa, I am positive there would be no complains of power outages.

By now you should know that I am not one to pour my hear t out – to anyone, for whatever reason. But I am trying here Maura. You have made me do and feel things I never thought imaginable. I have never cared what people think of me, what comes out of my mouth, or what I wear. But now Maura, I do everything with you in mind. I often find my mind asking me ''what would Maura do?'' when I am faced with a situation I don't know how to handle. I filter my words before they come out of my mouth when I'm with you. The other day I went to the extent of going to buy some decent jeans for museum outing. I actually scared myself. I'm not reckless at work anymore. You know I couldn't care less if I injured myself. But I see how you worry about me, and I never want to be the source of your pain. I have tried countlessly to summon the courage to tell you how I feel to your face, but I have failed miserably. No words seem right. And I know I am slipping in coherence here, just bear with me please. This is much harder than I anticipated when I sat down.

I mentioned before that you share your love with me, when I also mentioned that you share 'almost' everything with me. There is nothing in the years we have known each other that has lead me to believe that you would object to starting a relationship with me, other than the fact that I have not made my feelings known to you. I don't want you to share your love with me Maura. I want you to give it to me. I don't want to share 'almost' all of you; I want ALL of you – everything you have to offer. I don't want to wake up in the morning and have to extract my body from you as if it's on fire (you know exactly what I am talking about, it happens all the time) I don't want to steal glances at you, actually I am tired. Tired of having to love you at arms length. I can't do it anymore, I refuse to do it. I am brave enough to say all of this now, despite the cowardly manner I have chosen. And I am also comfortable and confident in our friendship to know that if this is not what you want, it will not hinder the love we already have for each other. I now understand why my mother kept pushing me to find someone. It's because it completes a person, and until you experience it, you can never understand. I know you love me Maura, I am just not sure how much, or how far you are willing to go. It's a very terrible feeling, and I don't want you to have to live through all that wonder and doubt.

So I am telling you now, how much I love you, and how far I am willing to go. As far as how far I am willing to go, I am ready to go all the way Maura; everything that falls within the borders of relationships and beyond. I want it all with you, the dating, marriage, and children. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself here, and scaring you a little. But like I said Maura, I don't want you to wonder. This is not something that has to happen in a year, but I need you to know that it's a possibility, and something I do wish for. I am not looking for a try out or fling with you. Trust me, I have had enough time to think about this. And you may say I have not taken the liberty to date around enough to be able to conclude that I want to be with you forever. I don't know what I can say about that to be honest; all I have at hand is what I feel and what 'I' know. As far as how much I love you, I am laughing to myself right now. If there is love that can go beyond this, then I don't believe I know anything anymore.

I am not sure if love is a feeling or a decision. If it is a decision, then I choose you. It is you all the way to the end. Not even death stands a chance. I would happily sacrifice my life for your own Maura. If it is a feeling, I feel it. In every sense of the word feel. Do you know how many times I have dreamt about you? I can't even escape you in my sleep – good dreams and bad ones alike. I never want to pressure you. In my absence you will have all the time to think about it, without me biasing your judgement. If you are not sure about embarking on this journey with me, take all the time you need. But at least you know. At least you know that I love you to no end. At least you know that I want to be with you always and forever. I love you Maura, with every single bone in my body. Those three words are not nearly enough to describe how I feel about you, I know. I will put it into action, I will devote every single minute of every day I have here on earth. I want to stand on top of the BPD and shout how much I love you. (You know I will do that right?). I don't want to hide you; I don't want people to guess if we're together or not. You deserve someone who is proud to have you as their partner. I only ask that you let me show you how much you mean to me, with no restrictions. Just give me the chance; you will never regret it I assure you. Take care of yourself while I'm gone. See you soon!

Si intende il mondo per me. Ti amo Maura.

Jane

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**Translates to : You mean the world to me. I love you Maura. (I hope, lol)**


	4. Jane's gone

**AN: Ok, here's the deal. The whole case stuff is so not my thing. I'm no Shakespeare or anything, but the romantic stuff is much better to write. So when I described this as romance/drama, I was referring to the Maura/Jane kinda drama, not case related drama. That being said, I butchered this bit – badly. It was a transition, couldn't hop over it. So please just forgive me this once. Thanks to all you guys reading this!**

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**Disclaimer: So it turns out I am not as creative as I thought I was. I could not come up with a case so I stole this case from WOMENS MURDER CLUB. It is not mine. (By the way what happened to that show-seriously? I thought they had a good thing going there. It's the only time Angie Harmon looked proper with a man. Or maybe it's just because we hadn't awarded her a rainbow certificate yet)**

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''I got the information you requested this morning'', Bradford let the words out shakily, in a hurried sentence.

The muscular man he spoke to stood serious as hell, flanked by two similarly built men. He stretched out his hand to receive an envelope with a clear picture of Detective Jane Rizzoli. He just smiled and shook his head, then finally mumbled

''So they are investigating you''. This wasn't a question, just mere confirmation of previous assumptions. With this the man walked back into the parked vehicle leaving his two guards standing with Bradford, who just about looked ready to run for his life. Before he could let his next words out, the Detective was shot dead. Having someone as inarticulate and lacking in discreetness like Bradford was not part of their plan. These men did not leave loose ends. They hastily stuffed him into a black bag partly filled with rocks and effortlessly carried the dead body to the rails of the bridge, throwing it into the water. A fast, neat kill left the three men heading to board the next flight from New York, LaGuardia to Boston, Logan. The flight they got was set to arrive in Boston at 8:30am, giving them enough time to jump on the return plane to New York. They needed to make sure this Jane Rizzoli was on the plane and to keep a close eye on her the entire time in case she had something else up her sleeve.

These three men had begun a successful business three years ago. They opened a construction company in New York which was for the most part a cover up. Several men were taken in batches to various countries for the sole purpose of drug transportation. They were made to swallow drugs, and upon arrival where given laxatives to produce them. The larger part of the men were smuggled in from Mexico and eventually killed after their task was complete. Occasionally women where involved, Ceelo, the boss, did not like this at all. His reasons were proved reasonable when two months ago a lady they brought in from Cuba had run to the police. Luckily for Ceelo and his gang, the lady was met by Detective Bradford, a dirty cop.

When they recruited her from Cuba to come and work as their secretary, the lady had had no qualms about the whole operation. After two trips to Cuba and back, she decided she had enough money and wanted to quit the business. Now this didn't really sit well with Ceelo and his crew, and when they exerted force on her, she fled to the police. Detective Bradford, their alliance in the force, notified them of her whereabouts, after he had put her in ''protective custody''. When they found her, they simply killed her. It was rather unfortunate that her body had been found by some fishermen a few days later. Once seeing the body, the NYPD homicide department quickly noticed her as the lady who had come in to report a crime a few days prior. This left all fingers pointing at Detective Bradford who was the one to swiftly, and solely, handle the matter.

2 weeks ago

With all things considered and investigated, the NYPD soon realized their detective in question was working on the wrong side of law. They had kept a close eye on him for a month till they figured his game. With this, the NYPD was ready to bust Ceelo and his company – the drug dealings by extension. The only problem was that they needed access to inside information, since the construction company had been legal. The vast number of Mexicans killed where impossible to account for since they had been brought to the country illegally.

Frequent and intensive visits from the Department of Labour left Ceelo a little on the edge. He and his two men needed to find a way to make their operations look less suspicious. The majority of their workforce were men, foreign men. And the number of the employees did not match with the work being produced (because the illegals where hidden). The simple thing was to employ a few American females, to balance things of a little bit. They really only had about six months left of operations before they fled – that would suffice they thought.

4 days ago….

''_Listen Martin, I need at least at least four women as soon as possible'' Bradford whispered to the person on the other end of the line. ''It doesn't matter, I need them ASAP. They just have to be white Americans ok? Give them my private number and have them call me. Its 914-624-9997. Got it?'', he went on after listening to the response on the other end. Satisfied – he hung up._

Unbeknownst to him, a fellow detective working the case heard him and immediately rushed to his superior. ''Sir, I think we may have a break here. I heard Bradford on the phone a moment ago. He says they are looking for four white females for the job as soon as possible.'' he was almost out of breath trying to get all the details to appease his lieutenant. He pulled out the paper in his pocket. ''This is the number he said to call him on''

''Nice work Detective. I will get to it right away. Thank you''. With that the detective walked out of his senior's office.

* * *

''Lieutenant Cavanagh, it's lovely to speak with you. This is Lieutenant Fitzgerald''

''Oh, how nice to hear from you sir. I hope all is well in New York''

''Quite alright I suppose. We have this case we have been working on for almost two months now. We seem to almost have a break. I need one of your female detectives here in New York very fast''

''What is the case on'' Cavanagh inquired.

''It's a rather delicate matter that we are keeping under the tables for now; we seem to have a dirty cop as well. We just need one of your ladies to work under cover as a secretary for about two weeks at most. We should have all the information we need by then. I will have to send you a detailed description of the case by email if you can assure me I can have someone. I need a good one Cavanagh, this is big''

''Of course sir, that shouldn't be a problem at all. I have just the person for you actually. So how soon are we talking?''

''Who do you have in mind?''

''Rizzoli. Homicide. She's one of my best''

''She is white right?''

''Yes Lieutenant Fitzgerald. Is that pertinent to the case?'' Cavanagh was starting to sound unaccountably offended.

''It is, yes. Because if she is not, then she is not going to be hired for the job we need her to. Have her call the number I will send you immediately to inquire about the job. She has to sound like she was referred by a Martin, and she HAS to get the job. I will email you the brief details now as well, and all particulars have to be handed to her right before her departure.''

''That's ok, I will get right to it then''

''Thanks Cavanagh, I owe you''

With that, Cavanagh hung up and got right to work.

* * *

Meanwhile, the clever Detective Bradford had been tapping his lieutenant's conversation and immediately leapt out to gather the information he was going to give Ceelo.

Jane had that morning arrived at Logan airport on time. She quickly set about checking in her one suitcase then discreetly settled herself on a bench where she could easily spot Cavanagh. Short of ten minutes, her lieutenant walked in and she hurried to meet him.

''Rizzoli, sorry I can't stay long. Just got a call that I am needed at the department right away''

''That's ok sir, I will be boarding in about half an hour anyway''

''Great! I put all the information you need in this file for you to read on the way…''. Jane nodded accepting the documents she was getting from Cavanagh.''…just try to get the information they need fast, that way you get your ass back here quickly. With the success of this, you will definitely have my recommendation for sergeant. Good luck Rizzoli.''

''Thanks sir, I appreciate it''. Cavanagh left immediately leaving Jane impatiently waiting for some action to ensue.

She was in luck.

After settling herself into her first class seat she hastily began reading through the case and all that was expected of her. It all seemed fairly straight forward. She had to get to New York, head for Ceelo's construction site and begin her job as a secretary simultaneously gathering adequate information to convict the clan of drug trafficking and murder.

An hour later – Jane was walking out of LaGuardia after having collected her luggage when she felt the familiar force of a pistol against the side of her abdomen. Before she could even blink, she was sandwiched by two foreign bodies and being led towards an exit door.

''You so much as open your mouth and I shoot'', the man's tone was no-nonsense and said without doubt that he meant every word of what he said. Jane knew better than to disobey and soon found herself being roughly shoved into a black van waiting just outside the door. Jane was in trouble. She knew it. And she knew it was about this case she had so eagerly agreed to work on.

They drove for thirty minutes and not one of the three men uttered a single word. Jane was not ready for this particular episode in her life. She just wanted to work this case, go back home, appear a little brave in front of the woman she so desperately loved, and hopefully find out that her feelings were reciprocated. She had in no way bargained for this. Instead of her usual _''how do I get out of this pep talk''_, she was busy asking herself ''_why is this happening to me now?''._ This is why she despised this whole love business; it made people lose all focus. _Who the fuck goes through an episode of self-loathing and helplessness without even taking a second to consider how to get out of a situation like being abducted?_ Her thoughts where nowhere in all honesty. She just sat in that van letting those men take her wherever they wished.

Jane had almost won her race with sanity when things started to get serious. Fortunately for her, she didn't have to keep running that much longer. As the car came to a complete stop, a sharp sting to her neck swiftly left her seeing darkness before she drifted into endless oblivion.

One of the men carried her like a sack over his shoulder. They all entered the house as he headed to lay the unconscious form on the cold concrete floor of the basement. It was now apparent to them that they only had one day to flee now. If Detective Rizzoli did not report back to Lieutenant Fitzgerald the next day after ''work'', he would be suspicious. Not to mention the unannounced absence of their Detective Bradford. By the time all these pieces were put together, the crew was supposed to be scattered half way across the world. Fuck proper planning, it was flight or nothing. They quickly gathered their documented new identities. Ceelo was headed for Cyprus, where he was going to settle and start something new. Gilford, the other guy, thought South Africa was a good option for him. Amos on the other hand, seemed to have plans of his own. He found himself quite taken by Jane, and could not bring himself to kill her as instructed. Knowing his boss, he was well aware of the fact that he could not go against his plan, but he also knew that doing the dirty work did not rub his boss the right way. Gilford was in a panic and overly concerned with getting his shit together and running the hell out of the country while things were still safe.

So Amos took the opportunity to go to the basement and over dose the already unresponsive detective. She was already pale from the cold and kind of looked lifeless as it was. He took his gun and shot the hopeless woman on the right upper arm. Quick work was made of spreading as much blood everywhere as he could. The conveniently protruding black bag came as a welcome solution as he haphazardly placed the detective in it. This earned Jane a few more scratches and bruising. Amos eventually pulled out a camera and took a few photographs then zipped up the bag. Checking to make sure the other men were out of sight he hurried for his trunk and threw the body in there. After making sure she was still breathing he left a big enough opening for air, unprofessionally bandaged the bleeding hand and closed up the trunk. Amos wasn't sure if the detective would be alive for much longer, but he had to try, and that was the best he could do given the circumstances.

Once back in the house, he printed out the photographs he had taken and handed them to his boss.

''Nice work mate. Good kill. Are you going to dump her?''

''Yeah, just loaded her body into my trunk now. Think I will drive a little further out of state so nobody finds her, then I'll take a plane out''

''Wise. So all the wire transfers are done and we all got our share of the money. We have to go now''. Ceelo was not particularly interested in the small talk and wanted to leave already.

The three men parted, with each approaching a new destiny. All seemed fairly confident except for Amos who had no idea what he was getting himself into. Later that afternoon the other two men were in air already living a new life, Amos was on the throughway driving to Mexico. It was the only place he could safely take the detective. He had roughly three days on the road and knew all too well how to smuggle himself and the detective into the other country unnoticed. That was the furthest he had thought his plan through.


	5. Maura's reaction

**AN: I cannot thank you guys enough. It means the world to me that you are reading this, and favouriting, and following**…

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By the time Maura finished reading Jane's letter she was practically weeping. Nobody had ever said such things to her before. Some things are simply over looked in life – like the effort it takes to sit down and write a letter. Jane, who wants to throw up at the mere mention of anything resembling sappiness, had sat down in the middle of the night writing the sappiest thing in the history of emotions. That thought alone told Maura all she needed to know. Jane had spoken of a future with Maura, Jane- who could not even plan what to have for dinner. Everything Maura questioned about life finally had an answer. She never understood how a person could miss someone so much it made them want to cry. It didn't make sense how you could long for a touch till it physically hurt. How sleep could never come because you were thinking of someone. Or how a sane person could spend an ENTIRE day with the thought of a single person on their mind. Maura couldn't comprehend how on earth you could love someone more than yourself. She often questioned how sacrificing something you really like to make someone happy could bring you joy. And then there was the question of marriage. Was it ever a good idea to vow to be with someone through thick and thin? People eventually fell out of love, right? People changed. She had seen it. And because of that vow they were trapped and unhappy. And those movies and books she occasionally came across about people that claimed to not be able to breathe without the other. Whatever happened to the art of personal space? Having to PERMANENTLY share everything with someone. That thought in particular had always left her gobsmacked.

But that night when Maura finished reading her letter from Jane, all her questions were answered. It was one simple word – love. Or maybe it was – Jane, she couldn't quite distinguish the two. But it was as clear as day. All those uncertainties she had were because she hadn't known love so it just didn't make sense. Never in her life would she ever have those questions again. A person was simply willing to do and go through all those things because they were in love. And when you truly love somebody, you want them forever. Even that stupid line she often heard, ''when you love someone, you want that person to be happy even if it's not with you'', made sense.

_Where the hell is Jane going?_ She finally asked herself. _Leaving me with all this information and all these emotions to deal with in solitude. _It was a nightmare. So that night Maura Isles hardly got any sleep. She ached for Jane to be there so she could tell her how 'she' felt, so could hold her and finally kiss her. The movie night before came swimming into her mind, then the feelings she had felt when she woke up that morning moulded into Jane. That's all it took for the throbbing between her legs to begin. She vaguely wondered if the thought of Jane would one day stop making her feel that way.

That night, it was too late for her to back out. She helplessly succumbed to thoughts of the woman she so deeply loved. She hadn't even touched herself, and yet she could already feel a fierce tingling creeping up her thighs. Her mind drifted to the way Jane swaggered towards her whenever she was going to hug her. The feeling of Jane's body flush against her as Jane nuzzled into her neck. The woman's warm breath whispering comforting words whenever she was feeling down. Maura had to gasp when her fingers located the spot begging her attention. She was soaked; it had actually dripped down to the sheet underneath. ''Oh my God'' she muttered to herself.

She was repeating to herself some of the words Jane had written in her letter and her heart beat had accelerated to impossible speed. The poor woman was breathing frantically and her fingers seemed to not be giving her the satisfaction she so desperately needed. She never in her life thought it was possible to be ''too'' wet. Her fingers were sliding sloppily up and down her sex and she could not for the life of her maintain a steady rhythm. She then allowed herself the privilege of thoughts she had so often fought against. Jane's naked, hot body pressed firmly above her. The detective's nipples rubbing smoothly against her own. Their hips moving together in a steady pleasurable pattern. Maura felt like she was going to combust. ''Oh Jane'' she called out to her empty bedroom. She had started to lightly shiver with each stroke to her clit. The doctor knew she was almost at her tipping point. She was torn all of a sudden. She wanted – needed to come right there. But she also wanted to enjoy it. She had never pleasured herself to the thought of Jane, and she couldn't believe how good it felt.

Nothing felt like it was enough though. She NEEDED Jane. At that moment she had to resort to something to reach a respectable release. She wanted to cry from all the emotional and physically feelings she was going through in that moment. Her free hand reached for the drawer by her bedside, momentarily stopping her strokes. She reached for the rubber penis in there and opened the box like a crazed woman. It took her no time at all to bring the instrument to her opening. She swirled it round and round against her opening as her left hand landed on her breast. She imagined Jane's big, strong palm groping her sizable breasts. She applied as much pressure to her touch as she could and then finally pushed the dildo into herself. The feeling of satisfaction she felt was beyond her, she wouldn't even bother trying to comprehend it. Few thrusts were all she needed, she had held off for too long she was starting to lose her breath. The diligent doctor had read about orgasms and their different intensities. She had also read briefly about orgasm induced tears and had quickly placed that information in the hyperbole category. Here she was - having had experienced the highest intensity of an orgasm (all by herself), with tears running down her cheeks. ''Wow!''. That's all her diction had to offer. If sexercising to the thought of Jane brought her this much pleasure, she wasn't sure how she was going to survive with Jane physically involved.

* * *

For the first time in her life, Maura Isles showed up to work in flats. She couldn't trust herself to wear heels. Whenever her thoughts drifted to Jane, she felt week in the knees and almost went vasovagal. Flats where definitely the safest option that day, because she couldn't bank on herself to not think about Jane. She was fucking glowing and nothing could wipe off the smile on her face. When she stopped by Angela for a cup of tea the elder woman had to ask.

''Did you meet someone at that conference yesterday? My, my, my aren't you glowing''

Maura couldn't hide her blush, ''Oh no Angela, I didn't. I believe I am just my usual self''

''Honey, you look like a switched on 100watt bulb. Don't you go on thinking you can lie to me. Jane tries, but I know you can't. Spit. Who is he?''

''like I said, I didn't meet anybody. I am just in a very pleasant mood, nothing more. I really do have to get downstairs though. Thank you for the tea.''

At the mention of Jane's name Maura had felt herself almost falling over. She had to flee from the eagle eyed woman. _Thank heavens for these flats, _she thought to herself. Now Angela was no fool, especially in matters like these. She filed away the doctor's behaviour for a later time.

* * *

''Hey Maura''.

''Barry, how are you''.

''I'm good. And I am pretty sure you are too. Good God, what's with the cheerful mood?''

''Why does everyone keep saying that? Am I always gloomy?''

''Of course not'', Frost interjected very fast, ''jus that you seem overly happy is all. Anywho, came to collect the file from yesterday. I now have to do my job and Rizzoli's as well. You talk to her before she left?''

There it was. It was happening again. _What is wrong wi__th me? All these years I have talked to Jane, people have talked to me about Jane. And now all of a sudden whenever her name is mentioned I can't breathe._ Frost had run to put a hand on the doctors back, she looked as though she was about to faint.

''Whoa. Are you ok?''

''I hope so. Nothing serious though. Let me get the reports for you''

Frost was not thrilled with this answer but knew the doctor could not lie. He was already pissed about doing double work as it was, so he let it go but made a mental note to check on Maura later.

They all soon learned that Jane had gone undercover and wouldn't be back until after at least a week. Angela was a wreck- The waterworks, the guilt trips, you name it. The woman sure knew how to pull out all her cards and lay them bare. Poor Tommy, Frankie, and even Maura had to deal with this. The Medical examiner wasn't too shaken by this display of emotions though; most of her thoughts were on other aspects of Jane. She continued the rest of her day on cloud nine, sure that there wasn't a single thing on the planet earth that could land her in a sour mood.

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The day had come to an end, and Lieutenant Fitzgerald had not heard a word from Jane. He put it off thinking the detective had had a long day and would most certainly contact him the next day. When afternoon came and he had not heard a word, and in addition his own detective Bradford had not shown up for work, he became a little restless. An unmarked sent to the construction company reported chaos at the site which raised a myriad of questions for the aging man. Something had definitely gone askew. Their best bet was to first locate Detective Bradford and take it from there.

That proved to be much harder than it seemed, as no trace of him was anywhere to be found. As if the man just disappeared of the face of earth. After another day of searching, the NYPD finally located where Ceelo and his guys resided. They made it to the outer parts of Queens in a hurry, and what little colour left on Lieutenant Fitzgerald's face drained off in record time. There on the living room table were a few photographs of the corpse of Jane Rizzoli, laying face up in a black zip up body bag. There was blood everywhere though its place of origin couldn't quite be deciphered. Her face was almost as white as snow and her lips looked a touch purple. And in the basement lay evidence of the crime scene – Jane's blood sloshed everywhere. Fitzgerald had absolutely no idea how he was going to deliver this news to his lieutenant friend in Boston. He had just got one of their finest murdered. _Dammit, it's only been 2days. What the hell? HOW the hell did this happen? _That was certainly not going to give him answers so he settled for action. He was going to Boston. If anyone was going to deliver this news, it had to be him – in person.

***so guys, remember that ''until'', from the first chapter? Right! Here goes***

It was not until three days later that Maura's world came to a sudden end. Three men from the NYPD arrived at the precinct to speak with Cavanagh. As they left his office, the lieutenant literally yelled for Korsak. Who after about ten minutes yelled even louder for Frost. The room was filled with a deafening silence mingled with a crying Frost. They spent a few minutes doing absolutely nothing, each man probably wondering how to move on from that point. Who would tell Frankie, or Angela, and God forbid, Maura? After what felt like eternal silence, Frost exited, headed for the gents to empty his bowls. Since Frankie was not in Korsak decided he would drive Angela home and speak with her there. Cavanagh offered to wait for Frankie and speak to him on his return. No one dared even mention Maura. As Frost continued to puke, images of the glow on Maura's face for the past few days haunted him.

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**next chapter tomorrow. I promise!**


	6. Maura's agony

**AN : There is a quote down there that doesn't belong to me. I would give credit if I remembered where I read it. Sorry**. **Also, your support is the best motivation ever. Things are bad now, but they will get better…EVENTUALLY. I would not kill Maura or Jane, I would sooner die! rizzles-yes. sorry I can't respond to guest reviews.**

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**Disclaimer : do not own Rizzoli and Isles**

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Frankie walked in before Korsak got to Angela, and the old man felt the ground beneath him dissipate into a million pieces. All he managed in that moment was to grab the young officer by the shoulder and whisper ''Get Angela, we need to go home''. Frankie responded, seeing the urgency and seriousness in his senior's voice, and either way, Korsak was already headed for the door. At Frankie's insistence, Angela foxed around putting on her usual show of stubbornness and resistance. She caved in fast though, when she saw how worried Frankie looked when explaining Korsak's expression.

In the car, the Sergeant had no desire, nor will power to say a single thing. Angela could see his hands shaking and immediately knew something was horribly wrong. Her fear prevented her from pushing anything out of Korsak, in a feeble attempt to preserve what little doubt she was holding onto. Upon parking in the driveway, Korsak flew out of the car headed to the guesthouse as if he lived there. The time finally came to say it, and at that moment, he shed his first set of many more tears to come.

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Meanwhile at BPD, Frost is heading out the men's room when he realizes the bullpen is occupied with unusual movements among the other detectives. Lt. Cavanagh was out of sight and before he could recover a confused Maura emerged behind him.

''Hello Barry, do you know what is going on? Lieutenant Cavanagh sent word that I should go home immediately. And what is all this rush going on here? Is everything alright?''

Maura was rambling and Frost hadn't yet summoned the courage to look her in the eyes. When his eyes eventually met hers, the look in them told him everything he needed to know about how he looked and that sent him back to the men's room gagging. Maura was quick to follow. With no regards to where she was heading, she entered the men's room confidently.

''Detective, I demand for you to tell me what is going on this instant!-'' she actually stomped her foot. ''-I am not leaving, and neither are you.''

When Frost finished throwing up he looked at Maura with blood red swollen eyes, tears trailing his cheeks and a puke stained mouth. Maura had no heart for disgust at that point; she knew something was definitely wrong.

''Sorry Maura, please just go home. Please'' he begged.

With those words, Maura marathoned to her car. Fuck propriety. During her ride home, her brain miraculously began to function and all she could think about was Jane. Every inch of her body told her something was not right with her….friend? Jane had just poured her heart to her, told her everything she had wished to hear. And now something was wrong with Jane. She felt a tad angry. Jane had promised her a long time ago that she would always be careful on the job, and she had lived to her word. _What has she gone on to do this time? _The ever obedient doctor had long forgotten there where road rules and made it home in record time, eyes already saturated with tears. Ever composed as she always was, Maura could hardly pull herself together. In spite of all the commotion, that is what scared her the most. _Dammit, get __a hold of yourself Maura!_ The sight of Korsak's car in her drive way did nothing to her fear, if not to double it. Haphazardly parking her car, she exited the vehicle as if it had a time bomb ticking and had no decency to even turn the engine off.

As if she knew, she made her way straight to the guest house, mind running a still marathon. That double fear tripled in no beat at the sight in front of her. Angela was literally gasping for air standing by the kitchen sink. She was shaking, you would think someone was holding her and actually moving her body – silent tears trickling down her recently swollen face. Korsak was standing behind her, whimpering, at a distance. Frankie threw her off the most. He was huddled up in a corner on the floor, head between his knees, shaking even harder than Angela. Upon realizing Maura's presence, Angela wept – for lack of a better word. Frankie then quietly mumbled something, that if Maura was in her right mind may have thought was ''she's gone''. Korsak was by her side in a blink of an eye.

''There isn't an easier way to say this Maura. And God knows I never bargained to be the one to tell you this.'' At this point Maura had appeared to have stopped breathing. Detective Sergeant Korsak? No. Doctor Korsak? Yes (well – right now).

''Breathe Maura, it's-'' his doctor skills where cut off sharply.

''What did Frankie say?'' Maura sounded as if she was trying out the words of a foreign language.

Frankie still with his head between his knees cried, ''She's gone Maura! Jane is dead''

At those words Angela collapsed to the floor. Korsak caught her just before she made contact with the ground. Talk about balancing detective-friend-doctor duties all in one. He reached for his phone as best as he could and dialled 911 for an ambulance. No one noticed Maura slide out the door as if she was being blown by the wind. With her car still running she drove straight to the precinct. She had no thought in her mind except for the time she knew she had fallen hard for her detective friend.

_Jane walked into Maura's office with her usual swagger but stopped immediately when she saw the state her friend was in. Maura had her face in both hands quietly crying. She looked so sad and though comforting people wasn't Jane's strong suit, she vowed to try._

''_Hey M, what's wrong. And don't tell me nothing coz you crying a river over there'', Jane tried to lighten the mood with her humour and calling her friend 'M' because she knew Maura loved it._

''_I would rather not talk about it. We can discuss it after the holiday''._

''_aaaah, no! We can discuss it now, or we can sit here and not discuss it till we discuss it. Your pick''. Jane was trying hard to make her friend smile but it seemed whatever was bothering her was a very big deal._

''_My parents cancelled their plans to come over for thanksgiving. It was stupid of me to have my hopes up; they always back out last minute. I don't understand why they don't just say no to begin with. Or maybe they just wonder why I keep asking in the first place''. Jane had absolutely no idea how to respond. All the people she knew had families that loved them and the Isles family affection just didn't make sense to her. _

''_Well look at the bright side, you can come over and spend thanksgiving with us. That's if we aren't too boring''._

''_Of cause not Jane. Its tomorrow and I don't want to impose. Your mother probably has things set out for the number of guests she's expecting''_

''_Maura, you have met my mother right. She has made enough preparations for half of Boston already. C'mon, it'll be alright and you know it.'' _

_This was their first thanksgiving together and Maura wasn't sure how Mrs Rizzoli would take to an extra guest at such short notice. She also really didn't want to impose on family time. She'd been alone many holidays, this was nothing new. It's just that she had had Jane for some time now, and for some reason she just couldn't be alone anymore. But she had to manage on her own; she wouldn't allow herself to mess up her friend's thanksgiving on her account._

''_I promise I will be ok. Besides I have a cold and I don't want to be spreading my virus to everyone''_

''_Its winter M, everyone has a cold. That's not a good excuse. But if you insist, I'll let it go. But just know you can pop in at any time ok.''_

''_Sure, thanks Jane. I'll call you tomorrow morning''_

_Jane just smiled and left Maura's office. That marked the beginning of her thanksgiving holiday and she couldn't wait to get out of the precinct. When she got home she wasn't happy though. She felt mad at Maura's parents and sorry for her friend. She was suffering through a cold, and going to spend thanksgiving alone on top of that. Jane tried to reassure herself that Maura was a big girl and she would be fine. If not, she would just come over to Jane's. She didn't want to force the M.E to do something she didn't want to do. When thanksgiving came the next day, Maura lived up to her word and rang Jane to wish her well during the holiday. Jane was not pleased with the way her friend sounded but tried desperately to ignore it. After spending a few hours with her family, it was 3pm and Jane just couldn't stand it anymore. She packed some food and excused herself. Angela obviously lauched into a tirade about the importance of family and the holiday. She didn't take those things lightly. The detective was not budging though; she HAD to go, so she left. _

_Maura wasn't expecting anyone and when she opened the door she was shocked to find a frozen looking Jane standing on her porch. _

''_Jane, what are you doing here?''_

''_Freezing! Can I come in''_

''_Sure''. Maura didn't know what to say, neither did Jane it turned out. So they just looked at each other for a few long seconds before Maura began to sneeze._

''_Sorry'', she rushed for some tissue._

''_I figured I'd bring you a nice meal. And maybe we could watch a movie or something'', Jane said sheepishly. Maura would never have said no, even if her life depended upon it. She had wished for Jane to be there so badly. So they heated up the food, ate during pleasant conversation, and then settled for a movie in Maura's bed. She was drained for the minor sickness she was experiencing and knew she wouldn't make it to the end of the movie. She fell asleep on Jane's lap during the movie, feeling the best kind of happiness. Jane had left her family, the most important thing to her, to spend thanksgiving in her company. There wouldn't be any other gesture that could sweep her off her feet like that. In the past, guys had blown off working late on Friday night to be with her. She felt justified for falling in love with Jane._

By this time Maura had reached the precinct. When asked later how or why she first went to her office, she would not know how to put it to words. It was more of a pull than a cognitive thought. But brushing through the havoc in the police department Maura found herself reaching for her letter from Jane. It had taken permanent residence in her purse from the day she read it. She clutched onto it for dear life, threw her handbag over her shoulder and rushed back to her car. She was happy no one had the guts to speak to her; she wasn't sure how she would have responded. Her next actions took her to Jane's apartment. She was more than relieved upon realizing no one had made it there as yet.

* * *

Back at _her_ house, the Rizzoli matriarch had been ambulated to Mass General. Frankie loved his mother, but had not had the power to go with her. The younger Rizzoli was still shell shocked and quite frankly needed hospital admission of his own. Tommy had been contacted and was the one to stay by his mother's side. Korsak was slowly loosing sanity. He had to balance his job, comforting Frankie, being there for Angela, and Frost, (and Maura?). He was smart and completely certain no amount of ''being there'' for Maura would do an ounce of good. And then he had his own feelings. He loved Jane, like a daughter. And with Frank Snr being away, they had grown closer as he posed as a father figure for Jane. He needed to think, he was tired, and stressed, and hurt, and just wanted to disappear. He seemed like the one who was going to have to be the strong glue between all of Jane's loved ones. A task like that would require a clear put together mind. He needed space and just a little bit of time.

As he got about looking for a place to seek refuge Frankie finally approached him and asked for a ride to Jane's apartment. He too, seemed to need some time to pull himself together away from all the craziness. They knew it was only a matter of time before the media got hold of Jane's photographs from Ceelo's house and started crowding around her apartment and Maura's house and the BPD. So the two men took the small window of opportunity and headed over to Jane's place

* * *

Maura parked neatly on the street and made her way to the door, letting herself in with her spare key. She walked slowly to Jane's bedroom. A room that had slowly become part hers. Maura crawled onto Jane's side of the bed, pulled out Jane's letter, and read it once more. The doctor had never cried that hard her entire life. She cried out loud till there was no sound escaping her lips. She clutched the few pages tightly to her heart, rolling herself from side to side. It hurt her so bad. She never wanted to ever feel love again in her life, it hurt her in ways she never wanted to know again. She wished she had never met Jane, she actually felt a tinge of anger. She hated Jane for having left her with such heavy words and gone on to die. With each new thought came a stronger sob. Her heart was starting to physically hurt. That pain was much more welcome compared to the emotional one.

She kept replaying that one line Jane had wrote, ''not even death stands a chance.'' Jane had never lied to Maura before. But now she had lied in her letter. Maura was not pleased by that realization at all. In hindsight, it had been stupidly naïve to think that true. Death had destroyed their love. Maura felt no will to live. She simply couldn't do it without Jane. She hadn't even told her how she felt about her. That thought eventually brought Maura's voice back. She cried out loud again. She couldn't do it anymore. She hadn't been friends with Jane for way too long, but that time was all it took. Maura was not going to even try. She didn't want to know how it felt like to wake up the next morning and know she wouldn't ever, for the rest of her miserable life, see Jane Rizzoli again. So she went to the safe place in Jane's bedroom where the detective kept her spare gun. This took a reasonable amount of time. She could hardly stand up right, her hands where fiercely shaking, and her tear filled eyes could barely let her see anything. She was also struggling with trying to breathe. She pulled it out with a trembling hand and it fell to the floor, then she picked it up again.

Maura Isles never thought the first time she held a gun it would be pointing to her head. She had made up her mind, albeit a juvenile decision. They say, ''People in love are not known for making wise decisions''. This was a young woman who had grown up weird, lonely, and unloved. Adulthood had graced her with one thing she didn't know she wanted until she got it – unconditional love. It had been served to her at a fancy dinner table, but on an ordinary plate that didn't match the others there. She had smiled at her meal but before she even got the chance to pick up her fork to eat, the plate had been swiftly pushed off the table only to shatter on the ground to a million pieces. Her finger was on the trigger and she was counting to five before she could pull the trigger. _One, two, three…._

* * *

Korsak and Frankie saw Maura's car parked outside and thought this was a good opportunity to get to speak with Jane's best friend. But when they walked in they immediately changed their minds. They could hear Maura crying her life out from Jane's room. This made Frankie feel ten times worse and Korsak's heart just sank even deeper. They heard the hurried fumbling and a loud drop of something heavy. That was all it took for the two men to rush to Maura's aid. On opening the door, they found Maura with a pistol pointed to her head, wet pages of paper gripped securely in her left hand.

''Maura, please. Please Maura. Just think about this for just a second. Please?''. Korsak was no love guru, but he knew love when he saw it, and the kind that flowed between Jane and Maura was a special brand. He didn't need to question why Maura was considering taking such drastic actions. He knew. He just wished he could talk the woman out of it for the time being. Everything was just happing all at once, all too fast. He knew his detective skills where not going to do him any good when faced by the intelligent doctor. All he could do was beg, and hope and pray that the woman would listen. ''please Maura, I'm begging you''. He had to say it out loud. This was not the time for subtlety. Frankie stood stock still beside him. To the younger man, it all made no sense. Why would a woman like Maura want to kill herself over the tragic death of her best friend? Yes she loved her, but still. If anything, he thought he should have been in Maura's position. Regardless, he didn't possess the energy to voice all his concerns. He just watched it all slowly unfold before him.

Korsak had taken two steps towards Maura now. ''Just go away. Leave me to do this alone, ok. Just leave.'' Maura seemed to be begging to.

''Can we at least talk about it Maura.''

''You know I'm not stupid right? What do you want to do? Huh? Talk me out of this, then leave me to do it when you're gone? Or are you planning on watching me every day? You have NO right to be in here, NO RIGHT!'' Both men had never been on the receiving end of this behaviour from Maura. It scared them to bits. She looked lost, and tired, and hurt, and confused, but most of all broken. So broken, it hurt to look at. She has breathing loudly and years of experience told Korsak she was moments from pulling the trigger. Nothing about her indicated hesitation. She was resolute. Before she pulled the trigger she spared once last glance to the photo by Jane's beside – the two of them all smiles, hugging sideways, cheek-to-cheek. That was the last thing she would see before she decidedly departed earth, and she was more than content with that.


	7. Frankie's rage, Maura's choice

**AN : If there are any inaccuracies I apologize. I may make some people mad with this chapter, sorry *hides* Thank you wonderful readers. **

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Before she pulled the trigger she spared once last glance to the photo by Jane's beside – the two of them all smiles, hugging sideways cheek-to-cheek, that was the last thing she would see before she decidedly departed earth, and she was more than content with that...

That moment was the only window of opportunity the experienced older man had. He flew the small space left between Maura and him making contact immediately. Maura and already began the action of pulling down the trigger, so when Korsak literally landed on her, the gun went off and shot through the man's upper arm. Only then did Frankie act, albeit uselessly at first. He was looking around the room. The pages of God-knows-what Maura had been reading flying around, Maura lying helplessly on the ground with Korsak atop. The scene might have been comical had the situation not been 'dead' serious. Eventually he pulled out his mobile and dialled 911 then rushed to help move Korsak.

Between not understanding Maura's actions and seeing Korsak hurt, Frankie felt furious at Maura. It was like his flood gates had been opened.

''Are you out of your fucking mind? What the hell are you doing''. Frankie was gentle, and never spoke like that. But he felt justified this one time. The situation certainly warranted a crude approach according to him.

No answer.

Maura was still lying on the ground, unmoved, now physically hurt in all other places.

''I said what the hell was that all about. You could have killed him. Are you fucking insane? Answer me dammit. My sister, your BEST FRIEND is dead. My mother is in hospital. And here you are messing the fuck around. Causing more problems''. Frankie had been holding himself since he heard the news about his sister, and had been silently crying the whole time. Now he was exercising a new emotion – anger. He needed to vent, too bad Maura was the one readily available.

He wasn't done yet.

And Maura was sure not going to start. Korsak was in too much pain to interject.

''What is your problem Maura. You have been hiding out here this whole time. Everyone is out there trying to do something. You didn't see it fit to at least be there for your friend's family during a time like this. Huh? '' He was standing above her now. Pacing on intervals when he wasn't looking directly at her.

''All these years I have seen you all composed in all sorts of situations. Doesn't your friend's death at least bring out some kind of reaction from you? What kind of person are you Maura. Dammit answer me! You're here trying to kill yourself, for WHAT. Is this some sort of game or attention seeking? We have people all over running around tryna get whoever did this to Jane. Tryna find her damn body for chrissake! And you, one of the people who could do the most help; you're in here doing whatever the fuck you're doing. Reading? Seriously Maura? Now?'' He picked up the pages of Jane's letter roughly perusing through them. In his rage he didn't really read a single word.

''You are the worst friend ever. If Jane is seeing now she should be ashamed of you. You are very selfish. You hear that Maura. VERY SELFISH. Lemme ask you something huh? What were you hoping to achieve by doing this? Huh?'' Her silence was beginning to anger him more. Frankie was never one to resort to violence but in that moment he felt like he wanted to punch Maura. He was so out of control and began to fear he would actually do it. By some grace the paramedics made it into the room. This cooled him down as he ran out of the room, Maura's letter gripped tightly in his palm.

''Maura''. Korsak tried but it was so hard with the paramedics working on him and the pain he was going through. He had already lost so much blood and was starting to battle consciousness. They wheeled him out as he was still vainly trying to call out to Maura. To say what, he did not know. When the other nurses tried to attend to Maura and make sure she was alright, she shooed them off faster than lightening. The doctor was for the second time in her life graced with the power of Rizzoli words. Jane's had made her heart melt, and now Frankie's had shattered what ever bit of that heart she had left. Empty and hurt were not strong enough words. If that gun failed to kill her, Maura was sure Frankie's words would.

* * *

Maura snuck out of the house praying to whatever deity there was that Frankie would not see her. She had never experienced so many emotions at once. In fact, she didn't know it was even possible. The anger toward Jane, guilt towards Korsak, she was afraid of Frankie, the humiliation towards herself. Those were just some of them. She successfully made it to her car and drove herself to a Marriott's hotel furthest from all the action.

The well connected doctor checked herself in with no trouble, requesting extreme privacy. She did not even want room service. When she entered the immaculately presented room she rushed to the phone and called the lady who did her cleaning.

''Hello Maria, its Maura''.

''Oh Miss Isles, how are you?''

''Could you please do something for me outside your job description?'' Maura had to get right to it for two reasons. One, she could not answer the question she had been asked, and secondly, she was in no position to exchange pleasantries.

''Of cause, what would you like?''

''If you could go to my house and bring me my passport in the top right drawer by my bedside. I will really like that immediately if it's not too much trouble and can I use your credit card for a purchase. I will give you the cash''

''I was actually in the area, that would be no problem. Where should I meet you?''

''Oh thank you. The Marriot Hotel along route 16. I will let the front desk know I am expecting you. I will just run out for a few minutes, if I am not yet there when you arrive, please wait for me. And DO NOT tell anyone you see at my house why you are there or where I am. Understood?''

''Sure. Is everything ok Miss Isles?'' The poor lady was worried.

''I'm afraid not. But in due course things may get better''. She couldn't lie.

This was one of the very few times she marvelled in being wealthy. Right now it meant she never needed to worry about work, and she could go just about anywhere in the world she wished to go. She wasn't at all interested in Doctors Without Borders. People could trace her down eventually, and after everything that had transpired, she really didn't believe she had anything to offer those people in need. She was also aware that Frost was smart and would track down her location if need be. Armed with that knowledge she made herself as best presentable as she could, and drove to the bank situated about a mile way. She met with one of the bankers and requested an emergency $5000 cash withdrawal. Her name made it fairly easy to acquire this money and she was out in no time. That left her headed for the library and sitting in front of a sticky keyboarded computer. This wasn't how the well-educated doctor normally collected data, but given the circumstances, that would suffice. She opened Google and searched ''top 10 peaceful countries in the world''. The first was Iceland. She was not in the right state of mind but knew darn well she didn't want to live the rest of her life in Iceland. Next was Demark. She didn't care for learning a new language as it was. The third was New Zealand. _Perfect_. She thought to herself. Then she remembered she needed to purchase the ticket online. So she rang Maria again.

''Hello Maria. Sorry , its me again. Could you please meet me at the library just down the road from the hotel''

''don't worry about it Miss Isles. Its ok. I was just 5minutes away anyway. I think I know the library you mean''

''Thank you. I am at the computer upstairs in the 'silent area'''

''ok. I will be there in a bit''.

Her letter of resignation was next on the to-do list. After that was completed she then opened another page and proceeded to book her one way ticket to New Zealand. And on the other page she booked a two week stay at one of the hotels in the far country side. She didn't care which part of the country she was going to on arrival. She figured during the two weeks she would have enough time to look and ask around and eventually find the most suitable place to settle. With both pages on standby awaiting payment, she remembered to notify her attorney.

_Mr S. Perkins_

_This is obviously coming out of the blue, with no notice whatsoever, my apologies. I need to have my house put on the market for sale. I am not too concerned with how much it should sell for, just do away with it at any reasonable price. When the sale has been finalized, give the money to Mrs Angela Rizzoli. Please, sell it when Angela is ready to leave, do not pressure or rush her. Ask her to collect whatever she likes from the house and get rid of the rest. I will leave my car parked at the Marriot Hotel route 16 today. Keys will be at the front desk. Take it to Angela as well. When she has settled you may cancel the insurance in my name. All my accounts will be cancelled with the exception of the Bank of America one, where all my standing orders are taken. I will only be contacted via email henceforth. I will send you the new email I will be using. Thank you._

_Maura Isles_

The house held too many memories and she knew neither her nor Angela would have any interest in ever being there again. It was just too painful. And the money was so Angela could find somewhere to start anew. Maria then arrived and with the other woman's card she made her purchases. She handed a very concerned looking Maria $4000 to cover said purchases, inconvenience and her cleaning help. Maria took her cue to leave, without asking any questions. Her employer stressed the fact that she should not speak of this to anyone, and the woman was nothing if not obedient.

Her flight wasn't till 11pm and she had absolutely nothing to pack when she got back to her hotel room. The most she had planned was making it out of the country, after which she would be faced with her…..future? With nothing else to do, she steeled herself to leave a couple of notes.

The first was to Korsak

_Words will never suffice for how deeply sorry I am for what happened. _

She took a long pause. She couldn't thank him for stopping her actions because she wished he hadn't. She couldn't write that though. She also couldn't really apologize for shooting the man. He had interfered and received a bullet not meant for him. She wanted to thank him for being the kind man he was, but the words felt useless given recent events_. _So she crumbled the piece of paper and instead wrote to Angela.

_Angela _

_I would give anything to have had a mother like you. I can only hope the world gives you all you deserve. You are a wonderful woman Angela. I am sorry for the pain I have added on. During the time I should have stepped up and been there for you, like you always were for me, I ran. I didn't just run. I stirred more hurt, and then ran when I couldn't clean that up. _

_We have been faced with the highest degree of cruelty the world contains. You will never understand why I wanted to do what I almost did, and I could never ask your forgiveness. Your daughter, she was the best person on earth. I don't know how I am going to make it without her. I am not strong enough, I never will be. _

_Thank you, for raising a person like Jane. She only learnt from the best – you. And I want you to know she was loved, beyond words. She would have wanted me to be there for you, but I cannot do it Angela. I am so sorry. The love your daughter had for me, I don't deserve it. What she would have done if she was in my shoes, I can not._

_I loved her, I love her so much. I always will. ALWAYS. Sorry I have to leave this way. Sorry for what I did to Korsak. Sorry for what I wanted to do to myself…sorry for everything. Please, take the money from the house sale and the car and anything or everything from the house. I hope you get yourself somewhere nice to stay. I love you Angela Rizzoli, I honestly do._

_Maura _

There was no point in sitting about in the hotel room, she wanted to go already. The still pained doctor took a fast shower and changed back into her previous attire. The enveloped note to Angela and car keys was left at the front desk with instructions for Mr Perkins to deliver to Angela.

That left her settling into a cab to Logan airport. With two hours to kill before check in, she strolled into one of the shops at the airport and picked up some much needed essentials and small suitcase to put them in. 2 pairs of jeans, 2 t-shirts, a sweater, toiletries, and a pair of converse. That would do for the time being. Uncharacteristically the items were shoved into her newly acquired case and she was now seated at the boarding gates. She was actually doing this. No going back. Those were the last breaths of American air she would ever breathe. It finally hit her like a ton of bricks. A few seconds was all that had prevented her from lying in the cold fridge instead of sitting at an airport bench. She didn't want to live. But after being stopped, and all those things Frankie had said to her, she didn't have to courage to attempt another early demise. So she was going to a new continent to start a new life.

* * *

Meanwhile, Jane was starting to gain consciousness...

* * *

**AN : I have never asked for reviews, but I would just kindly ask this one time if you guys could give some feedback. just so I know if I am taking a desirable path. thanks**


	8. Storm before the calm

**Disclaimer : I do not own Rizzoli and Isles**

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**AN : Thank you lovely readers. You make my day**

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Frankie had taken a walk to the park in a daze after leaving his sisters apartment. He had no idea how to let steam off when faced with a predicament like his own. He had imagined spending a few moments in Jane's apartment would have helped, but based on what happened there, it only made things worse. _What's the worst that can happen in the __park_? He thought to himself as he took a seat on a nearby bench overlooking a small pond. The ducks looked so carefree and happy. For a brief moment he wished he was a duck too. The air was cold and a wind was starting to make him shiver. When he attempted to shove his hands in his pockets he then realized he was still clutching to the pieces of paper he had picked during his confrontation with Maura. Needless to say, he was feeling horrible for all he said to Maura. It just happened, he couldn't stop it and he sure as hell couldn't explain it. Thinking about it now, there are many words he said he couldn't quite remember. But he knew he would have to make it up to Maura big time.

It was only after reading the first piece of paper that understanding descended upon him. He made quick work of arranging the pages in order and began to read the letter coherently. If he thought what had happened was the worst, he stood corrected. He read it again, just to be entirely sure. Neatly folding the crumbed paper he was aware that his first course of action was to speak with Maura.

* * *

Amos was parked in a secluded area nearing Mexico. He had on occasion checked to make sure the detective was ok. Contact to his connections in Mexico had got a retired doctor to meet him soon to help with Jane. A few minutes of waiting, and a car was slowly approaching them. At this point Jane had been laid on the back seat of the vehicle so the doctor immediately set to work. Turns out she was going to fine. Drip in place, vitals checked (as best as they could in their circumstances), Jane was beginning to open her eyes. He was hoping to get her into Mexico before she became aware of her surroundings, it would make the job that much easier. They set about getting their disguises together then driving off the remaining miles to their destination.

With no problems, they made it into Mexico and Amos headed for a house he had there where they usually held men waiting to be smuggled into America. Jane was now fully awake but too weak to speak. The little level of intelligence she held in that moment told her she was better of saving her energy and assessing her surroundings. So she did just that, while Amos just watching her, possibly wondering what he was going to do with her.

In another state, word about the mysterious sudden death of Detective Jane Rizzoli had spread. The NYPD was doing all they could to search the rivers for her body, they had already found numerous dumped from years, months, and weeks ago. They were well aware that Ceelo and his guys had long fled the country and would never be found, so they just focused on their main aim, finding Jane's body.

* * *

It was now three days since Jane's 'death'. Angela had woken up and she was still having a hard time with the whole situation. Something was amiss to her, she wouldn't say it, but she knew it as a mother. Until they found Jane's body, Angela swore to herself she wouldn't entirely believe it. It would be like giving up on her daughter if she took things too far without tangible proof. Maybe it was a ploy to comfort herself? But whatever it was, Angela would hold on to that tiniest shred of hope known to mankind.

The media had somehow not blown things out of proportion and the situation of Jane was dealt with amicably, with no pictures leaked to the public – just an article on the front page of Boston Times. She had been told that morning that Korsak had been hurt and upon release she went to his house to see him, as suggested by Frankie.

''Just a minute'' Korsak yelled walking lackadaisically to the door. ''Angela, come in''.

''I hope I didn't come at a bad time. Frankie said to come and see you as soon as I could. I just got out of the hospital and I didn't really feel like heading home just yet''. Rambling was so out of character for Angela, but Korsak understood that the woman's world had just been turned upside down.

''You never have to apologize for coming here. I see Frankie dropped you, is he coming in?''

''No, I told him I would get a taxi home when I leave''. Korsak had motioned for her to come in and they were now sitting in his living room.

''Angela….''

''It's ok Korsak. I would rather not speak of it now'', the ordinarily strong woman was already in tears. ''What happened with your arm? Be honest with me Korsak, no one will tell''. Her voice was somehow teetering on admonition.

''You know, we don't have to talk about this today. When things settle down we can-''

He was cut off again, ''What happened to your arm? And why have I not seen Maura?''

''She shot me, and no one knows where she is''.

Silence filled the room, for what seemed like forever.

''Why'', she asked it as if she didn't want to know the answer. Truth be told, she didn't particularly WANT to know, she just HAD to.

''I don't know, it was an accident. And I think she feels terribly about it, that's why she left''. Korsak found himself sounding like Maura in that moment – dodging the point with half-truths. He didn't need to be a genius to know Maura loved Jane, and vice versa. It just wasn't his place to say anything. And the last part was just an intelligent guess. Angela was too confused and worn out to go through her trademark interrogation so she let it slide.

''I have some things to give you''. Korsak walked to his bedroom and emerged an exact minute later with an A4 sized folder. ''Maybe you should take a look at it later when you are home. Can I get you something to eat or drink?''

''NO thank you, I think I will just call for a taxi and head home. I am starting to feel rather exhausted. Tommy and Frankie are there and probably have something ready to eat. Thanks again. For everything. I will talk to you soon.''

She was already heading for the door. The folder had piqued her interest and she in no way wanted to wait a second longer before going through its contents. When the taxi left her at the Beacon Hill home she headed for the guest house where Tommy and Frankie were preparing something to eat. Before they got a chance to say anything Angela told them she needed to just relax a little bit alone in her room. Neither argued. When she settled on her bed she opened the folder containing much more paper work than she expected.

The first thing to arouse her interest was the small handwritten note in Maura's neat script. If it was possible, her heart broke into even smaller pieces. Maybe she could call it ''shredded''. The note seemed rather ambiguous to an extent. _Sorry for what I what I wanted to do to myself? _ Maura was normally one for clarity, but her writing seemed to throw Angela off a little. So she sat down the note and moved on to the title of Maura's car left in her name. Under that was a typed out letter from a Mr Perkins, Maura's attorney she soon realized. He explained all the house selling proceedings in great deal and all that just left Angela light headed. The mother of three (two now), lay herself in a foetal position on her bed and began the waterworks again. She couldn't understand why all that was happening to her.

* * *

By this time Maura was now just arriving in her hotel room. Her flight had been long, to say the least, with two stop overs. She spent the majority of the time sleeping, watching people or listening to music. Fully checked into the gorgeous hotel on the nice country side of New Zealand, she went to take her first proper bath in three days. It was nearing the end of the afternoon and she thought it wouldn't hurt to assess her surroundings and the local town before she called it a night. Tomorrow was another day.

In the little town she saw the most amazing bookstore she had ever seen. It wasn't luscious in any way, very modest and colourful. They sold all sorts of calendars, diaries, and stationary. They even had a corner where they had a ''make your own anything'' they called it. She took her time perusing through the exquisite items in the shop, occasionally picking items and placing them back on the shelf.

Just as she was about to head out, something caught her eye. It was a large spiral bound book. When she picked it up she noticed it was written Sally at the top, decorated with hearts and butterflies.

''Sorry, that one is waiting for collection'', a lady with an obviously weird accent hollered from behind Maura.

''Oh I'm sorry, I was just looking. It's marvellous''. Her eyes never left the book.

''American huh. What brings you to the outskirts of the world here?''

''Just''. Did she just do a Jane thing there? What a way to answer a question she thought to herself.

''You can make your own. Design it however you want and put someone's name on it. People usually get them as gifts to others''

''I would love that actually''

''Great, come with me''

Maura followed the woman to the corner where people did their personalizations. It was simple for Maura; she picked a deep red rough plain cover, with the name JANE inscribed in white. All things Jane would have approved of. With that she went back to her room feeling rather satisfied.

It finally dawned on her when she sat on the couch revelling in the lit fire that she was in possession of nothing from her past. She had up and gone, leaving absolutely everything behind. It only took her a few minutes to convince herself that she didn't need any of that stuff anyway. If she hoped for a clean slate, this was the best way forward.

So she picked up her newly acquired book and wrote the date neatly at the top.

_**November 4**__**th**__** 2004**_

She wrote just as if she was talking to Jane, only beginning from the moment she stepped out of the airport in the foreign land. She explained the sights, the people, the hotel, and how she had come into possession of the book. It became harder when she wanted to write about how she was feeling. She hadn't allowed herself the time to think about it as it was. So she sat the book down, and finally, after all the time that had passed, she indulged herself. But then thought better of it, instead of just thinking about it, she wrote it down. How she had taken the news, her stupid attempt at suicide, how she hurt Korsak, the things Frankie had said to her, the way she had let Angela down and how she had eventually fled the country.

That was going to be her form of therapy she thought, writing to a non-existent Jane. For how long, she wasn't sure. With 3pages already used up she sat the book down and headed to bed. Tomorrow she would begin the process of sorting her new life out. But tonight, she would not be able to stop the tears that burned her face as she remembered the woman she loved to no end…..

* * *

**AN : I hope this isn't too sad. It only makes the good times that much better (I hope)**


	9. Dust settles

**AN : Just a special thank you to guest- iTyncWithReality. I cannot find the right words to thank you, it really means a lot to get such feedback. I don't have a beta for this story, so I am doing all I can to make the reading pleasurable. Thank you to everyone else - seriously! OH, Maura's journal entries are in bold print, italics flashbacks. **

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**Disclaimer : I do not own our favourite show on telly.**

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It had been an agonizing three weeks of grief for Jane's loved ones. The dust was slowly starting to settle, though each person clung to their own set of feelings. Frost had been given a whole week off to compose himself then assigned a new partner on return. There couldn't be a more appropriate description of opposites when it came to his former partner and the new one. But life was unfair, and bullshit happened like that. Korsak was going back and forth between Angela, Frost, Frankie and himself. Tommy seemed the most put together, well he was always strange that way. Ultimately, things in Boston would never be the same again for everyone who knew Jane. She was one of those ''when she loves, she loves'' kind of person, 100% or nothing at all type. Angela had later learned what Maura had tried to do, and consequently put the pieces together; however, leaving plenty room for question marks. The letter from Jane remained in Frankie's possession and he never spoke of it to anyone. Combined, they never talked about the mysterious relationship between Jane and Maura. Both of them were no longer there, it just seemed like wasted effort. Cavanagh knew the situation was beyond Fitzgerald's control, or anyone else for that matter, but he would never forgive his friend and himself for what they had done to Jane's family and friends. The new medical examiner – well, she wasn't Maura. And that sucked to hell, for every damn person at the BPD. Predictably Frost had set to work in record time, trying to locate Maura. That endeavour was proved futile when no trace of Maura was anywhere to be found, only cash withdrawals or transfers to her attorney's account. Mr Perkins had his lips sealed liked a can of tuna fish, narrating confidentiality agreements when asked about his client.

* * *

The Beacon Hill home sold very fast, leaving Angela with a respectable amount of money. She thought better of selling the blue Prius and kept it for herself instead. After little deliberation she purchased a two bedroomed house close to Frankie's place. She didn't feel particularly good about acquiring all she had from the Medical Examiner, but she knew she was going to go mad if she didn't. Living in Maura's guest house was out of the question, so was living in the house. Her emotional state left her unable to work, meaning she needed a way to make ends meet. So the option of taking the money was just the more reasonable one.

After she bought her house, she had gone to Maura's place and packed up almost everything. That way she didn't have to buy new furniture and other things for the house. Tommy had taken over Jane's apartment so Angela had gone to pack all of Jane's personal belongings. It was the hardest thing the woman had ever done. The job took her twice the amount of time it would take someone doing it at a slow pace. She often stopped to cry in between the packing. And looking at Jane's pictures made the task no more easier.

She fixed up her basement and arranged all personal things Jane and Maura. She couldn't handle items that reminded her too much of her daughter and her best friend, but she couldn't part with the things either. So she neatly arranged said items within reach, giving her an opportunity to wallow in sorrow whenever she chose. She even kept some of the outfits she knew were Maura's favourite and those God awful tee's Jane consistently insisted on wearing. The only two framed photographs of her girls sat perfectly on her mantel piece. All in all, Angela's home turned out to be a beautiful and humble abode. She felt at home there, but the absence of sarcastic comments and intelligent remarks lingered permanently in the air. She wondered whether it would all go away eventually, or if Maura would one day come to visit, or even call. She missed her terribly.

* * *

In the little town of New Zealand, Maura had improved considerably (given that she had three weeks ago been suicidal). She wouldn't deny to herself that her insides were completely burned up, but externally, she sought a level of composure. Over the weeks she had practically wiped out all of her life as she knew it. The only person she was in contact with was her attorney, who had aided her in closing all her accounts, writing off her bills and getting her money's transferred into her new accounts. He had also assisted Maura in applying for her work visa. She knew sooner or later she would need it.

The place she settled seemed to be the best there was. It was a mountainous area occupied with plenty farms and green lands. The area was also close to the magnificent coast, she honestly didn't know how she could have done better. So she stayed there – and bought a sizable cottage with three moderately squared bedrooms. She went for a more antique décor this time around, turned the other room into a study and the other for storage. She was pretty sure there was no need for an extra bedroom.

Forensics was a field she would never get into again, and not working at all just seemed like something that would drive her up the wall on a daily basis. At the beginning of week three, Maura had gone out in search of a job. The options were limited in the outskirts of the country, and she really hadn't ever done anything else other than cut up dead bodies. So this particular attempt was not all that simple.

One day when she had passed by the library to pick up some tourist guides, her eyes caught sight of a sign that stated that a school in the local area was looking for an assistant teacher to help with the primary school children during meal times. Maura had never in her life considered ever doing such a thing, but after thinking about it – why not? She knew little to nothing about children, but was intrigued by the idea and thought to give it a go. It would be harmless, right? So she had jotted the number down and went home to ring them. To her surprise, the school was in urgent need. Due to her lack of experience in the field, the head teacher had said they would let her try it out for a week and see how it goes before making the job official.

**November 22****nd**** 2004**

**Oh how I wish you had been around to see me today Jane. You would not believe that I am working with CHILDREN. Just thinking about it still gives me chills. It's amazing though. At first it was funny not being referred to as Doctor Isles, but Miss Isles, in a formal setting. And then not being in charge and completely at a loss as to what procedures to take. It was all overwhelming and scary. But I think I actually like it, it's refreshing in a way…etc**

_Maura's first day on the job_

_Part of Maura's transition had been to change her wardrobe completely. She had taken to now wearing 'appropriate' clothing – reasonably priced. Not out of lack of funds, but in an effort to sculpt a new identity. So on the Monday morning she was beginning her job, she had woken up at 6:30am. Getting cleaned up and eating breakfast took her an impressive 30minutes. She had to her disposal a whole half hour to dress up and make her way. It was apparently spring time in New Zealand, and after extensive research on child friendly colours (that habit she couldn't break), Maura slipped on a simple lime coloured dress complemented with a deep yellow cardigan. Her black flats matched well with her black handbag. She put her blond hair into a loose ponytail and applied very little makeup. With that, she deemed herself ready to go. _

_Twenty minutes later and she had pulled up in the staff parking lot. She took one deep breath, told herself she could do it, and headed for the administration office to clock in and get instructions on what to do. The lady helping her saw she was nervous and had encouraged her to just be herself, ''children aren't too worried about much. They just need an approachable person, and you seem to fit the bill'', she had tried comforting her with these words and throwing in the American accent and expression for amusement. It calmed Maura down a little and they made it to the dining hall, where few kids had already started to filter in. The school served students from year 1 to year 6 of primary education and provided them with breakfast and lunch. It was a fairly small private school and there wasn't a great deal of work (or so Maura had been told, and subsequently believed). _

_Her job description basically entailed hovering over the children, the smaller ones especially. The school was rather strict on the student diet and Maura, together with two other ladies, had to ensure that everybody ate well. Occasionally (which turned out to be all the time), she had to sit with some of the children and encourage them to finish their meal. If they needed anything else extra (napkins, glass of water, spoon), she would be readily available to provide. The mornings proved to be the hardest because more often than not, the younger children cried to be back home with their mommies and daddies._

* * *

All in all, Maura's first days had been fine at the least. Being the smart woman she was, learning all tricks and techniques with the children wasn't physics- she did it well. To her advantage, Maura was a naturally warm, kind, and soft lady. The kids took to her fast and well.

There was a spot on one of the first graders table that had been empty for the whole week she had been there. They said the little girl was ill and would be back soon enough, and that was all that had been said on the subject. The following Monday, the seat was occupied. The little girl was of Chinese decent with dark black hair and sweet spectacles obscuring her narrow brown eyes. Maura had noticed her when one of her table mates had called Maura upon realizing this girl had fallen asleep. When Maura went to wake her she spotted the tell tale signs of tears and picked the little girl up.

''Hey honey, you just fell asleep'', Maura tried to sound as soft as she could so as to not startle the little one.

''Mummy?''

''No dear, it's Miss Isles. Are you feeling ok?''

''I want mummy'', the girl had begun to cry and was trying to get out of Maura's hold. The elder woman quickly dropped her gently to the floor.

''Come with me''. She knew the child would be embarrassed to be seen by her mates in that state and Maura didn't want anything to further upset her. When they reached the dispensary, Maura lifted her up and like an egg, placed her on the kid-sized bed. ''Do you mind if I stay in here with you?''. When she nodded Maura let out a sigh of relief and continued, ''what's your name honey?''

''Are you the new teacher? I haven't seen you here before. Are you going to take Mrs Wilson's place?''

''Yes I'm new. I already took Mrs Wilson's place and I will be staying for a long while. My name is Miss Isles, what is your name?''. Maura was gradually getting out of the habit of speaking so formally to the children. She was getting there – slowly, but surely.

''Jane Michelle Wang. But everyone calls me Janie''.

That was Maura's undoing. She had hoped every single day when she woke up that she wouldn't meet a trigger during her day. It had worked so well so far (with the exception of the day one of the other teachers had offered her a beer. She had managed to hide it well and only broke down when she was alone at home). Now there was this little girl. All vulnerable and cute. And she had to add that people call her 'Janie'. Maura wouldn't be able to pull herself together, even if her life depended upon it. Luckily for the poor child, Helena, the other woman Maura worked with had walked in to see if Maura needed any help. It was Janie's first day after all, and they had never met. To her astonishment, both teacher and child were in tears. Feeling utterly embarrassed, Maura excused herself and went to ask for a day release from the head teacher. Laying her eyes on the woman in front of her, the mistress was in no doubt Maura needed the rest of the day off.

Just like the day she had heard of Jane's incident and rushed to her apartment, Maura wept severely. She briefly recalled her first conversation with Jane, when she had told the detective that a person couldn't directly die from crying. She began to doubt herself in that moment. Air was in short supply, her heart hurt to no end. She tried but couldn't find anything to hold on to. That day she had had the letter from Jane. She had held on to that for a semblance of strength. Frankie had walked out with her letter that day and nothing Maura possessed had any link to Jane. Only the notebook she bought, which technically wasn't linked to Jane. But she needed something, and that would do. She wrapped her weak fingers around the red covered book and continued to cry. She wasn't sure how she would work every day with that adorable child that was Jane Michelle Wang.

After she had pulled herself together she decided to fill in her notebook entries.

**November 29****th**** 2004**

**I am in so much self-doubt. I fooled myself into believing I could do it. I imagined I could wipe away the years I spent with you and move on. But it's not possible Jane. I hurt every time I think you left without even knowing how I felt about you, without even getting to HEAR you tell me you love me. It's horrible. But you know what; I will endure the pain in your place. I thought about it one day, how it would have been if the tables were turned. If I had been the one to die, and leave you with this kind of pain. I would never wish this for you, EVER. If it means me suffering through it, then let it be. Better me than you. I am desperately unhappy Jane, so miserable. I loved you too much. Even if you are not here anymore, the love I have for you – it's the type that takes permanent residence in a person for a lifetime and beyond. I met a little girl at school (or at work? I am not yet sure what to call it) today. Her name is Janie...etc**

The next few days left Maura horrendously crying herself to sleep every night. Her misery was enough to put her to sleep for five months in a row. Seeing the Jane child at school just brought a new memory every fucking day and she was so out of control. Journal entries certainly weren't enough therapy for her. Her next project was to find something else to completely take over her mind and leave her with no free time at all.

* * *

In an email from Frankie, Casey had learned that the woman of his desire had passed on. He was devastated at best. The commander in charge felt his pain and granted him a weeks visit home to get to grips with what had happened. Casey wasted no time travelling back and Frankie was more that surprised at seeing he actually cared enough to come in person. Frankie took a moment to study Casey while he spoke of how much he loved Jane and apologized for having let their relationship come to an end. He expressed how he felt like the tragedy that befell Jane would not have happened had he come back to be with her. He genuinely looked thoroughly distraught which left Frankie a little thrown. He briefly wondered what the man would do if he knew the woman he had loved so dearly died head over heels in love with someone else. After a long talk and exchange of condolences they headed over to see Angela.

This brought the matriarch to fresh hysterics. She started on a spiel about how they were meant for each other and would have gotten married and started a family. It was sad for Frankie for a whole different reason now. He wished they both knew what Jane had felt at her time of death. That all their hopes and dreams were nothing compared to what Jane would have wanted. Mind you, Angela had suspected there might have been something a little fishy between the two best friends due to Maura's actions. But she eventually attributed it to a rash action on Maura's part, or maybe a little harmless experimentation between the two – nothing serious. Besides, she didn't really know how Jane felt so for all she knew, it could have been one sided. It didn't matter to Frankie anymore anyway. It's not like Jane was there to oppose the fairy tale premade destiny the mother and ''son-in- law'' were indulged in.

* * *

The situation was quite tense, but Casey had loads of questions. Had Angela just won a bloody lottery? She had PURCHASED a HOUSE, with this expensive furniture in it. Was it some money from the NYPD or BPD in relation to Jane's death? He had lots of questions, but now wasn't the time. So Casey spent the whole week in Boston without questioning Angela, the woman didn't even think to mention it. Most of his time, Casey spent with Angela. The pair got along very well surprisingly, and a great deal of time was spent recapping Jane and Casey's time growing up. Casey was rather unobservant, or ignorant, or maybe polite, because he only noticed the two photos of Jane and Maura on the last day he spent with Angela before leaving.

''Who is that with Jane?'', he actually sounded like he was just seeing the pictures for the first time.

Angela looked sorrowfully at the framed photographs. One had the girls with their faces pressed together smiling as if their lips were going to slide off of their faces. They were in a tight sideways embrace and looked like they had just reached the climax of joy. The other had Jane and Maura standing in front of each other. Jane had her traditional white tank and had just given Maura a Red Sox t-shirt which she had just tried on. The picture captured them as they were looking into each other's eyes, Jane's left hand just making contact with Maura's right in a 'high-five'.

''It's Maura'', Angela had already began to tear.

''Jane's…friend, I presume?''. He had never known Jane to have girlfriends, let alone be so chummy with them.

''Her 'best friend''', Angela couldn't help but emphasize. It felt weird to be in the presence of someone who didn't know Jane and Maura's bond. She hoped he wouldn't ask more.

Too bad!

''She never mentioned her before''.

''They met while you were abroad, they actually worked together, she was their medical examiner'', Angela thought if she got the formalities out of the way, he may be satisfied with that and change subjects.

''I see. They seemed to get along very well. Where is she now? She probably is hurting really bad as well''. He only realized he was hitting on a soft spot when Angela fell into full blown sobs. ''I'm sorry Angela; I didn't mean to upset you. Is she ok though?''

''Its very hard Casey. Lets just not talk about it, ok? She moved away.'' Casey sensed it was a very, very sensitive situation and with that the issue of Maura was never spoke of until…


	10. Jane's on a mission

**AN: Some people may argue that Maura is being a little impractical and childish by writing to someone who is no longer there. Anyone ever watch the film ''Dawn Anna''? That's where I got the idea. It's one of the saddest movies I've ever watched.**

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Jane had spent the past weeks locked up in the attic of Amos' house. Her deteriorated health had recovered considerably as she was being well looked after. He kept her in an empty attic containing only a single bed. During the day he brought up food for her, even going to the extent of asking what she preferred to eat. At first Jane had been too weak to even consider trying to escape. But after careful thought and assessment she realized she needed a solid plan. The sharp detective had been extremely attentive in studying the man who had kidnapped her. She knew three things for sure. One, this man wasn't going to hurt her if she cooperated. Two, (disgusting as it was) Amos was infatuated by her, and three, screaming for help was a total waste of time. Her goal was to get herself back home, so she was going to 'get to the programme'. She would later chastise herself for her actions, but until then – desperate time's calls for desperate measures.

When she was alone, which was almost always, she thought about Boston. She wondered if they were still looking for her, or if anyone entertained the idea that she may be in Mexico. She thought about how torn apart her mother and brothers would be. Then she felt bad thinking about how Frost and Korsak would be managing at work without her. And then there was Maura. She hated herself for having left that letter. It was extra stress thrust upon Maura unnecessarily. Few times she wondered how her friend had reacted to it, and that was followed by curiosity of whether Maura felt the same way. She trusted her partners and her best friend, so she knew that they would find her. But she had to do her part as well, to make the job easier for them. (What she didn't know was that they had long put her in the category of the deceased).

They hadn't exchanged more than a few simple sentences since she had been alert. He seemed rather at a loss as to what to say, and well, _she _was just studying him. Jane had figured she had compiled enough information to have an actual conversation with Amos. So that afternoon when he came over with her lunch, she steeled herself to start the process of escaping.

''Why are you keeping me here?'' She tried to make herself sound slightly afraid.

''I am still trying to find out what to do''. This was him attempting to be intimidating, but Jane saw it as an advantage to her – he was being truthful with her.

''It's been a long while now. Do you want any help?'' Sarcastic responses were like a default to Jane, no matter how hard she tried.

Amos was surprised by this, missing the sarcasm completely. He hadn't expected the detective to be easy. Foolishly, he let his guard down a little.

''What do you suggest we do?''

''We? I thought you were trying to get rid of _me?''_

He fell into the trap again, ''why do you think I didn't kill you all this time?''

''Honestly, I don't know. Maybe you oughtta tell me'', she raised her eyebrows and looked at him a little suggestively.

His knees felt a little weak as he prepared to tell the woman he had kidnapped that he was experiencing some feelings for her.

''I thought since I kinda saved your life you could maybe wanna…..you know…..with me'', he was flailing his arms all over the place as if trying to physically grab hold of a coherent sentence.

''I can't say I fully understand what you mean…um…what's your name again?''

''Amos''

''Right, Amos. I guess you already know I'm Jane. Maybe you could try actually telling me what you want, so that I can give it to you''

The often strong, intimidating, and sure man was furiously blushing under the gaze of the beautiful Jane Rizzoli.

''Maybe you and I could get together'', he let it out in a hurry as if the words would run away if they weren't spoken.

''Like together-together? In case you have forgotten, you drugged me and are holding me hostage. I'm not sure that forms the basis of a desirable relationship''

''I only did it to protect you'', he defended.

Nothing in response.

''Look, I have lots of cash. We can go wherever you wanna go. You know, start a new life and all.''

''What happens when you finally decide to kill me'', Jane still had the upper hand and was getting just what she wanted.

''I would never do that. You are so beautiful and when I saw you the first time I just couldn't help but….wonder….you know….'', he shrugged looking anywhere but at Jane. ''…if you don't try anything stupid we could have a good thing going, ya know, like a normal relationship''

Jane had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. _Is he fucking serious, or on some kinda drugs?_ She was expecting it anyway, but she couldn't act too enthusiastic or put off completely. So she spent the better part of the next few weeks placating him. Offering suggestive comments, and testing his weaknesses and strengths. He was the common egg type of guy – hard on the outside, goo on the inside. She naturally had no patience but knew she couldn't mess up her plan. Jane had deduced that the man seemed fairly emotionally unstable, and she wouldn't jeopardize her chance of escaping. It had to be a clean precise plan. The one where you jump in with your whole body, not dip a leg in to try out. She had to gain his trust, then he would go out with her, then she would figure out the best means of escaping.

* * *

Casey had returned to Afghanistan after his impromptu Boston visit. Coincidentally, his period was coming to an end in two months. Originally he had planned to continue there, but now he thought coming back to Boston would benefit him more. He had got a job offer working as a recruit for those interested in joining the army. The opportunity seemed like one anyone couldn't pass up on, so he took the job, and in eight weeks he would be headed back home.

* * *

**AN: Sorry its short...will make it up. And the sad times will be coming to an end in a few chapters, promise.**


	11. Life without Jane

**AN: After this chapter we shall be getting to some pretty happy times. Some people may have been dying from the sadness….*smiles***

* * *

When Maura worked in the morgue with dead people it was nothing but a job. The only thing of interest to her was finding COD, and/or other clues to assist the case. The medical examiner had had a handful of people close to her all her life, all of whom were still alive, with the exception of Jane, who coincidentally happened to be the most important. When she often witnessed her co-workers notify families she felt sad, but mostly pity for them. She wondered how they would feel a few days later, or after the funeral, but that was as far as her thoughts took her. Maura never imagined how the loved ones would cope months and months after the incident. How they would cope years later. How their lives would never be the same again. Death related emotions- she read about in books, or heard people talk about. Despite her IQ level, the understanding of the emotions that washed over a person following the death of a loved one often eluded her.

But as she sat on a small rag by the seaside on Christmas Day, Maura found herself thinking about all those families she had witnessed mourn the death of their loved ones. She wondered what they did to cope. Because she herself was not coping. She was a shell of herself and she knew it. Her insides were hollow. She was filled with emptiness and nothing else. All those years ahead that awaited her, she wasn't entirely sure how she would make it. It was a monotonous internal conversation she always had , but got no answer. She wondered now about the afterlife, something she had often left to science – dwelling instead on the body's decomposition. Now she began thinking about the soul. Maura wondered if Jane's soul was around, or if Jane could see her, or whatever all that other stuff people believed in was true. She let science take a back sit for a moment and thought about it thoroughly.

The only answer she had for sure was that life would never be the same again. She would go on for years and years and would always know there was once a Jane Rizzoli in the world. People to come would only hear of Jane as a story and nothing more. She hated that thought especially, because a story would never do Jane justice. A person had to meet Jane first hand. She shook her head when she thought about whether Jane had gone to heaven or hell. Then she started feeling bad when she realized she wouldn't make it into heaven since she wasn't spiritual. So if Jane was in heaven and she went to hell, that would mean she would never meet her in the afterlife. Maura had never in her life felt so ridiculous. All the 'what if's' she so hated, the merry-go-round thinking, and the spirituality dimensions was driving her insane- clinically insane, if she was honest with herself. Scenarios of all sorts were swimming through her mind and she couldn't stop them.

Her only solace in a time like this was music. The doctor had taken an unexpected interest in music and in that moment she had her iphone playing '_when I see you smile by Clay Aiken'. _A tear escaped her right eye as she remembered how a few months ago she would have found the song super cheesy. Funny how life turns out, the song made complete sense to her then. She couldn't help singing along _'baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do, what the to__uch of your hands can do, it's like nothing that I ever knew, and when the rain is falling I don't feel it cause you're here with me, and one look at you baby, can make everything alright…sometimes I wanna give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quite the fight__, then one look at you baby, can make everything alright…when I see you smile, I can face the world, oooohhh, you know I can do anything'._

Then the waterworks began again.

She remembered how it had started raining one day when Jane and herself were out running. Jane had put her arms around her cold body and she had immediately forgotten about the rain. She thought of the numerous times Jane had just looked at her and flashed her Rizzoli smile and suddenly Maura's world had fallen into place. Many times she had wanted to give in to the fight for her feelings for Jane and just tell the detective. But Jane had – as usual- graced her with that beautiful smile and Maura had been terrified to lose that, so she kept it in. It seemed to her of late, that many songs fit into her current/previous predicament. She wondered if that was what ultimately drew people to music. Either way, she loved it. And that is what had kept her sane for the past few weeks. She would – in her little free time- listen to various kinds of music and connect the lyrics to her life. It gave her something less harmful to do, and at this point she had started to love it. She made a special playlist on her phone were she saved all the songs she would have loved to listen to with Jane.

* * *

So this is how Maura had spent her Christmas and New Year's holiday, awaiting the beginning of the opening of school. She made no 'New Year's Resolutions', but for the first time ever, she prayed. This was unfamiliar territory to Maura. The most praying she had done, or witnessed, was saying grace at a dining table. But she was at wits end, and was willing to try just about anything – so she prayed to a God she didn't believe in that night. She wasn't sure how to, so her best option was to wing it and speak from the heart, regardless of the haphazard nature..._God didn't mind, right?_

''_Dear Lord, I can only hope I will be forgiven for doing this the wrong way, and for coming to you as a last resort. If Jane Rizzoli is with you, I ask that you take care of her for me. Thank you for helping me know love, even though it has virtually killed me. May you please tell Jane that I love her, that I always will. Make sure she knows that I miss her horribly and that she will never be forgotten. If you love me Lord, like they say 'you love everybody', why have you put me through so much pain? What is it that I have done so wrong to deserve this? Is it because they say homosexuality is not for God's children? I don't understand. If so, why then did you let me fall in love with her? Does it matter who you love? We did more good together than apart. Didn't that count for anything? It not my place to be angry now. And it is too late anyway. If she just knows that her love was requited, that's all I ask. That's what I am praying for Lord. That's all I ask of you…..amen.''_

Maura had to be back at work the next day, so she prepared for bed early in order to get a good night's rest. She had fast gotten into the habit of putting her iphone on her speakers and leaving the music play all night. When she lay in bed that night, she did her usual then settled in to sleep. She couldn't help singing along again (a new habit) to Celine Dion's – Alone, '_You don't know how long I have wanted, to touch your lips and hold you tight, no you don't know how long I have waited and I was gonna tell you tonight, but the secret is still my own__, and my love for you is still unknown, Alone. Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you…_'  
Songs like this were the type that often made her angry at Jane. She willed herself (uselessly), not to cry, and with much effort, eventually drifted to sleep.

* * *

The Rizzoli family had officially had their three worst holidays, one after the other (thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year). Less than favorable as the situation was, the boys tried their damn best to console their mother. Not a single good thing came out of the holiday season. With all the family and friends around, Angela just felt suffocated and wanted it all to just end. With nothing positive coming about, luckily nothing negative occurred as well - which turned out to be the only good thing.

When the holiday fever came to an end and celebrations wound down, Angela was left to wonder if she should have a form of ceremony for Jane. A handful of people had pointed it out to her, but she had shut them up in the blink of an eye. But now she wondered. Maybe it was the only way she could get some semblance of peace.

''Do you think I am crazy for not doing anything for my Janie'', she sounded as if she was thinking aloud.

''Of course not Angela. This is hardly the simplest of things to do, worse still with no body'', Korsak had come to visit her after his day at work – as he often did, and was trying to muster as much calm as he could.

''I just don't know Korsak, people keep asking me. And I'm starting to think I am doing a very wrong thing''. It didn't take much for Angela to cry since the incident, tears had begun welling in her eyes already.

''I want you to know that it's very understandable.'' He reached out to hold her hands. ''That was your child Angela. And the only closure you can get is if we find her body. Having a ceremony is just formality, but it's not going to do anything to make you feel better. To make ANY of us feel better.''

That seemed to do the trick for the time being. ''If we don't find her by the time we get to November, it will be a year. Maybe we can have a ceremony then. Is it ok?''

''Of course Angela. I think that's reasonable enough''. The older detective gathered her into a bear hug that she sunk into.

* * *

When end of January graced the city of Boston, Casey found himself neatly settled into a city he had so dearly missed. Nothing much had changed. It was still cold, still busy, still very 'Boston'. And he loved it. The only thing of significance though, the only thing he loved the most, was the only thing missing – Jane. And that made the biggest difference ever.

His job, to his astonishment, proved worthwhile. He met with the young adults considering joining the army. He offered his expertise, helped them make sure they were making the right choice, and gave them the extra training they needed. His earnings were also desirable and two months into the job, he was already picturing himself living large.

Dating is what he hadn't taken enough time to think about. On some level he was just like Jane, which was one of the reasons why they fit so well together (well, according to him). He had very minimal relationship experience, having been with the girl he was in love with from a very young age. And being in Afghanistan didn't do him much good either on that scale. After breaking off with Jane, he was sure getting someone else would be like looking for a needle in a hay stack. He wasn't in any hurry anyway, so he put it off till…..whenever!

* * *

**AN: Had to post this. longer chapters coming up soon.**


	12. She made it

**AN: Just so we're clear – I hate Casey, in every sense of the word. And I love Frankie, I have forgiven him, I hope you have too. Excuse any technicalities please, this was 2005.**

* * *

**Disclaimer : I do not own Rizzoli and Isles.**

* * *

Detective Rizzoli was one sharp cookie, she otherwise wouldn't be called 'Detective'. She was a master mind of rare sorts. Some things she brewed up surprised even _her_. Her Rizzoli blood gave her the inherent drive to stop at nothing in order to get what she wants. The detective was well versed in the art of seizing an opportunity, and she certainly knew how to make a clean sweep. Her focus was sharpened by one thing – grief. The mere thought of the heartache her loved ones were going through searching for her made her stop at nothing to be freed. She refused to let herself be the source of hurt among the people she would lay in front of a moving truck for.

So with one aim at the forefront of her brain, she had let Amos kiss her, she had let him touch her in places she herself often felt embarrassed to touch for more than five seconds. The line was drawn at her panties though, and Amos for some reason had respected that. It was probably in the belief that he would sooner make his way there anyway. The stupid man was deluded into thinking Jane would for one second find something attractive about him. If Jane was asked to write a freaking book about this man she would, that's how much she had studied him. After him, was the study of her surroundings. She hadn't been out yet, all she knew was that she was in Mexico. Her next project was to find out where she was exactly and then contact Korsak.

* * *

It was now nearing the end of May. Jane had been missing for almost eight months now. Her nerves were getting the best of her; she knew her team would have slowly started giving up on finding her. She wouldn't blame them anyway; past evidence would indicate the victim would no longer be alive at such point.

''Hey Amos, you know you can't keep me in this attic forever right? I am at some point going to need some fresh air. Besides, aren't you eager to show me off to your friends?'' She tried to sound as nonchalant as she could, all the while gawking at her counterpart with eagle eyes.

''You're right I guess'' he shrugged. ''I hope you aren't tryna pull a fast one me'', he was now looking at her pointedly.

''Really! By this time I would have thought we had established an understanding. Don't you know me at all?''. Truth be told, he didn't quite know her. Before they abducted her they had not sought prior knowledge of her. Their plan was to find her, and kill her. The resulting event was never part of their plan, which left Amos ill equipped to challenge the already intelligent detective. So the information he knew about her is what she had told him.

''I'm sorry. I guess I get a little paranoid at times. You are right, I should take you outside. You know Pablo who often comes to see me? He asks if he can see you almost everyday''. He was now chuckling like a school boy. And of course Jane had to roll her eyes, she couldn't resist. ''Maybe we could go to the beach one of these days. You like?''

''Never cared for water that much. I'm not a good swimmer anyways''. Beach equals no phone. How the hell do you learn your surroundings at the beach anyway? ''How about just lunch, you know, so I can know my way around here?''

Amos pretended to think about this for a few seconds. ''Nah, I say the beach. You will like it, promise''.

Turns out he wasn't so daft after all. Jane anticipated this anyway, she was just trying her luck – not in her favour that day unfortunately. It didn't really matter anyway, it was a start.

* * *

So the following weekend found Jane seeing daylight for the first time in months. She took a moment to relish in the feeling of acute sunburn, she didn't care because she was somewhat desperate for the hot rays on her. Quickly coming back to earth she began her assessment. 1, they lived approximately six miles from the beach. 2,the local shopping area was a couple miles in the opposite direction from their place. 3, the population was disturbingly large (getting lost in a crowd was fairly easy). 4, there was public transportation to and from the beach. 5, there were no phones anywhere close to the beach. _Wait, I have no money!_ That was a thought that unwelcomingly crept into her head. As it was, it was a menial road block and she made a mental note to figure a means of acquiring cash.

Amos looked like a fucking five year old on his birthday. He was in high spirits and wasted no time in clinging onto Jane's hand as they exited the car. He loved how people would occasionally look at them. He knew they were admiring how obnoxiously _hot_ Jane was (yes, that kind of beauty often times made people hateful towards her), and he loved the fact that she was with _him. _So they spent the day at the beach 'relaxing' and enjoying the great outdoors. Amos would make it a point to leave a soft kiss on Jane's lips whenever he saw people staring. Jane loathed him even more for that. Her patience thermometer was in dangerous territory, but she sucked it up and added all his filthy habits to her 'he's gonna pay' list. When they returned home Jane was more than satisfied with her day. Not because of the actual day's activities, but because she was a step ahead in heading home.

Three times they had gone to the beach together, and Amos was starting to trust her and let loose. His suspicions would get the best of him from time to time, but on average they seemed to have vanished.

''Why are you ok with staying here with me? You haven't insulted me in any way or tried to escape for that matter?'' This caught Jane a little off guard and she had to think for a few seconds before responding.

''Maybe it's because I don't want to go back home''

''Right!'', He scoffed. ''Why is that?''

''I let my lieutenant down, and messed up the case I was working on. It doesn't really say nice things about me''

''That's still not a very valid reason''

''I have issues of my own, ok'', Her voice had raised an octave with agitation. He just looked at her, clearly expecting more. ''I never had a very colourful dating life, and I don't talk to my family, my reputation at work has been messed up, and I was in a bit of debt. So there you have it, not much to return to is there?''

If joy could kill, Amos would have died that day. The ecstasy that erupted from his body was palpable, Jane was moderately concerned for a second. But that proved to be the opening of the church doors. The next day he took Jane to the local town, and gave her some money to pick up a few clothes. A few days later, he had a job to take care of and he let her go to do some groceries alone.

Wrong move.

If it wasn't such hyperbole, Jane would have described the way she made it to the store as 'flying'. She was in a shitty looking phone shop in no time at all, dialling Korsak's mobile number frantically.

''Detective Korsak''. Korsak answered his phone not feeling particularly enthusiastic about an 'out-of-area' number.

Jane wanted to cry from hearing his voice, she would never admit to him how much she missed him though. ''Korsak, its Jane. I don't have a lot of time''. She sensed he needed time to digest it so she gave him a few seconds. When nothing came, she tried again. ''Korsak, are you there? Its me''

''Jane'', It was a whisper, a breathless one. Jane wanted to yell 'what the fuck', because it seemed no action was following her admission.

''Listen, I don't have too much time. I need you to come for me. I am in Ciudad Juarez in Chihuahua Mexico. You writing this down?''

Silence.

''Dammit Korsak, what the hell?'' Jane needed to wrap things up fast and the elder man seemed to be failing to cooperate.

''Jane….h..h..how are you alive'', He couldn't help the stutter he had instantly acquired.

''What are you talking about?'', Now Jane was worried. ''Korsak, you gotta meet me half way. You have bearly said a thing, and I kinda need your help here – sooner rather than later''

''Give me your location again''. Jane just shook her head and repeated herself. ''Is there somewhere I can contact you, we are leaving immediately''

''I am in a phone shop right now. If you can come here as soon as you can and I can meet you. Please, it is the simplest way''. Jane wouldn't entertain the idea of anything going wrong with her rescue. The detectives busting into Amos' place had potential for disaster and she wasn't prepared for that. Her slipping away neatly would earn her the desired result and whomever was assigned the pleasure would be back to Mexico for Amos. She herself wanted to close that chapter.

Korsak couldn't understand how she sounded so normal and composed when he could hardly breathe. _What are you talking about__?_ Jane had just asked him that. _She doesn't know about her 'death' does she?_ These thoughts ran through his mind like the speed of light. When his cognitive functions switched back to detective mode, Jane arranged that he meet them at the phone shop in two days in the afternoon. With that Jane hurried back 'home'.

When Korsak got of the phone, he needed a moment to pull himself together. He hadn't even noticed the tears running down his cheek until Frost called him up on it as he walked into the bullpen. He sensed something was very wrong right away.

''Should I even ask?'' He was super hesitant.

''That was jane on the phone''.

That obviously got him silence.

''She's alive Frost, she's in Mexico. We have to go and get her. She just gave me her location…..''. He was starting to sound ridiculously hysterical for someone of his age and position. Frost understood anyway, he himself had made absolutely no move as it was. As understanding dawned in, they both hurried for Cavanagh's office with the news. It was as if the ice that had settled in everyone's hearts over the past months was suddenly exposed to a blazing fire. Arrangements for Korsak, Frost, and Cavanagh to fly to Mexico the next day were underway. They even took three officers, in case things got out of control. With Cavanagh and Frost sorting things at the station (contacting the NYPD as well), Korsak called Frankie and asked him to meet at Angela's house.

When Korsak broke the news, it was like de javu. It just seemed like seven months ago when they had received the life altering news about Jane. Except this time, the reactions were coupled with extra wide smiles. Natuarally, Angela wanted to go to Mexico as well. It took a while to convince her to stay put.

When korsak was on his way to drop Frankie home, he thought it would be harmless to throw caution to the wind. They hadn't spoke about Maura in months. No one had even mentioned her name.

''I wish there was a way to tell Maura''

''Ya, so do I'', Frankie added sorrowfully.

''I don't know how Jane is going to take the news. Should we tell her about Maura trying to k…''

''NO!'', It was loud and cut him off effectively. ''That would kill her Korsak. It's just too much. Please. It's painful enough that Maura isn't even around, that information would destroy her completely. Please don't tell her''. Frankie didn't even know why he was begging, and crying.

''Got it Frankie. Hey…its ok. We found her''

''I know, it's just…it's just….i don't know. Do you think Maura will ever forgive me for what I said to her? I wish I could take it all back so badly. If Jane knew she would hate me''

''We both know that isn't true Frankie. And we both know Maura, she understands, and she forgave you right after you said all you said. Ok?'' He tried sounding as gentle and compassionate as she could. They had reached Frankie's apartment so they parted ways.

When Angela was in the privacy of her bedroom that night, she fell onto her knees and cried. She prayed to the God she totally believed in for bringing her Janie back. In two days she would have her daughter back, she was over the moon.

* * *

At Logan airport the next morning, six men were headed to Mexico to get one of their own. They were all excited and eager to see Jane, and find out what the hell had happened to her. When they arrived in Mexico, they headed straight to where Jane had said she would meet them the next day. The nervous energy between them was enough to keep them up all night awaiting Jane's presence. Their two cars where parked opposite the phone shop, their weapons ready, and their eyes concentrating.

* * *

Jane was pretty confident in her plan so she managed to act normal with no problems. Amos was still in his regular love bubble. Jane felt a tinge of nausea at that thought. She would have to bleach herself for days to come, and she was not going to let Maura touch her in her filthy state. It would take her some time to relieve herself of the trauma that was Amos' unpleasant hands, smell, and mouth. And she also knew it would be a bit more than hard to give her friends the details, let alone Maura, of her fiasco's with the deluded man.

The next day for Jane couldn't come to an end fast enough. She had already told Amos she would be going to the market to pick up a few food items for dinner. He had agreed automatically and Jane couldn't be happier.

That morning she got up earlier than usual. She took in a deep breath of the Mexican air that she would never be breathing in ever again. Her kidnapping did not hold a horrendous physical component, it leaned heavily to the emotional side. If she had let her heart take over, she was more than certain she wouldn't have been alive. And if she was, she would have been hurting from several physical inflictions. But she sucked in it, and let her mind take control. It was the wise thing to do, but it didn't stop her from feeling stupid. Countless times she had felt rage when Amos had his hands groping her. She wanted to put an end to it, to spit in his face and tell him how much she despised him. But she couldn't. Because she wanted to go back home. She had briefly wondered, in times like those, if that is what hookers felt. Did they do what they did because it was the only choice they had left? The whole ordeal sort of gave her a new perspective on life.

When Amos left the house it was around midday. The second he left, Jane swiftly set about getting ready and headed out. She was going home. Finally. As she approached the phone shop, she immediately spotted her detectives staked about. Without further thought, she ran (literally ran) to the car with Korsak, Frost and Cavanagh. The back seat door was already open for her and she slid in effortlessly. They wanted to exchange pleasantries, as was the norm, but they were halted for two reasons. 1,Jane was in excellent shape externally. 2,they needed to go before anything funny started happening.

Without thinking Jane launched herself onto Frost who was in the back seat with her, and cried. Her tears were of relief, and guilt, happiness, and…..she couldn't quite pin point the other feeling. Frost held her tightly as he too began to shed tears. He had never seen Jane in such a state, and knew right then that he hated it to no end. She was trembling and letting out unguarded loud sobs.

The airport was within the vicinity and they got there before Jane had the chance to let go of the vice grip she had on Frost. She was glad he knew her well enough to not bother with empty words, but just accepted to hold her as she let all her pent up emotions out. Before the car had come to a full stop Korsak was out rushing to open Jane's door so he could satisfy his mind with some physical confirmation. Jane, not being one to express public displays of affection, might have shocked the detectives had there not been more pressing issues at hand.

After giving Jane a hug of his own, Cavanagh was the first to recover and ask what the other two were failing to vocalize. ''Jane, we thought you were dead. And how come you look completely unscathed?''

Jane had rationalized that they thought she was dead from the conversation she had had with Korsak. ''What are you, disappointed?''. And there was the trademark Jane Rizzoli sarcasm. They had no idea how badly they missed her until that point. No one had the ability to produce laughter from people in such a serious and delicate time. It brought fresh waves of tears to everyone's eyes again. Poor Frost couldn't resist and had to embrace Jane again. They were infinitesimal qualities Frost could name that he loved about his partner and friend. And in that moment he had just added another to the never ending list – hugging her (without her squirming away like a kindergartener).

When Frost had finished reacquainting himself with Jane's form, Cavanagh tried again, with hopes of adding a little formality to the unexpected reunion. ''We had pictures of you Jane. You looked dead. And we spent months looking for your body. Do you know what we all went through. How are _you _doing anyway?''

''I think I am missing something here. But please, can you get me home''. They all understood where Jane was coming from. She was exhausted and wanted this to be over and done with. Within an hour they boarded their flight to Logan. Cavanagh and Korsak spent the flight home sorting the foramlities. They knew Jane's report would have to wait till the next day. Frost sat beside her just making sure she was alright. Jane had hardly slept the night before so she fast lost her battle to consciousness. When her eyelids flickered open they were landing in Boston. The feeling that washed over her body was indescribable. She may have been in a daze of sorts from the time they got her, because it only started to register to her in that moment that something was amiss. Frost had stuck to the physical contact, korsak had barely said more than five sentences to her, and Cavanagh was overly formal. She convinced herself it was all due to the situation. If there was a source for accurate, unadulterated information it was Maura.


	13. Reunion

**AN : Your support is out of this world. Thanks.**

* * *

Frankie was pacing nervously anticipating Jane's arrival; and all those months of hurt had gone with the wind. It's a tough thing losing one's hero. Frankie had somehow lost his sense of self. It's like when you are walking towards a place you have never been to before, and there are footprints to follow, then suddenly those footprints are gone. The younger officer had not known what to do with himself for months now. He had on occasion found himself swaying left, right, and centre. Now those footprints had just appeared again, like the switch of a light, and left everything into clear perspective. Whatever awaited him in the future, as long as he had Jane's footprints to follow, he knew without doubt he would be ok. He made a mental note to himself to frequent the church; God deserved a massive 'thank you'. When Jane got there, there would be a myriad of issues to address, but for the time being he would be content to busk in the comfort of having his big sister back.

Angela was on the opposite side of the room mimicking Frankie's movements. Their pacing seemed to be in sync, neither noticed of course. They were both deeply immersed in their own thoughts. Angela, unlike her son, was not going to wait to thank God on another day. She had already begun. Her main concern was the state in which her daughter would be in upon arrival. She briefly wondered if she should make herself useful by calling an ambulance to be on standby when Jane got home in case she needed urgent medical attention. She internally laughed at how ludicrous the idea was. If Jane was in any immediate medical emergency, the detectives would make sure she was taken care of before she even got home. As a mother though, she just felt like she hadn't done anything for her baby, she wanted to be helpful in any sort of way.

Her refuge was cooking.

So when they were not arriving soon enough, she found herself in the kitchen making a meal. _My Ja__nie will be hungry. She probably hasn't eaten anything in weeks. _Those thoughts had her on the verge of tears once again.

The mother and son could not speak to one another. They were too nervous and excited to come up with any sort of logical conversation. So Frankie continued his pacing, while Angela cooked up a storm. One painful hour of waiting and a car pulled up in Angela's driveway. Frankie was by the door before he knew it. He wouldn't wait for Jane to come in; he charged towards her like a magnet, she almost fell over. Jane had never witnessed such emotion from her younger brother before – but death warranted it right?

''Oh my God Jane….'', He was literally shivering.

''It's ok little brother, I'm ok, it's alright''. She had to resort to comforting him. It just made her feel even worse than she already did. All the pain she thought she caused, now it was right in front of her.

Korsak and Frost took this as their cue to leave the family to reunite in privacy. When the brother and sister had released each other and were now arm in arm, Korsak began.

''Call us when you are ready to come to the station. Ok?''

''I will call tomorrow. Thanks guys. I missed you, a lot. Thank you so much'', She gathered both Frost and Korsak in a lose embrace.

''You did it all on your own Jane'', Korsak couldn't help the slight guilt he was feeling from having failed to find her.

''You came for me, that counts for something'', she choked out. She couldn't believe how freaking emotional she was being. She hoped to not make a habit of it. Frost had not said a thing; he was still in a moderate state of shock. He needed the night to sleep over it; and his belief was that he would have wrapped his head around things in a day or two.

Angela- on her way from the bathroom- had heard the exchange outside and before she made her way to the point of interest, Jane had strolled into the living room. Angela gave her a motherly once over - though she could barely see from all the tears in her eyes- then vertically landed on her beautiful daughter.

''I love you Ma, I love you so much'', she had promised herself to remind her mother how much she meant to her as much as she could. Her overbearing nature aside, the woman was a damn good mum and Jane knew it.

''I know baby, I love you too. I missed you so much. I'm so glad you're ok''. There was just so much she wanted to say, but it was hard. Between trying to breathe past the tears and clutching onto her Jane, it was just so difficult. They stayed this way for a good two minutes until Angela had to look her over again. She just shook her head and began 'really' crying, Angela Rizzoli style.

''I never want to feel the way I felt these past long months Jane. It's a feeling I can never describe to anyone-'', she was gasping now, ''-I thought I had lost you forever''. She pulled Jane in again.

The detective was determined to let her mother exhaust herself to the max. She knew they both needed it, her turn would come also.

After a few moments of exchanging affections, all three Rizzoli's went to take a seat.

''Can I get you something to eat Jane'', Frankie inquired.

''Not now, thanks though''. They were four simple words but he knew exactly what they meant. _This is no time for food. What the hell happened in my absence? Can me and Ma have some time alone._ He knew his sister, and he got it. So he made to leave.

''I'll just head home now. If you guys need anything, I'm not too far''. He hugged Jane one last time, left a kiss on her cheek and left the women to 'talk'.

''Where is Maura Ma?'', She wasn't interested in pretending it wasn't baffling her. More than that, it was scaring her''

Silence.

''And what's with the house'', She sounded like herself for a second there; with her hands flying all over the place in gesticulation. Angela wanted to cry. ''I'm away for a few months and I get back to his, I should be kidnapped more often''. There it was again – so Jane.

''Don't you _dare _say that'', Angela was not at all amused.

''Sorry Ma, just tryna cheer you up. Not working right?'' Now she just felt silly.

It took no time at all, to notice Angela's nervous habits exposed. Something was wrong. _Not again_, she thought.

''Ma, I said where's Maura?'', that was a demand that was met with silence once again. In all honesty, where could Angela begin?

''Do I have to ask again?''

''Honey, Maybe you should rest and-''

''And what? And you can prolong whatever it is you have to tell. That's not happening. If you want me to rest, you better lemme know what's going on. Preferably now''.

The occurrences were all jumbled up, so Angela figured starting from the beginning would be the best option. She began relating to Jane how they found out the news about her death. She described the photograph they had been shown, then proceeded to inform her how Maura had not taken the news well. She pause for a few brief seconds, under the pretence of emotions but what she was doing was wondering whether to tell Jane what Maura had done. She settled on not telling her. It was too much information for one day. But eventually she knew she would have to. Jane was not fooled, she saw right through her mother's conflicting emotions. She knew she would get to the bottom of it soon.

''Lemme get this right. So Maura left?'' Angela nodded. ''and she left you her house and her car?'' Another nod. ''Then you sold it and bought this one'', yet another nod. It was starting to sound like an interrogation. ''And apparently no one knows where she is? Are you fucking kidding me?''

''Jane…''

''NO, you should have looked for her. What do you mean no one can locate her? Frost and Korsak are freaking detectives for chrissake. What the hell!'' Angela had already been through these kinds of talks with the other men, so she let Jane have her chance.

Overwhelming was the understatement of all understatements. How can you ask ten questions in one question? Jane wanted to know why they couldn't find Maura. Why she had even run away in the first place. Where HER furniture and clothing was. Why most of Maura's furniture was now in Angela's possession. Why they were all giving her 'the look'. Yes she had been taken against her will for months, but she looked fine – perfect even. But they still kept looking at her in a very peculiar way.

Fuck resting. She was getting to work right away. Her first stop was Frost's place. Tomorrow morning was WAY too far.

''Can I borrow your car?''

''NO. Janie, you need to eat, you need rest. Can't this wait-''

''No mother, it cannot! Can I borrow it or do I have to call a taxi''. _Mother? _This was serious.

''Where are you going?''

''To Frost. I'll be back soon''. She knew fighting her was a complete waste of time. This was Maura they were talking about.

''Be careful honey. I would feel much better if you at least ate something though''

''I'll be fine Ma. See you in a bit''. She ran out. She needed answers, fast.

It was now dark outside. She hoped Frost wasn't asleep yet. Jane ran up to his door and rang the bell as gently as she could. When Frost saw her through the peephole, he knew immediately what it was that couldn't wait until the morning – Maura.

''I have one question Frost, please be honest with me?'' She would say hello another time.

''Jane..''

''Can you stop that please. I have had it up to here with the pity looks'', she demonstrated by placing her hand horizontally against her throat. ''tell me why you didn't try all you could to find Maura?''

Nip it in the butt.

With a loud sigh, Frost began his narration, ''From the last time we saw her she left a clean path Jane. I accessed her card details and her accounts, illegally by the way, but all there was one cash withdrawal from the bank the afternoon we found out about you. And the rest were transfers to her attorney's account. And that was it. We contacted him, and he went on a rant about confidentiality and it just left us stuck. We tried contacting her parents but they seem to never stay in one place for more than two hours. And when we finally got hold of Constance she just said, and I quote, ''Maura is a big girl, if she wants to be found she will come back, I am very busy at the moment''. And she isn't with doctors without borders, we checked thoroughly''.

Jane felt what little energy left in her disappear altogether.

''She's not coming back is she?''

''I don't think so Jane''. He felt terrible for being the one to make Jane feel so defeated. He had tried all he could within his capacity; she just didn't want to be found, simple.

''Thanks Frost, for all you did. I'll come to the station tomorrow''

She headed back home. She had two people who could tell her where the love of her life was – Constance or Maura's attorney.

With her initial feelings in check, Jane finally took the time to tour her mother's house. The house was beautiful and felt homey. Maybe it was because it was furnished with her things and Maura's. She picked up one of the photos of Maura and herself. She hugged it tightly and whispered 'I miss you Maura'. She had hoped by this time she would have been with her best friend, but here she was, with only a picture. Angela watched her, and died a little inside knowing it was going to kill Jane to learn that Maura had almost killed herself. When Jane felt eyes on her she gently put the picture back.

''Thank you Ma''

''For what'', Angela was surprised.

''For not giving up hope. For not burying me'', she chuckled lightly.

''I couldn't Jane. I wasn't feeling your absence''.

''I don't know how to explain how much that means to me''.

''You don't have to Jane''. She paused, clearly trying to stop the never ending tears. ''I feel like I failed you as a mother. I was so helpless and there was absolutely nothing I could do''

''No Ma. You did the most important among everyone else. You never lost hope. You never gave up. That's what counts the most''

''I told Korsak we would have a service if they didn't find you in one year. So if you didn't come back sooner I would have given up Jane. What does that say about me?''

Jane moved to grab her mother's hands, ''that says nothing. You said it then. Maybe after the year you still wouldn't do it''

''Has my daughter matured?'', Angela joked through tear filled eyes.

''Yes, I think she has''.

They hugged again then Angela led Jane to the spare bedroom. Jane loved it and made herself comfortable it no time. She took a nice long shower to rid herself of the Amos dirt, and then she settled into bed. She wouldn't admit it, but she was exhausted.

She was glad to be home. She was delighted to see her family. She was thrilled to see her friends/partners. The next day would be equally eventful, she knew it. She had already made a to-do list in her head. _Call __Constance__, call Maura's attorney, see Tommy, go to the BPD and do all she needed to do there, __and go__ through the things in the basement her mother had stored._

She wasn't too worried about whether or not she would find Maura. In her mind she thought she just had to contact Maura's attorney, if he got bitchy with her then she would contact Constance. Surely one of them would tell her; after all, they should know where she is. So as she drifted to sleep she felt quite alright, little did she know finding Maura might be the first hurdle she failed to jump.


	14. To find her

**AN : Maura and Jane WILL get together, it would be a sin for them not to. Happy times will come.**

* * *

She had gotten up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep. It was too early to be headed to the BPD, so she decided to tick her trip to the basement off the list first.

Jane held onto Maura's favourite dress like she was holding a new born baby. It hadn't been dry cleaned and smelled just like Maura. She found it strange how something as frivolous as smell could trigger such enormous amounts of emotion. Reverently, she hung the dress back where she picked it from. She looked around Angela's basement, trying to summon the courage to rummage through her belongings. It was like walking in fire; Maura's things gathered on one end and hers on the other, she wanted to just run out.

Gathering every ounce of maturity she had, she took the long walk towards Maura's remaining possessions. She was looking for something, anything, to tell her that Maura at least felt the same way about her. The vulnerable part of her was scared of finding anything in the negative. She knew she would never heal if that happened. Neatly, as if Maura was keeping an eye on her, she opened the first box with Maura's things. Angela had taken a great deal of time folding everything to Maura's standards. If it was possible, she loved her mother even more for that.

The box contained the doctor's clothes, the more casual ones (to Maura that is). The next had shoes, so did the next three. _Good God, did she really have that many shoes_, Jane thought. It was ridiculous. Jane would never own that much shoes in her entire life time. She skipped the suitcase with her undergarments. That was a problem of its own nature, a separate mountain to climb on its own. She would tackle it at another time or maybe never. It just seemed indecent, and she didn't want to feel like a fifteen year old boy smelling a girl's underwear.

She finally got to the box she wanted. It held a mixture of items - various books, calendars, wall hangings, ornaments, and a photo album. Obviously, the last tickled her fancy, so she grabbed it fast. The album held photographs of the whole Rizzoli family (and Maura) from the time they had met. They all appeared to be innocent pictures of random shots at various get togethers. The one that caused the biggest smile Jane had ever smiled in a long time was the one with the bottom inscription **The Best Day Of My Life**. It was a picture of the Thanksgiving holiday Jane had ditched her family to spend the day with Maura. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder and Jane held a pathetically large turkey drumstick to both their mouths as the two of them tried to sink their teeth into it. Maura was holding the camera with one hand at a distance and their eyes both sparkled with joy. Jane had completely forgotten about that picture and she couldn't stop the tears that welled in her eyes.

Before she started thinking about romance, Maura was her best friend, and she wanted her so bad. With that thought, she exited the basement at a slightly faster than normal pace with the album in hand. Her determination was at the forefront, so she set forth for her next destination. Angela had obviously given her grief about eating, and she had acquiesced, derailing her plans a little. She felt like she was living a new life now. She couldn't say no to her mother. The way she had seen her mother look at her and cry, had left Jane scarred for life. She wanted to do anything to make Angela happy and secure.

* * *

The department hadn't changed, with the exception of Jane's replacement, and Maura's. Everyone was thrilled to see her back, alive and unharmed. She went through all the mandatory protocol and report writing. No doubt she would be in the Boston Times again the next day. That was the very least of her worries as it was anyway. The gentleman who had taken her place would be given four weeks to wrap up his cases while Jane got settled, and then she would be back to work. That obviously didn't sit well with her, given a choice she would have been back to work the very next day.

When all the boring stuff (and quite frankly unimportant stuff-to Jane) was over with, she rushed to the bullpen to get some serious issues dealt with. She needed Maura's attorney's contact details, as well as Constance's'. Before leaving she verified that Frost had indeed done the most thorough of jobs, and then with reluctant satisfaction she left.

* * *

Jane knew how to control her nerves, well most of the time anyway. Despite frequently dwelling on the 'what-if's', she could mostly be defined as optimistic. But now she realized that character partly stemmed from saying….what was it again?...right….''people can be liberal about anything until it directly affects them''. If what she was going through was happening to somebody else, she would have been gushing with all the right things to say. She would have been preaching about how pointless it was to postpone the inevitable. Every time she thought about the gravity of love she held for her best friend, her heart swelled all over again. Any logical person would have been frantic now, forcefully pressing the digits on the telephone, impatiently waiting for an answer. But no, Jane wasn't logical like that in that moment. Anyone watching her might have thought she was actively trying to pull her hair out. She probably had worn out a trail on Angela's rag from the heavy pacing she was engaged in.

Frost and Korsak were as good as it got when it came to these kinds of things. If they had done all they could in their might to find Maura and came up with nothing, how could _she?_ The previous night she had slept feeling all positive and sure about herself, but now reality had kicked in. she couldn't understand why she felt so fearful. No! In fact, she could. She was afraid of getting concrete confirmation of what Frost had just told her. She was well aware that if Maura didn't want anyone to know where she was, no one would – she was smart like that. But she hoped. She held onto the tiniest shred of positivity she could muster, silently praying that Maura may have slipped up somewhere. Suddenly a part of her started feeling that maybe Maura's mother and attorney really had no idea where Maura was. She hadn't made a contingency plan, so if those two failed her, she didn't know what she would do.

By this time she knew Constance's number by head just from looking at it. She had to call, and prolonging it was doing her absolutely no good. She was just scared, that's what it was. And she wouldn't admit it to anyone or herself for that matter. As if it was s sign, someone rang the doorbell. All the while she had been thankful that Angela had not been home to prod her. _Now who the fuck is this?_ She walked lazily and unwillingly to the door, and opened it to a very smiley faced Tommy Rizzoli. Instantly her worries disappeared (temporarily).

Her relationship with her youngest brother had always been strained. They were two highly passionate and strongly opinionated individuals, causing them to clash on a daily basis. That did nothing to their love though. The pair adored each other.

Jane was more than grateful for the miniature distraction, and took full advantage of it. She and Tommy caught up on everything she had missed out on. The fun things that is, thought they were few. One thing she appreciated most about Tommy is that they always had light conversations. Nothing too heavy laden with emotion for more time than was necessary. It was rather ironic, given their severely passionate nature. Maybe they both found fresh air from each other. So after the 'necessary' hugs and I-miss-you's they had already shifted to something entirely different.

Jane knew Tommy was horrible when it came to hiding things from her, and when questioned the right way he always blurted out the truth. So she took advantage of it instantly. And she wasn't even sorry about it.

''Did you talk to Maura before she left?'', Jane tactically began.

''No man, she just up and left from nowhere. I didn't even see her, I was in hospital with Ma when the accidental shooting happened''

Jane's jaw almost hit the ground from Tommy's revelation. Her breathing came to a COMPLETE stop for a few seconds. _Hospital? Shooting?_ Tommy noticed none of this as he was half way towards the fridge helping himself to a can of soda. A few moments later and Jane was somewhat back to earth.

''I'm gonna need you to rewind a little bit Tommy. Why was Ma in hospital, and what the hell kinda shooting happened?'', she surprised herself with how calm she was. Maybe it was the fear over ruling all other emotions.

''I'm guessing no one told you huh'', When this was met with an impatient encouragement Tommy obliviously went on. Obviously they hadn't given Jane these details for a reason, but Tommy didn't know better. That is another reason Jane loved him so much. He didn't protect her like a child. He was outright with whatever was going on, never sparring you in the hopes of causing less damage.

''A little while after Ma got the news about you she collapsed. I was the only one capable enough to be by her side when Frankie and Korsak went to your apartment. Apparently Maura was there, and she accidentally shot Korsak on the arm. Don't bother asking me any specifics, because that's all I know. Even though I have a feeling I was not told the entire story''. He seriously had to add that last part, just fucking dandy!

Jane was now starting to glue a few things together. Because first and fore most she could not for the life of her understand why Maura wouldn't want anyone to know where she was. She would have wanted to know if Jane was somehow found, right? (Her body, that was). And nobody seemed to speak of her, and Angela had been weird about the topic the previous night. It was also strange that Maura would just go leaving ALL her possession, every single thing. These are some of the many questions Jane had conjured but failed to voice.

Tommy suddenly sensing he should have not said anything, belatedly tried to rescue himself, ''don't work yourself up too much sis, I'm sure she'll be back. And Korsak is ok now anyway''.

Great! That was helpful.

And it's things like these that Jane in turn despised about her brother. You drop a bomb like that on someone and go on to say something that fucking stupid.

He had helped her anyway, and she was grateful. She made a quick mental note to herself to make sure when she got time she would give her little brother a few lessons on word and information selection and screening.

''I need to make a few calls hey. Do you mind?'', she tried not to sound so harsh, and hoped Tommy would take his cue to leave.

''Sure, I have to get to work anyway. I better go and get ready. Will you come over to see your apartment?''

''Of course. Tomorrow. And it's _your_ apartment now ok. I'll be staying here with Ma''

Tommy was delighted. He had feared Jane would want her place back and he would have to start looking for somewhere else to stay.

With Tommy out of sight, Jane sank into the sofa. Just when she thought things were getting better. It all seemed so mysterious to her, something was amiss obviously. But what? At the precinct she knew her partners where busy, Angela wouldn't be back for another two hours or so, and calling Constance was frightening the shit out of her. But she knew she had to at least _do _something.

Detective work was her refuge. In the back of her mind she knew if Korsak or her mother didn't want to tell her something, she would never be able to get it out of them. So for the full truth she had two options – Frost or searching the house for information. The readily available option was the house, so she began.

Angela was old fashioned if not anything else. Jane knew she wasn't the type to keep documents in the office in drawers specially compartmentalized like normal people. No! Angela kept her shit in sock drawers, under the mattress, on the top shelf of her shoe cupboard or some weird place like that. Unless she had changed in the past few months, which Jane strongly doubted.

So Jane began searching in all those awkward places. True to form, Angela had an A4 sized envelope hidden on the top little shelf in her closet. Its contents are what made the detective want to throw up. Her knees failed to hold her as she hit the ground on her bottom with a loud thud. Her hands were shaking of their own accord and the tears had long started before she even realized. Just like Angela reacted the first time she opened the folder, Jane's interest was immediately held by the small note in Maura's script.

'_Sorry for what I did to Korsak, sorry for what I wanted to do to myself'_

'_You will never understand why I wanted to do what I did'_

'_I want you to know she was loved beyond words. I will ALWAYS love her'_

Those words from Angela's letter where in a merry-go-round in Jane's mind. This was what people referred to as opposite sides of the spectrum. Jane wasn't a retard. From what Frankie told her, Maura's words she just read, and the pity looks she had been receiving since her return, Jane knew fully well Maura had attempted suicide. And she also knew fully well Maura loved her, the same way Jane loved _he__r. _It's all Jane had wanted to know since the day she wrote to Maura. Now she had the information to her disposal, excepted it was walking side by side with a machete. Like the devil and an angel walking hand in hand.

Jane wanted to scream to the world that the woman she loved with all the air in her body loved her equally. But what had that love done? It had almost caused the most horrific of things. And even though that loved hadn't completely massacred all things good, it left in its wake irreparable damage.

If Jane wasn't sure before, she was now. She would never find Maura, not until the doctor herself wanted to be found. The sad part was that she wasn't even entirely sad about it. If she was in Maura's shoes she would not come back. How do you go on everyday knowing the person you love is dead, having people pity you for that and then facing friends that know you are suicidal, one of whom you 'accidentally' shot. It was an impossible life. Especially for Maura who already only had the Rizzoli's and Frost and Korsak. There was nowhere to run. At home she would have Angela, at work there would be the guys. She took her best option, and Jane didn't blame her. She blamed herself. She cursed herself for writing that letter. She kicked herself for her cowardice. If she had just told Maura face to face, or better still, if she had kept her pie hole shut. This may never have happened the way it did. Maybe Maura might have resorted to alternative ways of coping.

Jane was crying, but not for herself. She was shedding tears for her best friend. The woman who she knew was all alone in that moment. The woman she knew was hurting beyond words. The woman she knew she could not comfort. The woman she loved to death. The woman she would run to the end of the world for.

She would find Maura, even if she couldn't bring her back. She would let her know she was alive and she would tell her in her face how much she loved her. If Maura never wanted to come back because of the humiliation she felt, Jane would move to which ever part of the world Maura wanted to live. If Jane had to move mountains she was going to. If she had to break the law she would happily do that. Nothing and no one would stop her. She knew she may not be able to find her love today, tomorrow or in a month, but eventually she would. If it took ten years that was fine, as long as she found her, and she knew she would. It's ONCE in a lifetime that you find the one you really love. Letting go is just plain stupid, and Jane Rizzoli was not stupid.

The rest of the folder contained paperwork regarding Maura's car and house, but that did not hold her interest for longer than ten seconds. Jane neatly put everything back and with renewed courage she dialled Maura's attorney's number.

''Hello, could I take your name, message, and call back number please'', a female voice spoke with confidence.

''My name is Jane, ummm, Jane Rizzoli, caa..an I speak with'', a long pause. She just remembered she didn't even know his name. _S__hit. A__nd why the fuck am I stammering?_

''Mr Perkins? He's out of the country on business at the moment. He won't be back for another two weeks. Can I be of assistance in any way?

Thank God she was a tad forward, or maybe just impatient. Either way, Jane had been saved.

''I just had an emergency personal matter to discuss with him. Is there no other way I can contact him directly?''

''Are you a client Miss Rizzoli?'', the lady was already typing in her computer looking for Jane's name, which she didn't find of course.

''No. A friend of mine is a client of his, and I just needed some help with something''

''I apologize miss; there is no way to contact him as it is. If I cannot be of any immediate assistance you will have to wait a fortnight for his return''

Jane hated being called 'miss'.

''Sure, I will ring then. Thank you'' She quickly hung up.

_Great_. She muttered to herself. Constance now. She had her fingers crossed for good luck. Most of her hope was lying on this Mr Perkins. She had never spoken to Constance before, and from what Maura told her, the woman was cold as ice. The two barely even spoke. She thought of rehearsing her conversation but found that winging it would be much more ideal – at least in her mind.

On the third ring the phone was answered. Even from her voice one could tell she was cold.

''Yes, hello''. Her voice meant business, nothing else. And the accent only made it much more intimidating.

''Ummm, hello. Is..uh..is this Constance, I mean, Mrs Isles?'' _S__mooth Rizzoli, very smooth. What the __hell's__ up with the __stuttering__ for pete__'__s sake. Geez._

''I'm sorry, who is calling''

''My name is Jane Rizzoli. I am, umm, I am Maura's friend''

Constance paused for some time. First of all her daughter didn't have friends. Even if they didn't talk, what she gathered from Maura's years growing up told her all she need to know about the rest of her daughter's life – she stood corrected though. Secondly, in the unlikely event that Maura did have friends, why the hell would they be calling _her?_ Unless….

''OH my God, is Maura alright?'' she was starting to sound panicked now. Jane could practically feel the air of confidence slipping away. As someone who knew how to take advantage of her situations at all costs, she saw this moment as no exception.

''I am not very sure Mrs Isles''

''I don't understand''

''There was a major misunderstanding of events some months ago, and I haven't seen Maura since. I was wondering if you by any chance knew where she was''

Jane's first mistake.

''I'm sorry, what was your name?''

''Jane-'' she didn't even get to her surname before Constance chimed in. Clearly her attempt at trying to freak the woman out into spilling information held no ground.

''Listen _Jane, _I don't have the time to run around looking for Maura all over the world. She's an adult. And my job certainly doesn't entail sorting out your minor squabbles. Is that all you needed?''

Jane knew the irritated woman was about to hang up and quickly spoke, ''it was not a _minor squabble_ ok! It was a life and death situation. Very serious mind you. Your daughter is my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND!'' she was choking on the tears now. She needed to plead her case with this woman, and fast, ''she's been through hell; God knows she still _is _going through hell. I'm not asking you to do anything. I just want to know where she is. I am perfectly capable of taking care of Maura on my own''. She was crying now.

Constance had absolutely no idea what to make of the conversation. She was silent for a long time, and all Jane could hear was her breathing, but she waited patiently.

''I don't know where she is'', she spoke truthfully, in a more tender tone.

''When did you last speak to her?'' Jane asked

''it's probably been a year now'', Jane wished she could see this woman's face.

''You're kidding right?''

''No'', Constance replied shamelessly.

It was now Jane's turn to go silent for a while.

''I won't pretend to understand what is really going on here Jane. If you could see it from my perspective, maybe it would shed some light for you. I don't know much about Maura's private life. What I do know is that she runs from situations she can't handle. So this little misunderstanding you say you had, she probably ran away from that. And she could be anywhere in the world as we speak. I cannot help you. Maybe you should just wait for her-''

Jane had heard enough, ''it was not a MINOR misunderstanding. She thought I was dead, ok. Dead! Now I need to find her so she knows I'm ok. I..'', she stopped herself before she lost her mouth.

''I apologize; I really cannot be of any use to you. But if I do hear from her, I will be sure to tell her you are alive'', she sounded a little sarcastic and Jane hated her even more. Before Jane could respond, the line went dead.

Jane sank in her mother's couch (well, Maura's technically), thinking of how she would have to wait a whole two weeks for the Mr Perkins guy to show up. She felt defeated, for lack of a better word. Before she got the chance to drown herself in sorrow, the doorbell rang. The last thing she needed was company. She dragged her body to the door and opened it, revealing Casey Jones.

* * *

**AN : You guys are going to hate me right? Oh boy. This is all JTam's fault!**


	15. Angela's fulfillment

**Disclaimer : I do not own Rizzoli and Isles.**

* * *

**AN : People aren't too fond of angst I gathered (I like it, lol), so I decided to get the ball rolling faster so we can get to the good times. Tell me what ya'll think guys - please. I don't want to lose anybody (all 104 of you following this story). I shed a tear this morning, i'm not even lying. **

* * *

Jane was staring at the still form of Casey in front of her. She had yet to say something, but before she got the chance Casey had wrapped his huge hands around her already.

''Oh Jane, you don't know how glad I am to know that you're ok'', Casey sounded emotional and was actually choking on his words.

Jane didn't respond. Talk about pressure. Before Casey showed up she was already on the brink of a meltdown, and now _this! _She had no energy to pull away, or respond for that matter. She just let Casey vomit words of how much he missed her and how glad he was she was back. After a good two minutes he finally let her go, and just stared at her.

Gathering her thoughts together, she eventually led her ex-boyfriend into her mother's living room. They sat on different sofas with Casey now waiting for Jane to utter at least one word. When nothing came, he knew he would have to start the conversation.

''I don't know what the best thing to bring up first is Jane. Just please don't be upset with me''.

Still nothing. Jane didn't trust herself to speak so decided to let Casey gush out as much as he wished.

''I'm sorry for what I did to you Jane. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know it wasn't an easy thing for me. And at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I failed you, I know it. And I'm sorry. I'm also sorry about what happened to you. I was devastated when Frankie informed me, I had to come in person to get to grips with the whole situat-''

''You came back?'' Jane was shell shocked.

''Yes. Didn't anyone tell you?''

''No, clearly'', she scoffed.

''I did. Just after I heard. But I had to go back. I moved back here permanently in January though''

''Why?''

''I got a good job offer''.

If he thought that was going to sweep Jane off her feet, he had another thing coming.

''So you could come back for a job, but not for me? Sweet''. Her tone gave away nothing.

''Don't say it like that Jane''

''How should I say it? Tell me? Anyway, why are you even here huh?'' now she was angry.

''I came to see you Jane. I wanted to apologize. I'm not asking for anything. I just wanted to see you, and let you know that I am around. And that I am here to stay''

Before Jane could answer, Angela waltzed in with her unyielding energy. Her face immediately lit up. Little babies were already flying about in her head, Angela was always forward like that. Imagine!

''Casey. Oh how wonderful to see you. How is work my dear''. Jane was throwing daggers at her mother, and the other half of her wanted to throw up.

Casey got to his feet swiftly and pulled Angela into a hug leaving a kiss on her cheek. Jane was astonished. She had NO idea that her mother and ex were now all chummy with each other. She wondered if there was more she was yet to stumble upon. Since she got home, only yesterday by the way, it had been one revelation upon another. She couldn't believe how a few months could produce so much change, it was unbelievable. There was only ONE thing that had changed about her; she had grown to love her mother to the point of doing just about anything for her.

Casey joined them for dinner and they got ample time to talk and catch up. Jane's mood was somewhat elevated by the time he left, though not completely.

''Why didn't you tell me he was back Ma'', Jane asked as soon as Casey left.

''There was a lot to discuss honey. It slipped my mind''

''You two seem super friendly I must say''

''When he came over all those months ago, we spent almost the whole week together. He was very comforting Jane. And you should remember I have always been fond of him, from when you guys were young''

''I know Ma'', she didn't know what to say.

''I never understood why you two broke up you know''

''I must be dreaming. You are not going to start this now'', Jane was already rubbing her temple in anticipation of a fall out with her mother.

''I'm not starting anything. I just wonder what the problem was. That was the only man that understood you Jane''

''Coz he's the only _man_ I dated'', Jane shot back.

''Well why didn't you date again after you broke up with him? Isn't it just the same thing honey – the long distance relationship or no relationship''

''It's different'', she was trying hard to keep her calm, ''he lied to me. He gave me false hope. That hurt me Ma, and I wasn't interested in being hurt like that again and again. Why can't you understand that?''

''He's a good man Jane. And he isn't seeing anyone''

''Here we go again'', she knew her mother.

''What? Jane, do you have the slightest of ideas how painful it was to be without you. I did not even have a single bit of you, all of you was gone'', Angela spoke waving her hands along Jane's form. That was Angela's subtle way of saying she wanted grandchildren. Jane got the memo.

The guilt trip had commenced. Jane was all too familiar with it, and never took it to heart. But because of the incident, it seemed, Jane no longer ignored her mother. She seemed to feel like Angela was right. Like her mother had the right to feel the way she did, and to pressure her while she was at it.

''You should give the man a chance Jane. He's a good man.'', after a long pause she continued, ''can you tell me one thing?''

''Only if _you _tell me one thing'', Jane levelled.

''Sure. So tell me, why is it better to be alone than to be with Casey? I see-''

Jane cut her off very fast, ''you already asked your one question.''

''ok, ok, answer me then''

''I don't love him the way I should love him, the way he deserves to be love. I don't love him the way _he _loves me. I never did''

''So why not try again. Why not give it another go?''

''I don't know Ma. Now is just not the time. There is so much going on. I just got home for chrissake, and….'', she trailed of shaking her head.

''And…..'', Angela was waiting for more. She knew there was more.

''I didn't ask my question'', Jane quickly shifted gears, and when Angela nodded for her to proceed she went on, ''why didn't you tell me about Maura''.

''What about her?'', Angela was slightly confused at the sudden change in subject.

''Ma, you know exactly what I'm talking about''

It finally kicked in for Angela. Everything inside her went still. She wasn't even worried about where Jane had acquired the information from; she just didn't know what to say. And also, the elder woman had questions of her own pertaining to that incident.

''I'm guessing you don't know why you didn't tell me. Or you were trying to protect me or some shit like that right?''

''You just got home Jane. How do you expect me to unload all of that on you honey?''

''That was my best friend Ma. The only one I ever had, and you know it. Do me a favour next time huh? If there is anything, even vaguely relating to Maura you know of, let me know. I don't care what it is, let. Me. Know.'' She couldn't have emphasized those last words any more than she did.

''I will Jane. I promise. I'm so sorry''.

The two shared a long hug. Angela would not deny how thrilled she was by Jane's acute change in behaviour. Jane might have thought her mother hadn't noticed, but Angela saw, she felt Jane much much closer to her than she was before.

* * *

Jane was keeping count each day. Two weeks had passed and she was ready to ring Maura's attorney as arranged. Her hopes were thoroughly crushed to bits when he told her he hadn't spoken to Maura in a long while and that he had no idea where she was. His job had long finished when he had transferred the last of Maura's funds into her account. Maura had told him she would contact him when she needed anything. Other than that he knew nothing. At least that's what he told Jane. And he sounded convincing at it too. He knew she was in New Zealand, and he had her email address – that was it though. But he knew he would lose his job over divulging that information to anyone, so because he valued his job, he shut his mouth.

After three more calls to Constance and five more to Mr Perkins, Jane physically surrendered. She had no other option. The love of her life was still in her heart, always would be, but other than that, there was nothing else she could do. On some days she considered abusing her power and filing Maura under missing persons in the USA, and a few other countries. If it only involved her, she would do it. The ramifications meant nothing to her if it brought her Maura. But then she thought of how Maura would feel. She considered Maura's reputation and her feelings. Even though Maura loved her, their life following such an act would never be peaceful. She didn't want to be the cause of more pain to Maura. So she had begged Mr Perkins and Constance to tell Maura she was alive and that she needed her whenever Maura had got hold of them.

* * *

Maura was still in New Zealand. Still working at the school. Still torturing herself with thoughts about how fabulous her life had been months ago. She wasn't too surprised with the outcome of things if she was honest with herself. Things had never worked out well for her throughout her life. She didn't spend much time listing all her misfortunes down anyway. They were far too many and she knew it would just make her more miserable. The current state of her life now was how it always should have been – lonely and painful. It was just hard to settle back into that routine after knowing otherwise. But in general, Maura Isles' life remained pretty much the same as it had from the moment she landed in New Zealand. The public outburst had lessened, but that only increased the private night time crying. She was now capable of facing the little girl named Janie from her school without breaking down. Put on average, Maura's life was as good as it was ever going to be. She had put as much effort as she was capable of, that's all her whole self had to offer. If she could make it through the day in one piece, she considered it an achievement, and a good day even.

Jane had told her after they first met how Casey had kept a journey in which he documented his activities. Maura remembered how Jane had mentioned that she loved the sentiment, and that it made her know that Casey was thinking about her all the time. Jane had also said that when Casey sent her his journal entries, it seemed as if Jane had been with Casey through everything. Maura knew Jane would never be there to read her notebook entries, but it didn't stop her. She still wrote, all the time. She told Jane everything in that book. Just a week ago she had wrote on the last page and was thankful she managed to buy two more that were exactly the same. She knew there was plentiful writing she would do. Very little of it was about actual events, because those were very few and boring for Maura. The majority of her writing was about how she was feeling and all the times she missed.

**September 22****nd**** 2005**

**I was late for work today. Can you believe I over slept? I can't even believe it. I got a vehement warning from the head mistress about it. Sometimes I feel like I am back in high school with all the rules and strictness. It reminded me of that day we went car shopping…**

''_I__didn't__ know people made appointments to go and view a car. Don't you just walk into a car garage and look around__?__''. Jane was a __little__ wea__ry about __anything__ with the word 'shopping' at the end coming from Maura's mouth. Not that she wouldn't do it anyway, she always did. _

''_You don't necessarily have to, but I heard Bill was very efficient and I didn't want to have to wait if he already had another customer'', Maura reasoned._

''_That makes perfect sense''. Maura knew her sarcasm and was not the least bit perturbed by it. ''You do know we are going to be late right? Why did we have to do this during lunch? Couldn't it wait till after work, or the weekend?''_

''_Yes, but I need to make a choice about which car to buy soon. I can't keep postponing it Jane. Besides, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we are a few minutes late''_

_They got to the Toyota car garage twenty minutes late. Maura was beside herself - always being the punctual one as it was. _

''_I wish you would calm down. It's not really a big deal you know''. _

_Before Maura could respond Bill made himself known. ''Maura Isles?''_

''_Yes, I apo-''_

''_I have been waiting for like half an hour now. I had to let go of _two-'', _he gestured lifting his fingers up, ''__- potential clients in fear that__ you would show up whilst I was in the middle. The point of making the appointment__-__''._

_Jane was having none of that. She pointed a very stern forefinger at the worthless salesman, ''don't you DARE speak to her like that you hear me? Don't you ever.''_

_Maura and the salesman stood slack jawed. Jane didn't have to say more to put her point across; the man got the message loud and clear._

…**I thought of you when I was standing in the office and the woman was narrating the reasons why it's not acceptable to be late. I miss you Jane, terribly.**

* * *

After two more weeks Jane got back to work. It was nothing like she knew it. She actually hated it. No Maura, no fun. The only thing that gave her the slightest bit of enthusiasm was that she was up for a promotion to sergeant beginning the following year if all went well. That had been her dream and she couldn't be happier. But when she had dreamed of it in the past, she had meant to please Maura the most. She knew the doctor would have been proud of her. And she knew it would keep her safer in her field escapades and give her more time with Maura. Now she wasn't too sure why she wanted it.

She and Casey had become friends as it was. It was easy to fall back into Casey's world. He got along with her brothers, her mother loved him, and he accepted Jane as she was. So as the beginning of December came, Jane and Casey became an item. Jane wasn't especially proud of her actions and her relationship with Casey, but she endured it. The happiness in her mother's life fuelled her to go with it. She was still living with Angela and as a Christmas gift Casey gave her the keys to his house. The gesture was obvious and everyone was so happy for her. Angela had peeped into the living room just before Christmas dinner was served and what she saw brought vigorous tears to her eyes. Her three children were playing a game of monopoly on her living room floor. Her Janie with Casey, Frankie with his new girlfriend Riley, and Tommy with _h__is_ new girlfriend Lydia. Her heart swelled when she thought of how devastating the previous Christmas had been when Jane was assumed dead. She would never stop thanking her God for the fulfilment in her life. The only thing missing now where grand babies. If she got that ticked off the list, Angela swore she would die the happiest woman on earth.

* * *

**AN : If I wasn't sure I am now, you guys hate me *hides*. Just remember, this is Angela's dream, not Jane's. Jane will get her fulfilment – Maura style. Thank you all those reading, it melts my heart I swear. **


	16. NOT A CHAPTER-READ THOUGH

***This is not a chapter***

I did a lot of thinking, a heck of a lot of thinking. And after careful deliberation I came to a conclusion. So….there are basically four ways this story can go from where we left of.

My way

Your guys' way

We meet in the middle

I stop writing all together (that would make me really really sad)

I would have just stuck to my way because I'm writing it, but this is not for me only, it's for all of us. When you're happy, I'm happy. I know I can't please everybody, but I would like to please the majority.

So…..there won't be anymore new chapters till we reach a definitive conclusion. Please PM me, or post reviews on the last chapter telling me what you prefer. I have read all your reviews and PM's - thank you to those who have applauded me, corrected me, and voiced their desires. I like it all.

When I figure out what most of you want, say in three days TOPS (depending on how many alterations I have to make), the next chapter will be up. Unless you tell me to quit writing and stick to the reading.

Thanks you guys…:D


	17. Combined effort

**AN : I normally write poetry. This is my first time writing a multi fic story. That being said, it leaves me feeling obligated to bend to peoples demands. I know it's bad, but in all honest I am not strong enough, or confident enough in myself as it is. So after being a nervous wreck for a couple of days, I have decided to do a half way thing. I'm sorry. I am already working on my next story which will start right after this one. By then I should be feeling better about myself and able to stick to my plans. Someone also pointed out that they think my question was a ploy to earn reviews. It made me very sad. That is something I hadn't even considered, if I had known it may come out like that, I would never had asked and just gone on. Most of your reviews were so sweet they made me cry I swear. With all the alterations going on, the next two or so chapters may not come as quick, but I am going to do my absolute best to update as frequently as I did before. I am not even going to try to tell you how lovely you all are, there are no words. I will also do my best not to stray TOO much from my original plot. I also altered the story summary. **

**You will notice down there I took in some pointers from you guys****. So if you posted a review or PM'd me and you find somet****hing you wrote to me lemme know so I can give credit to the appropriate people.**** I hope it doesn't piss anyone off. I would have put a disclaimer stating your names, but I ****can't**** go through all the messages again. But I assure all you readers, this**** chapter has plenty of ideas from you, so we will just call it ''OUR'' work for this one *wink wink*. You all are super helpful I swear!**

* * *

The sun was an unwelcome distraction for Jane. She loathed the morning; especially the one she knew she was having that particular day. Sleep had been the best opponent for her crumbling life, and now it was failing her. That wasn't too surprising anyway; everything seemed to be failing her of late. And 'of late' translated to months for Jane. Her mind had fallen prey to Casey Jones. Her heart was in her mother's hands. Her time was stolen by work. She lent her joy to Frost, Korsak, Frankie and Tommy. Her love belonged to Maura. And now her body, the last thing she held onto that had not failed her as yet, finally gave in.

Two months she had dated Casey, and one month she had lived with him. She tried in that whole time to refrain from any and all intercourse related activities. Who was she kidding? Who dates, then moves in with someone and doesn't have sex with them? Whatever she thought she was trying to achieve was clearly not working.

February 15th it was that morning. Jane had the day off. Unlike the man in the kitchen making her breakfast, she hated to be off work. After a full half hour of pondering why her life was such as mess, she sluggishly dragged herself out of bed, not forgetting to name every curse word she knew.

After washing the remnants of Casey's body fluids Jane made it to the kitchen. She needed food – coffee first. Valentine's Day had been binge drinking day for the detective. She was sure the only way she made it through the evening was because of her intoxicated state. Now she had to face the music in a sober state, and that wasn't to brilliant an idea. Nonetheless, her options were limited.

''Morning honey'', Casey said as he danced across the kitchen to plant a kiss on Jane's very dry mouth. It was funny how sex could bring about this whole new person who was hiding within. Jane hadn't even spoken a word yet she felt exhaustion wash over her. She figured it was from putting up the front she did with her 'boyfriend'. The very thought of that word made all the residual alcohol make its work from her insides to her mouth.

_Lovely morning__ isn't it__, face in toilet (literally), _she though.

''You should have taken it easy with the drinking last night you know. I bet you don't even remember how the night ended'', Casey said with a coy smile as Jane made a second entrance into the kitchen. The man was practically glowing.

''I think I have a fairly good idea''

''That's not too romantic a description for a first time, _on_ Valentine's Day. I worked hard to make the evening wonderful for you babe''

''We've had sex before Casey. Or have you forgotten?'', agitation was on the tip of Jane's tongue of late and Casey knew it. He's answer was to always back off. He hated fighting with Jane, so he did anything in his power to let it slid whenever he could.

''First time since we've been together I mean''

Jane was in no mood to participate in an audible conversation about a topic she could not even speak about in her mind.

Always the smart one, Casey hurried to change topics. Apparently talking about a hot night of sex with your girlfriend was too sensitive a topic for said girlfriend.

''So what do you want to do with our day off today? I was thinking we could go to the movies, or for balling or something. The other guys from work invited us to join them''

''Nah, I think I'll pass. I'm severely hung-over and I got work tomorrow morning'', Jane was by no means going to entertain the idea of spending the day with Casey's friends or whatever.

''Babe, the last time we really did anything was like during the Christmas holidays. Don't you want to be out and just relax'', when Jane was about to argue he added, ''you can just chill and watch us ball''. The poor guy was pleading with a woman he didn't know had already made up her mind.

''Have you finished making breakfast, I'm starving''. Deflation – Jane's best friend (after sarcasm of course….oh wait, aaaaaand Maura)

''Sit, let me serve you mi'lady'', Casey put on a show of a waiter serving a very important and respectful guest, but Jane only had a mind of getting contents into her stomach though.

They had breakfast together in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. Casey wasn't too bothered. He had known Jane for a very long time so he knew things of a sexual nature weren't exactly a base for her.

After hungrily munching on her food, Jane quickly made her way back to their bedroom. She hopelessly threw herself in between the sheets and fell into a much needed slumber.

When Casey got to their room after cleaning up he realized Jane was fast asleep. He's first thought was to wake her but he thought better of it instantly. So Casey got himself ready, stuck a note by the bedside for Jane, and left to spend the day with his mates.

* * *

Jane slowly stirred out of sleep around 2pm, and she couldn't believe she had been fast asleep for the past three hours or so. Her moment of glory disappeared in half a second when she remembered the mess that was her life. The sad thing was that she couldn't even recall all the details of her previous night's love making session with Casey. She took that as a blessing though, she really preferred not to remember.

She got up to take a shower, which ended up being an episode in which she thought she may cause herself permanent emotional harm. Eventually she managed to pull herself together enough to leave her bathroom, but sank to the floor in a mess of tears again.

Just then, then doorbell rang. She wasn't going to answer it; she didn't need anyone seeing how pathetic she looked. When the person kept ringing and ringing she was left with no choice. Frankie was standing in front of her, reflecting how horrible she looked. He took a moment staring his sister down, waiting for her to let him in or shoo him away. When Jane stepped to the side, he gently let himself in and stood awkwardly to her side as if waiting for some sort of sign as to how to proceed. Those instructions came when Jane broke off into a fresh wave of tears. The younger man took his pained sister into his arms and led her carefully to the sofa.

''What's wrong Jane? Casey said he'd left you asleep. Is it Casey? Did something happen?'' he tried to sound gently through obvious accumulating anger. Jane just shook her head no. ''so what's wrong? Hey…'', he lifted up her face so she could look at him, ''..You can tell me ok''. She shook her head no again.

Like an epiphany, Frankie saw the whole picture. Since his sisters return, he had tried time and again to tell Jane how he had contributed to Maura's escape. No time had been right as Jane was either too hurt or too excited, and he never wanted to cause more pain for his beloved sister. And when he had seen Jane settle into this seemingly happy life with Casey, he had convinced himself that maybe Maura _had _been too rash in her actions. Frankie had basically told himself that maybe it wasn't necessary to bring back the past when everyone was starting to do so well.

Truth be told he had had his concerns about Jane's happiness, but he would never force it out of Jane. He knew his sister was the type that had to be left alone until they were ready. It seemed Jane was alright, so he figured they would never have to have that conversation. But in that moment, seeing his sister utterly torn apart and looking completely helpless, Frankie knew that was Jane telling him she was ready to talk. His suspicions about Jane's unhappiness were confirmed correct in a heartbeat.

Through his boldness to broach the subject, he felt several clashing emotions. Disappointed that maybe Jane wouldn't open up, pity that Jane would have given up on the love of her life, uncomfortable having to converse about his sisters sexuality, but mostly fear that Jane was going to explode over his revelation regarding the woman his sister loved.

But Frankie wouldn't let his sister down, come what may. She needed someone to talk to and who better than the person who already knew her inner turmoil.

''There is something I have been meaning to tell you since you got back Jane. I know you are going to be so furious with me, and I know I deserve it'', Frankie began cautiously.

''What is it again?'', she sounded so defeated and it hurt him badly.

''Jane-''

She went on as if he hadn't said a thing, ''you know, since I got here it feels like things are becoming worse by the day. After every short period, I discover something new. When is it going to finish Frankie? It's one worse thing after another and I just don't know what I am supposed to do all the information being thrown at me''

''I know what you mean Jane. But I am almost 100% positive this will be the last set of bad news being delivered to you''

Jane scoffed, ''its bad news'', it wasn't a question. ''it always is it seems. Please go on while I am still prepared to listen''

Frankie paused for a brief moment, trying to figure out where the best place to begin would be. He was sorting out his thoughts while Jane furiously rubbed her tears away. If he started by telling Jane all he said to Maura he knew she would be too upset to give him a chance to redeem himself, so he started from the very beginning.

He turned to look at Jane in eyes as he began what he hoped would not be the reason his sister would never speak to him again. He related in great deal how he had been feeling from the news about her death. Then told Jane how he and Korsak had sought refuge in her apartment before the media and police started interfering with all her things. He went on to relate how the two men had found Maura with a gun to her head and how korsak had essentially saved her life. Frankie could tell in was torturous for Jane to hear all he had to say, but he saw how grateful she was because everyone seemed to have skirted around particular detail for her sake.

''I didn't understand why she would want to do something like Jane. It felt selfish and inconsiderate given the situation'', he was trying to plead with Jane to understand, and he saw his sister was trying, albeit failing.

''I said horrible things to her Jane. If there is one thing in my life I could take back it would be that moment. I said the most awful of things to her….I told her she was an attention seeker, a terrible friend. I said she didn't love you and she was a horrible person for not standing by us…'', he was now crying as he continued to relay all he had said to the thoroughly torn doctor.

Jane was crying silent tears. The hurt she felt for Maura would last her a lifetime and beyond. She could see how truthful her younger brother was being and how much he really regretted it.

''I grabbed the letter she had in her hand and I accidentally took it with me to the park. When I sat down and felt a little calm, I read it. It was the letter from you'', Frankie let that sink in for Jane until he saw realization dawn on her.

''Then it all made sense to me Jane. Then I understood why Maura felt the way she did and why she wanted to do that. I went searching for her soon after, but she was nowhere to be seen. I wanted to beg for her forgiveness but she was gone Jane. I know I will have to spend the rest of my life apologizing for my actions; I will do it with no problems. I deserve it. I'm so sorry Jane''.

Jane was deeply hurt, but she loved her brother. He was being honest and she would give him that. It would be a while until she completely let it go, and she knew on occasion if she got angry she would bring it up. But in that moment she decidedly let it go.

''You are with Casey because of Ma right?''

Jane wouldn't say a word.

''You don't have to do that Jane. You never give up on things that matter. Why have you given up on Maura?''

Frankie would have sworn he saw her mouth open and close a couple of times but nothing came out.

''The whole Casey, you, marriage, grandkids BS is all Ma's dream, not yours. You deserve better than settling, especially when you know the love of your life is somewhere out there. It's not fair on you''

''She's so happy Frankie. I haven't seen Ma that happy in…forever. I feel like I owe her for having just disappeared off the face of earth like I did'', her voice was so low and contained not a single shred of the normal confidence the detective always had.

''You were kidnapped Jane! it's not like you ran off somewhere. And if she hadn't driven Pop crazy she would have a marriage of her own, even more kids if she so felt inclined. Your happiness doesn't have to depend on her. She had her life, is still having it, this is your life now. You get to dictate how it goes. If she likes Casey so much she can marry him then''. Jane was stunned to silence. She had NEVER heard her brother speak like that before. When the words sunk in she couldn't help how true they were. In the back of her mind she somehow knew all that Frankie had said, she probably just needed validation from someone else. She embraced her brother so hard and cried a different set of tears this time.

''I don't know how to not give up on her Frankie. I spent last week calling her mother every day and her phone doesn't even go through. Who knows which country she is in? And that stupid attorney doesn't know a thing. What do I do?''

''How do you think Maura would feel if she came back and found you cozied up in here with Casey?''

''What?'' Jane was shocked by the question. They had been talking about how to find her, now this!

''I said, how do you think Maura would feel if she came back and found you living here with Casey?''

Jane breathed a deep sigh. She had thought about that countless times, but never once allowed herself to answer the question when it crept into her mind.

''I've let her down I know. And she won't ever forgive me I'm sure. I think I put Ma's feelings before mine. And I think Casey served as a welcome distraction. I thought I was going to drive myself crazy and he was a good friend to me. Then things just sort of happened''

''I know sis. But I think maybe you need a _new _distraction. Maybe you should distract yourself driving that useless attorney crazy or looking for Constance or Maura's father. Have you even contacted him?''

''No. Maura hardly ever mentioned him. The whole time I knew Maura she never spoke to him. So I doubt I will get anything from him.'' Frankie was surprised to be able to knock some sense into his sister. The conversation was not at all what he had expected. Scenarios in his head comprised of curse words, raised voices, slamming door, and anything along those line.

''Still, I say you try. And you look for a 'healthy' distraction. Work or whatever you choose, just not something this hurtful Jane.''

''Ma said I had matured when I got back. I stand corrected – _you _have. Thanks little brother. You're the best you know?''

''Sometimes, not always''. Jane finally smiled. Frankie couldn't help how chuffed he was.

When Frankie went back to his place, he left Jane with a renewed vigour. She spent the day giving herself her usual 'you can do this' pep talk. Life was a bitch, and Jane Rizzoli had witnessed it first-hand. The detective didn't possess the full certainty that she would find Maura, but Frankie had given her enough courage to sustain her efforts in searching for Maura. And he had also reminded her that _her_ happiness was important too, a fact she had long since forgotten.


	18. Her kind of love

**AN : You know I update fast, but like I mentioned, these two chapters are going to take me some time. There's lots to figure out. Thanks for your patience. Next chapter the day after tomorrow- at the latest!**

* * *

Maura woke up as frantically as a person who would have been having a nightmare. During the day her brain was mostly in a semi shut down mode, so when she was asleep all things seemed to come to her. She had completely forgotten she needed to send in her application for the extension of her work visa and she needed her attorney reference. Things like those are what she had told Mr Perkins she would email him about, but it only registered that the deadline was the next day as she opened her computer. Thankfully it was the morning in America so she picked up her phone to call the man.

''I will email you the page you have to sign and please make sure you send it back right away. It needs to be submitted before the end of tomorrow''

''I'll do that Doctor Isles, don't worry''

''Thank you. Take care'', Maura was about to hang up when Mr Perkins suddenly remembered.

''Oh hold on. There is a Jane Rizzoli who has been calling me for quite some time now. She said I should tell you that she is alive. I know you expressed your desire to not be associated with anything going on here; it's just that she has been begging and pestering me for a while now. I hope you don't mind'', he was going on and hadn't even realized Maura seemed no longer be on the phone, it hadn't hung up though, ''…..Doctor Isles? Are you there?'' _I should have kept my fucking mouth shut. Now the shit storm is going to hit. Great!_ He thought to himself

''Are you….absolutely sure?'' she spoke it so weakly, Mr Perkins was almost scared.

''I think I am, yes. She said something about there being a misunderstanding with her death. The whole thing seemed rather bizarre if you ask me. That's why I neglected taking any action towards it. I apologize if I upset, she just kept begging and I thought maybe I should mention it to you'', he was desperately hoping Maura would let it go and not give him a hard time over it.

''Its fine. Thank you'', and she hung up. The attorney breathed a sigh of relief, '_that went __well. Maybe this Jane character will cease the incessant phone calls'._

Maura thought she could die from the races going on in her mind. However scientifically inaccurate it was, her breathing was so shallow if anyone was looking they would have assumed she wasn't breathing. Despite all the emotions wreaking havoc within her, Maura wasn't sure she was even feeling anything at all.

Because the doctor had experienced countless bouts of raging emotions over the months, she had learnt how to handle each emotion one at a time. There was the obvious elation, which she quickly tucked away for later. Now was hardly the time to be over joyed, she had to be absolutely certain of this new found information. There was fear; she was scared to know what Jane had endured. And several more emotions in between. But the most prominent was humiliation. Humiliation that Jane had been told about her actions, and that she (Maura) had turned to fleeing to the unknown.

Her head had started to ache bitterly. She was thinking too hard, too fast. She was trying to solve and unsolved all aspects of the tragedy. The normally practical doctor was putting words into people's mouths and pulling them out again. She was telling herself stories of how to exonerate herself over and over.

By this time Maura had laid herself on the bed – face up. When she initially laid down her hand had automatically reached to put on her music. Her mind seemed to have momentarily ceased all thought as a new song began playing.

''_it's been seven hours and fifteen days, since yo__u took your love away. I go out every night and sleep all day, since you took your love away.'' _She was singing along by the time the song got to the second verse….._''It's been so lonely without you here, like a bird without a song. Nothing can stop these lon__ely tears from falling, tell me baby, where did I go wrong…nothing compares, nothing compares to you''._

It was true Maura gathered, nothing compared to Jane. If Jane had been going out of her mind to find her, she needed to do something about it. Humiliation be damned. Maura was positive going back to Boston will be like walking into a death chamber. But she was overwhelmed by the need to make sure Jane was alright. She would never be able to fall asleep without seeing with her own two eyes that Jane was fine, no matter how much she tried to kid herself.

So she braced herself for her impending actions. After a good forty-five minutes she compartmentalized everything in terms of priority. First was to call Jane and tell her she was coming. Then she thought better of it and decided to surprise her. After she got to Boston she would see how Jane was and then pick it up from there.

Quickly she jumped out of bed to sit on her computer. She emailed Mr Perkins her application form then sat down to give herself a moment of composure. After thinking about it again, and realizing there was no point dwelling on the inevitable, she purchased a ticket to Boston for the next day in the morning. After making her travel arrangements and receiving the signed form from Mr Perkins, she submitted her application. _Work application. Oh my God_. She had totally forgotten about work. She wasn't going in the next morning, and she was going half way across the world for an undefined time period.

Now she had a new set of problems. Her school was going to be less than pleased with her sudden departure and she wasn't sure if they were going to find someone to cover for her in such a short space. She liked her job, and she felt horrible about her undependability, but she had no choice. She hoped the head mistress wouldn't be too mad, as well as her fellow workers who would be burdened with a slight and sudden overload. She would have to call in to the school the next morning on her way to the airport.

She had gotten about an hour of sleep before she woke up in terror and with her new found information sleep was never going to come. So Maura began packing her clothes, all the while wondering what Boston would be like. There was so much to think about but most of her thoughts were occupied by Jane. She dreaded thinking about anything that hadn't already happened (like Jane falling into her arms or something), and just stuck to remembering the past. She was trying not to get herself all worked up. It became even harder when she thought about the prospect that Jane may not be there at all. What if it had been Frost or Frankie who called her attorney and lied just to lure her back? That thought caused a near fainting episode in which she had to go and take a long bath to calm herself. Then she convinced herself that Jane's family and friends would never deceive anyone to such an extent. The greater part of her just wanted to believe it was all true and she didn't want to hear otherwise.

Maura was aware that Boston would serve her a colourful platter, but she didn't care in that moment. Jane had set aside the one thing she held high – her pride, to tell Maura how much she loved her. And Maura would do whatever in the world it took to make sure Jane knew she felt the exact same way.

* * *

6am the next morning and Maura was on her way to the airport. It was February in Boston and would be cold so Maura had on a pair of jeans, flat leather boots, a simple sweater and a coat for when she arrived. After checking in she was sitting at the departure gates when she called her work to let them know. She had to choose her words carefully in fear of going vasovagal. She settled for telling them that she had a family emergency that had to be seen to in person immediately. Jane was her family, it was an emergency, and she definitely had to be there in person. The head mistress was more than a little surprised. Maura spoke nothing of her person life so it was somewhat out of the blue. There wasn't much she could do anyway; with Maura telling her she was boarding a plane in fifteen minutes. Maura told her she would call her as soon as she got to Boston and determined how long she would have to be there.

* * *

She slept throughout most of her flight since she hadn't had any sleep the night before. And when she was not asleep, she took the opportunity to write in her journal to Jane, who was now alive. She smiled at that thought. It was a little confusing for her to write in the beginning. Most of the time she would write things like **''….****I**** wish were still here Jane. I wonder wher****e you are. I miss you so much''**. But then she realized she didn't have to change anything. She was still writing to a Jane she hadn't yet seen. After filling almost four pages with what was going on in her mind and all her physical symptoms, her hand hurt so she stopped.

Air New Zealand landed at Logan Boston at precisely 4am on a very cold Tuesday. It wasn't until 5:30 that Maura smelt for the first time in a long time the fresh Boston air. An incoming message an hour ago from Mr Perkins had told her Angela's address, where she presumed Jane would be staying after recently being back home. She had email Mr Perkins to ask him for Angela's address the previous night when they had been exchanging emails about her visa extension.

She felt the cold wind of Boston as she waited for a taxi and for a split second she missed the warmth of her home. It was an awkward type of feeling when she allowed herself to think about it in great detailed though. New Zealand didn't really feel like home to her, and now neither did Boston. She didn't know where she belonged anymore. But when she dug even deeper into her heart and soul, she knew the exact answer.

Her mind was going a mile a minute sitting in the back seat of the taxi. She was roughly fifteen minutes from Angela's house and she started wondering if maybe it was too early to be there. _Of course __it's__ early, __it's__ not even 6am, _she chided herself. She was almost there anyway. And she was way too anxious to see Jane. The woman she had almost given up her life for. The woman she loved with everything she had. The woman she would put above all else. The time of day held absolutely no value.

She smiled to herself as the taxi pulled up in front of Angela's place. It was a neat, sweet house. The driver swiftly unloaded her two suitcases, she paid him generously and he was on his way. Wobbly legs led her to the front door where she rang the doorbell with shaky hands. _This is it Maura. Pull yourself together. _Two rings later and Angela opened the door in a thick nightgown and a pissed off expression. It immediately dissipated when her eyes met Maura's. For a few seconds they both stood still staring at each other. Maura only hoped the elder woman was not upset with her. And when Angela said nothing for a long time, Maura started wishing Jane had opened the door instead. With her emotions not being intact and weak, she broke off immediately into tears. Angela finally met earth and hurried to engulf Maura in a strong hug.

''I'm so sorry Angela. I'm so sorry'', Maura began.

''Shhhh, Its ok honey. Come in, it's freezing outside''. Angela helped to wheel the other of Maura's suitcases into the house and jumped right into it, ''Maura, where have you been? We were looking everywhere for you''.

''I'm sorry I left the way I did Angela. I sincerely apologize.'' Maura was already in a fit of tears.

''Come here honey. Please sit down. It's alright'', Angela said rubbing Maura's back in an up-down motion.

''i-i-is….'', she tried but couldn't finish the sentence. Thankfully Angela knew exactly what the sobbing woman wanted to ask.

''She's back Maura. And she's alright. She is fine''.

''Can I see her? I-i-i-is she asleep?'', it was becoming incredibly difficult for Maura to articulate herself the way she intended.

''Please let me make you some coffee so we can both get warm, and we can sit and talk''. There it was. Dodging the question. Maura was the master of that particular trade, meaning she could pick up on it faster than a lightning bolt. She wouldn't ask though. She knew she deserved it because of the way she had left things. Her mind starting going off on a race all on its own. She started telling herself that maybe Jane didn't want to see her, and that possibly all those things Frankie had said to her Jane agreed with, or that life was just simply better in Boston without her.

Before leaving she had convinced herself all those things were untrue and that Jane loved her; now though, she wasn't so sure. So she sat on the couch as Angela made them both some coffee. She distracted herself by looking around to try and keep the tears from falling. She at least hoped she could formulate a decent and mature conversation with Jane's mother without falling to pieces.

She started to notice that most of all the furniture was hers (well at least used to be), with a few other things from Jane's apartment. The place looked so clean and orderly. There didn't seem to be traces of Jane and that, more than anything else, made her extremely nervous. She spotted the two photos of her and Jane on the mantel piece easily but she didn't dare stand to pick them up. It would just bring her to a crying mess, again. So she sat down, and just looked around until Angela returned.

''Where have you been Maura? Do you have any idea how worried sick I was about you? You can't go running off like that without a word'', Angela seemed to have turned over a new leaf while making coffee. ''and you leave me a note Maura, after pulling off such an act. You two almost killed me you know that? I don't even know how I made it through'', it was now Angela's turn to cry.

Maura felt awful. She was expecting a cold shoulder or a few distasteful words. But the hurt Angela was portraying cut deep into her. She may have just underestimated the hurt she had caused people by walking away the way she did.

''I'm sorry Angela. It won't happen again I assure you. I was in so much pain and so confused I handled the whole situation disgracefully. I'm truly sorry.''

''It alright, you're here now''. Angela took a few long swigs of her hot beverage clearly stalling for time. Two things bothered her in that moment. First, and most importantly, she had promised Jane she would let her know the second she knew anything about Maura. And as it appeared, Maura had not communicated with Jane. Second, the older woman was not sure how Maura was going to take to hearing Jane was living with Casey. She had deduced there was an odd love between the girls, if she could call it that. Maura she was sure was in love with her daughter. But it was Jane that left her with all the question marks. How did her daughter really feel about her best friend? Was it a love her Jane saw worth pursuing? She guessed not, because the woman in question was 'in love' with another man. So she sat there – conflicted as ever, trying to figure out where to begin.

''Is Jane around?'', Maura thought to rephrase the question.

''No, she isn't''. Maura saw something in Angela's eyes she couldn't understand. _Was that pity?_ She wasn't sure. And she wasn't going to let herself get all riled up over assumptions.

''I need to see her Angela. Can you understand that?''

''Believe it or not, I can understand it. She'll be here later today. Can you wait that long?'', Angela tried to smile at Maura hoping to encourage her to agree. Lucky for her it worked. Maura seemed to be nodding in acceptance. ''you seem tired honey. Get some sleep and I'll make a nice lunch this afternoon and we can talk later ok. Don't look so worried. Everything is going to be ok''

Maura noticed how evasive Angela was, but she was exhausted, and scared to find out what the problem was. If Jane was going to show up later that day, there was no use making a scene and demanding to see her. She was the one who had left after all. She fell into Angela's arms again and began crying. This time she wasn't sure why. The tears just rolled out of their own accord, and she let them. Angela patiently held her until she was better.

''Thank you Maura''.

She shot her head up really fast in confusion. Angela smiled, ''for the house, and the car. Thank you''.

Angela was surprised at how Maura genuinely looked like she had forgotten what she did for her.

''You don't have to thank me for that Angela…'', she wanted to say more, but there was really nothing to say. _You don't have to thank me because…..?_ There was nothing more to add.

Sensing this Angela got to her feet and pulled Maura up. ''Come on, have a nice warm shower and go to sleep. You look like you haven't slept in days. Where have you been anyway?''

The question still hadn't been answered. ''Thank you. I could use a nice hot shower and a good nap.''

''Not a nap!'', Angela looked mortified as she held her hand to her chest. ''you need a _sleep_, a long one. I expect to see you up at lunch time. Not before''.

It certainly didn't take the Rizzoli matriarch long to get into overbearing mother mode. It was probably a constant state. Like diabetes or something. It's not exactly written on a person's forehead, but certain things trigger its appearance. And it definitely doesn't come and go.

''When you get up I'll show you around. Oh and I got some of your things in the basement''. Angela was now speaking loudly as she pulled Maura's case into the spare room and went about getting towels for Maura to use.

''You kept my stuff?'', Maura's eyes were wide.

''I knew you had certain things you loved and I couldn't part with them; I knew you wouldn't want either. So I kept some stuff. I knew you would come back someday''. It was almost impossible not to cry. Maura thought maybe if she just let all the tears out they would eventually cease making an appearance after every two sentences.

* * *

As Maura stood in the shower letting the hot water run down her body, she thought of her favourite clothes that Angela was talking about. For some reason that didn't seem like her anymore. Since she left Boston she had been wearing 'normal clothes' (as Jane would have put it). Clothes that didn't cost more than an average person weekly salary. It was strange at first, but she was used to it now.

She smiled when she tried to figure out what Jane's reaction to _that_ change would be. That smile faltered as fast as it had emerged when she remembered that something was off. After feeling immensely refreshed Maura went back to the bedroom to sleep, as Angela had called it. It was almost eight and the outside was getting brighter when she set her alarm for 1pm. It felt good lying down and it took her no time at all to fall asleep.

Angela was closely watching Maura as she got settled in, then went to take a shower, and then went to sleep. There are a lot of things Angela saw in the woman. Maura was nothing like she used to be. Yes she still spoke elegantly and proper, still had her unique manners, but she was different. Her hair was now shorter and a light brown kind of colour, not so much blonde as before. Her skin was nicely tanned making her freckles not so prominent. Her dressing was the simplest and most casual Angela had _ever_ seen her since they met the first time those years ago. She had lost some weight, not too much, but enough to notice. But the greatest change Angela saw was the pain in her eyes. She looked so pained it broke Angela to bits. She was helpless. She didn't know how to help, or if Maura could even be helped.

She decided to text Jane and tell her to stop by after work. She figured at least by that time she would have managed to talk to Maura about how Jane was getting on. She thought it would lighten the burden of the conversation between the two when they eventually met. When she got a _'sure'_ from Jane instead of an interrogation she thanked the gods.

Since she had woken up incredibly early, she went back for a quick snooze and she was up in an hour and half. It was 10am when she got up and took a shower of her own. She tried to be silent so she wouldn't wake the sleeping doctor. The morning was spent cleaning around. She busied herself by doing her laundry and sweeping up. When it was almost midday she decided to start on lunch. There were several foods already stocked up. All her children practically ate all their meals at her place. If they were not coming for food, she was taking it to them. She wanted to make Maura something nice and filling, she wasn't too pleased with the little bit of weight Maura had lost.

Cooking didn't go entirely silent, because Maura was up just five minutes after she started in the kitchen. After Maura got herself dressed in black sweatpants and a red t-shirt with several little handprints, and stripped white and black socks she made her way to the kitchen.

Angela laughed out loud before saying anything. Then regaining her composure she began, ''Oh my God Maura. What are you wearing?''. She made it sound like Maura had committed a _sin_.

The confused woman looked down at her attire and didn't see anything wrong, ''What do you mean?'' At least she still had her cluelessness trademark.

''You _never_ dress like that'', she waved a wooden spoon up and down Maura's body.

Maura finally caught on and just shyly smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

''Take a seat honey. Do you want anything? I was just starting to make us some lunch'', Angela spoke moving up and down the kitchen busy-bodily as usual.

''I could help if you don't mind. I am a little hungry''. So Maura set about taking instructions from Angela about the meal they were preparing.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Boston Police Department Detective Jane Rizzoli was having a miserable day as usual. Frost and Korsak kept talking about how their Valentine's Day had gone and they wouldn't back off asking her.

''It's been two freaking days for crying out loud. Won't you leave me alone already? Geez''

That seemed to encourage her friends even more. They enjoyed getting a rise out of her.

''Oh c'mon Janie, it's just us. Talk.'', Korsak went on.

''Don't call me that. You know what; I'm taking an early lunch. See you later'', Jane grabbed her jacket and stormed out irritated as ever. They seemed not to have noticed Jane was having some serious personal issues that week. Since her talk with Frankie she had been trying to reassemble her life. As she walked out she thought maybe she would head over to her mothers and talk to her about her decision to leave Casey. That conversation obviously entailed several other topics and it would not go smoothly. But she had to do it, sooner rather than later. She was getting way too frustrated for her liking and she feared she would hurt someone one day if things got out of hand. Her mother had said she wanted to see her anyway.

So she jumped into her cruiser and headed towards her mother's place. It worked well also because she was hungry and she knew her mother always had cooked food. She made it there in fifteen good minutes and stressfully walked to the front door. She had a spare key from when she lived there not too long ago so she let herself in.

''Ma…it's me, I go-''

She was cut short when she fully entered, only to be greeted by her mother and _her_ Maura heartily laughing together standing over a pot with some boiling substance. Both women immediately fell silent went they turned and saw a speechless looking Jane.

* * *

**AN : Is Jane going to run and lift Maura up in a hug, or lose her freaking mind over not being told? Hhmmmm! Also, for those interested, the song Maura was listening to is Nothing Compares to you - Sinead O'Conner.**


	19. Boston's revelations

**AN: You guys following this story, reviewing and favouriting, omg! its amazing. thank you so much.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles**

* * *

''Hey Frost. Jane hasn't left for lunch already has she?'', Casey made his way into the bullpen looking everywhere for his mrs.

''We were bugging her, apparently, so she went over to Angela's for lunch. You just missed her actually''

''Well that's ok then. Will just go and meet her there. Later then'', Casey left and headed for Angela's house. On his way he tried ringing Jane's phone three times but got no reply. It wasn't really like Jane to not pick her phone but he just figured Angela was hovering over her to the point of suffocation so she had not heard the call.

* * *

Jane's and Maura's eyes met for exactly three second before they both started moving. The move hadn't even registered to Maura until Jane had lifted her off the ground wrapping her in her strong long arms. Maura Isles melted into the touch with absolute ease. Her hands wrapped tightly around Jane's neck as Jane squeezed her even harder around the waist. None of them spoke a word. They remained hugging just like that, until Angela cleared her throat. Immediately Jane's fury surfaced.

Her words came out cold and scary, ''what did I make you promise Ma?''

''Jane, I kn-''

''NO Ma, I told you that the moment you hear anything about Maura you let. Me. Know immediately. How long has she been here Ma?'', Jane's voiced was raised the loudest it had ever been. She was still holding Maura by the waist with one hand as she glared at her mother angrily.

Angela was still trying to think of a response when Jane lifted up a finger to continue her rant. Making an educated guess, Maura realized that that moment was the best time to diffuse the bad air around them, ''Jane, don't.''

It was the way Maura said her name. It sounded like heaven to Jane's ears. The detective looked deep into Maura's eyes and couldn't resist pulling her into a similarly crushing hug. As the two woman held onto each other for dear life, Angela slipped away into the hallway. She had NEVER seen Jane's anger disappear with two simple words. She was a nosey mother and she knew it, so this occasion was one she wasn't going to allow herself to miss. She silently leaned against the wall watching as her daughter and best friend cried onto each other's shoulders. It was such a beautiful sight for any onlooker, even with the tears.

Reluctantly Jane finally broke away from Maura. Her phone was ringing for the third time since she'd felt Maura's body against her own. Looking apologetically at Maura she pulled her mobile out, glanced at the screen and slid it back in her holster. Maura wanted to ask, but there were much more pleasant things to say as opposed to 'why aren't you answering your phone?'

Jane looked back at Maura and finally spoke to her for the first time after her trip to hell and back, ''I missed you so much Maur, I'm so sorry''.

Her best friend had a funny habit of always apologizing to her even when it wasn't necessary. ''_I_ should be apologizing. God Jane, I can't believe you're here. I never thought I'd get this chance again. Jane-''

She knew. Jane knew Maura was going to go right into it. She could see how scared the doctor was. It was as if she thought if she didn't say it that moment Jane would disappear without knowing she loved her as much. But Jane wasn't going to let her go down that road before she told her what her life in Boston had come to.

So Jane gently placed a finger to Maura's soft lips before she could complete her sentence. The sparks that ran between them were undeniable even to Angela who was eavesdropping from a distance. Jane strategically let her finger linger a few moments longer, before pulling Maura into her from the back of her head into another strong hug.

''There are some things I need to tell you'', Jane whispered against Maura's ear.

Maura was struggling. It was all a bit much for her. Jane was holding her head and basically trying to pull Maura into her as if to become one body. And then she was whispering into her ear with that deep, raspy, sexy voice. Maura didn't know what to do with herself as she clung onto Jane with all her might.

''I _would_ like for you to tell me some things yes'', Maura whispered back.

They detangled from one another with a jump when the doorbell rang.

''Give me a second'', Jane said looking at Maura as she headed towards their interruption backwards.

Just what she fucking needed. Over the threshold stood her boyfriend Casey. She shut her eyes and shoot her head dejectedly as she sent a 'why now' prayer to God.

''What are you doing here?'', she asked when she noticed Casey was just staring at her, probably waiting to be let in.

''I just missed you at work. Frost said you headed here, thought I'd join you for lunch'', he didn't bother to wait for a reply and just maneuvered past Jane into the house. There he met for the first time the so called 'Doctor Isles'. He recognized her from the pictures with no questions. Clearly oblivious to the situation he hurriedly stretched out his hand politely to the woman who was supposed to be his girlfriend's best friend.

''You must be Maura. I'm Casey, Jane's boyfriend. It's lovely to meet you''. Oh dear. He had to say it all at once. Who can blame him anyway? When you're dating Jane Rizzoli, you kind of want everyone to know. And besides, she's was just her best friend right? WRONG!

Maura's legs were giving in and she felt like she was going to throw up or faint. Angela who had been quietly watching took the opportunity to intervene. Casey still had his hand stretched out to Maura when she fell heavily onto the couch and let her head fall into her hands.

''Maybe we should go for lunch together'', Angela demand, leaving no room for argument. She grabbed Casey by the arm and pulled him to the door shutting it firmly behind them. She owed to it Jane, after breaking her promise and all. Besides, she much preferred things to roll over as smoothly as can be.

The house was washed over by complete silence. The semi prepared lunch long abandoned. Jane was standing at a distance watching Maura trying to figure out her next course of action. Maura was sitting, looking as fragile as ever. Jane had never hated herself the way she did in that moment.

''That's what I wanted to talk to you about'', she started tentatively. She knew she was walking on thin ice, and one mistake would be the end of her.

''Are you living with him?'', boy did Maura start with the hardest questions!

''Maura, just let me explain properly please.''

''What I did was wrong'', she lifted her head now so she could look at Jane's face. Jane was stunned to see she was not crying. _Maybe__ the tears would have been better, _she thought to herself. ''the way I left was awful. No one deserved that, especially you. And I'm sorry for that''. She paused, trying to pick her words carefully. The worst thing Jane could do now was to interrupt her, so she waited and listened. ''for that reason alone, I will give you two choices. Pick wisely''

''Anything Maura. Please just promise you won't walk away, please'', Jane, the less emotionally sensitive of the two, was the one near weeping now.

''I can't promise that. Sorry''.

''Ok, give me the choices then''

''You can either explain everything that's going on, or you can answer my questions. If you explain to me I am going to trust that you will tell me everything I am missing here, so I am not going to ask you anything afterwards. And you will only have _one _chance to explain,'' she emphasized the 'one'. And I can't promise I will not leave''.

Jane wished she was in the life or death situation where a person was holding a gun to her head. Anything would have been much better that the two options she had just been given. Both of them seemed like a lost cause to her. There was no way she could imagine the situation could get any better.

She took a deep breath, walked over to Maura and knelt before her. Maura made no effort to run so she slowly took the woman's hand into her own and kissed the back lightly.

''There is nothing I can say that will reflect how sorry I am, and how much I wronged you. What I wrote in that letter to you, I meant every single word. You meant the world to me, and I love you so much. I messed up big time, and I will live to regret it'', she pulled Maura's hand to her heart and pressed it there. She waited for Maura to meet her gaze before continuing, ''that's where you belong. Don't ever be fooled into thinking anyone can ever take your place. The space you occupy there is big, and will always be yours – always''. She kissed her hand again, ''do you trust that I will never lie to you?''

Maura didn't have to think about that, ''yes''

''Then you can ask me anything you want to''

Maura pulled her hand from Jane's because she knew the answers to her questions were not going to go alongside hand holding.

''Are you living with him?''

''Yes''

''For how long?''

''A little over a month''

''How long have you been dating?''

''Since December. Two months''. It was starting to sound like an interrogation. When Maura said 'ask you questions', Jane should have known Maura meant 'ask you questions' for sure. Not some kind of one sided conversation.

''How long have you been sleeping with him?'', Maura faltered a little at the question. This is the one thing she really didn't want to hear, but she needed to know.

''Once'', Jane shamefully answered.

''I said how long have you been sleeping with him?''

''I slept with him only once Maura?''

''Jane-''

''You said you trusted me Maura. And you know I wouldn't lie to you. You asked me a question and I answered you truthfully. It only happened once''.

''I think we're done here'', Maura lifted up her hands as she pulled herself off the couch. Jane was still kneeling and took a second longer to catch up because of the cramp that had started in her leg.

''Maur'', she tried to pull her back. It looked like one of those cheesy scenes from a love movie.

''Is it too much to ask to just have some time to myself Jane. Is it?''

''No'', Jane shook her head. ''but I will be here. I am not going anywhere'', she added sternly.

Maura placed her feet one in front of the other taking herself to the room she had spent the night. Once inside she shut the door – a little too loudly, and threw herself back into the blankets. That's when the tears began.

* * *

Jane had helplessly watched the woman she loved walk away from her filled with so much pain. She couldn't bare it. Jane wished she had talked to Casey two days ago after her chat with Frankie. She wished she had moved out there and then. In fact, she wished that stupid Valentine's Day hadn't even happened. Then maybe she wouldn't have slept with Casey. She had survived it so long, and yet she now missed with just a few days. ''_I__ should never have done this. I should have followed my heart right from the start''_. She hated herself, she hated Casey, she hated her mother, she hated those guys that had kidnapped her, she hated everything.

Hating was going to do her no good though, and she knew it. The pacing she had been engaged in served absolutely no purpose. The wall she wanted to punch so hard was just going to cause damage to the house and pain to her fist. _Action. You need to do something Rizzo__li. You __can't__ let her down this time. You have to fix this, and fast. _

After the little boost in confidence she had just given herself she pull out her phone and dialled Frost.

''Jane, what's up'', he answered

''I can't come back in today Frost, can you cover for me''. Her voice was filled with tears and sounded strangled coming out.

''Is everything ok Jane?''. He was worried and Korsak and already moved to the younger detectives desk.

''Not really no. Maura's back''

There was a light whistle, and a long silence. Korsak was the only one that could be heard asking ''what did she say, what did she say?''

''I got it Jane. Take as much time as you need''

''I'm going to need something much more effective than time''

''I know, it'll be ok huh.''

''Thanks'', and she hung up.

Frost relayed the information to a shocked Korsak. They both knew this was not going to go down well with the love triangle. Their only hope was that their two ladies would make it out alive. They had nothing against Casey Jones, but it was no secret (despite what Jane thought) to them that the two women had strong romantic feeling towards each other.

Jane sat in the living room for a whole two minutes before deciding she would face Maura. The circumstances were less than ideal, but Jane wouldn't let Maura isolate herself and remain in misery if she could help it.

When two knocks went unanswered, Jane slowly opened the door with great caution. Her heart broke all over again as she looked at Maura lying on the bed. She was crying and the sounds Jane heard pained her deeply. It wasn't the loud hysterical cry that most people needed time to release. It also wasn't the silent tears running down the cheeks. It was a different cry. One you would expect from a defeated person. From a person who has gone through all manner of crying and just has no clue what to do with herself anymore. It was the crying that left no room for argument or choices or understanding. Maura was just plain defeated. She didn't look like someone who was ready to start yelling or voicing her hurt. She didn't at all seem like a woman who had a choice, and she clearly lacked understanding of the reasons why things were the way they were.

Jane took a deep breath after deducing that Maura was not going to send her away. She pulled her shoes off and threw her jacket on the chair before walking to the bed. Maura was sleeping on the edge with her body turned towards the vacant side of the bed. When she made no move to shoo Jane away, the detective climbed over her and lay on her side facing the grieving doctor. Maura looked at her then immediately torn her eyes off of her. Jane saw nothing but pain, and it brought new tears to her eyes. She pulled one of Maura's clasped hands and brought it to her lips of another kiss. After long quiet moments, Jane finally spoke.

''I missed you so much. Right now, and for the rest of my life, I will do whatever it takes to keep you by my side. I love you Maura.''

''Then why did you go back to him?''. The one question she didn't have a decent answer for. The reason she knew, but voicing it just sounded plain stupid. But if she was going to look like an idiot in front of Maura, it had to be while telling the truth.

''I was lonely, and I needed a friend and Casey was there. Ma was so happy, so everything just happened.''

''How long have you been back Jane?''

''Since June last year''

Maura was surprised because for some reason she had assumed Jane had been back recently. ''I didn't know you had been around that long'', she stated. ''my attorney only informed me the day before yesterday. Said you had been giving him a hard time''.

Jane smiled a little, ''I tried to find you. I admit, I gave up too easily. I thought you would never want to come back to Boston and I was so confused and…I donno''.

''So you moved on….I get it''

''NO! That's not it Maura. Please don't say it like that''

''How should I say it then?'', she reasoned.

Jane was silent. It was a good question, and she had not response.

''Where have you been Maura? And what have you been doing?''

''You lost the right to ask me that question the second you started a relationship with Casey''

''You're my best friend too Maura''

''You lost that the moment you got into bed with him''

Jane started crying. Maura was right and Jane didn't know how to make things better.

''I think I should go back''.

Before Jane could say anything Angela was knocking at the door. ''Can I come in?'', she bellowed.

Both women made no attempts to move. They were still lying face to face with a safe 15"s separating them. ''Can I come in?'', Angela called again – impatiently.

She had tried and failed to get Casey to back off for just a little while, whilst the girls talked. The most she had managed was to get him to drive a few blocks before he pulled a tantrum displaying his best toddler behaviour and demanding to go back to Jane. The longer Angela had tried to keep him away the more curious he had become. He couldn't understand why Maura had failed to shake his hand when he greeted her, and why she looked so distraught. So he wanted to get to the bottom of it and had driven himself and Angela back to the house stating he wanted to speak with his girlfriend.

After one last attempt at trying to explain to Casey that the two friends just needed some time to sort things out, Casey told Angela he would wait in the car for Jane to come and tell him herself. So here Angela was, trying to get Jane and Maura to let her in.

''Ma, can it wait? This is really not the time'', she tried not to yell.

''I know honey, just a word I promise''.

''Give me a minute I'm coming out''.

She took Maura's hand again, ''I'm not leaving. I'm coming back just now. Is that alright?''

Maura took a while to answer. She was looking for something in Jane's eye along the lines of deceit, but she saw only sincerity and hurt. Jane waited patiently, with no regards to her waiting mother. It was after Maura nodded that she stood to leave. Her mother was leaning against the wall with her eyes closed.

''What do you want?'', short and straight to the point.

''Casey won't go until he talks to you. He is waiting in the car''.

Jane needn't hear more, she was already on her way outside stopping by the door to put on a pair of her mother's snow boots. Casey watched her as she stomped towards his window. ''I'm spending the night here. I need to talk to Maura''. It was a statement that said _'don't waste your breath convincing me otherwise'_, and Casey knew Jane well enough to not bother going down that path, but he ignored his rational mind.

''It's the afternoon Jane. Won't you be done talking by night time? I hardly see the need to spend the night here''

''If there is one time you do not want to argue with me, it would be now. Please just go for now''.

''Jane….what is really going on here?

''Nothing is going on.'', she emphasized each word, '' Maura's here and I need to talk to her, and it's going to take a while''. She had already been away from Maura too long for her liking so she was now making her way back. Casey called out an ''I'll call you'' to her retreating form before she closed the front door once inside.

It was freezing outside and she was visibly shaking as it was. Angela offered her a cup of coffee that she refused without even thinking. Her mind was set on the woman in the other room so she really had no time for anything else.

She softly knocked on the door as she let herself in. Maura had now sunk into the bed and covered her whole body with the blanket leaving only her head. It looked like someone who was trying to hide and never be seen again.

''Can I join you…again?'', she politely asked.

Maura was crying a little harder this time. She had heard Jane step outside presumably going to speak with Casey. That had stirred up things within her she never thought existed. When Jane heard her cries she jumped inside the blanket onto the position she had been laying on before the interruption. She couldn't keep the distance she had maintain before, when seeing Maura in the state she was in. She moved herself closer and pulled Maura's head to her chest, holding her tightly in place. Maura grabbed a handful of Jane's shirt and cried against Jane body.

The doctor finally let all her tears out. The joy from seeing her long lost friend. The pain she had endured after being told Jane was no longer alive. The bitter loneliness of a foreign land and empty life. The relief of being held so tightly by Jane. The overflowing love she had for her best friend. And the pain of learning that said friend was now in a relationship with someone else. She let it all out. And for the first time she had someone to hold on to. Jane had also joined her in the medley of tears until Maura started to recover.

''I think I should go back'', she weakly said again.

* * *

**AN : Will Jane let her out of her sight? Hhhmmmm.**


	20. Anything for you

**AN: Sorry its short, next one is long and will be the day after tomorrow. Thanks for the love guys.**

* * *

''_I think I should go back'', she weakly said again._

* * *

''You choose whatever you prefer to do, and we can do that. Whatever you decide is alright''.

Maura let go of the bunched up material she was holding onto and moved a few inches from Jane. She looked at her as if Jane had said she wanted to kill the pope. ''_W__e_?'', she asked.

''I'm not letting you go. I _can not_ let you go''

''I think you have already done that Jane. Don't you see it?''

''I let you _down, _I didn't let you _go_. The mountains I'll have to climb to have you trust me again and for you to forgive are going to be steep as hell, but I am prepared to do it Maura.''

''How do you expect me to forgive you?'', the conversation was surprisingly calm, so far.

Jane couldn't answer. Her mouth opened, but closed again.

''If you cannot answer that how do you suppose I could?''

When Jane took longer to answer Maura lost her nerve. She pulled herself out of bed and stood up straight, firmly looking at Jane. Jane wasn't comfortable with Maura's change in demeanour so she quickly hoisted herself from the bed as well.

Maura's voice was raised high it briefly frightened Jane. ''You hurt me Jane. Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep?''

''So-''

''DON'T tell me 'so did you'. Don't you dare Jane! I cried EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. This almost killed me ok. I was going to take MY own life because I couldn't bear to live without you'', Maura was not finished. She was bloody mad this time. And Jane was going to have it. She said she was prepared to climb mountains, well here they were.

''While I was suffering, while I was in misery, you were moving on. You were busy sleeping with Casey and moving in with him and….'', she had to stop to take a breath. Jane was so scared of moving closer, despite how desperately she wanted to hold Maura.

''You can't have it all Jane. You don't get to tell me that you love me more than anything in the world and go off and start a relationship with your ex boyfriend. Then go on to blame it on your mothers happiness. And now that I'm here you're going to tell me you love me and want to be with me, right? That's not happening Jane. Forget about that. I am going back and you have NO say in it whatsoever.''

Maura's words hurt, and it just added on to the pain Jane was already in. She had no right - she knew it. Maura would need a long time to be able to forgive her. Jane would have to work super hard to earn her trust again. Or she could give in, that was a simple option. She could tell Maura that she was right and let Maura walk away and be free from all the hurt she had to offer her. But Jane wouldn't choose the easy way out. She knew Maura loved her, and she loved Maura too. And she knew Maura would never be happy, even if she let her go. Jane knew _she _wouldn't be happy too, but her happiness didn't matter at the moment – Maura's did. She knew there wouldn't be a person on earth who could love Maura the way she did, who could understand her and give her everything she wanted.

She just hadn't been granted enough time to think about the whole situation, so she had to be extra careful with her words so as not to hurt the delicate woman in front of her.

''I want to forgive you and move on, can you tell me how I can do that, because I don't know''. It was so strange how Maura had turned from this woman who was hugging her lovingly, then looking defeated, and then seeming like she was starting to come around, and now she was a raging mess. Jane was ill equipped to deal with all those Maura's. She just wanted the woman she knew and loved before the whole ordeal started, but she didn't know how to reach out to that woman.

''Don't go away please'', Jane begged.

''You keep telling me not to go. What the hell do you want me here for? You haven't told me''

''Because I love you Maura. I don't wanna to be without you''

''So this is about _you _right?'', Maura looked offended.

''No, it's about _us_. Both of us weren't happy, so why should we keep doing this to ourselves?''

''You seemed to have been doing just fine if you ask me''

''Exactly my point, I _seemed_ to be. But I wasn't. We can fix this. It might not be tomorrow or the day after, but we will. I will do anything for you, just name it. Except for one thing – I won't let you leave, I wont do that''

Maura stared at Jane and just out of the blue she started crying. It was very weird for Jane because this time she didn't know what was wrong. She replayed her sentence in her head as fast as she could trying to fish out the wrong word, only to find none.

''God Maura, what did I say wrong?''

Maura had picked up her cellphone and scrolling through something. There went that strange change in her behaviour again; Jane was having a tough time keeping up. The last thing on earth she expected started happening – a song was playing loudly through the mobile phone.

''…_..I would do anything for love; you know it's true and that's a fact. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no, no, I won't do that…''_

Maura was now sitting on the bed with her legs pulled against her chest singing along. Jane looked at her and her face turned into a full blown Rizzoli smile. The tears just fell down her cheeks but she made no effort to wipe them. She was busy admiring the woman before her who was quietly singing along through tears of her own. Jane wouldn't stop her if it could save her life. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and she was speechless beyond speechless.

They let the song play to the end then Maura lifted her teary eyes to meet Jane's, ''Meatloaf, I would do anything for love'', they said in unison.

''It's one of my favourite songs. I had it on repeat on my way here – in the plane, during the time I wasn't sleeping or writing'', Maura added sheepishly.

Jane could not believe her ears. There were millions of things she wanted to ask and say but none could come out. For the most part she was sad though. One of Maura's favourite songs was a _meatloaf_ song. That was a BIG deal! And she had not been there to witness the quirky doctor fall in love with the song. It hurt her, but she was way too happy for Maura to concentrate on the hurt at that time.

''I love it too. I havn't heard it in a long while though. What reminded you of it?''

''You'', Maura answered simply.

''Me?''

''You said you'd do anything except for one thing. It reminded me of the song''

Jane could not for the life of her figure out why she couldn't keep her emotions in check. She had never been like that before. Tears kept coming to her eyes and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. She went and knelt by the bed facing Maura.

''Will you please stay?''

''I don't know Jane. It's all just too much for me. What are you intentions with me anyway?'', Jane had to chuckle at Maura's word choice, despite the gravity of the situation.

''I _intend_ to make it up to you, and to love you, and to make you happy, and to keep you singing…'', that at least earned her a very small smile, ''…I intend to never hurt you, and to never do what I did again. I intend to never leave you, to listen to you, and trust you. I intend to be the person you deserve. I know I can be that person. I want to give you everything within my capabilities. My greatest priority is to never make you cry the way you did before. It is the first and last time I will be the cause of that much hurt, I can promise you that with all the certainty I have.'' She took a deep sigh, ''there is more I want to say Maura, but given the circumstances you wouldn't believe me just yet, maybe another day.''

''If there is something to be said, now is the time Jane'', Maura warned.

After thinking for a moment she took a deep breath in and went on, ''I was going to leave Casey. I talked to Frankie about it two days ago, you wouldn't believe it. I'm not justifying myself. I am just telling you. Those are some of my intentions. I am going to leave him.'' She didn't get a reaction from Maura. ''I don't like the way I sound right now, like some kind of pimp - leaving someone, getting together with another. Please say something Maura.''

''I don't want to be around whilst you sort things out with your _boyfriend_''

That stung.

''What are you saying?'', Jane sounded panicked now.

''I'm saying maybe I should go back. When you have your life together, and it's clear where I fit in, then maybe I could come back''.

Jane was initially elated that Maura was considering coming back, and then she was worried about the prospect of her leaving again.

''You don't have to be away whilst I fix things. Its not a very long process you know''

''I don't want to hinder your judgement. And I don't want to be bumping into Casey like today''

''I understand what you mean. But I won't let that happen. If you want to leave I am leaving with you. I will not let you go on your own. And where is it anyway that you have been living?''

''We'll get into that later, it's not the point right now''

''Fair enough''. Jane had to stand, her legs were cramping up again. She had done an awful lot of kneeling for one day she surmised. She looked at Maura, silently asking if she could join her on the bed. Maura gave her a small smile and Jane felt like she had won the freaking lottery.

Love is a difficult thing. Its impact can never be calculated and its consequences never foreseen. Maura wanted to hate Jane and never see her again. She wished for Jane to suffer the way she had. She wanted to punish her by never giving her the opportunity to love her. Maura wanted Jane to sweat and beg for forgiveness a thousand times over. But the love she had for Jane wouldn't let her. Her love for the detective caused her to give in. She could make their lives hell for as long as she pleased, but she knew eventually they would be together. No point in prolonging the inevitable, right? The doctor had hurt enough and she just wanted the pain to go away. She knew what would take the pain away, and that person was sitting there next to her. She could deny it all she wanted, but she had forgiven Jane. She might not forget for a while, and hurt from time to time, but she would rather be with Jane than without her.

''I was afraid of coming here. I was scared to see what state you would be in. And I was embarrassed by what I had done before I left. But all of that was crushed by the need to tell you one thing. It's the thing I regretted the most when I thought you were dead. I hated that you went without knowing. I never told you before, but I need you to know now. I love you Jane'', she turned to look into the beautiful brown eyes that belong to the woman she was professing her love to. ''I have loved you for a very long time. I am _in _love with you to be precise. That's the first thing I promised myself I would tell you as soon as I saw you.''

''Do you love me even after all of this?'', Jane asked, fear evident in her voice.

''If somebody loves you, won't they always love you?''

''Yes they will'', Jane spoke through the lump in her throat.

Maura pulled Jane into an almost bruising hug. It was awkward because they were sitting on the bed but neither of them cared about such a petty issue. They stayed that way till Maura's stomach grumbled loudly. They both laughed and Jane pulled her up to take her to the kitchen for lunch.

''I haven't eaten anything since yesterday if I remember well''

''Oh my God Maura! Why didn't you say something,'' Jane looked horrified as ever and even faster began preparing some food for them. Angela had long since left the house knowing the two could do with as much privacy as possible.

''There wasn't much time for me to entertain an empty stomach, I think you'd agree''

''I'm sorry''

''Don't be''

When the turkey sandwiches were ready, Jane placed their two plates on the table with glasses of juice. They ate in an almost uncomfortable silence. The type where you want to speak but are not sure what to say, or if you should even be saying anything at all. Their relations hadn't been defined, which made it the more difficult.

''I need you to explain your outfit to me Maura. I have never seen you like this'', Jane exclaimed through a laugh after a long silence.

Maura just laughed back lightly.

''Seriously, where did you get those clothes from?''

''They are mine Jane. If you want to know so much, you can come back home with me''


	21. Two is better than one

**AN: Seriously, if you haven't listened to the song ''two is better than one - boys like girls'', you should consider it when you get to the last bit of the chapter.**

**Also, I promised a long chapter. But it became insanely long so I had to split it in two.**

* * *

Maura had told Jane she could come with her to New Zealand. Jane's jaw had sat on the floor for a good minute when Maura told her she had run off to New Zealand. Regardless, she felt lucky that Maura had given her the opportunity to accompany her, because she was not willing to let Maura go, but had absolutely no idea how she was going to physically restrain the doctor from leaving. Jane had been persistent in inquiring what work it is Maura had been doing, but a vehement ''I'm not telling'' and a soft ''patience, you'll see'' is all she got. For a second she thought Maura had begun a music career or something, what with all the singing and all.

So when Maura finished vaguely relating what she had been up to during their torturous separation, Jane found it only fair to launch into her life on the other side of the world. She was surprised by the pride Maura reflected when she was explaining how she had managed to escape from Amos. What took Maura by surprise was the fact that Jane had calmed down and handled the situation rationally- especially given the fact that Jane was an instinctual actor, worse still in a situation where she was taken again her will.

After the exhaustion of speaking about such heavy subjects – with tears here and there, they went over to the basement to rummage through their old stuff. They took the moment to lighten the mood as best as they could, both women sensing they needed something to heighten their respective moods. To say that Jane was surprised that Maura didn't want any of her old clothes _and shoes_ was an understatement. The detective attributed it to Maura's strange dressing in that particular moment. The dressing Maura had also refused to explain saying that Jane would have to wait till they got to New Zealand. Jane had joked a couple of times calling Maura a hippie. The situation had been laughable at the time, but as Jane thought about it more seriously, she got scared. All of that meant that Maura had in fact changed, and Jane had doubts about how things would progress with the 'new Maura'.

* * *

Angela got home in time for dinner. The atmosphere was a tad tense at best. All the lines were blurry and no one wished to run the risk of crossing over to the other side. The situation only got worse when Jane's phone rang for like the fifth time and two sets of eyes stared at her in anticipation. Jane knew it wasn't becoming of her to ignore it again, but she was also weary of the impending conversation with her boyfriend. She owed it to Maura anyway, and if the doctor was going to trust her again, Jane needed to give her reason. So she had picked up the phone at the dinner table and the room immediately fell dead silent.

''Hello'', Jane nervously spoke to her phone.

It was not a secret that the two women in Jane's company were dying to hear what Casey was saying on the other end. It was very unfortunate that wasn't possible, and they were left to deduce from Jane's answers.

''Like I said before, I spending the night here''. A brief silence followed by a sigh.

''I'm not sure right now. I will give you a call tomorrow morning''. Jane could feel the eyes penetrating through her.

''Sure. Goodnight''. She cut the phone as fast as someone disarming a time bomb would. Before she got a word out, Maura was on her feet headed for the bedroom. They had survived the rest of the afternoon and early evening with nothing but pleasant and polite conversation, now the heavy stuff was back and Jane was scared shitless. She had never been or dreamed of being in a situation such as her current one, therefore she was ill equipped to distinguish between proper and acceptable behaviour.

''You need to give her some time Jane. This is very hard on her'', Angela began when she saw how helpless her daughter looked.

''I'm afraid of giving her time. I feel like that will just give her the chance to run off again''

''You can't force her not to leave you Jane. You have to make her _want _to stay.'', she thought for a moment, ''why didn't you tell me you were in love with her?''

''I spent the best part of the time trying to understand the feeling myself, and as soon as I did I told Maura, then I was kidnapped. That doesn't really leave much room for 'coming out' does it?'', Jane felt embarrassed and refused to look her mother in the eye.

''You mean you told Maura before you were gone?'', Angela's eyes were wide with shock.

''Kinda lame, but I wrote her a letter the night before I left''

''Oh'', that's all the woman could come up with. It now made some sense now. Because she was still struggling to come to terms with Maura's behaviour, but now she could understand why the doctor was shattered in the way she was. ''it will be ok Jane. Just try to take it a day at a time''

''That's the problem Ma, don't you get it? I don't have the luxury of taking things a day at a time. Maura wants to leave, Casey won't stop pestering me, it's all just out of control.''

''Oh, Casey, right! What about him?'', Angela asked tentatively.

''Don't go there now Ma.'', Jane was partly angry with her mother when it came to the Casey situation and she had no desire to start a brawl with her mother in that moment so she let it go. ''You mind if I don't help cleaning up. I need to be with her''. Angela nodded sympathetically as Jane dashed off to face Maura. She wondered why she was even asking when her mind was clearly made up already.

Maura was sitting on the chair in the room looking so lost in thought. Jane smoothly walked in and sat by the edge of the bed looking towards Maura.

''I am going to purchase my ticket tomorrow to go back. I don't know if you are-''

''Yes I am Maura'', she cut the doctor off before she lost her mouth, ''I am still interested in coming with you. I wouldn't have it any other way. Would it be ok with you if I….'', boy there was no easy way to say this. No words could be better, or sound softer. ''is it ok if I go to speak with Casey tomorrow?''

''I hardly think you should be seeking permission from me to do that'', Maura deadpanned.

''_I_ think I should. I just need about an hour so I can sort this out. Would it be ok if I did that tomorrow when he is done with work?''

''Jane…you don't have to pressure yourself like that. Like I said, I could go back whilst you get things sorted at a reasonable pace. And I could come back if there is still need for me to''

''We talked about this already Maura-''

''You can go and see him Jane'', Maura was in no mood for an argument. She'd had enough of those.

Since Maura had effectively put an end to that topic, Jane broached on another.

''So whatchu wanna do tonight? Care for a movie?'', Jane asked with a smile.

''Sounds nice, but I would much rather pack''

''Pack?'', Jane asked in full panic.

''To go to New Zealand Jane. Remember?'', She raised her eyebrows at the acutely flustered detective.

''Of course. I didn't know you wanted to leave so soon''

''The sooner the better for me. You have work Jane-''

''I'm going in to speak to Cavanagh about a leave. He will let me take one I know'', Jane answered confidently.

''How long?''

''I donno, however long you want'', Jane smiled back in a subtle suggestive tone.

Maura bit her lip when she met Jane's eyes, and took a little longer than necessary to reply.

''Let's make it a vacation for ourselves. Say three weeks?''

''Perfect! I will head to the precinct later tomorrow after packing – because I'm not doing that tonight'', she looked at Maura pointedly. Maura didn't argue, she knew Jane. ''hey, you know what? Maybe I could invite the guys over for dinner tomorrow night. All of them, just like the old days. And we could say our goodbyes, and you could say you hellos''. They both laughed.

''I'm not as enthusiastic about it as you may imagine, but I can't say I wouldn't love it either''

''I'll be there with you. And they all love you no matter what. Frankie also has a few things to apologize for''

Maura was amazed, ''he told you?''

''Ya. He's been beating himself up for a long while now. And after I leave the precinct I'll go and talk to Casey then I'll be here for dinner''

The mood shifted a bit at the mention of Casey. ''I'm sorry Jane. I don't want to be the person to remove you from this life you had created with Casey''

''The only thing I created with Casey was a lie. And if I know him as much as I think I do, he knows it too. There is nowhere I would rather be than with you. Please tell me you understand that?''

''You're going to have to earn my understanding Detective'', Maura raised her brows and tilted her head a bit. Jane always felt weak when Maura did that. In an attempt to not say anything stupid, she got off the bed and pulled Maura into a hug before speaking again.

''All I ask for is a chance. And I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you are giving me that. I will make sure you never live to regret it ok, I can promise you that. Thank you Maura''.

''You're welcome Jane. I did it because I love you''

''I love you too. You don't know how long I waited to hear you say that'', Jane replied.

''I think I have an idea. I went through something similar''. They laughed again before letting go of each other.

''While you sort things out at work, I'll sort out our travelling arrangement. And don't you even say anything about money because if you do I am taking back my offer''

That was enough to silence Jane.

''Is this how we're gonna get things done in the future – threats?''

Maura was still stuck on the word ''future''. Jane seemed to not even have noticed she said it.

''Sometimes'', she shrugged, '' When I want my way I guess I will have to pull the guns''

''Pull _out_ the _big_ guns'', Jane corrected.

With that Maura started to get ready. She was neatly folding away her things into the suitcase; she hadn't taken out too much stuff anyway so there wasn't much to pack. Jane left for a shower and after that got back to the room to find Maura clad in a cute pink cotton, short sleeved night dress. It looked so adorable Jane had to work hard to pull her eyes off Maura. The doctor just laughed.

They decided to have a seat with Angela and inform her of their travel plans. Angela was elated that they were getting along fine, but was extremely worried about how Casey would take the news. She decided however, to go along with the proverbial ''we'll cross the river when we get there''. She also got all excited about making dinner and having the whole family around, she was already cooking in her head. Jane couldn't wait for some time away from all that was Boston. She felt a tad suffocated and tomorrow couldn't come soon enough for her. Her greatest victory was the chance she had to reconnect with Maura away from any pressure and/or prying – just the two of them. She was going to have to work hard to not make a mess of things.

After their impromptu discussion with Angela they bid the older woman goodnight. Jane was a little fidgety when Angela left the room. She didn't want to be too presumptuous and head for the bedroom with Maura, but she also didn't want to…..well she didn't know to be honest. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and had no idea what to do with herself. So she just leaned from one foot to another while Maura curiously watched her. When Maura had had enough of the weirdness she finally spoke, ''you know we have shared a bed many a times before right?''

''Ya, it's just that….you know….I wasn't sure if…I donno know….since…'', she was too far gone from coherence and Maura had to chuckle a bit. She was enjoying making tough ole' Jane squirm. But she quickly felt sorry for her and saved the poor woman.

''I know what you mean Jane, but it's alright. Come on''

She pulled Jane by the hand and they walked to the room. Once there everything fell into a familiar normalcy. They both jumped to their respective sides of the bed and lay facing the ceiling. Maura was first to make a move when she reached out for her phone and started to play some music.

''I can hardly fall asleep without music these days.'' She admitted.

''I see where all the singing is coming from'', Jane chuckled.

Maura playfully swatted her as they continued to try to fall asleep. Thoroughly convinced there was nothing more to say in the present time, Jane said goodnight to Maura.

''Goodnight Jane'', Maura responded softly.

The doctor turned the lamp off and settled in facing away from Jane. The detective remained stiff as a board, discomfort radiating from her. Maura wanted to make her feel more comfortable and at ease, but she had no idea how. So she just settled for hope – hope that Jane would come around, or she would fall asleep quickly before things got too awkward.

It should have been about ten minutes later when the song that was playing finished and she had made a move to select another one that Jane spoke.

''Can you leave that on repeat'', she requested.

''Thought you were asleep''

''Nah. I was listening. You should listen to that song carefully''

It started again _''_ _I remember what you wore on the first day. You came into my life and I thought hey__  
__you know, this could be someth__ing. 'Cause everything you do and words you say, You know that it all takes my breath away, And now I'm left with nothin…..''_

Maura hadn't even been listening to the words before. She had been too caught up in thoughts of her and Jane's compromised positions. The song rendered her instantly speechless.

'' _I remember every look upon your face, The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste. You make it hard for breathing. 'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away. I think of you and everything's okay__  
__I'm finally __now believin….''_

She would have sworn the song was written for them. And the tear that rolled out of her eye was a result of how wide her heart was expanding with the love she held for Jane.

'' _Then maybe it's true that I can't live without you. And maybe __two is better than one. But there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life. And you've already got me coming undone. And I'm thinking two is better than one….''_

Maura mentally added that song to her list of favorite songs. Jane was so deep into the song when Maura turned to face her after the song was now starting to play again for the third time. ''you know I never used to understand that phrase before. The 'I can't live without you' one''

''Do you understand it now?'', Jane answered looking into big, round, hazel eyes.

''More than any scientific thing I have ever learned''

Out of fear of taking things too far too soon, Maura turned again to face the other side. It was like magnet; Jane could do anything about it even if she tried. She just found herself gravitating towards Maura as she slung her left arm over Maura's waist and quickly found the other woman's free hand, pulling her in. When Maura's backside was flush against Jane's front, Jane belatedly asked.

''Is this ok?''

''Yes Jane. Tonight will probably be my best in months''

They fell asleep peaceful as ever, relishing in the feeling of one another. Things wouldn't be ok tomorrow, or the week after, but they knew they had _''….much time to figure out the rest of their lives…''_, just as the song lyrics were whispering to them.

* * *

**AN: Casey won't cause too much trouble; I don't plan on having him lingering around any longer than he has to.**


	22. Can't blame you

**AN: This little thing called life kinda just showed up unannounced. It won't be visiting again (hopefully). so sorry guys.**

* * *

Jane, quite resigned to a life of not being a 'morning person', nearly shocked herself to death when she was up and lively by 7am. Looking at the beauty that lay beside her, the detective just wanted to lay in bed holding Maura forever. Many mornings in the past she had occasionally gave in and stayed sleeping as long as Maura was still asleep (the few nights she had been the one to get up first). But that particular morning it was a battle already failed. Her whole body felt as if it had been plugged to an electrical socket. She wanted to bolt up and get everything done at sonic-speed so she and Maura could get the hell out of Boston.

It was a tug-of-war of sorts. Desperately trying to get out of bed yet helplessly trying to savour her intimate moment with the doctor. She knew she was going to drive herself crazy, but she didn't care. The mere thought that Maura loved her, and was back in her life, was enough to keep her going for years to come. It proved so hard to hold onto a single line of thought; different things were going through her mind like a movie rolling. _''__So does this mean me and her are dating? Wait, no! I haven't even asked her out. Worse still, I haven't yet broken up with Casey. What are we going to do and talk about the whole three weeks in New Zealand? Holy shit, I'm going to fucking New Zealand. Who __even goes there? Should I ask her out soon, or do I wait a while? How long is a while anyway? What if we argue about something then I end up stranded in freaking New Zealand? Oh God, how do I even begin to dump Casey? That means I have to move out. Where a__m I going to stay? With Ma? Fuck no. Do Maura and I move in together when we get back? Because she needs a house to stay in right? What if she doesn't want to move back to Boston ? What's wrong with me? I wonder what our first kiss will be like, God I can'__t wait.''_

Jane would have written books from the mess going about in her head. At one point she started actually feeling dizzy_. _Maura might have sensed the unease spilling over from Jane because she began to lightly stir beside Jane. The taller woman still had her in a spooning position as she slowly met consciousness. Jane didn't even bother wondering if she should let go, because she knew she wasn't going to be able too, even if she wanted.

''You're up early'', Maura breathed in a super sexy sleepy voice.

Jane couldn't respond.

''Morning'', Maura tried again.

''Morning Maur''

''Penny for your thoughts''

''Isn't it too early for that doctor Isles?'', Jane tried to joke.

''I know you are thinking Jane. From the sound of your voice I know you have been up a long while now, which means you have done a lot of thinking. It's clearly not too early to not think, hence, not too early to start discussing it''

''Boy, you sure waste no time. As soon as you get up you get right to it''

Maura just waited for Jane to tell her what she was thinking, knowing full well that Jane knew that too.

''It feels so nice to wake up holding you like this, and finally not have to run away. And I was thinking about all the pleasant and unpleasant things we have to discuss when we go away.''

''Try not to stress so much. If we're honest with each other, I see no reason why anything should turn negative''

''I just don't want to mess up Maura. I don't wanna lose you''

''If there is anything you can do to mess things up, you have already done it. You have hurt me so badly Jane, I refuse to think of anything that could be any worse than what's already been done. So don't waste your time worrying about making a mess of things, they already are a mess. Instead, focus on making amends.'', Maura turned in Jane's one arm and they were now facing each other, ''I don't want you to hurt me again. Whatever your plans are, please don't hurt me. I have been through enough; I couldn't possibly take any more. I love you Jane''.

It took a while for Jane's jaw to connect with the top of her mouth. By then Maura had already slid out of bed and walked out of the room. Anyone looking at Jane might have thought she had just been served.

Maura was back from the bathroom before Jane had even got the chance to so much as _think _to move. It was cold so Maura jumped back into bed as fast as she could. Jane was relieved the doctor had come back, because she didn't want to get up even though she was already awake.

''You hungry?'', Jane inquired.

''A little. You?''

''Ya. I'll bring us some cereal and coffee. Is that fine?''

''Thanks Jane'', Maura smiled sweetly as Jane took enthusiastic long strides towards the kitchen. She was back in no time, breakfast in hand. They shared light conversation over the quick meal, obviously skipping anything deep.

When they finished, they got into a minor squabble about the packing. Maura suggested they do it in the morning before they headed out to sort other things. Jane, on the other hand, wanted to sort things out first and deal with the boring stuff last. Maura won after putting up just a small fight.

So they spent the better part of the morning pulling out some of Jane's summer clothes from the items in Angela's basement. The only things Jane needed were inner garments that they decided she could purchase upon arrival. She opted to make do with the few Angela had accidentally kept. It was either that or going to her home with Casey to pick those up. An easy choice it was in the end.

Angela silently watched them argue like an already married couple whilst they packed. She knew she didn't have to worry about her daughter's happiness ever again. She had never looked before, and therefore never saw the fire that burned between the two. Unmistakeable, undeniable.

* * *

It was the hardest thing Jane ever had to do when she pulled out of Maura's arms that afternoon. She knew she was going to have a distressful conversation with Casey later on that afternoon, but what left her in utter devastation was the look in her friend's eyes. She saw how Maura hated to willingly let Jane put herself into Casey's presence. She did not like how unhappy and tight pulled Maura's smile was. It hurt Jane to know Maura would be torn till she got back. She knew Maura would be wondering if things would go wrong with Casey, or if she would change her mind and go back to Casey. Jane knew it was irrationally but she surmised she would be feeling the same if the tables were turned. Hell, she'd have been breaking things. At least Maura was being all civilized about it.

So before Jane left she went through a lecture of reminding Maura how much she meant to her. Telling Maura she loved her to bits, hugging her like there was no tomorrow and reassuring her she'd be back home before dinner and would be by her side when they guys came.

At 2pm Jane walked into Cavanagh's office after the painful separating episode with her love. Cavanagh let her in and she settled herself in front of the good lieutenant. On her way there she had contemplated beating about the bush or diving into an explanation of why she deserved a vacation immediately. But sitting in the office in front of her boss she realized she was going to New Zealand whether Cavanagh gave her the go ahead or not. So with her mind set she just explained the situation as it was, skirting around the love triangle in between the whole story.

The lieutenant was understanding and granted Jane immediate leave for three weeks. It wasn't often than Jane _asked _for a break, so he was more than happy to let her go. After that Jane headed to see her partners. She invited them over for dinner and told them she was going to New Zealand with Maura. Frost being slightly nosey, had wanted to start asking about her relationship status, but Korsak quickly shut him off knowing Jane might take back the invitation if they started interrogating her.

With the easy things off the list, it was a little before 4pm and she was on her way to a restaurant she had asked Casey to meet her at.

* * *

Maura had been a nervous wreck since Jane left. She had cried hard in the bedroom for a lengthy period and Angela had failed to comfort her. It took a lot of persuading for her to finally get out of the house to sort out their travel. It didn't take long for Maura to get two tickets for Jane and herself. She didn't like the idea of Jane being with Casey that afternoon one bit, so the flight was scheduled to leave the next morning. With time on her right side and anxiety on her left, Maura settled for some retail therapy. She went to get some undergarments for Jane and a few other light clothes (a few for Maura wasn't normally considered _few _for the average person). She knew Jane would hate that she was buying her knickers and bra's, but it was better than the alternative (climbing up the wall).

When she got home Angela had left a note that she was out buying extra food stuffs for dinner. _Great__, more time to myself. This is going to kill me_, she thought. So she started taking out the clothes Jane had packed that morning, replacing then with the new stuff she had purchased. Maura had actually bought two new suitcases for them which she was currently putting the newly bought things in. Repacking kept her occupied till Angela got back, and they started making dinner together. It didn't go unnoticed by Angela how she kept glancing at the clock every 5minutes. The Rizzoli matriarch did not know what the best thing to say in such a situation would be, so she just offered her usual upper arm squeeze.

Meanwhile on the other side of town, Jane was sitting in a quiet restaurant on a secluded table in the far back of the restaurant, when Casey Jones walked in, he approached her and left a light kiss on her cheek before sitting himself down.

''So….'', he dragged it out. ''is there a reason we are meeting to talk in a public place when we have a home of our own?''. Casey was purposely being dense. Maybe it was what they called hope. He knew this was a break up. What he didn't know, and wanted to know above all else was why Jane had decided to leave him.

''I'm in love with someone Casey''.

The man's eyes went wide. He expected that line about half an hour into the conversation after the ''I care about you a lot, you are my good friend…blah blah blah''. And he also heard that Jane didn't say ''I'm in love with someone_ else_'', meaning she wasn't even in love with him. _That _hurt him the most.

''Have you been having an affair?''

Jane wasn't even going to bother not rolling her eyes_. Affair, seriously?_ When was she going to have it? Casey had been around since she got back. And between that and her family and work, there was no room for an affair.

''You're kidding right?''

''Well I guess that wasn't the right question to ask'', he amended.

Jane stayed silent for a while, thinking of what to say. ''I want to be with the person I love'', she let out.

''I don't understand Jane. Is this someone from before?''

''Yes''

''So why now?'', he was so surprised he couldn't help it. When he thought of all the things Jane could say to him, this was definitely not even a possibility.

''Because I can't cheat on one of you. And it hurts me when I'm deceitful with you. I would also like to follow my heart for once.''

''I don't know what to say Jane''. Casey felt speechless for sure.

After another short pause he continued, ''does this have anything to do with your friend Maura?''. There was still stuff about the day before that was very unclear.

''Yes'', she answered truthfully, but not entirely.

''Jane, maybe you should be honest and thorough with me here so I can understand. I'm not forcing you to be with me, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. You know I do. And I messed up in the past, I just really hoped you would give me the chance to make it up, and show you that I really do love you. What? Is this Maura some kind of influence to you? It's not adding up Jane. I at least deserve to know, right?'' Jane just let him exhaust all he had to say without interjecting.

''I'm in love with Maura''. She wasn't going to hide that from anyone, not even him. Maura deserved it. And if she thought he was shocked before, she hadn't seen anything. He actually chocked on his glass of wine. Boy was he glad they hadn't started eating yet.

''You're serious?''

''Never been more serious about anything''. The reply was instant and needed no thought at all.

''So you're gay?'', Casey curiously asked, suddenly feeling better about not being the absolute problem in their relationship.

''Maybe, I guess, I donno. That's not really the point anyway''

Casey sensing Jane was starting to feel agitated quickly shifted gears, ''well I guess it makes perfect sense now. I have been wondering why she reacted to me the way she did, and why you wouldn't leave yesterday. You two started dating after we broke up, and now she's back, and you love her more than you love me, right?''

''I love her more than I love myself'', she corrected. ''we never dated, and we aren't now. But she loves me too''

Looking confused he asked, ''so why aren't you dating?''

''Because she just got back Casey, and I'm dating you in case you have forgotten''

''Right. So this is where we break up I suppose''

''Yes'', she answered truthfully again. ''I'm sorry Casey''

''Don't be Jane. You can't blame yourself for being in love. And I know you tried with me Jane, I'll give you that. It just wasn't meant to be I guess.''

If Jane said she was surprised it would be a lie. She knew Casey wasn't daft and he picked up on those things ages ago. He was just being selfish in satisfying his own needs.

''I'm going to New Zealand with her for three weeks''. The news kept coming. Casey wasn't sure when Jane was going to quit throwing bombs at him. But in spite of the negative topic and her calm front, Casey could see how much Jane was glowing. He saw how happy she was, and how her voice changed its tone when she said Maura's name and talked about her. He wouldn't deny her that kind of love. He grew up with Jane, hence knew her very well. She wasn't the type to be jumping in and out of meaningless relationships, which is one reason he trusted a long distance relationship with her. So he knew if Jane was moving full throttle into a relationship, _with a woman, _it had to be someone damn well worth it.

So they had their meal and talked about everything. Casey asked all he wanted to know about Jane and Maura – from the day they met. The stories were funny, a few sad. He couldn't believe all the things he didn't know about Jane. She seemed like a whole different person to him in that moment. But he loved the person Maura turned Jane into, and he couldn't help wishing that he could have been the one to do that. He knew Jane's heart was so far gone, and if one day she and Maura were not together, the person who would have Jane would just be having left overs (if there ever was going to be such a time- he doubted it).

After their meal it was almost 7pm. They had been wrapped up talking that she hadn't realized she was running late.

''Tell her she's lucky. I hope she knows it, Jane'', Casey said as he embraced Jane by the car.

''After you _really_ meet her you won't think that''

''Is that so?''

''She's amazing Casey. And we're not even dating yet''

They both laughed and went their separate ways. Jane had told Casey she would tell him when they're leaving after she finds out from Maura and then when she got back they'd make arrangements for her moving out. She hurried home, knowing Maura would be beside herself by the time she got there. She found consolation in knowing she had wonderful news to share, and the delay was definitely worth it.

* * *

It seemed like Maura was waiting by the door because as soon as Jane walked in the doctor jumped on her, literally jumped on her. Jane almost fell over and Maura felt completely embarrassed.

''Please tell me everything is ok. You took so long Jane. You don't know how many times I wanted to call you, but I didn't want to disturb. Are you ok? You did meet Casey right?'' she was frantically asking the questions.

''Maur, calm down. Everything is fine, perfect actually'', Jane smiled.

''But-''

''Can I fully get in? It's kinda cold''

''Sure, sorry'', Maura blushed.

''Hi Ma'', Jane shouted to the woman in the kitchen.

''Hey Janie. The guys just called, they're on their way. Can I get you a hot drink, aren't you cold?''. Angela sounded just as worried as Maura did.

''I'm fine, thanks.'' She said as she dragged Maura towards the isolation of their room. ''can you just give us a moment Ma. _A quiet moment''_, she emphasized.

The answer was unheard as the two made their way to the bedroom. Jane closed the door and pulled Maura into the tightest hug she could.

''I love you. Always have, always will'', Jane whispered.

''I love you too Jane''

When Jane let go she pulled Maura to the bed with her. ''I talked to Casey''. She saw how Maura tensed ever so slightly. ''he said to tell you how lucky you are''. Jane made sure to wear a serious face so that Maura could fully comprehend what she was implying.

Maura didn't know what to say so she just looked at Jane hoping for more information.

''I told him everything about us''

''EVERYTHING?'' Maura asked in shock. When Jane asked her if she could talk to Casey, she had been too scared to ask Jane if she was going to explain to Casey that they were in love. She wasn't sure what she herself preferred anyway.

''Everything, from the day we met. Well except things like how you never wear a bra and panty that don't match'', they both laughed out loud, and Maura's face coloured a little bit as she bit her lip and cast her glance downwards like a school girl in love. ''He said he loves me, but he's happy for us. I told him I would ring him when I was sure when we were leaving and tell him when I would go to pack my stuff. Can't be soon anyway, I don't even have a place, and there is no way in heaven or hell I am moving in with Ma''

They both chuckled.

''I got tickets for tomorrow morning'', Maura added.

''Tomorrow morning! That's soon.''

''Yes. Figured there wasn't need to wait right''. Jane knew what Maura did that for, but all she was grateful for was the time alone with Maura to rekindle. So if that was starting tomorrow, so be it.

''Guess so. I got three weeks off''

''Excellent'', Maura beamed.

''Thanks Maura''

Maura just smiled and shrugged. Jane took her into a sweet hug. She would never tire of hugging Maura, never. They could hear that the guys had walked in and the house suddenly turned loud. The detective knew her friend needed all the support she could when facing Korsak and Frankie, especially, after all that had transpired.

When Jane let go she didn't need to search hard for Maura's tears, as they were already running down her cheeks.

''Maura honey, don't cry now. It's going to be ok, I promise''

''I'm not ready to meet them Jane. I thought I was, but I'm not'', Maura sobbed.

''Hey, hey, look at me. It's ok'', Jane pulled her close. ''it's fine. I'll tell them to come when we g-''

''No!'', Maura cut off. ''You can't send them away because I'm failing to pull myself together. Your mother worked hard to make a beautiful dinner''

''So let's go. It will be fine Maura. It's just the guys. They love you. And they have forgotten about what happened in the past''

''No they haven't Jane. You go and have dinner. I'll take a shower and have an early night. Please''

''I don't think I can eat and have a nice time with you sitting alone in here''

''Please. It will make me feel better if you join them and I stay here'', Maura begged.

Jane didn't like the idea, but she didn't want to pressure Maura into doing something she clearly wasn't ready for. The doctor was starting to shake a bit; Jane could feel her tremble a little in her embrace. It wasn't fair to ask anything of her. The doctor had spent the day drowning in worry with the whole Casey thing, now this. Maura was making a reasonable request and Jane understood that, and she would give Maura anything she asked for- anything that made her comfortable.

''I'm not happy about this. Can I at least bring you a plate of dinner?'', Jane pouted a little in an attempt to get her friend to agree.

''Sure Jane. I'd love that''

''Call me if you need _anything. _And I will be checking on you, that's non-negotiable'', she pointed her finger at Maura.

''Yes ma'am'', Maura joked.

After an extra-long embrace, they parted ways – Jane headed for the living room, Maura the bathroom.

_When the HELL did I become a hugger?, _Jane asked herself as she lazily made her way towards the noise.


	23. Let's call it even

**AN: Those still interested in this story, thank you so much. it means the world to me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles.**

* * *

The disappointment the guys felt at not seeing Maura was obvious. They each wanted a chance to express how sorry they were, how happy they were to see her, how much they missed her, and how glad they were that her and Jane were somewhat working things out. On the other hand, they understood. She couldn't avoid them forever so they would just wait. Besides, they all knew she was more than ok in Jane's hands.

Jane had had a lovely evening when weighing out all she did on that day. Everything turned out in her favour, she was ecstatic. She had spent the evening going back and forth between the living room and the bedroom. Everyone was happy, life was brilliant. She thought of Casey from time to time and hoped he was fine, but for the most part her mind was on Maura.

Maura was grateful to have the time to herself without so much worry sinking her. She spent the evening filling in her last journal entry in her Jane-Notebook.

**February 19, 2006**

…**.this is the last time I will be writing this. There is no longer any need; you are now here with me Jane. I don't require this type of copying mechanism….**

She went on to write how she felt seeing Jane again, and the hurt knowing she was with Casey had caused. After five pages of pouring her heart out, she was finished and closed the book.

It had been almost midnight when everyone left and Jane got to bed. Maura was sporting her cute nighty lying down, listening to music as usual. Jane told Maura all about the night as she changed into her sleep gear.

''What were you writing earlier when I came in?'', Jane pried a bit.

''Nothing''

''That wasn't nothing Maura'', Jane pointed out, non-accusatory though.

''It's just something I did before, but won't be doing again''

''When did you get so evasive?'', Jane questioned, one of her sideways smile in place. She settled into bed while Maura continued staring into the distance.

''After you got back from Mexico, how did you cope with everything that had happened?''

That caught Jane of guard, ''where's this coming from?''

''I'm just asking Jane. I realized I've been very insensitive about your feelings''

''No you haven't'', Jane quickly cut Maura off.

''Yes I have Jane. All we've talked about is how hard it was for me and how hurt I am that you were with Casey. But that's only half of the whole story.''

''Maura-''

''No Jane'', Maura continued, turning to face Jane while balancing her head with her elbow, ''I forgot how hard it was for you too. I neglected the fact that you had your feelings to deal with, and instead of being there waiting to help you when you got back, I ran. And Casey was there by your side, doing something I should have been doing since I claimed to love you so much''

''Maura don't cry''. Jane saw the tell-tale signs of tears emerging.

''I don't make an adequate friend Jane''

''You do''

''Tell me something. Since we talked, have I once asked how you were copying when you got back?''

''That's-''

''Answer me Jane'', Maura looked very serious.

''No''

''Did I ask you how you were feeling?''

''No. but…..'', Jane wanted to go on but Maura was on a completely different path from her.

''Did I ask you details of what that man did to you?''

''No''

''I never asked how it felt to be away from your family, how it hurt to be held captive. Instead of understanding that you needed a friend, and Casey was there, I started thinking about my own feelings'', Maura was getting hysterical and crying already. Jane hadn't prepared for this. The doctor seemed perfectly alright the whole night. That was one of the reasons she didn't want Maura alone, she knew she'd start over thinking things.

''Stop Maura'', Jane reached to try and pull Maura into her, but Maura pushed her away.

''Just tell me Jane, I'm selfish aren't I? The whole time I was thinking about myself and my feeling for you, and that's it. I should have been grateful that when I was out hiding and making sure no one found me, Casey was here making sure you were happy and loved''

''You're right Maura, but please slow down. There are some things you need to understand''

''I understand everything Jane. Don't try to placate me please. Be honest with me, I really would appreciate that''

Jane went quite for a while. She didn't want to say the wrong thing. From experience she had learnt it was better if someone was angry that you didn't say anything than if they were angry you said the wrong thing.

''let's call it even then''

''What?'', Maura asked.

''let's call it even. You ran away, you were selfish. I dated Casey, and then slept with him'', Maura cringed a bit at Jane's words.

''I'm so sorry Jane. You know the last thing I ever want is to hurt you''

''I know. Can I hold you now?'', Jane tried.

Maura smiled and fell into Jane's open arms. Jane was lying on her back with Maura neatly tucked to her side as if they had been doing it for years. Maura began rubbing lazy circles on the other woman's arm as one of her legs went over Jane's automatically.

''What did you do to cope when you got back'', Maura persisted.

''Nothing. I guess I didn't cope''.

Maura let out a loud sigh as she continued with her ministrations.

''It all just happened in a weird way Maura. When I was taken all I tried to think about was how to get away. I didn't want to waste time thinking about everything back here. I thought a lot about how you felt after reading my letter, and whether you loved me in the same way'', she paused a bit, then went on when Maura didn't add anything, ''when I got back I was so happy to see everyone, but you weren't there. Then they told me you had gone and no one could find you. I thought it was ridiculous until I tried myself. Then Casey moved back and he was always around and Ma loved him, and everything was just happening so fast and so slow at the same time. Then they told me what you did and I sort of gave up on looking for you. I'm sorry Maura''

''There's no need to be sorry''

''I tried to put myself in your shoes and I figured if I were you I wouldn't want to come back. And for a short time I thought of putting you out as missing, but then thought better of it. I was scared you'd be angry at me, or that you wouldn't want to come back, or even that you would hate me and never love me again. I was so confused and I missed you so much.

With all hope gone Casey ended up being the next best thing. I wanted to make Ma happy, and she was so happy Maura. I sort of felt like I didn't have a choice, or I kind of owed it to her or something crazy like that. But my heart was always with you Maura, don't you ever forget that ok?''

''I won't'', she responded in a very low voice.

''With all that going on I really had no time to find a way to cope. Things just kept coming and I kept myself busy with work. I didn't want to sleep with Casey. I had to drink as much as I could to get through Valentine's Day. It's no excuse I know. That was a very horrible thing to do. And I feel awful for letting it happen. I don't remember anything anyway, I was completely zonked''

''I'd be a hypocrite to judge you Jane''

''No. You didn't go drinking and sleeping with men''

''Who said I didn't?''

Jane quickly moved Maura from her body to look her in the face. When she saw the smirk on Maura's face she laughed.

''Was that a joke Doctor Isles?''

''I believe so, yes. Was it funny?''

''In this instance, not really''

''So why are you laughing'', Maura asked.

''Because _you_ are funny, not what you said. And you're cute too''

''Will you ever forgive me'', Maura asked soberly.

''Of course. I already have'', Jane answered right away.

Jane pulled the smaller woman into their usual spooning position and kissed her exposed neck. Maura smiled and breathed a sigh of contentment. Jane's lips lingered a little longer and Maura felt an intense feeling she had never felt before. Her heart rate increased exponentially, her nipples hardened instantly and the throbbing between her legs was becoming hard to contain. With Jane's breath still invading her senses, she shifted a little trying to ground herself. That didn't help, because she pushed further into Jane, if that was possible. And on instinct Jane lifted her other leg over Maura's. The doctor's breath caught a little. Jane seemed oblivious to the things she was doing to Maura. The poor woman could hardly breathe.

''What time are leaving in the morning?'', Jane asked

It took a while for Maura to come back to earth, ''our flight is for 9am. Your mom said she'll take us to the airport. You want me to wake you?''

''Please''

''Sure'', Maura chuckled. It was a little strangled though- with all she was already going through.

They fell asleep, Jane feeling peaceful as ever and Maura feeling 'wet' and turned on like no man's business.

* * *

The next morning couldn't come soon enough for both of them, for different reasons. Maura had abruptly pulled out of Jane the second she woke up; she couldn't deal with the feelings coursing through her that early in the morning. After getting herself ready she woke Jane up. The detective had pulled a little fight regarding the shopping and repacking Maura had gone through. The smaller woman paid no attention; she was cleaning up and getting breakfast ready. With all their luggage in Angela's trunk and breakfast taken, they set off for the airport.

Check in didn't take them long. Angela gave them both her signature bear hug before they disappeared behind the departing gates. Angela had voiced how uneasy she felt about the fact that they had not bought return tickets, and Jane had laughed asking her if she was afraid they were eloping to never been seen again. She made them swear a million times to call her before she eventually let them go.

Jane breathed a sigh of relief as she buckled her seat in the first class section of the plane. It was now her and Maura, and the feeling was one of absolute bliss. Maura was exhausted from what little sleep she had, and couldn't wait for take-off so she could indulge herself. When the plane was steady and floating in the clouds somewhere, she yarned once again.

''Did you sleep at all last night?'', Jane asked.

''Long after you fell asleep, yes''

''Here'', Jane lifted the large arm rest between them and pulled Maura onto her lap. She fluffed two pillows on her upper thighs as she moved as much as she could against the window, to give Maura enough room to lie on. Maura would have protested, but she really needed the rest. She fit perfectly into Jane's lap and she loved it. Jane left a soft kiss on her forehead as she drifted peacefully into sleep.

* * *

The journey to New Zealand was a very long one, with two stop overs. They made it safely, hours and hours later. Jetlag was killing them but the excitement in Jane was enough fuel for the both of them. Jane was surprised when she saw them leaving the city heading instead for the outskirts of town, the villages to be precise.

''Maura, who are you?'', she gaped.

''A village girl'', the doctor laughed.

''Oh my God!'', Jane was in awe.

The taxi dropped them by Maura's cottage and Jane could not for the life of her close her mouth. It was all nothing she expected. It was not Maura AT ALL. But she loved it, and the simple village life suited Maura beyond doubt. Jane's eyes were everywhere, trying to capture everything all at once. The questions were spilling out of her mouth nonstop; Maura didn't know what to answer first. She was amused by Jane's enthusiasm and excitement. She wished she herself had felt the same way when she first got there, instead, Maura had felt lost, alone, and depressed.

The questions and the thrill plummeted when they entered the house.

''Maura!'', Jane questioned, holding up a picture with Maura and a bunch of primary school children.

''I was working at the primary school in this village.''

''You are a teacher?'', Jane looked as if she could die from shock.

''Not a teacher, no. I helped with the children during meal times and after school clubs''

''You know I have been itching to ask why you were wearing that t-shirt with the tiny handprints the day you came''

''Oh Jane, you're funny'', Maura laughed. ''the kids made it for me when I wasn't feeling well''

''What happened?'', Jane asked in a panicked voice.

Maura looked out the window remembering her torturous days without Jane. The detective moved herself and stood right behind Maura with her hands on both of Maura's shoulders.

''What happened Maura?'', she asked again.

''There is a little girl called Jane at the school. They call her Janie.''

Maura didn't have to elaborate for Jane to understand the effect that could have had on Maura back then.

''I'm sorry honey''. She hugged Maura from behind and they tangled their hands together against Maura's stomach. Jane swayed them left and right for a little while, enjoying the feeling of having Maura in her arms. The blonde woman's neck was exposed again (because Maura's hair was shorter and almost always tied in a ponytail), and Jane's lips found their way there again.

_God she's started, _Maura said to herself. She was working overtime, trying not to turn in Jane's arms and have her way with the brunette. Before she could declare it a lost battle, Jane slid from behind to stand in front of her, never letting her go.

''I don't want us to have a sad time here. I want to create new and happy memories with you during our vacation. Take me anywhere; we will do whatever there is to do ok. It's our turn to be happy Maura. We've been given the chance''

Maura looked into the beautiful eyes staring at her. She wanted to kiss Jane; she wanted Jane to kiss _her_. She didn't know if she should go for it, if she should ask, or maybe say something. It was all very confusing for her. And it wasn't helping that Jane seemed somewhat clueless, and intent on taking things slow. Maura wanted that- to take things slow, but it was so hard with Jane holding her and looking at her like that.

So they settled in. After making a quick lunch, they sat on the porch relaxing as Maura told Jane all about the life she had created for herself in New Zealand.

''You have literally THREE pairs of heels in your closet'', Jane asked in an almost disgusted tone.

''I hardly wear them these day. With the job I do now, it's almost impossible''

''A crime scene never prevented you from wearing heels'', Jane retorted.

''Well it's just not me anymore I guess. I took a leaf from your book, ''dress normal, and appropriately''. So that's what I do now''.

Jane laughed. ''well you look nice in casual wear. I can't wait to see you at work''.

''We'll go in tomorrow. I'll be putting in my resignation, then you can see me in action'', Maura made a martial arts gesture, or at least what she thought passed as a martial arts gesture. Jane laughed out loud. She loved the woman in front of her to bits, heels or no heels.

''You're resigning?'', Jane asked cautiously.

''Yes. I want to come back home with you Jane''

Jane cried. She didn't have the words to articulate how happy that made her feel. They say tears are words a person can't say.

So the girls had amicably made their way back to being best friends again. In theory, they were more than that though. Before they went to bed they called Angela to let her know they had arrived safely.

* * *

The next day came after a much needed rest. Jane was already growing fond of the place, and she hadn't even done or gone anywhere yet. Her answer to Maura was, ''the air is just so different, in a pleasant way''. Maura had just laughed.

They got to the school right before lunch. Maura introduced Jane as her best friend to her fellow workers. The other women just eyed them suspiciously, because the vibe from the two certainly said more than 'best friends'. They hadn't grown close enough to Maura to question her, so they just left it at that.

The headmistress accepted Maura's resignation but asked her to help out for a week with the new person they were going to find to replace her. Maura accepted, it was the least she could do, and it was only going to be breakfast and lunch, so she would be home with Jane by 2pm for that entire week. She surmised Jane could do with a little time to herself as well.


	24. Avoiding the inevitable

Maura was pulled out of her peaceful slumber by her unnecessarily loud ringtone. She frustratedly answered the phone, only to hear it was the headmistress from her school. She told Maura they had found a replacement for her who would be starting on Monday. Maura was needed to come in that week from Monday-Friday from 8am-1pm. When she got off the phone Jane had woken as well.

''Morning you''

''Morning'', Maura smiled lovingly back to Jane.

''Work?''

''Yes. They need me from Monday till Friday. Eight to one. Is that ok?''

''Of course. I'll miss you though''

''We still have the whole weekend together, every minute of it'', Maura reassured.

They made breakfast and got ready to go sightseeing. Maura showed Jane their small local town, and then they spent the afternoon at the beach.

''I spent Christmas day here'', Maura said sadly, looking into the distance recapping how immensely hopeless her life had been.

''What did you do?'', Jane hated hearing about Maura's painful memories, but she had to in order to help Maura feel better.

''I just listened to music''

''Can we do that?'', Jane asked.

Jane was already spreading their rug on a relatively secluded part of the sea side. The weather was not too hot, and they felt slightly chilly in their swim wear. They used the other rug to cover themselves up. Both women were grateful because it had become a painful challenge trying to keep their eyes off of each other's nearly naked bodies.

The brunette wanted Maura to never feel lonely ever again. And her mission was to wipe away all of Maura's sorrowful memories and replace them with new and happy ones.

''Let me'', Jane said reaching for Maura's radio. She didn't want Maura to pick one of her sad songs again.

Seeing that they could hardly keep any distance between themselves, Maura was the first to forwardly settle herself against Jane's side while the detective picked a song.

'' _Never thought that I'd so inspired. Never thought that I'd find the higher truth. I believed that love was overrated. 'Till the moment I found you. Now baby, I know I don't deserve the love you give me, but now I understand that…''_

Maura smiled at Jane's taste in music and hummed along. Jane was fruitlessly trying to dance in the impossible position she was in

'' _If you want me, I must be doing something right, I got nothing left to prove, And it's all because of you. So if you need me, And baby I make you feel alive, I know I __must be doing, doing something right. Oohhh, And baby I know I don't deserve the love you give me, But I don't really care, cause…''_

''This here -you and me, I think that's what they call perfect. I could stay just like this forever''

''Me too'', Maura replied.

''Thanks for loving me Maura. For loving every bit of me, even the insufferable stuff''

''Thanks for loving me back. And just so you know, I would never change a single thing about.'', the blonde answered.

''Not even my messy habits'', Jane asked sceptically.

''Not even that. That's one of the things I learned from not having you around Jane. When someone is there, you complain about their behaviour or what not, and wish they would stop doing certain things. But the funny thing is that when they aren't there, its those very things that you miss the most.''

Jane laughed whole heartedly. It was a very sweet observation on Maura's part.

''I wouldn't say I enjoy your horrible eating habits or lack of etiquette, no. But I love all of you Jane. And before I loved you were like that, and when I fell in love with you, you were still like that. So there is absolutely no reason for me to want any different. Just like the song lyrics say Jane, 'if you love me, I must be doing something right. I got nothing left to prove'. You don't need to change a single thing, stay just the way you are ok.''

''Ok'', Jane was barely audible through the lump in her throat. She hadn't realized it was possible to love Maura even more than she already did.

So the better part of the day was spent lying on the beach, the two women busking in each other's company.

* * *

Evidently, small problems were starting to surface. Maura and Jane shared a bed every night since they were reunited, they had essentially never left each other's sight for days now. Professions of love were exchanged numerously and truthfully. They cuddled, boy did they cuddle. If babies could be made from cuddling, they'd have a soccer team by now. But there were two very important issues looming in the air.

First and foremost was the problem pertaining to their relationship status. None of them had asked the other out, so technically they weren't a couple. Then there was the issue that seemed to cause the most unease between them – sexual relations, or tension if you must. The pair were physically attracted to one another, no doubt. Not to mention Maura was a doctor, she knew all too well the signs of arousal. She experienced them herself, a little too often of late, and she could see them reflect from Jane.

The situation was highly difficult. Jane was frightened to approach Maura with the subject. Despite everything, she felt she had terribly wronged Maura and therefore had no right to overtake Maura in that decision. And she wasn't sure how Maura was feeling about 'touching' her after she'd just literally been with Casey. Let alone the fact that Jane had never been with a woman. Maura on the other hand, felt like Jane was trying to take things one day at a time and she felt she couldn't pressure the brunette. A very small irrational selfish part of her was still stinging over the fact that Jane had slept with Casey. She also wasn't sure what proper protocol was in the situation – does she act like the guy and ask Jane out, or does she sit back like a lady and let Jane take the lead. It was all too confusing and frustrating for both of them. The doctor sensed a falling out would present itself if one of them didn't do anything about the whole predicament. It was undeniably clear that Jane wasn't going to be proactive about it, so Maura took matters into her own hands- for the sake of both of them.

When they arrived home early evening, Maura told Jane she needed to rush to pick something up in the town. She was glad Jane didn't question her and just said she'd take a shower and make dinner. Maura rushed out and was back in an hour, just in time for dinner. The ambiance was that of their long ago movie nights, ending with Maura coiled into Jane's side on the couch at the end of the movie. The detective didn't want to wake her friend up so she carried her to bed, as she had done many nights in the past. That night was easier, because Jane didn't have to consciously fight so hard to restrain herself from taking things too far with Maura, too soon. She humoured herself with the creepiness of watching Maura asleep before she herself drifted off. She hated that Maura would be working from Monday, leaving her with only the next day to enjoy Maura for the entirety of the day.

* * *

The next day when they got up the sun was shining and the air was beautiful. ''Whatever that means'', Maura had answered to Jane's description. The brunette couldn't get enough of hearing stories about Maura and the children at her school. It filled her with so much more love for the woman she already loved way too much. Seeing Maura with those children was going to be the death of her she had said. Maura was not amused and told her she didn't appreciate any 'death' related jokes. Jane understood and quickly shifted gears.

Since the village was small, they had already exhausted the location. So Maura suggested for them to go to the big town nearby, since they wouldn't have enough time the following week. Jane was excited mostly because it would be enough of a distraction to keep her from gawking at Maura suggestively every two seconds.

''Sorry to pry, but are you guys American?'', one of the two teenaged girls asked sitting on the table just beside Jane and Maura, who were enjoying their late lunch after a tiresome look-around.

''Yes, why?'', Jane asked, amused.

''You make such a lovely couple'', the other girl gushed. ''Totally. You don't see gay people overtly showing PDA'', the other chimed in.

''Wooooooah'', Jane sing songed. ''take it easy there. We're…'', she gestured in the air, presumably trying to grab hold of the right explanation.

They both just looked at her confused. Maura was internally chuckling; she really wanted to hear what Jane had to say. Maybe this was the little push they needed.

''You're….?'', the black haired girl probed.

''Never mind'', Jane shook her head.

''You don't have to be embarrassed to tell us. We were staring at you since you walked in''

''What exactly is it that you saw'', Jane asked nervously.

''Please, just because we're young doesn't mean we're blind. All the 'eye-dash' you were doing'', they both laughed. ''Ewww'', the other added.

''You'd think I'd be used to it by now. Mum and her girlfriend do it all the time'', the one girl said to her 'sister' (it turned out).

''Except they don't do it in public like these two do''. They seemed to now be having a conversation on their own, as if Maura and Jane weren't even there. Maura hadn't said a single word. She was watching everything unfold, in awe and curiosity. Jane's eyes looked like they wanted to fall out. She didn't know if she was supposed to agree with the forward teenagers or deny it. She didn't want to be too presumptuous, nor hurt Maura. She desperately wished they had stayed in the village, away from the observant and clearly intelligent teenagers.

''And what exactly is 'eye-dash'?'', Jane regrettably asked.

''Eye SEX, geez'', Jane buried her face in her hands, Maura blushed, the teenager continued, ''well your hands'', she gestured to Jane, ''wouldn't leave her body for a fraction of a second. Despite the fact that you were literally standing in her personal space. Don't get me starting on the gentlemanness'', the girls both laughed. ''you pulled her chair out, let her order first. God it was like watching one of those Hugh Grant romcom's. You should see yourselves''.

Maura and Jane were utterly speechless.

''At least you don't hide it like our mum and her girlfriend do. You seem to not even care what anyone things. Its kinda cool you know''

The girls cell phone rang, ''ya'', she answered, ''good, we're on our way''.

''Mum's here, let's go'', she said to her sister.

''Bye'', they said in unison as they waved to a stunned Maura and Jane.

The remaining pair sat in silence for a good five minutes after the chatty girls had left.

''We should go to the art centre before it closes'', Maura spoke for the first time since their impromptu intrusion. She was happy Jane hadn't denied they were together, even though she hadn't confirmed it. To her, that was a start for Jane, and she would run the rest of the race for the woman she loved.

They finished off the rest of the day as if nothing had happened, tension in place though.

By the time the two made it home it was almost eleven pm. Maura had work the following morning so she got cleaned up and called it a night. They spooned as usual, none of them said a thing about that afternoon – juvenile behaviour it was, they both knew.

* * *

The early morning separation the next day was more than welcome. They certainly both needed space to think, and they couldn't be more grateful for the impending brief distance. Maura left a soft kiss on Jane's forehead when she left that morning, the detective was still blissfully asleep and Maura was happy she hadn't woken her.

Jane, fully intending on making her trip a 'vacation', as it was so called, never left her bed until 2pm when Maura returned. Her intentions were to allocate time to think about where exactly her and Maura stood, but there was a friends marathon on TV that stole her time. If Maura hadn't got back in the afternoon she might very well have forgotten to eat lunch. Maura gave her an hour by hour account of her day at work. The detective never thought she'd get enough of hearing Maura gush about her new job.

''So when we get back to Boston are you coming back to work with us?''

''Why do you ask'', Maura stalled.

''You seem quite taken with this job, and I can't say it does suit you, so I was kinda jus' wondering'', Jane began the conversation after their lunch.

''Would it be so bad if I didn't go back to forensics?''

''It was a big part of your life Maura''

''I know, but anyway, it's not a decision I have to make now. I'll think about it''. Jane wasn't sure why Maura was so determined to shut out the topic. She had told herself she wouldn't pressure Maura into doing or saying anything she didn't want to, so like that, the topic was closed until an opportune time.

''They said my last day will be Thursday, not Friday. So after school they will be having a farewell party for me, and you are invited''

''Really?'', Jane lit up.

''Yes'', Maura laughed.

''I can't wait. That's awesome. I get to see you work, _with kids. _And I get one day off the many days without you'', she shyly added.

Maura was chuffed by how much Jane really wanted to spend time with her.

''I want to take you somewhere on Friday night. Is that alright?'', Maura nervously asked. She was fidgeting with the hem of her blouse and Jane found the shyness quite adorable.

''Remember when we got here I told you you could take me anywhere?'', Jane reminded her.

''Yes, I'd forgotten. Good then.''

* * *

Thursday came faster than they had both anticipated. Everything was still in the air. They had not had a single meaningful conversation, therefore leaving them both greatly restless. The situation was a touch better for Maura, because she had a few hours to concentrate on her work and not dwell on her relationship with Jane, or lack of. Each time Maura had gotten home the next two days, Jane had already mentally worked herself off to death so much that the brunette just wanted to do anything _but _talk.

Maura sensed this each time, so they would spend the rest of their day doing 'fun stuff', as Jane so phrased it. By the time they would get home, it would be late and they would be exhausted. So from Monday night to Wednesday night they resorted to falling asleep in each other's arms – as always.

Jane was in a major state of euphoria on Thursday morning. She was to spend the day at the school with Maura and nothing she had done so far seemed to compete with the thrill of that day's activities. Maura, however, was a beautiful wreck on that same morning. The women at her school had asked her whether she and Jane were just friend, to which she replied yes, but still spotted the doubt on their faces. She hoped to God they would not say something unanswerable in Jane's presence. The last thing she wanted was to ruin the plans she had made for her and Jane the next day. It was better for Jane and herself to remain stagnant than to start backtracking.

To her relief, the ladies had granted Maura her silent wish. They threw meaningful glances to her here and there, but thankfully Jane never noticed. The brunette was busy enjoying the children, telling them about her job as a detective, and listening to the stories they had to tell about Maura. Jane was awed to the bone by how Maura managed to blend in with her new, very different job. During the student's break time, they cut a cake for Maura and made some t-shirts for her and Jane – with the cute handprints on them. To the kids delight, Jane put hers on immediately. Before they left, a number of children handed Maura farewell cards they had made for her. This produced a batch of tears down the blonde's cheeks. She was so overwhelmed by the love these children showed her. It never once occurred to her that she could have such an impact on people, especially little children. She had shied away from them when she was a kid herself, and as a grown up, she just hadn't ever been in an environment with young ones. It broke her heart to leave, but she knew Jane would mend it permanently in no time at all. It was a very small price to pay to be with the love of her life.

''Here'', Jane felt a tiny hand push a small envelop into her hand. When she turned around, she saw little Jane Wang standing next to her, looking unsure of herself. Jane knelt down so she was almost eye level with her.

''Is this for Mau-, Miss Isles?'', she corrected herself while asking the kid.

''No, it's for you''. Jane was stunned. The kids had made her a t-shirt, but none of them knew her well enough to write her a card. So all cards had been directed to Maura.

''You made this for me?'', she asked in shock.

''Yes. You can read it when you get home.'' Jane took it and delicately placed it in her pocket.

''Thank you sweetie'', Jane hugged her and she and Maura set off.

Maura hadn't witnessed the exchanged, so there had been no questions regarding the brief encounter.

* * *

**AN: It****'****s about time for a grown up conversation between the girls right? RIGHT! Also, the song is Something Right - Westlife. Seriously, its awesome.**


	25. She asks

**AN: Okay, so this ended up being a bridge between last chapter and the next chapter.**

* * *

Later Thursday night…

The two women were just settling down to watch a film after the day's events had passed. They both seemed to be in great spirits, though Maura was in no mood for a movie. She'd had enough of the schoolgirl behaviour and had to put a stop to it.

''Heeeeey, what was that for?'', Jane whined when Maura grabbed the remote and turned the telly off as a movie was about to start.

''I need to talk to you Jane, preferably now''

''Oh boy. History suggests nothing good comes from the words 'we need to talk''', Jane wasn't sure why she was suddenly getting sweaty, and speaking like Maura.

''_That_ is the sort of history you know?'', Maura scoffed

''It's something right?''

''Don't confuse me Jane, we're not talking about history now, exactly the opposite actually''

''So we're talking about now?'', Jane asked.

''I believe the opposite of the past would be the future''

''Correct'', Jane smiled nervously.

''I'd like to take you out on a date tomorrow night''. Maura said in a rush, as if someone would take the words away from her if she didn't let them out. Jane's heart stopped beating. Like completely fucking stopped. She couldn't believe her ears. Had _Maura Isles_ just asked her out on a date? It was surreal for Jane. She was looking at Maura in absolute disbelief, Maura had to ask again.

''Jane Rizzoli, would you like to go out on a date with me?'' That was even worse. Phrased like that, it might as well have been a marriage proposal. The heat in her body was rising to dangerous levels and she wouldn't put fainting past her.

Maura watched in delight. She didn't mistake Jane's silence for hesitation or a 'no', she could see the detective struggling to pull herself out of a dream she wasn't in. It might have been laughable, had Maura not been so eager for a response.

All vocabulary gone, Jane pulled Maura into her arms. She was at a loss; she wanted to go on a date with Maura so badly it seemed like a dream that it was actually happening. Part of her felt ashamed at the thought that it had been Maura who had asked her something she so desperately wanted to ask but was too chickened out to do.

''It would be an honour'', Jane finally let out, embarrassed by how overly sentimental she was getting. Her eyes were watery and she had the biggest grin on earth. Maura blushed at the effect she had on Jane.

* * *

Friday morning brought Jane out of sleep to an empty bed, worse still she soon realized – an empty house. She had gone to bed elated over the progress she had made with her best friend (soon to be more), but now said best friend was nowhere to be seen. The 'detective', belatedly stumbled upon a note Maura had left right beside the house phone.

_Jane Rizzoli, thank you for introducing love to me. I feel slightly insane being this much in love with someone I haven't even pursued a relationship with. Maybe it's crazy, I don't know, and I don't care either. I wanted to do something special, 'and different' for you tonight. Someone will be there to pick you up at 7pm. It's unfortunate we have to spend the day apart. I'll be most delighted to see you tonight. Just put on your smart usual. I love you Jane, a whole lot! Maura._

Jane was grinning like an idiot. Boy was she glad she was alone. It was certainly a face even she didn't want to see. ''smart usual?'', she asked herself. ''that woman definitely has a way with her words. What the fuck is smart usual'', she continued to herself.

The day had hardly begun but Jane knew it was going to equate to a day in hell. No Maura! That thought alone was dreadful in its own right. She was going on her _first date_ with the one and only Dr Maura Isles. That was a privilege many would die to have to have. And she had no clue what this date entailed; neither did she know what to put on. It really was supposed to be a fun experience, but it was proving to be horrific in every way possible.

She stupidly tried some breathing techniques she had seen Maura do years back, it was funny even to her. But it at least sustained her long enough to make cereal and take a bath. She knew she would shower again before she left, but she really needed to while up time with a non-destructive activity.

After submerging herself in all sorts of bath oils for at least an hour, she fished out her pruned body from the water. She hadn't spoken to her mother in two days and she didn't want that thought interrupting her date, so she decided to get it out of the way. She lay in bed in one of her over-sized tee's and dialled for Angela.

''Janie is that you?'', Angela bellowed. Jane wondered why her mother was always in a state of panic. Was it some kind of parent thing? She honestly couldn't understand.

''Yes Ma'', Jane answered back, shaking her head to herself.

''Oh it's so good to hear from you. It's been days Jane. I hope everything is fine. How is Maura?''. Angela always got things out like vomit. She seemed to not know how to take it easy. Jane was used to it anyway, and often just picked one question to answer from the many. She knew anyway that the unanswered ones would be asked again.

''Everything is ok Ma, it's only been two days since we talked, geez''

True to form, Angela repeated, ''how is Maura?''

''She's alright'', Jane blushed to herself at the mention of Maura.

''Are things ok between you too?''. Nosey- _that, _Angela was.

Jane let out a long sigh.

''What is it Jane? You can tell me you know''

''She asked me on a date tonight. I'm so nervous Ma'', Jane confided.

''Awwwww, baby'', Angela squealed. ''that's so sweet. Where are you going?''

''I have no idea. Can you believe it?''

''What?'', Angela was starting to sound panicked again.

''She asked me last night, and I woke up this morning and she was gone. She left a note saying someone would pick me up tonight, and she said to dress my smart usual'', Jane rolled her eyes to no one in particular.

''Your smart usual?''

''That's exactly what I said!'', Jane answered excitedly. She was happy she wasn't the only one confused by that.

''She probably just means a nice shirt and some jeans'', Angela helped.

''Well I hope so. I don't wanna look like a jerk on our first date''

''You wouldn't Jane. Don't act like you don't know Maura. She loves you just like that''

''That's the next problem Ma. Part of me feels like I don't know her at all''

''Jane!'', Angela admonished.

''Do you know what job she was doing here?''

''No, I never asked. You never said when we talked before either''

''She was working at a school, _with children. _You should have seen her Ma. It was so beautiful how they all loved her and she was playing with them. It was _SO_ beautiful Ma'', Jane repeated, near tears already. She hated her emotional side.

''Oh Jane, that's wonderful''

''And her house, it's so different.'', Jane continued. ''It has all these pictures with her and the kids. And _antique_ stuff. She doesn't even wear heels anymore. She has like three pairs only!'', Jane shouted the last part like it was a sin against mankind.

''What happened shook her so much Jane. It's probably why she changed so much. It was all too much. We had each other here in Boston, but she was all alone, despite the fact that _she _is the one who left. I can see why she would change so much. But her heart is still the same Jane, don't forget that.''

''I won't'', Jane cried. ''I love her so much Ma. I don't want to mess this up. And that scares me so much''

Angela was astonished at how Jane was opening up to her. It meant the world to the elder Rizzoli. ''you won't mess up Jane, I know _you._''

''Thanks Ma. I am going to just spend the day relaxing and trying to guess what Maura has in store. I will call you soon ok. We'll probably be coming back in a week I suppose.''

''Ok honey. Thank you for calling. Take care of yourself alright, and Maura too. Tell her I said hello''

''Ok, bye''

''Bye'', they both hung up.

Talking to Angela about Maura's job just reminded the brunette about the envelope she had received from the kid at the school the previous day. She had placed it in her pocket and completely forgotten about it. She located her dirty clothes and pulled the envelop out. She stared at it for a while, as if waiting for it to tell her what was inside. When that didn't happen, obviously, she hesitantly opened it. She wasn't sure why she felt a tad scared to see what was inside. It was just a little something from a small kid, it didn't have to be such a big deal – right?

Jane pulled out a hard piece of paper, coloured red inside with a water colour. The paper had been cut into the shape of a heart, but she only held half of it. It was torn into half and the detective had no idea what to make of it. She flipped over the back, where there were a few words in untidy child-like writing.

_This is the half you took with you. Now you are here. Can you give it back._

The brunette stared at these very confusing words for long moments. She couldn't understand the sentiment. After a short while she put it back in the envelop and decided she'd show Maura and hopefully get an explanation from there.

More time on her side- she called Frost and Korsak. They exchanged a few words then she called her brothers. Those phone calls didn't tide her for a long enough time, so she plopped onto the couch to drown into a really time spender – television. She watched sport, comedies, a couple of movies, and it was nearly 6pm. ''time to get ready'', she told herself.

She nearly scrubbed herself to death. It wasn't clear to her why it suddenly felt like she was going to be vetted. Nonetheless, she cleaned the best she could. After careful deliberation, and a slight headache, she put on a pair of dark blue jeans, a burgundy shirt, and blue converse. She eliminated the bag on last thought, opting for a wallet in her pocket, as per usual. Her black curls where falling down her shoulders and she had on burgundy coloured earrings. Little make up, eye liner, and lip gloss, and she was ready to go. This was as 'smart usual' as she got, so she figured that's what Maura had been referring to. It didn't help with the nerves though.

Before she could pull herself together and go through a round of self-pep-talk, a driver arrived in a black Mercedes to pick her up. She locked up, took a deep breath in, and jumped into the car. The night marked the beginning of what she was soon to coin ''Jane and Maura''. She didn't know where the journey would end, but she knew where to start. Whatever happened that night, she knew she would be glad to be with Maura, and the love they had for each other would suffice for any short fallings.

* * *

**AN: So for those like me who love Avicii, Wake me up. you saw a line in the last paragraph there from the song. Listen to it if you haven't, its awesome. **


	26. My girlfriend

**AN: So my computer did a funny thing before I saved this, so I had to re-write about three quarters of this all over again. Imagine the horror! I hope its good enough.**

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Jane did a double take to make sure it wasn't April fool's day. What was happening to her might have made it to 'Joke of the year'. The Mercedes was pulling into an **S &**** M's Cocktail Bar and Lounge. **Oh wait, it gets better! The labelling was flashing in rainbow colours. Jane wanted to die. This was the _last _thing she expected. No, sorry- _this _was nothing she expected, a moonlight picnic was even on her list. But now a gentleman she hadn't said more than two words to was opening the door for her, so she could walk into this gay bar and have her first date with Maura. If she told anyone, they would never believe her. She would need photographic evidence for the rest of her life. The man, noticed how Jane wanted to sink into the earth, threw her an apologetic 'forced' smile. The one she figured she'd get from someone who had been given specific instruction to be nice and to make her feel comfortable.

When it became clear to her that this was no joke, she hesitantly made her way to the entrance, the only positive thing so far being that she was dressed appropriately. She watched as lesbian and gay couples made their way into the undeniably beautiful venue. She'd certainly never seem so many homosexual people in one place, and to say she was feeling uncomfortable would be an understatement at best. She hadn't labelled herself 'gay' as it was, so part of her felt she had no business being there. Then she quickly remembered she was in love with a woman, and that just made her want to down a few beers. She counted it a blessing that she had arrived on her own, so Maura wouldn't witness her second guessing herself.

She slowly approached the door, looking like a deer in the North Pole – _so _scared and out of place, or lost rather. ''Name please'', a very cheerful lady with an accent was standing by the entrance welcoming people and checking their reservations.

''Uuummm, Jane. Jane Rizzoli'', she stammered.

''Yes, Jane. Just give me a minute let me get someone to escort you''. Jane stood awkwardly by the door whilst several other couples filtered through her.

A minute later as she was promised, a _very _gay man approached her and hooked his arm with hers as if they knew each other.

''Wow, when Maura mentioned how beautiful you were, she did you very little justice if you ask me.''

Jane came to an immediate halt the second they stepped inside, ignoring the man's comment, or compliment therefore. The place was a little on the dark side, with mostly red lighting. There were several two seat tables spread across the room (obviously occupied by couples). On one end of the lounge had a magnificent bar, with all manner of alcoholic beverages. The other side of the place had large open doors that led to an outside addition. As Jane was pulled further into the establishment she soon realized the veranda was set up into a Karaoke stage with lovely sofas and double armchairs for viewers to sit. Above the stage hung a banner written **''SING FOR YOUR LOVE''. **

She had a zillion questions she wished she could ask the gentleman leading her to a table, but he looked like the sort of guy who wouldn't shut up once he got started. Jane wasn't going to go down that route in that moment, she needed some alcohol first.

''Jane, this will be your table tonight'', the man let go of Jane and spread his arms to present the table to Jane. ''I'll be back shortly with a drink for you. Please, make yourself comfortable'', he made a mock bow and winked at Jane as he retreated. The detective was left sitting on a chair in stunned silence. The opposite chair, supposed to be for Maura, was unoccupied. And in the middle of the small table sat a lovely vase of red roses. The table was not set to eat, and as Jane looked around, she realized no one was eating anyway. All the couples were sitting and enjoying their drinks. There was a small dance floor with a few couples dancing to some slow music. A little further up from where she sat (because their table was located at a partially secluded area with only four others, not too close though), were two gay men making out as if they were in the luxury of their own home. Jane stared for a while then suddenly felt self-conscious.

Jane couldn't help feeling like her detective skills were slackening. She was only noticing now that the tables in the area she was sitting in had one occupant only, unlike the others further up with couples. Before she started investigating, the gay man was back with a cold beer and a small envelope attached to a single rose.

''For you'', he handed her the items and left. Jane's hands trembled a bit so she had to attack the much needed beverage first. After a few gulps she put the flower to her nose, and inhaled the sweet scent. She smiled to herself as she opened the small card, it turned out. _''Hope this is ok. Thought it __might be a nice surprise. I love you Jane, and I missed you today. Can't wait to see you'' _There was a mark of red coloured lips that Jane thought were no doubt Maura's. She instinctively ran her finger over the still moist print. Maura had literally just kissed that. A wave of…..something, ran through Jane. It suddenly felt so real that she was on a date with Maura, finally. Oh, yes – a Maura who happened to not be there actually. It was funny if she really thought about it.

Two minutes later someone was speaking through the rather loud microphone. **''Ladies and gentlemen, if we could make our way out to the veranda for some karaoke''**, the crowd sounded vastly excited and let out ''yay's and woo's'' as people began to walk outside. Jane quickly swallowed the last of her _one _beer and followed suit. The other three lonely ladies and one man close to her, followed as well. Once outside Jane located a free spot next to one overtly energetic lesbian couple and regrettably took seat next to them.

''Are you alone'', one of the woman asked upon noticing no one was joining Jane.

''Not Exactly'', that sounded weird, even to Jane herself. Luckily the women understood.

''Oh, your partner must be singing right?''

_WHAT! _Jane wanted to scream but clearly all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. _''God don't tell me Maura is going to be SINGING! Of all the things''. _

She'd hardly ever heard Maura sing, except for the constant humming she was doing of late. Jane did not have a clue how to respond, or feel about the news she'd just learned. _''no wonder she isn't sitting here with me. She's probably practicing.''_ Jane wanted to stop Maura before she embarrassed herself. Maybe the other people were good singers and Maura was going to stand there and make a complete ass of herself. This was a woman who had a year ago been cutting up dead people, listening to some weird instrumentals, with no idea who The Black Eyed Peas were. It was a catastrophe in Jane's books. And if she wanted to sink before, in that moment she just wanted to disappear and not leave a trace that she had once been on earth.

All the worry was futile when she started to think rationally. Maura was smart, and besides, how good can the other people really be. In addition, there was nothing she could do to stop Maura. And also part of her wanted to hear what the genius woman had to sing. Besides, it wasn't every day that the Chief Medical Examiner took the stage for you.

So after the presenter, or whatever they called him, introduced himself and the event, the first woman took the stage.

''I want to say happy third anniversary to my girlfriend. When we started dating we lost a lot of love and support from some of our friends and family. They didn't understand our relationship and it began to take its toll on us. But somehow we held strong, and three years on I still love her the same as I did when we started dating. I just want you to know Lisa, I don't care what the world has to say about us, I love you, and I always will''

There was a round of claps and cheering as the woman started singing. Many eyes turned to look at this Lisa, who was so wrapped up in the song being sung to her. It was so sweet, Jane had no idea these things existed. She was starting to enjoy it a bit.

''…_.__And I don't want the world to see me 'Ca__use I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am….'' _A few people were softly singing along to the lyrics of Goo Goo Doll's Iris. Jane loved the song and was silently humming too. A great part of her was super nervous about Maura's impending appearance.

The woman concluded her song and was awarded by a round of applause as she made her way through the crowd to her girlfriend. They made a very beautiful couple and Jane couldn't help wonder what people would think of her and Maura. To her relief, the next woman on stage was not Maura, neither was the next.

And then….Maura finally appeared. She put on a cool front, but Jane could see how nervous Maura was. She was wearing maroon straight leg jeans that matched Jane's shirt, a pair of flats and a black and white simple top. Her hair was tied at the back and she wore round silver earrings. Jane's heart melted a bit at the sight of Maura. She looked even more beautiful than she always did. She looked like a super star – on stage, mic in hand, and many eyes on her. Jane was proud to be on a date with her, not to mention the fact that she was about to sing to her.

Before speaking, Maura quickly scanned the room for Jane. She found her with very little difficulty. They smiled at each other for a few seconds before Maura started speaking.

''When I thought I lost you, my whole world came crushing down'', the mood in the whole room changed dramatically. Maura's voice, and the way she said her words, seemed to captivate every soul in the room. She was looking directly at Jane, and everyone else was looking between the two. Jane already had tears forming in her eyes. She wasn't sure what the reason was in that moment.

Maura continued after a brief pause, ''My heart is still broken from everything that happened, but there is only one place I can go from here, and that's to you. I apologize for my unbecoming previous actions'', she stared at Jane as the brunette's tears started to roll down her cheeks. ''You are forgiven for yours too. You are home for me. You are what represents love. I trust you with my heart and my body Jane, because I know you will protect them like your own. You're enough for me, I couldn't ask for anything else, EVER!'', she emphasized. The people in the room appeared as if they were watching a game of tennis – looking between Jane and Maura. ''I love you Jane, and I know I will stand beside you years and years from now and still say the same thing, with even more conviction. Si intende il mondo per me'', Maura parroted Jane's words from months ago.

Jane was openly crying by the time the beat to the song began. Funny enough, she wasn't the only one. Apparently Maura's words had touched quite a few hearts; a number of other women were wiping away tears from their eyes too.

'' _I know it's been sometime, but there's been something on my mind. You see I haven't __been the same, since that cold N__ovember day…we said we needed space, but all we found was an empty place. And the only thing I learned, __is that I need you desperately…so here I am. And can you please tell me…oh''. _Maura's voice sounded so sweet in Jane's ears. It wasn't a voice of a good singer, the pitch wasn't perfect, but the message was heard. No one dared sing alone. They we all paying Maura their undivided attention, seeming to not want to miss a single word.

Jane wasn't embarrassed by the people watching her cry. She had only two senses working in that moment – sight (looking at Maura), and hearing (listening to the song). Everything else in her was working on default, so much that if breathing had to be done consciously she would have forgotten.

''_I've been around enough to know, that dreams don't turn to gold. And that there is no easy way, no you just can't run away….and what we have is so much more, than we ever had before. And no matter how I try, you're always on my mind…''_

Maura seemed so comfortable bridging into the chorus once more. She was holding on tightly to her microphone swaying lightly from left to right, eyes fixated on Jane. She was telling Jane something, not merely singing a song. She wanted Jane to know that whatever life threw their way, she would always go to Jane. She wanted Jane to feel that she was Maura's safe place. The blonde needed Jane to understand that she had tried to be without her, that even now she had the option and right to walk away, but she wouldn't. The purpose was for Jane to pick up on the fact that she was in her mind day in and day out.

Jane got it.

''…_And now that I am here with you, I'll never let you go. I look into your eyes, and now I know, now I know…where do broken hearts go. Can they find their way home. Back to the open arms, of a love that's waiting there. And if somebody loves you, won't they always love you. I look in your eyes, and I know that you still care, for me''_

Maura was asking also. She was asking if Jane still loved her. If Jane's arms were still willing to lift her up. Maura wanted to know if it was possible that Jane could have once loved her, but moved on now. Looking into Jane's eyes in that moment, Maura saw nothing but care, compassion, and unconditional love. But she wanted to know, she wanted to hear it, she needed Jane to say it. Because for all the questions she had, she was giving Jane the answers.

Maura came to the end of the song, as tears started spilling through her eyes. She had tried with everything she had to not make a mess of her performance. She had done well, and she was very proud of herself. Jane was looking at her like a poor woman who had just stumbled upon a gold mine. The love she saw in Jane's eyes took all her breath away. The presenter for the night took the mic from Maura and asked the very emotional crowd to give a round of applause. _Like they needed to be asked – seriously. Had he at all heard Maura?_

The two women were still looking at each other when Jane finally gave Maura a nod. The shorter woman practically ran to Jane who in turn lifted her off the ground in the biggest hug she had ever given anyone. Jane spun them around two times before gently placing Maura down with trembling hands. The scene, as most people had commented later that night, was the most romantic they had ever seen. The presenter was introducing the last act, but no one seemed to be paying attention anymore. All focus was directed to the two American women on the veranda that night.

As if they were the only two women in the world, Jane pulled Maura flush against her, looking fiercely into her eyes. ''That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Thank you Maura. I love you, always and forever''. Maura smiled at Jane, and that broke the very last of Jane's resolve.

Maura did not see it coming at all, it seemed like it happened on fast forward. Jane lifted one hand from Maura's hips and placed it into Maura's hair, guiding her toward her lips. Everything turned to slow motion for Maura when Jane's lips touched hers for the very first time. Every part of Maura reacted to the feeling of Jane's lips pressed against hers. They weren't stagnant for long though, because Jane pulled Maura even closer as she softly moved her lips against Maura's. It was a feeling they both knew they would never forget, not even amnesia could take that away from them.

It took no time at all for Jane to demand full entrance into Maura's mouth. The blonde obliged without hesitation. One would have thought they had been doing this for years, the way their lips moved so gracefully against one another. Jane slid her tongue into Maura's mouth, taking full control of all that was Maura. The blonde let her, she wouldn't deny Jane, or herself, anything like _that._

The blonde's arms had long taken residence on Jane's neck, and they sure felt at home there. Jane's hands where trying so hard to pull Maura into her as much as she could. All the oxygen they possessed was gone from eating each other's mouths the way they had, so they eventually let go. The guests all gave a second cheer, which was when the pair remembered they were not alone. Both hearts were beating wildly in their chests as they shyly made their way back into the bar out of everyone's view, and to their table.

The last performance, which nobody heard, was just finishing off and people were starting to make their way back inside. Jane and Maura were still holding hands when they reached their table. There was a pillar partially covering it from everyone's view, where Jane cautiously pushed Maura against.

''Will you be my girlfriend Maura Isles?'', Jane asked seriously.

Those were words Maura only heard in dreams. She responded by nodding, which was the best she could do in the moment. Having the love of your life take your breath away with a soaring kiss in front of a crowd, then pinning you against a wall asking you to be in a relationship with them was not something one recovered from very easily.

''May I?'', Jane confidently asked, shamelessly looking at Maura's lips.

Once again, Jane's lips met Maura's after approval was granted. The kiss was even more heated than the first; perhaps because they were somewhat in privacy, or they were both more confident. Or maybe because they were now officially a couple. It didn't matter anyways. Maura was against the wall and Jane put as much pressure as she could muster onto Maura. They could feel their breasts rubbing against each other, as their hands were trying to get hold of whatever part of the other they could. Maura discreetly put her legs apart a little. The move was not lost on Jane, who skillfully placed one of her legs in the space between Maura's. They both moaned at the change in position and continued to kiss each other frenziedly.

''Maura..'', Jane tried. She wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. The detective genuinely feared she would rip Maura's clothes off in that moment. The heat between then was like an opened gas tank.

Maura couldn't stop to answer Jane; she could feel herself heading towards an orgasm, _like seriously. _They were grinding their hips into each other, as the other's thigh met the covered center of their counterpart. The whole experience resembled getting a sip of water when you're in a desert. Jane lifted her one hand to cup Maura's breast. The ''ahhh'' that escaped Maura's lips let out a significant amount of wet substance onto Jane's underwear. Maura wasn't too concerned about hers; she knew it was long ago soaked to the point of being able to wring it out.

Jane massaged Maura's breast hungrily. She had wanted to touch them for so long, and they felt so perfect in her strong hands. Maura couldn't stop her rhythm and her kissing with Jane, even though she knew they both needed some air. Not wanting to completely stop, Jane moved to attack Maura's neck knowing her kisses were sure to leave marks but not being able to draw back. Maura's head was resting on the pillar behind her, and her whole self was demonstrating what sexy and turned on looks like. With enough air in her lungs Maura was able to let out a word. ''Jane...''. The detective moved her lips from Maura's neck and brought them to her ear.

Struggling with the throbbing between her legs - ''Yes?'', Jane asked in the deepest and most erotic voice Maura had ever heard (films, soaps, and 'late night TV' included). Whatever Maura wanted to ask or say vanished instantly. She let out a desperate moan, pulling Jane into a painful, but much appreciated kiss. The grinding never stopped, and Maura could begin to feel the tingling in her legs more and more. They were in a twilight zone of sorts. With both of them on such a high, something regrettable was bound to happen. Thankfully the gay guy from before saved the day.

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**AN: Right! This story could start to wind down very fast from here, or we could explore plenty other ideas I have. Just let me know, because I don't really know how people are feeling about this now. Thanks! I apologize to guests in advance, I wont be able to respond.**_  
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**Italian Translation - You mean the world to me.**_


	27. Their date

**AN: So we've all watched Maid in Manhattan right? Great! There's that awesome song they play at the dance thingy, Fall Again by Glen Lewis. Amazing song. Later on in the chapter just picture our very own Jane and Maura dancing to that. I did, and I don't believe imaginations get any better than that. Thanks again for the support guys.**

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The very loud clearing of someone's throat brought Jane and Maura crashing into the real world. It was a moment of pure bliss and unadulterated anger for the two women. What right did that man have in disturbing a passion that had just been discovered? Neither moved, but they both shot him a look that could kill, unashamed at all with the position they had been caught in.

''I just came to give you a menu so you could order your dinner'', the man said brightly. He either missed or was ignoring the pissed off looks from the women in front of him.

The first thing that came to Jane's mind was _''do we look like__ we fucking NEED food?''. _The man was in luck; Maura knew Jane so well and was quick to answer before the poor man was a recipient of Jane's wrath.

''Thank you, do put them on the table for us'', she answered in an uncharacteristically annoyed tone. Maura was often one to show nothing but sheer politeness, this man had just caught her at the worst possible time, ever!

Finally sensing that he was _very _unwelcome, he left the menu's and dashed off as fast as he could. Jane rested her forehead against Maura's and let out a loud sigh. ''Are you hungry?'', she asked Maura.

''Not so much now'', the blonde responded seductively. ''you?''

Jane thought for a short moment, ''Come on'', she said as she moved herself from Maura's body. They had a few seconds ago been looking like one person. Jane wouldn't be able to live with herself if she ravished Maura in the way she was about to.

What had just transpired between the doctor and the detective was something Maura could not even explain in scientific talk. It had simply gone far beyond comprehension. Her brilliant mind and colourful IQ scores failed her dismally, and everything she thought she knew about kissing - or physical attraction for that matter, went flying out the window.

From the time she had begun to experience sexual urges, she had taken it upon herself to acquire as much knowledge as she could on the subject. The diligent doctor read books, and journals, and articles about sexual behaviours. She watched films and documentaries on the subject. On very rare occasions she had gone to seminars even, just to gather as much knowledge as she could. She had her own experiences, and second hand information from people she had spoken to about the before's, during's, and after's, of sexual relations.

It was no secret that Doctor Maura Isles did not guess, or assume, or 'anything' in the direction of not being one hundred per cent sure, based on whatever sort of evidence. So when she spoke, as she had done on many occasions, about the human body and its makeup, she knew what she was talking about. When she relayed accounts of sexual encounters and laws of attraction, she had evidence to back it up. When she told people about whatever chemicals and juices where excreted from a person before or during sexual activities, she could swear on a bible she had it all listed down.

What attracts certain people to particular people, or why people got into a relationship where all things Maura could recite. She could talk about the emerging of physical components of relationships dated back to 'whenever'. If asked, Maura could even tell you all the people she was ever attracted to and why, she could tell you about all the sex she'd had and the orgasms too. She could go as far as state how and why they happened. And if asked only an hour ago, Maura could tell you ALL the reactions she could ever have in a 'mating' environment.

But what happened a few minutes ago with Jane was from another world altogether. There was absolutely nothing about it she could explain. There was no scientific theory that could fit the description. The body she thought she knew- her body, surprised her in ways she never thought imaginable. Everything she had felt was foreign to her. Foreign in every sense of the word.

When she had had sex for the first time, it was foreign to her. When she kissed a boy for the first time it was new to her. Hell, when she had kissed a girl for the first time she had told herself that was as new as things came. Her first relationship was a foreign experience. The first, and only girl she dated, provided experiences she hadn't ever had. Her first orgasm came as a surprise, she had to read and read to make sure it was happening the correct way. All those things were foreign to Maura, and yet she still had an explanation for them, several even.

But when Jane had kissed her, it was like she was now in another life. Everything she thought she had experienced and learnt about romance seemed like a joke to her. She felt sorry for the people she had heard talk about what they knew about kissing and love. Because she knew she could _never _put to words what had happened within her when Jane Rizzoli had kissed her. The things that had sparked in her the moment Jane had touched her. The feelings that had attacked her when Jane spoke into her ear.

Jane was watching Maura sitted in front of her on their table. She knew the woman was 'trying' to process what had happened. So Jane sat quietly giving her some time. She occupied herself looking at the menu, though she wasn't seeing anything at all, merely looking.

''I'm just going to the ladies room. Can you give me a minute?'', Maura whispered after all those thoughts had gone through her head.

''Maur, are _we _ok?'', Jane asked reaching for Maura's hand. The last thing she wanted was for Maura to go running off because of what had happened.

''WE, are ok. But _I _will be fine after I just use the restroom'', Maura responded pulling out of Jane's grasp as she stood.

Jane, with a blank mind, just watched her walk away. When Maura was out of sight, she seemed to suddenly gain all thought processing. _Oh my God, _was the first thing she said to herself. She couldn't believe the kiss she just gave Maura. She had devoured the doctor. And Maura had let her. All the kissing she'd done before came to shame when she remembered the way she and Maura had just kissed. _Oh my God,_ she said to herself again. Those three words seemed to be the only three she could say. She roughly rubbed her face with her palms. What had she almost done with Maura? She dreaded to think about it.

Her eyes went wide with each passing thought. She started thinking about what could have happened if that guy hadn't showed up. _Where we seriously going to have sex in the middle of a bar? _God she had to laugh at that thought. It seemed absurd, though plausible. They had certainly gone _far _beyond just kissing. _Does that even fall in the boundaries of 'mak__ing out?', _she thought again. _And where the fuck did I get the nerve? _She subconsciously looked at the hand that had been massaging Maura's breast. Her rational thought had failed her. She immediately felt a little dejected. She was supposed to treat Maura with respect and love. She was meant to take her time and let Maura dictate when the time was right to jump from one step to the other.

But no. _She, _with her Rizzoli blood, had just hopped over all the steps and landed an inch from the destination. Jane had gone on to kiss Maura. Then she had promptly asked her to be her girlfriend. As if that wasn't enough, she had gone on to kiss her the second time. Yes she asked for permission. But what could Maura say really? She was pushed against a pillar, with no personal space. In hindsight, Jane remembered Maura hadn't even spoken, she had just used her head. _Oh God, _the detective started to worry.

But Maura had kissed her with equal enthusiasm, even more maybe. And the blonde had indicated she wanted to feel more of Jane. _I touched her breast, and God the sound she made, _Jane knew that sound would haunt her forever (in a good way). She was already getting all worked up when the waiter appeared before her.

''Would you like to order some drinks ma'am?'', he asked formally, though unnecessary.

''Just bring a bottle of your best red wine'', she absentmindedly answered. There were more terribly pressing issues than what to drink. Besides, she knew Maura would approve of that order. With that, the waiter walked away.

As she was starting to sink in thoughts again, Maura approached, smile in place. That calmed her all the way down.

* * *

When Maura got to the bathroom she rushed for a stall and closed herself in frantically. She desperately needed to sit. All the strength in her was gone. It was like waking up after you faint. The thought was scary. Was she always going to feel like this after kissing Jane? _That can't be healthy, _she thought to herself.

The reason that had initially brought her to the toilet was that of her lower regions. Her underwear was soaked, it was so uncomfortable. She felt as if she had peed on herself. She wasn't sure if it would have been appropriate for her to just take the panty off and spend the rest of the evening without one. But quickly she had remembered the toilet had pads for the guests. So she took one and put it on. Feeling slightly better, she had wet her face a little and wiped it down with some tissue. After gathering her nerves she was now approaching Jane, smiling widely with the love, and possibly arousal, that filled her.

* * *

''You ok?'', Jane asked nervously.

''I'm fine Jane, thank you''. She was polite if not anything.

Before anything else was spoken (or not spoken), the drinks were delivered. The smiled that graced Maura's face when she saw the bottle of red wine engraved in Jane's mind _''I will always be sure to order whatever she likes''. _

''Jaaaaaane'', she let out. ''Did you order this?''

''Yes. Don't look so surprised. I do know you like a good bottle of red wine you know''

''Of course you do'', they smiled lovingly at each other.

The menial distraction seemed to ease the tension a bit. There were so many places to go with the conversation from where they stood. Topics ranged from ''Our first date'', ''we're now dating'', ''the song was wonderful'', ''Our first kiss'', or several other less weighty ones.

Jane was the one who began the whole thing – she told Maura her feelings first. Then Maura had asked her on a date next. Those steps seemed to be normal in an unnormal kind of way. Then our bulldozer detective trampled over all 'normalcy' and initiated the first kiss then cemented it all by asking the doctor out. Jane believed in fairness. So now it was Maura's turn to make the next moved. At least that was her explanation of why she was quiet. Silly – yes. But her lips were sealed nonetheless.

''I wasn't aware you were that adept at kissing'', Maura commented conversationally.

Jane wanted to kick fairness in the balls. But fairness would have responded and said, ''that's what you get when you leave Doctor Isles to initiate a conversation''.

''I always meant to show you my medal you know.'', she dodged a little.

Maura wasn't having it. If she let Jane go that way now, they would go back and forth like school children forever.

''Jane'', she warned. She placed her wine glass back on the table and looked at the detective pointedly. That gay guy sure did know good timing – not! He was making his way to their table – again. _''are they THIS diligent in hospitality?'', _Maura thought to herself. She could see the minor relief on Jane's face. She loved her, but she wasn't letting her go that easily this time around. It was for the benefit of both of them.

Before the man got a word out, Maura had started talking already. ''Ronald. Please can you give Jane and I a moment to ourselves - _please?_ In fact, just go. When we are ready to order, I will come to you. Is that alright?''. Both Ronald and Jane were taken by surprise. Clearly they had never heard her use that tone before.

''Sure. Sorry''. The man hurried off once again. _That _message he got quite clearly, and he would be sure to pass it on to any waiter that dared gravitate towards the pair.

''We need to talk about this seriously Jane'', she gestured between the two of them. Jane nodded, picking up on the seriousness of the situation, and of course the logic behind Maura's statement. ''You asked me to be your girlfriend. Can we start there?''

''It wasn't a spur of the moment. And I'm sorry I did it in the worst possible way. But I meant it. I want to start a relationship with you Maura. A proper relationship''

''How do you define a _proper _relationship Jane'', Maura asked with a smile, definitely jokingly trying to get a rise out of Jane. But the tables had turned; Jane was now in serious mode. She'd be damned if Maura for one moment thought she was messing about and wasn't serious about her feelings for the doctor.

''I think a proper relationship would be us being the way we were before everything went downhill, except, it would include you know'', she waved her hand in the air a little. Jane was never immaculate in clarity of language. Maura urged her to go on with a raise eyebrow. ''The physical stuff, and living together…''. She abruptly stopped herself there. _Did I just say living together? Dammit to hell, when did I bec__ome so forward?_

Maura was equally shocked. And sensed Jane was about to backtrack in a hurry so she finished off for the embarrassed detective. ''Are you going to shout it from the top of Boston PD like you said you would in your letter''.

''New Zealand did you good if you ask me. When did you become so funny Maura''

''You just 'rub off' on me'', Maura said the phrase as if it were a foreign language.

''I guess I do. And yes, I will scream it to the whole world that I am in love with the most beautiful woman in the world and she's _my _girlfriend'', typically Maura would launch into a lecture about how she was hardly the most beautiful woman in the world, but for that night she allowed herself the pleasure of believing it.

''Since we now technically don't have places to stay in Boston, we could find a place of our own when we get back'', Maura suggested.

Jane's eyes grew wide, ''are you serious?'', she couldn't help herself. It was like de javu.

''We…I don't…it's just I…'', Maura mistook Jane's surprise for unwillingness. It was all a bit too fast when looked at realistically. But their situation was an exception. Their friendship had begun and progressed in a day. They had kissed/made out, and moved from friendship to relationship in a day. So the 'friends turned girlfriends', could really expect nothing less than planning to move in together in that same night. That's just how their relationship worked – period. And none of them was complaining anyway.

With food long forgotten, the new couple sat and talked about their plans when they got back to Boston. They agreed they'd stay with Angela on their return while house hunting. Then Maura would go back to work after all the house decorating was done. The going back to work was still a little 'up in the air' for Maura, but it wasn't an option ruled out completely. The two women were on cloud nine with all these arrangements they were making.

''That song was beautiful Maura. I would never in a million years thought you'd ever do that, _for me.'' _With all that ensued after the song was sang, they had neglected to speak of it. But Jane hadn't forgotten, she never would.

''We should clear that up now Jane. I would do anything for you ok'', the conviction in Maura's voice made Jane want to cry all over again. She stood of her seat and leaned towards Maura, giving her girlfriend – as she was now titled, a promising kiss full of love.

''While we're on the subject, I'd do anything for you too Maura'', she reassured.

Maura went on to tell her how she had heard about the karaoke bar and lounge, and how she'd subsequently booked to sing for Jane. She explained how she had left to go there early morning so she could practice, since she hadn't had anytime between work and showing Jane around.

''So you spent the day practising?'', Jane laughed.

''Don't laugh, it was hard'', Maura feigned hurt.

''I know honey'', Jane rubbed her hand gently. ''did you pick the song''

Maura was silent for a short span, ''yes'', she answered as she averted her gaze from Jane.

Jane hated it when Maura cried. It broke her heart each time. She wanted to hold Maura, and besides, all the space between them was getting uncomfortable for her. Like a boss, she stood and pulled Maura with her. They headed for a sofa similar to the one she had seen the two guys making out when she had just got in. Most people where playing pool, drinking by the bar, or on the dance floor getting groovy. Eating had wound down while the two were wrapped up in their long overdue conversation. There was no one else close by and Jane appreciated the privacy. She let Maura sit before following suit.

Jane shoved one leg under the other and turned to face Maura, nudging the doctor so she could copy the stance. Feeling satisfied Jane took Maura's hands in her own.

''I hate it when you cry. And I hate it even more when I don't know why, because then I don't know how to make you feel better''

Maura looked into Jane's eyes, and it was blatantly clear to her that they were no longer just friends. Despite herself, she made a quick mental note to research whether a kiss could cause such a significant transformation. Because she sure hadn't ever seen such an intensity in Jane's eyes before. ''Talk to me Maura'', Jane pressed on.

''After my attorney told me you were back, I didn't know what to do for a while. I thought of everything that had happened and I concluded that things would be better off without me in Boston.'', Jane was shaking her head but Maura went on. ''But I couldn't just sit here and not be sure you were ok Jane. Even if I wasn't welcome, I told myself that I would come to make sure you were ok at the very least. I had no knowledge of what could have happened to you all those months you were away, and it scared me Jane''. She took a deep breath to steady herself. Jane wanted to stop her from torturing herself with those kinds of memories, but if she didn't know all the things that hurt Maura, she wouldn't be able to help her heal.

''So I put aside my embarrassment and I came to Boston. When I saw you, and you looked ok the relief that washed over me can never be described. That's why I ran into your arms. I was so relieved. Then I found out about Casey'', Jane tensed a bit.

''The only thing that kept going through my head was, 'things were better here without me'.''

''No'', Jane wasn't going to let her go on believing that. But Maura just went on as if Jane hadn't said a thing.

''I could have stayed here and asked Mr Perkins to make sure you were alright, for me. When I found out about Casey I could have left. I _still _have the option of remaining here'', that felt like a slap in the face to Jane. Maura wasn't looking so she never noticed that though. ''but I can't''. She finally looked up to Jane after a brief pause. ''you asked me if I picked that song. I did. It said everything I that was happening to us, or me rather. There is no way on earth I could go on without you Jane, knowing you are there. It isn't possible.''

Jane had no idea how to follow up after that. So she pulled Maura into a hug. ''I love you, so much Maura. Always and forever''

''Always and forever'', the doctor repeated.

Jane's signature smile in place, she asked, ''May I have this dance with my girlfriend?''

Maura giggled at that. Jane had a penchant for lightening up the mood. It never ceased to amaze Maura how the detective managed that. Coincidentally a lovely song was just beginning, and their first dance as a couple couldn't have been more perfect. They fit so well together – Jane with her hands gripping Maura's waist, Maura with hers around Jane's neck.

''…_.There's something about you, I stare in your eyes. And everything I'm looking for I seem to find. All this time away is killing me inside, I need your love in my life…''_ Jane pulled Maura right into her body. They swayed gracefully from side to side, looking into each other's eyes as the song went on.

''…_.we fought in a battle, nobody won. And now we face a mountain to be overcome. You __can't__ turn away, the past is said and done, I need us to carry on..'' _They're eyes never left each other. Maura was consumed by the song, she loved it. Yet another to add to her growing playlist. This was the best dance she had ever had – EVER. And she was breathing into Jane as they looked at each other, both evidently blown away by the perfection of the moment. It brought happy tears to both their eyes.

''…_I wanna spend, time till it ends. I wanna fall in love with you. Like we did, when we first met. I wanna fall with you again…''_

The song came to an end all too soon. Maura briefly considered requesting a replay so they could dance on more time, but they were both hungry. ''Thanks for the dance Jane'', Maura said sincerely as they made their way back to their table.

''You're welcome sweetheart. It was perfect''. Jane could now use all those terms of endearment, and she wasn't going to let any chance slide.

''I know'', Maura said, unable to find any other word that could fit. It was perfect anyway after all.

Jane took the opportunity to place a languid kiss on Maura's lips. The blonde opened up her mouth giving Jane full permission to slip her tongue in. Jane didn't fail. It was starting to get overboard again so they slowly withdrew from each other. Eventually they had a lovely dinner ( and a lot of wine). Before they knew it, they were on the dance floor doing some serious dancing. It didn't matter how terrible they both were at the dancing, they were too intoxicated to give a shit – so was everyone else. Exhaustion finally taking its toll, it was 3:30am and their driver was readily waiting to take them home.

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**AN: What's going to happen between a drunken Jane and Maura. (either too much, or nothing at all). Whatchu all think?**


	28. I won't forget

**AN: This is the longest I've been before updating. I feel awful. My apologies guys….Also, I don't have a beta, so all mistakes are my own. In advance, I apologize for any inaccuracies that might arise in this chapter. Thanks again to all that take time to review or PM, and read. **

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles…**

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The sun seemed to be shining brighter than normal. Her breathing was strangely suppressed. She felt sticky from the sweat covering every inch of her skin. Everything in general seemed to be painful, or uncomfortable rather. She was still stuck on trying to open her eyes, and of course, breathe. But before she could get to that, she realized she couldn't even move her body. Panic served as the catalyst that opened her eyes - at ground breaking speed. That soon provided the knowledge that she wasn't going to be granted sight. Hair, apparently, was covering her face. Not _her _hair.

''OH MY GOD!''

She meant those words to come out, but her tongue was so thick it barely moved. Her throat was drier than a crisp leaf. She tried to sort out her thoughts and figure out what had happened to her. But her brain was still stuck on trying to open her eyes, above all things. Her heart could barely beat normally, there was so much pressure above it.

After taking a few difficult deep breaths she discovered her hands could move. They were heavier than lead, but with severe effort they could be moved. So slowly, she pulled her hands to her face and brushed the hair off of it. She was momentarily blinded by the bright sunshine. God, _she _was not a morning person.

When her eyes could finally see, through strained effort, all she saw was a blur. ''What the fuck!''. She couldn't understand why nothing in her body was working the way it should be. About a minute later, her sense of smell is what brought her the greatest joy. She smelt Maura. Jane knew that smell better than anything else. At least her lips were working – she smiled.

Before the smile got to her eyes, her lips went back down. Suddenly all her senses went to full mode – except movement of course. She could _feel _she was naked. They were _both _naked. ''fuck'', she cursed internally. Then the reasons behind the aches presented themselves – they were lying on the floor. Well at least Jane was. Maura was on top of her. Like so on top of Jane, not a single bit of the doctor was touching the ground. ''oh shit'', Jane finally let out. The words were hoarse and barely audible as they came out.

Jane was facing the base of the bed, just a few inches away from it. The only thing between the hard wood floor and her skin was a fury rug Maura kept beside her bed. Oh and a couple of clothing items. Maura's cheek was well rested on Jane's, though she was facing the other side. Hence all the hair in Jane's face. The smaller woman had both her hands on Jane's shoulders, clutching lightly. The rest of their bodies were precisely pasted together all the way down to their feet. Maura, being a little shorter in height, didn't have her feet all the way to Jane's. It was comical. Jane allowed herself a fraction of a second to 'almost' laugh. But she couldn't, it was so hard with Maura's dead weight atop hers.

''Fuck'', the word came out dragged as Jane felt Maura's sex (nicely shaved as she could feel) resting on top of her tiny curls. She wished she could go back to sleep. She had no idea how to proceed from where they were. If she was on top and had woken first, she would have jumped off and made herself look decent before waking Maura. As it was, she wasn't in a position to do anything other than wake Maura up.

''This is going to be so fucking awkward. We are totally screwed. Oh fuck – _we_ s_crewed'_', she continued talking to herself. It wasn't long before she started feeling dizzy, then the nausea made an appearance.

_FUCK!_

She gagged, and Maura woke up.

The blonde seemed to possess much more motor function than Jane did, because she whipped her head up so fast as soon as she stirred awake. She was a little dizzy and took a moment to clear the fuzziness she was seeing, or feeling rather. Their eyes then met, and Maura felt the strange sensation of nakedness. ''Shit'', Maura shouted. ''Holy shit!''

Jane had _n__ever _heard Maura swear. This was definitely serious she concluded. Maura hadn't moved her body yet, and Maura had decided in that moment that she wasn't sure what was better – staying on top of Jane and not having them see each other naked or moving off of her so they were not…well she really wasn't quite sure what it was they 'were' doing/not doing.

The whole thing was awkward at best, a very bizarre situation.

Maura began to register how heavy her head felt. The aching wouldn't allow her to keep it up long so she did the only thing she could – she rested it on Jane's shoulder. That surprisingly lessened the awkwardness a little. It left them not starring at each other.

''Maura, I think I need the bathroom?'', it came out as a question. If Maura was in her right state of mind she would have threw back something smart, but the situation warranted a level of seriousness.

She didn't even answer back; she just rolled off of Jane. In that she realized they were lying on the floor. All intelligence gone she asked, ''did we sleep on the floor?''

''It appears so, yes'', Jane answered, still in her position. The truth was that she wanted to throw up, but she felt too embarrassed to move.

''Oh my God''. Maura breathed.

''Yes, it really is a sticky situation. Literally''

''Didn't you say you needed to use the bathroom?''. Maura's memory was working fine. Jane's wasn't, because she had already forgotten _that _part.

Terrified, she hoisted herself off the ground. The impact of the previous nights escapades came in full swing. She staggered around, almost crashing to the floor. Maura was quickly on her feet, rushing to Jane's aid. But before she could touch her, Jane ran into the en suite, the vomit was travelling up her throat at a very fast pace. The toilet served as perfect dumping ground for her throw up, and Maura was by her side diligently performing 'girlfriendly' duties (holding her hair up whilst she rid her body of whatever substance she took the previous night).

Jane never knew it was possible to have a hard time trying to concentrate on a task suck as vomiting. They were still stark naked. And Maura was, for whatever reason, pressed into Jane's backside while holding the hair up. After a few thoroughly embarrassing moments, Jane lifted her head up.

''You ok?'', Maura asked, uncharacteristically ineloquent.

''Ya, thanks…..sorry''

''Don't be silly. What are you apologizing for'', Maura waved her hand as she got to her feet.

Whatever Jane thought she was apologizing for never left her mouth as the two women stood facing each others naked bodies for the first time. They were both at a loss. Jane's eyes zoned in on Maura's breasts straight away. As Maura unabashedly ran her eyes ALL over Jane's front side. After a few seconds of taking stock of one another, Jane began.

''I think I need to take a shower''. She wasn't sure if she should be covering some parts of her body or not. A shower was a perfectly acceptable excuse, right?

''Yes, me too''. Great. Now what? It was all a little too much to dissect in the present moment. The two women were still suffering from a massive hangover – add the naked situation they were in.

''Oooookkkkkk'', Jane drew out. ''I'll just be heading to the other bathroom now''. She practically ran out. Maura didn't blame her, she herself wanted to run.

Since being in New Zealand they used Maura's en suite bathroom. The main bathroom wasn't used, and Jane using it now left the situation even stranger than it had initially.

Maura stayed in the bathroom, examined herself fast and took a quick shower, much faster than Jane surprisingly. Because when she got out she heard Jane calling out to her. ''I'm coming'', she called back. The irony of her words. Good God.

With a towel wrapped around her body, she lightly knocked on the door. ''Is everything ok Jane?''

''Ya, I'm stupid. I didn't check for towels before jumping in here, so I'm just realizing there aren't any. Could you get one? Please?'', Jane let the words out in a hurry.

''Oh, I'm sorry Jane. I have only ever used that bathroom once. So I never even bothered to put towels in it. Let me bring you one'', the flustered doctor made quick work of getting a towel for Jane. Again she knocked lightly on her return, towel in hand.

''You don't have to keep knocking you know. You've already seen me naked''

''It just seems like the polite thing to do''

Jane pushed open the shower curtain a little and reached out for the drying towel Maura had brought.

''I don't think we had sex Jane''

Maura heard some strange noises coming from behind the shower curtain. She deduced Jane had probably slipped upon hearing her words.

Silence.

''Jane, I-''

''How do you know that Maura?'', Jane deadpanned, voice serious as ever.

''I'm a doctor Jane. And I know my body very well, so-''

''But you said you don't _think, _which means it might have happened'', she logically responded whilst attempting to dry herself.

Maura had gained sudden interest in her finger nails and was digging the shit out of the nail polish on them. ''I can't be a hundred percent sure. But I'm fairly certain''

Fairly certain for Maura was a hundred percent sure for everybody else. Jane released a loud sigh of relieve, ''thank God'', she muttered to herself (loudly).

''I hadn't realized having sex with me would have such torturous ramifications'', Maura answered, voiced laced with slight anger.

''Maura…'', Jane pulled the curtain open fast, without even considering the fact that she was still in a state of undress. She stepped out of the tub (where the shower was also located), and hurried to kneel in front of her distraught girlfriend sitting on the toilet seat.

''Look at me Maura'', she commanded, taking hold of small soft hands. The blonde lifted her head, which was still aching by the way. ''Please tell me you know I love you Maura?''. The blonde nodded. ''Tell me you know that I've been dreaming of this moment for so many years?'', Maura nodded again. ''Do you know how turned on you make me?'', Maura blushed but made no response, opting to hang her head again. Jane raised her index finger and lifted the doctor's head up. ''Do you remember our kiss last night?''

''Yes'', her tears were running down her cheeks already

''I cannot even begin to explain to you the amount of self-constraint I used to not take you in that bar'', Maura nodded solemnly, understanding exactly what Jane had gone through – she'd exercised the same power. ''Can you understand my point?''

Maura's expression was that of confusion. ''I remember every single second of that kiss. I remember the way I exploded inside'', she smiled brightly at Maura's teary eyes. ''I will remember that for the rest of my life'', she paused a bit to collect herself. ''So if what we thought happened last night had happened, I would never forgive myself for not being able to remember every moment of it''

The blonde nodded in agreement. That being settled, Jane started feeling self conscious about her disrobed state again. She slowly stood up rapping the huge towel around her slender frame. When Maura got up, they were standing in very close proximity, the only barrier between them being their towels and about six inches.

Forget last nights self restraint. They launched at each other with full force. The kiss jumped right into frenzied. Their tongues met hungrily as the two women quenched their desires. The bathroom didn't seem comfortable enough, and they thankfully were not in the middle of a bar. One of them opened the door fully and they dragged each other out, lips still attached. The pair was in the bedroom before they knew it, with Maura being pushed onto the bed by strong Rizzoli arms.

''Is this ok?'', Jane husked making sure she hadn't rushed Maura. When she looked at her girlfriend she didn't need a verbal answer. Maura was flushed and breathing heavier than Jane had ever seen. The message was very clear, and besides it didn't look like Maura had even heard Jane's question.

The detective moved her slim skilled arms to remove the material that served as a barrier between her hands and Maura's breasts. The towel got off with little to no difficulty, revealing the most gorgeous bosom Jane had ever seen. She had to wait a second before bringing one very erect nipple into her mouth. It became apparent to her that the contact wasn't enough. And with Maura in a world of her own because of the nipple that was being sucked, Jane was left to her own devices to make things right. She swiftly, yet roughly, pulled her towel off. Her body met Maura's, adding as much pressure as she could, and that moan Maura let out. Jane swore she could cum from just hearing that sound. She was trying to get herself back to the program, but was moving a little too slow for the doctor.

Maura had amazing strength it turned out. She squirmed from under Jane and was fast straddling her. The bounce of Maura's round and beautiful breasts above Jane was causing the release of delicious juices from Jane's centre. The blonde laid down to take smaller nipples into her mouth while massaging the other. Jane parted her legs, giving Maura all the access she need. The blonde wasted no time in push her thigh against Jane's sex. It was wet and she smiled in satisfaction. She had moved to Jane's neck and the detective was letting out sounds Maura thought she'd want to put on a CD to listen to later.

''Jane…touch me'', Maura breathed against Jane's ear.

Jane had been relishing in all that Maura had been doing and was having a hard time multi tasking. She didn't need to be told twice anyway, her hands flew to Maura's ass, pulling the smaller woman further into her. They continued their rocking, thoroughly enjoying every bit of.

''Do you think you are going to remember this Jane?'', Maura breathlessly asked Jane.

''I most certainly will'', she managed.

''Good!'' With that, Maura's hand travelled down to Jane's pussy. It was nicely moistured with Jane's juices and Maura just wanted to have a taste. Jane's left leg lifted up of its own accord, making the task much easier for Maura.

''Considerate aren't we''

''No, just selfish'', Jane smiled back. ''I want you so much Maura, so mu-….aahhh''

She couldn't get the last word out because Maura pushed two fingers into Jane. Maura's fingers had never felt anything so good. She pushed them in and pulled them out agonizingly slow. Jane's chest was rising and falling rapidly. She pulled Maura's lips into a searing kiss. One that said 'please don't stop'. Maura caught on. She added one more finger to her thrusts and their bodies rubbed against one another.

''Oh my God Maura. That feels so good''

''Is that all?'' Maura quizzed seductively.

''No, its just so hard to think right now wi-…..ahhhhh'', Maura thrust harder into her. She could feel Jane's walls constricting lightly. She knew the orgasm was coming very soon.

Jane's nails were digging into Maura's back, but Maura loved the feeling. It was testament to how well she was doing at pleasing her girlfriend.

''Look at me Jane'', it was a demand. Jane was so close, and Maura wanted to see her face whilst she came undone.

Jane obliged, as Maura moved faster. Her thumb flickered against Jane's clit a few time before the detective started seeing black spots. Maura decided she loved Janes face as she reached her high and screamed her name. she had never heard her name sound so good. The doctor saw her through her entire orgasm – intense and long. She would never forget how Jane's muscles squeezed her fingers as juices just flowed out. It was another of the feelings she would never be able to describe.

Without a word exchanged, Jane switched their positions after she had caught a breath. Maura wanted it so badly and wasn't going to pretend to protest. Jane attacked her favourite place – Maura's breast. The doctors hips were already arching up as Jane worked on her. The detective began kissing Maura further down, bit by bit. She was sensual in her kissing and worshipped Maura's body the way it deserved to be.

By the time she got between Maura's legs, she could _see _the fluid dripping out. ''You better not tease me Jane''

''I had no intention of doing that my love''. She placed her lips on her girlfriends pussy and kissed it sweetly. Her tongue then swiped against the doctors folds. Maura had a moan that made Jane weak, she couldn't believe it. She took the whole bundle of nerves into her mouth, producing another loud moan from Maura. A few, very few licks down there, and Maura was spasming beautifully. Jane loved being the cause of such a reaction. When Maura was done, Jane made her way up to Maura.

''Kiss me'', she rasped. Maura pulled her in immediately.

''Don't you taste nice?''. Maura smiled, ''yes, I think I do''. Maura pulled Jane in for a longer kiss, licking all the remnants of her juices from Jane's mouth.

''This is something I can remember'', she said softly.

''Me too Jane. I loved every bit of it. Your tongue….'', Maura didn't know an adequate word to use.

''Your fingers….'', Jane shot back.

They both laughed.

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**AN: I won't take this long before the next update, about two days ok….**


	29. Here's my heart

**AN: What happened to our Detective Frost Is unimaginable. I am at a complete loss and I'm failing to understand and come to grips with what has happened. I feel so bad even posting this. May his soul RIP.**

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So they never quite learned what happened the morning they woke up naked on Maura's bedroom floor. The driver Maura had hired came back later that day to check on them. He related the little he saw before driving off, telling them they had made out the whole way home and he drove off after they locked themselves in. The rest of the activities remained a mystery. They had spoken to Maura's gay friend from the bar, who had told them they thankfully hadn't embarrassed themselves but had just drank excessively.

In the days that ensued, the pair had spoken to Angela and informed her when they would be returning. What set Angela off into a crying mess was when they had mentioned they were now officially together, and that they would be living with her for some time till they bought a place of their own. Angela couldn't have been happier, she could hear the joy in her girls' voices over the phone – it swelled her heart.

It was March 9th and Maura and Jane were finishing off their packing. They had been in New Zealand a few days shy of three week now, and they were decidedly ready to return. Jane had to be at work on March 15th, but she still felt she could have used a couple more weeks alone with Maura. Their time alone was just the remedy their budding relationship needed, and it worked perfectly. They were both happy and comfortable with each other. They had covered all the topics that needed to be addressed, and solved all necessary concerns. Their sex life couldn't get any better. Compatibility had been a small concern for Maura, but her worries were laid to rest anew each time she had sex with Jane. It seemed to be getting better and better. Jane had likened theM to rabbits the other day, which got Maura laughing hysterically. The detective loved to make Maura laugh. It was a sound that let her know the day had been worth living.

''Oh my God. I can't believe I totally forgot about this'', Jane yelled.

''What is it Jane?'', Maura came running into the bedroom.

''I got this from Jane, at the school'', she held out the envelope she had just pulled from her pocket for Maura to see.

''Jane Wang?'', Maura asked – shocked, as she grabbed said item from Jane's grasp.

''Ya. She gave me when we were leaving the school. I looked at it but didn't understand. I put it away and meant to ask you but I totally forgot''

Maura pulled the red half piece of paper and fell on the bed weeping. Jane hadn't expected this and rushed to shush her lover.

''Heyyyy, Maur. Don't cry''. When that got her a few louder sobs, she try a different approach.

''Let's talk about it another time alright''. She let Maura wear out her crying, before she spoke again. It broke Jane's heart to see Maura cry like that. ''Are you ok sweetheart?''

''Yes''

''Good, so let me j-''

''No'', Maura grabbed Jane's arm. ''Please. Let me explain to you''

''Maura, you don't have to.''

''I want to'', She said sadly. Jane couldn't say no to that voice, so she let her proceed.

''_Why do you look sad or cry sometimes when you look at me?'' Little Janie Wang spoke to Maura in the art room during their after school club. She was the last child left and Maura was waiting for the mother to come and pick her up, who was running just a little late._

''_Remember I told you before that my best friend was called Jane'', the lump in her throat was already making it impossible to speak. Thinking about Jane was hard enough, let alone speaking of her. _

''_But you never told me why she isn't your best friend anymore. Did you have a fight?'' the little girl asked innocently._

''_No sweetheart''. She internally wished Jane's absence was due to something as simple as a fight – anything really that just could be fixed, not death._

''_So what happened?''_

_Maura again wished the girl would stop asking questions, but she also didn't want to hurt her fragile feelings. ''Sometimes people go away and you can never see them again, and there is nothing you can do about it. When you are older you will understand it better sweetie, ok''. She didn't want to start telling the child about death, that conversation was for her to have with her parents. She was already crying also and wanted to spare the kid the trauma of watching her carer fall apart before her. _

''_So how does it feel when you can't see that person anymore?'', she sure was on a roll._

''_It breaks your heart'', Maura cried, ''because that person is IN your heart''. She clutched her chest and sobbed quietly. She was desperately trying to pull it together for the sake of the little girl. She also didn't want the mother walking in and finding her child in the hands of an incompetent emotion woman. _

_The little girl wasn't perturbed by Maura's tears, she had witnessed the older woman cry in her presence many times, so she rallied on, ''How does a heart break?'', Janie asked curiously. Oblivious the torture she was causing Maura._

_Maura didn't know how she could explain it, so she picked a piece of hard paper from one of the desks. She pulled out a scissors and cut the paper into the shape of a heart._

''_This is what my heart looked like before I met Jane'', she spoke while wiping away stray tears. The little girl nodded, looking at Maura's actions intently. The woman picked up a red colour and painted the whole shape red. _

''_This is how it looked like after it was filled with love from Jane''. The little girl seemed to understand so she went on. Holding the piece of coloured paper up high, she ripped it in two. ''This is what happened after Jane went away''._

_The girl looked astonished. Maura then dropped the other half to the floor and picked up one, ''this is what my heart looks like now. It's filled with love. You see the love is still there?''. She pointed to the picture making sure Janie could see._

''_Yes'', the little one answered. _

''_But it's not whole anymore. My heart will never be whole again. And the colour can't come off, meaning it will never be empty again''._

''_Don't cry'', the little girl whispered sweetly, falling into an embrace from Maura._

_When Maura let go of her she asked, ''Can I keep the half Jane went away with'', she bent down picking the half Maura had dropped to the ground. _

''_Yes honey, go ahead''._

_Her mother came to pick her up, and the story was never brought up again. _

Jane was a mess too by the time Maura finished telling the story of the incident. Maura read the words Janie had wrote out loud again, ''_**This is the half you took with you. Now you are here**__**. Can you give it back. **_That is one of the sweetest things that's ever happened to me. I don't know how she could be so small and so…..I don't know'', Maura shook her head.

''Well now it makes sense'', Jane tried to lighten the mood.

They were scheduled to leave the next day in the night, so Jane took a few minutes that afternoon to ''run a few errands''. Maura had laughed at her asking what errands she had to run in _New Zealand. _Jane wasn't deterred and just went about her business.

Before going to bed they made sure everything was packed, boxes nicely labelled. Maura was having all her valuables shipped to Boston and keeping the rest of the furniture inside for the person who was going to rent the place. The two decided it would be their vacation home and the person to be moving in agreed to make the place available whenever they were in the country.

''I have something for you'', Jane said sheepishly walking towards the bed to were Maura was already settled in the blankets, with her hands behind her back.

''What could that possibly be my love''. Jane loved it when Maura called her that, and Maura knew it.

Jane placed a sweet kiss to the blonde's lips then produced a neatly wrapped flat, square looking box. Maura sat up excitedly; she certainly hadn't been expecting anything like this.

''Open it'', Jane gestured when she saw Maura just staring at the present. The blonde smiled and unwrapped it patiently. Inside was the heart from Jane Wang, but it was framed in a silver frame inscribed **Here's My Heart **at the bottom. She knelt down beside the bed and took Maura's hand.

She kissed it softly then began, ''I never meant to take my love away from you. I'm sorry I broke your heart Maura, in more ways than one. This chance that you have given me - to love you again, I will make it the best decision you have ever made. It's not going to be easy always, and I'm going to be difficult to live with from time to time. But my love Maura, it can only grow from here. We're going to get a beautiful home and start a wonderful life together. With you by my side, I am never going to want for anything. My only hope is that I can provide everything you need for you. I want you promise me something Maura''

The doctor shook her head in agreement and Jane continued, ''Promise me that you will always tell me. I want you to tell me what you need and what you want. I want to know when I make you happy and when I cause you sorrow. Let me know if I'm wrong, and if I'm making a mistake, and if I'm becoming too much for you'', they both chuckled, ''I want you to tell me what you hope for, for the future. I want you to tell me simple things like what you had for breakfast or what you dreamt of, or even what you saw when you were driving somewhere. I don't want you to ever stop telling me, ok. Because sometimes I may forget. And sometimes I may not know. Sometimes I may even be wrong. But telling me will guide me. No matter how bad anything is, tell me Maura. Can you promise me that?''

''Yes'', Maura answered easily at the end of Jane's speech. ''Can you get over here and kiss me now?'' Jane smirked and advanced on her girlfriend. They made passionate love for as long as they could before waking up to their last morning in the beautiful country that was New Zealand.

* * *

Their journey back home was mostly uneventful. Just the usual check-in waiting queues and hours and hours of sitting on the plane. Oh, and the tiresome two stop overs. By the time they landed in Boston it was Thursday night, and they were greeted by the cool March winds.

''It's nice to be back home'', Maura mused while they were standing just outside 'departures' waiting for Angela.

''Ya it is. But New Zealand was kinda cool. I'm already looking forward to going back''.

''When did you become so selfish?'', Maura playfully swatted her, knowing the sentiment behind Jane's statement was so that they could have time alone.

''Since the day you agreed to be my girlfriend. It's not so bad is it?'', Jane asked shyly.

Maura nodded her head for Jane to come to her, the detective obliged. Maura wrapped her hands around Jane's neck and gave her a nice wet kiss as soon as Jane pulled her close.

''It's not bad Jane. There's nothing I would want more than more alone time. It's unfortunate life has other plans''

''I know', Jane said disappointed.

Angela had been watching them from a distance. She couldn't believe that _her _Janie was kissing a woman in the middle of an airport, not looking the least bit worried about what anyone thought. And the way she and Maura held each other and looked at each other – it left Angela speechless. The elder woman thought she knew love; she didn't - she was now seeing it for the first time. And she couldn't be more happy to have her own daughter present the picture of love to her.

When she finally made it to them, they embraced and shared stories about their time abroad and their journey back. Angela didn't miss how they were both glowing and was itching to ask how much sex they had had. She had to refrain as a mother, and show some semblance of respect for her two 'capable' daughters.

They settled into Angela's place well, it was going to be home for a while after all. It was no surprise that they would be stripped of their privacy; Angela didn't quite understand that particular art. They had to bear with it anyway, they were in her house, and besides, they had prepared for it already. Their last days in New Zealand had strictly consisted of intimate moments upon intimate moments. They needed to savour it. Jane was going to be at work full time from Monday, and Angela was going to be hovering – that was going to be their life for a brief period.

On Friday the Rizzoli brothers and Korsak and Frost came over to see the girls. They were very thrilled about the shift in Jane and Maura's relationship. And they also took the liberty of letting Maura know all was forgotten and they loved her the same. The whole evening in general went fine, and everyone was happy.

The next day was Saturday, and the girls were not particularly looking forward to this day. Saturday meant seeing Casey. Saturday meant Maura would meet her girlfriends' ex-boyfriend for the first time. Saturday meant Jane and Maura were going to Casey's place to pack all of Jane's belongings.

* * *

**AN: What do'u think this whole meeting is going to be like? tell me tell me tell me...**


	30. Is love enough?

**AN : My sincere gratitude to all those who love my story and appreciate all the effort I put into it.**

* * *

**Disclaimer : I do not own Rizzoli and Isles.**

* * *

''Are you sure you don't want me to come with?''

''No Ma, its ok. Thanks though. I spoke to Casey last night and he said he packed away most of the stuff anyway. So it's just a few remaining things''

''Is Maura alright?'', Angela asked nosily.

''Not completely. But she said she'll be fine. I tried and failed to talk her out of coming with me''

''Honey, you have to understand that the situation is hard on her. And it's normal for her to feel a little insecure''

''But I haven't given her reason to feel that way. I love her, and I have said it and shown her in every way I can. Why should she not trust me to go to Casey's alone''. Jane felt like she had failed in her love life a bit. She wanted Maura to understand that she meant the world to her. And she wanted the doctor to not worry about her meeting Casey. But if Maura felt insecure, Jane considered it her fault because she hadn't given Maura enough reason to trust her on that level.

''If you were in her shoes Jane, and don't deny it cause we both know it, you would have been punching the wall and arranging for mover to pick the things up. So let her be, ok?'', Angela placed a soothing hand on Jane's arm. ''There is nothing for her to worry about. So let her come with you and find it out herself. If you keep pushing her to stay then she's bound to be suspicious''

''You're right I guess'', Jane hated to admit it when Angela was right.

''I'm heading out. Call me if you need anything ok?''

''Sure. Thanks Ma''.

Angela walked out, leaving Jane making breakfast for her and her girlfriend. Maura had been getting changed so they could be off to get Jane's items. They hadn't showered together that morning because Maura was faintly vexed with Jane for trying to get her to remain. Maura had made it very clear that she was going with Jane and it wasn't up for discussion. Jane was a wreck; she didn't know how to react in the midst of her former lover and current lover. Take about oddities.

Jane had eaten cereal with her mother, but still felt hungry so she joined her girlfriend for another round of breakfast. ''I'll be in the car'', Jane called out to Maura as she made her way outside when they were done. She sat in their rental car for ten whole minutes before Maura showed face. She was going to ask what took so long, but Jane was treading on thin ice with the doctor that morning so letting petty things go was the best option.

They pulled up into Casey's driveway a few minutes after eleven a.m. A moment of deafening silence fell upon them before Maura spoke, ''this is going to be quick right?''

''Yes. I'm sorry to put you through all this'', Jane said sincerely.

''I'm sorry I insisted on coming'', Maura hung her head.

''You are the woman I love, so you have the right to go where ever you want to go with me ok. Anywhere, anytime'', She smiled at Maura, who returned the smile. Jane jumped out of the car and rounded it to open the door for Maura – she is cute like that.

''Thanks'', Maura said pressing her lips against Jane's. Jane forced her tongue into Maura's mouth and the two shared a long kiss before going to knock at the door.

Casey opened on the second knock. ''Jane'', his mood dampened a little when he noticed Maura standing almost behind Jane.

''Hello Casey'', she grabbed Maura's hand, ''this um…this is Maura'', she faltered a bit.

''Yes, Maura. I have heard a lot of wonderful things. It's lovely to finally meet you….properly'', he added.

''Like wise'', she stretched her hand to him.

Formalities out of the way, Jane felt like she needed to set the direction for her two companions to follow. ''Maura and I are just going to pick up the stuff and we'll be on our way''.

''Please'', he move to let them in. ''So how was your vacation?'', the question seemed to be directed towards Maura because Jane was already scoping out the place to see what she needed and didn't need.

''It was eventful at the least, and very necessary'', Maura responded. Casey wasn't sure what to make of the reply so just smiled back. Jane had told him (the night they broke up) that Maura was a little funny with her words.

''I'll just be out of your way. If you need anything I'll be in the kitchen''. Casey was jealous, obviously. But he wasn't going to fight for Jane; he knew he couldn't give her what Maura could. So he manned up and took a side step – preserving his pride.

''Thanks''. He walked away leaving the two women in privacy. Maura's heart sank a little. She wasn't expecting him to be so nice and understanding; it just made disliking him that much harder.

''C'mon Maur, lets pack and get outta here''. Jane noticed Maura's internal conflict, but decided to address it later, choosing instead to focus on the task at hand so they could leave. After gathering a number of things into 4 boxes, Jane discovered they only had one more box to pack and they would be gone. Everything seemed to have cruised smoothly with no bumps along the way, that wasn't exactly a day in the life of Jane Rizzoli; something had to happen, no matter how miniscule. And it did.

''OUUUUCH…'', Jane yelled. Maura was immediately by her side.

''Jane, what happened?'', Maura yelled too. Casey soon followed.

_Just fucking great, _Jane thought. _I almost made it out of here with no hiccups. _

Maura stripped off her cardigan and applied pressure to Jane's foot. She had brushed against a mirror on the wall (holding one of the boxes) which subsequently fell onto her foot, leaving a very painful open cut wound.

''I wish you had listened to me and not worn those flip flops. Sit down here''. The detective acquiesced – in too much pain to protest and also knowing Maura was right.

''Do you have a bandage?'', Maura asked Casey.

''Son of a bitch!'', Jane screamed in pain when Maura applied more pressure to the bleeding foot.

''Jane!'', Maura admonished her language.

''Sorry, it hurts Maura''

''I know love. Just give it a while ok''

Casey was watching the exchange intently. He felt like a complete ass hole. Firstly for fucking up the chance he had with Jane, then for wasting his time waiting for Jane to love him wholly. The love radiating from the two was unmistakable, he couldn't help wonder what people thought of him and Jane when they were together.

He walked out feeling hurt all over again, but still going to get a bandage for the woman he loved. When Maura was done cleaning Jane's wound and bandaging it, her and Casey helped Jane to the car – lover and ex-lover on opposite sides. The scene looked like it was pulled from a Jeremy Kyle episode.

''I will put the remaining things in the box for you Jane. Please just relax and wait here for me. And don't pull that bandage off, I know you''. They had a mini staring contest and then Maura kissed her, satisfied Jane was going to comply.

''Sorry about your sweater''

''Jane. Compared to your foot, you know that holds no ground'', Maura smiled sweetly before backing away from the passenger side. Casey felt invisible in the presence of the two women.

Maura walked back into the house to pack the remainder of the things, giving Jane and Casey a few minutes to themselves. She didn't like the idea, but part of her felt like it was the mature and respectable thing to do. She trusted Jane, and that had to be enough. Maura had fished Jane out of Boston in a heartbeat, giving Jane only a few hours to settle things with Casey. It was unfair to an extent, and Casey being the nice enough man he seemed to be, he at least deserved a few minutes to bit Jane farewell. So Maura packed while the ex-couple talked.

''She's just as wonderful as you said she was''

''She is. Thank you, Casey. For having us here, and for understanding''

''I care about you a lot Jane, and I still love you. I would lie if I said this was easy for me. But loving someone is putting them first. I messed up in the past, now I no longer have the option to have you back'', he paused, filled with emotion, ''so the best thing I can do is let you be happy. You're the best person I know, I sincerely hope she deserves you''

''She does Casey. _She's _the best person I know''

''Take care of your foot ok. I'm happy for you''. He embraced her and walked back to the house. Jane was a little nervous about the pair having 'alone time' in the house without her. But she knew Maura had intentionally given them some privacy, so she returned the favour.

''Do you need a hand?'' He asked Maura, leaning against the wall.

''No, thank you. I am about done here'', she stood up from her swat position.

Silence loomed.

''She's a wonderful person Maura.''

''I know'', the blonde responded firmly.

''I hope you don't make the same mistake I made''

''It's not possible. I love Jane with all my heart.''

''So do I'', Casey countered.

Silence again.

''What do you want from me Casey?'', Maura was no longer sure where the conversation was headed and why Casey was still standing there looking at her.

''I have accepted that Jane doesn't love me anymore, and I am moving on. But I will always have her best interests at heart. Always. Don't break her heart''. Casey knew he had no business vetting Jane's love interests, but he couldn't help himself. He genuinely wanted the brunette to be happy.

It was a warning. But Maura was surprised by what it was that stabbed her the most. It was the fact that Jane had a back-up plan. It was the thought that if things didn't go well with their relationship Jane had somebody else who loved her. She couldn't believe that Casey had questioned her love for Jane. That he thought she would do what he did. The last was an irrational pang. Casey didn't know her, so he had every right to think what he wanted about her intentions with Jane. It still hurt though.

And after careful analysis, Maura realized Casey was absolutely justified in his perspective. When Casey came back into Jane's life, Maura was nowhere to be found. Casey had been there the entire time Jane had been losing her mind looking for her. So yes, Maura had done a similar thing. The same way Casey had stayed in Afghanistan and left Jane hanging without so much as consulting Jane about his decision, she had flown off to an unknown place and stayed in secrecy till showing up one day like a thunderstorm on a warm summers day.

The next few moments took Maura down memory lane. She started analysing her life all over again, as she had done many times before. How many times she had wished she had someone who loved her the way Casey loved Jane. A person that could live through hurt if it meant making the one they loved happy. Casey could have blown things out of proportion; he could have produced scenes and fought back. He could have passed nasty comments and said hateful words. But the man was collected, put together and understanding. He was respectful and considerate. He put Jane's wants and needs before anything else. He wasn't selfish (at least not anymore).

Maura started questioning whether she was at all right for Jane. She was mad at Jane when she found out Jane was dating Casey. And over the weeks she had forgiven Jane and told herself she understood Jane's actions. But in truth, she learned, she hadn't. It was only in this moment that it was becoming clear to her. It made sense how Jane could fall into a relationship with this man. He was the epitome of a perfect guy, except for short-fallings in the past. But it seemed the man had corrected that attribute by settling in Boston and getting a permanent job.

The doctor understood how Jane fell into Casey's arms during her absence. The Rizzoli's all liked him, and Angela could finally get those grandchildren she so wanted. Casey had got a home for him and Jane, and was preparing for a life Jane deserved, a life that would fulfil Jane.

Maura had ripped that away from Jane, vehemently stating her love for the brunette. She didn't doubt she could give Jane all the love she had. But was love enough? Casey seemed to be able to offer Jane fulfilment. Jane wouldn't have to worry about struggling in the lgbt community, and Casey could give her wonderful children. Those are the two things Maura couldn't give Jane, fulfilment and children. And the intelligent woman was only realizing that now.

* * *

**AN: Oh Maura…..**


	31. Frost to the rescue

**AN: Thought I'd throw in a final dedication to Frost. I'm in mad love with Jane n Maura, but I still love the whole main cast.**

**Also, to those that take the time to review or PM me, if you have noticed, I take just about all your idea's (and incorporate them). Thanks for the support.**

* * *

Maura was going through a round of self-inflicted torture in Casey's half bathroom. She hated her mind for going through those kind of rounds in all the wrong places. _couldn't this wait till I got home?, _she said to herself through angry tears. She'd been in there almost ten minutes and she knew someone would come knocking. Maura just had no idea how to collect herself enough to leave the small room.

Jane's patience was wearing thin and she was getting super nervous about Maura and Casey being in the house alone for that long (not for reasons sexual though….that would be funny...well maybe not so funny). Just as she was about to drag herself out of the car, Casey walked over to her.

''Whats taking so long?''

''She's been in the bathroom for a while now. Is she alright?''

''Oh boy'', Jane let out a loud sigh. She knew something was wrong.

''What did you say to her?'', she was suddenly angry at Casey.

''Nothing to make her lock herself up for that long''

Jane shot him a look that could kill as she tried to make her way back inside the house. Her foot wouldn't let her move so fast, so Casey gave her a hand, despite her protests. When she got to the door she placed her ear on it to try and make out any sounds she could hear.

_I should have never let her do this, _Jane told herself. _Do what?, _she thought. _Come here? Talk to Casey alone? _She wasn't sure.

''Maura honey, it's me.''

Jane was not expecting those four words to get Maura to open the door. And Maura saw it by the surprised look on Jane's face.

''I have caused enough of a scene. I didn't want us to be shouting through closed doors. Casey probably thinks I'm a lunatic''

Jane locked the door behind her and gathered her girlfriend in a hug.

''I promised I would never be the cause of your pain or such tears. I didn't keep my promise, I'm so sorry'', Jane spoke through a strangled voice.

''Its not you Jane. You did nothing wrong''

''So why are you crying? What did Casey say to you?''

''Can we go home Jane. I don't want to do this here'', Maura felt so weak. The truth was that after the tears started falling, she was now just waiting for Jane to come and get her. _This is not the person Jane needs, _she thought to herself.

Casey thankfully stayed in the kitchen, so Maura made a smooth exit. Jane stayed to have a word with the man though.

''Damn it Casey, what did you say to her?'', Jane was furious now.

''Jane, there is no need to shout''.

''If Maura is crying, there _is _need to shout. What the fuck did you say to her?''

''Geez Jane. I just told her you were a wonderful person and warned her not to make the same mistake I made''

''So why is she crying?''

''How the hell should I know'', Casey said innocently. He didn't understand either.

Jane just walked away, packed boxes forgotten. She was greatful when she saw Maura sitting in the passenger side, she wasn't going to let her drive feeling that emotional. Maura was too distraught to even offer to drive. Luckily Jane had hurt her left foot so she managed to drive them back home.

Maura cried the whole way home and didn't say a single thing.

''I'll ask Frankie to go and pick up the boxes when he's free'', Jane rasped.

''Ok'', Maura walked out of the car and headed indoors before remembering Jane had hurt herself. She stupidly walked back to the car to assist the detective.

''Its ok Maura, I'll manage'', Jane told Maura seeing that the woman desperately needed sometime to herself.

''I want to help you''. That effectively shut Jane up, and they walked into the house.

''Oh my God! What happened baby'', Angela looked like she was looking at Jane's dead body.

''It just a little cut Ma, would you calm down''

''Then why is it all bandaged like that? What happened?''. Angela was sitting by Jane's side and had pulled the woman's leg onto her lap.

Maura took advantage of the distraction and hurried to their room before Angela realized she had been crying, that would lead to another story altogether.

Jane rested her head against the couch and shut her eyes tightly. Four things were bothering her the most. First, and most importantly, the unknown reason behind Maura's hurt. Secondly, her mother's presence – or proximity therefore. Third, the excruciating pain in her leg. And last, what Casey might have been thinking. The last thought she quickly dismissed, _fuck Casey and what he thinks. _

''Jane, can you tell me what happened'', Angela now spoke softly after witnessing her daughter struggle by herself, ''and where did Maura run off to?'', she added as an afterthought looking around the room. ''Wait, did something happen?'', she turned back to Jane. ''I knew it. I told you to at least let me come with you guys'', she was wailing hysterically now. ''I better go and see if she is alr-''

''NO!'', Jane snapped her eyes open. ''Just leave her a little bit _please. _I'll go and talk to her in a bit, she'll be fine'', the last part was not so convincing, even to Jane herself.

The two women sat in silence for a short while, two Rizzoli women didn't exactly equal peace. Jane finally stood; she didn't want her mother to start blubbing off again. ''I'm going to check on her.'' The statement and tone left no room for argument or questioning.

Jane was surprised when she knocked on the door and Maura told her to enter. That's not what surprised her though – it was the sight in front of her. Maura was clad in form fitting jeans and a light brown hoody. She had short boots on and a purse in hand. The only evidence pointing to her earlier tears was a faintly puffy face and red tinged eyes. The doctor had already done her make up well, tied her hair back and was undoubtedly ready to leave. Jane looked at her pointedly, not wanting to upset her by blurting a series of question – especially the _wrong _questions.

''How is your leg?''. Ever considerate Maura was.

''It's a little better now'', Jane shrugged.

''I'm heading out for a little while'', Maura shifted nervously.

''You are 'heading out'?'' Jane reiterated, knowing Maura never used such phrases.

''Yes Jane. I can 'head out' as well you know''

Jane smiled. ''I know honey. Do you want me to come with you?'', she knew the answer though.

''Thank you Jane, but I think I will be alright. I will text you when I'm coming back, I don't really know how long I am going to be'', Maura was already making her way towards the door.

Jane stopped her with a light tug to her hand. Maura stopped dead in her tracks and looked into hurt chocolaty eyes. ''I don't mean to hold it against you, but remember you promised me? You promised me you'd tell me. And I know you don't want to talk about this now, but when you come back, can we?'' Maura nodded, appreciating that Jane had given her the space she needed. ''Are _we _ok Maura?'', Jane asked with such a vulnerable voice that broke Maura's heart all over again.

''Yes we are'', she nodded.

Jane knew Maura couldn't lie, so if she said they were fine it meant they were. So she let go of Maura's hand and let her be. The doctor walked two steps before reversing and pulling Jane into a hard kiss. After literally taking Jane's breath away, she pulled back. ''I love you Jane''. She looked at Jane for a long moment.

''Always and forever'', they said in unison. Then Maura walked out, leaving a thoroughly turned on Jane.

* * *

It was common knowledge that Jane's day was going to be a very tough one. Her girlfriend was upset, she wasn't completely sure why, and hence had no idea how to make things better. She sat for almost an hour in their bedroom, wallowing in the pain from her leg while trying to figure out how she could make herself useful instead of just sitting around and waiting.

The idea came like an epiphany to Jane. Maura had been the one to take Jane out the whole time they were away. It wasn't entirely Jane's fault, she knew zero to nothing about New Zealand. But she knew Boston like the back of her hand, so it was her turn to treat her gorgeous lady. Ignoring the pain in her leg, Jane went about making preparations for the evening.

She walked out of the house leaving her mother shouting about how she needed to use her car. Maura had taken their rental so she had no choice. The brunette drove to the mall, where she willingly entered a boutique for the first time in her life. She didn't have to spend too much time in there though; a beautiful and elegant red dress caught her eye immediately. It was long and promised an adequate amount of cleavage display. Together with that she purchased a pair of black heels and a matching black clutch. All in all it cost her about $300. No price could ever be too much for her Maura, and besides, she had a lump sum granted to her after the whole scandal that befell her a year ago. Leaving the boutique she headed for a shop that sold clothing a little more to her taste. In there she bought some nice grey slacks and a black dress shirt. She remembered to also get a pair of black low heeled shoes – her leg still hurt badly from the mini accident that morning. Her outfit perfectly complimented Maura's and she felt so proud of herself.

Jane despised being one of those women that walked around the mall with numerous bags of shopping, but here she was today – doing just that. Her legs was making it a difficult to continuously walk, but she wasn't finished yet, so she went back to the car to drop the bags she had and went back inside the mall to finish off her shopping. In the jewellery shop she took a little more time. She was well out of her depth and felt her pride would be wounded a little by divulging that to the sales assistant, so she walked up and down and round and round, unsuccessfully. Feeling a little sceptical about her true intentions, the lady ended up walking over to Jane again and requesting that she help the brunette. Jane felt dumb for not having just sought assistance to begin with.

Forth-five minutes later she walked out of the jewellery shop with a set of matching silver necklace, bracelet and earrings for her girlfriend. For herself she bought a much simpler silver necklace and fancy earrings. She wouldn't deny how silly she felt spending a near $800 on that jewellery. All their clothes hadn't cost that much. But she had to continue with her mantra _''you're doing it for Maura, you're doing it for Maura''. _

With the attires ready, she was faced with the hardest task that in hindsight, she figured should have been done first. She drove over to the most expensive side of Boston and parked by the fanciest restaurant she knew. Luck was on her side, or maybe not so much, she wasn't sure yet. A couple had just cancelled their reservation for that night, leaving Jane with a vacant table to take. However, it was one of the most expensive. The table was situated on a semi private balcony, fenced with glass and overlooking a lovely lack. Knowing Maura would love it, the choice was simple.

_One last stop, _she comforted herself. The brunette pulled up in front of a florist. She bought 18 red roses bound together by a black ribbon, and a card to accompany the flowers. She shouldn't have wasted time wishing her mother wasn't home when she got there; she had taken the woman's car after all. Before she even got her seatbelt off Angela was already opening the door to the passenger side pulling the bags out. She was such a little kid at times. Jane knew better than to be angry and just embraced it. It was now 5pm and Jane hadn't heard from Maura. She decided to get the last surprise ready for Maura before calling her. Arrangements made for what Jane had in store after their date, she spared sometime to indulge her mother.

Angela was going on and on about how sweet Jane's planned gesture was. The woman was opening through everything Jane had bought and talking none stop. Jane barely got a word in. After she'd exhausted herself she decided to text Maura

**I hope everything is ok honey. You have been away for some time now. I miss you. Please tell me you are alright. J**

Jane wasn't expecting an instant reply, so when her phone pinged it startled her.

**Sorry. Got caught up. I am doing alright. It was unfair of me to run off like that. I hope you understand. Miss you too. M**

Jane made quick work of replying, not wanting the blonde to disappear on her again.

**When are you coming home? J**

She didn't want to come off as pushy or clingy, but the circumstances leading to their separation were less than ideal so she had to inquire.

**Strange actually, I was just jumping into the car. Will be home in half an hour at most. M**

The smile that graced Jane's features was goofy and she knew it.

**Yay. I really really REALLY miss you Maura. See you in a bit. I love you sweetheart, always and forever. J**

The 'always and forever' saying had become somewhat of a thing between them. When no reply came, Jane figured Maura was now driving. Angela out of Jane's hair, the detective began to prepare for Maura's surprise. She neatly laid the gorgeous red dress on the bed with the shoes on the floor just below it. The clutch was set just beside the dress portraying the full look of the whole outfit. Jane took the flowers and placed them where the head would be if someone was actually wearing the dress. She then pulled out the card she bought at the store and began to write inside, trying her hardest to be as neat as possible:

_God sent me an angel up from above__,__  
__That's gonna love me for life__.__  
__Might as well be perfect__,__  
__Only be__cause it's the only way__  
__I can describe__._

After quoting a Jennifer Hudson song she placed the card next to the flowers. Realizing the bunch had a dangling card of their own, Jane made another quick scribble.

_18 roses to represent everyday that you have been my girlfriend. I love you Maura..._

Quickly, she packed a bag she knew they were going to need for what she had planned after their dinner. When all was in place, she went to sit on the porch outside waiting for Maura – resting her foot too.

* * *

When Maura got back from Casey's place….

She was tired of crying and being unsure. She didn't want to drag Jane into a conversation if she didn't have anything sensible to say. So that day, instead of crying like she always did and waiting for Jane to come to her rescue again, she acted. She pulled out her phone and dialed Frost's number.

''Hello Barry, I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time'', she tried to make her voice sound normal, but it betrayed her.

''Hey doc, are you alright?'', Frost asked, concerned.

''Sort of, yes. No emergency though. I was wondering if you were free….''she waited a beat.

''Yes….'', Frost assisted.

''I wanted to speak to you about something. Alone, preferably''. Frost knew it had to do with Jane. He really didn't want to be caught in the middle of a lovers quarrel, but he remembered he had told Maura at the dinner that she could come to him for anything – so here she was.

''Sure. I am home now. Do you want to come over?''

''I would like that, yes. Thank you Barry''

''No sweat doc''

''I'll be there in about half an hour''

''See you then. Bye''

Maura was relieved he was available so she dressed up fast, made herself look presentable and after her mini delay from Jane she set off.

Frost's house was very neat for a young man who lived on his own. Maura found herself instantly comfortable in the small apartment. She settled on the couch as Frost brought her a cup of tea.

''Thank you Barry. You didn't really have to''

''I wanted to. It's a bit chilly outside also'', he was very sweet and considerate all the time.

Of all the people, Maura had come to Barry. She wanted some insight into her situation. She needed someone who knew and understood her and Jane and was intelligent enough to offer a clear perspective – no offence to the other people she hadn't approached.

''I needed someone to talk to Barry, a friend'', she sighed. ''it's probably the type of conversation I would present to a girlfriend, but I have none. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable in any way.''

Frost felt a little sorry for Maura. He had always had many friends so he didn't quite understand what it felt like not having anyone to confide in. But he wouldn't deny the pride he felt at being the person Doctor Maura Isles sought advice from. He playfully wondered if he could put it on his résumé.

''I'm thrilled you came to me Maura. What's wrong?''. He sat on the one-sitter beside the two-sitter Maura sat on, looking at her with concerned eyes.

''Everyone I know is partial to Jane's feelings, and I needed objective eyes. Not to say you don't have Jane's best interests at heart, but I am led to believe you care for me too. So I was hoping you would have my best interests at heart too''. Frost looked like he wasn't quite following, so she had to select a different set of word.

''Answer me honestly, please. I am what is best for Jane?'', her voice cracked a little as she averted her eyes from Frosts'.

''From my perspective, yes''

''And from other people?'', Maura's eyes went wide. She had convinced herself she was ready for whatever Frost had to say, but clearly she had deluded herself''

''Maura…'', it wasn't often that the detective addressed Maura by her first name; it was usually just 'doc'. ''…if you are waiting for me to tell you that you aren't good enough for Jane then you're wasting your time'', she was about to speak but Frost went on, ''you are good for Jane. You're the best there is for her. What happened doc?''

Maura already felt foolishly juvenile for what she was about to say, ''we went to Casey's place to get her belongings''

''Ahhh..'', Frost nodded in agreement. Then quickly thought, ''did he do anything?''

''NO!'', the doctor shouted a little too loudly. ''that's part of the problem. He was so nice and…..''

A loud sigh.

''….I feel like I am clouding Jane's judgment. It's as if I am blocking her from the happiness she deserves and her family by extension. She loved me before…..you know'', Frost encouraged her to continue, ''then I went away, and her first love came to her rescue. Then when things were going well for her I showed up. Not only that, I drove her into making a choice immediately. And there could be two reasons at the root of my problem today.'', she was so focused on getting her point across that the younger man was afraid to interject. ''one'', she stuck a finger out, ''we never had a chance to explore our love so she may have chosen to be with me because she wasn't sure. You know…like how does someone choose between one thing they know and has failed, and one thing they haven't tried? It's human nature to want to go for the unknown instead of back paddle to the failed. '', it all came out so fast she had to take a moment to catch her breath. ''two'', she stuck another finger out, ''when she got into this relationship with me she now had the justification for comparison. What if she realized she was better off with Casey, that she would much rather want to be with this kind and gentle loving man. A man who could offer her fulfillment and children and her mother would be so happy and proud of her. He understands her job and she wouldn't even have to worry about fitting into society due to her sexual orientation. And now maybe she's scared to tell me she wants to go back to Casey. Maybe she is staying with me just because she cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me. Oh Barry…'', she wept.

Frost had never thought he would live to see the day the composed doctor fell apart like that. When Korsak had told him about the suicide attempt he had had a very hard time believing it. In fact, he hadn't quite come to grips with it. But there in that moment he saw how feasible it was. Maura was a mess and couldn't control herself. He quickly shifted from his chair and rushed to gather the good doctor into his arms. ''shhhh'', he purred. ''I hate to have to say this doc, but you got it all wrong. So so wrong Maura, you have no idea''

She pulled away and looked at him incredulously.

''The first word I can use to describe Jane is 'fighter'. Jane is a fighter – for what she wants and for what she believes in. She didn't fight hard enough for you when you were away because she told herself she was doing what she thought you would appreciate. That was her way of putting your feeling before hers. So she allowed herself to suffer under the impression that you were doing alright, that you never wanted to come back to Boston.'' He looked her in the eye to make sure what he was saying was entering her brain, then continued.

''She will never forgive herself for not working hard enough to find you, do you know that?'', Maura was just looking at him, and occasionally digging into her palms. ''You ever heard the saying 'the things we love the most about people are the things we hate the most about them'?'', Maura shook her head, face painted with nothing but confusion. ''we all love Jane because she is fiercely loyal. Because she loves with everything within her and she puts her loved ones before her always. But that's ultimately her downfall. She loved you too much to put her needs before you. If she put her needs before yours, we both know there is nowhere in the world you could go that she wouldn't find you'', Maura finally smiled a little. Frost was glad he was getting his point across.

''Look at me Maura'', the woman had hung her head but Frost wanted her to look at him so she could fully understand. When she obliged he went on, ''She went on to put her mother's happiness before hers. She didn't want to be with Casey Maura. But Angela was so elated Jane couldn't bring herself to do anything else.''

He took a deep breath, ''Excuse me for this, but I do know she slept with Casey'', Frost saw Maura flinch a little and he hated himself for a second for mentioning it, but he soldiered on knowing he had the doctors' best interests at heart', as she herself had phrased it. ''again, she was putting his feeling before her own. All her actions stem from her unwavering loyalty and love, but they sometimes don't do her good – this case for instance. I won't deny it, Casey is a great guy. But that's not who Jane loves. She loves you Maura, only you. And I can vouch for her; she will do everything to make you happy. She will walk on fire every single day if it meant she could just be with you'', again Frost saw that beautiful smile of hers.

''Then why do I feel like I am not enough. Like I am not the best she could have'', her tone was so sad, it broke Frost's heart. He hoped to God he could find a love even nearly as strong as Jane and Maura's

''Because you are making decisions and thinking for her. You are worrying too much and trying to compare yourself to Casey. If she hasn't shown you, just give her a little time ok. She will show you that you are perfect and more than enough for her.'' The doctor nodded in agreement.

The pair spent the next few hours talking and laughing. Maura hadn't realized how funny the guy actually was. She told him about their time together with Jane in New Zealand and their first date.

''LIAR!'', Frost said in complete and utter shock.

''You know I can't lie Barry''

''So you mean to tell me _you _actually sang for Jane'', Maura nodded feeling thoroughly embarrassed. ''wow! That's something you should have saved for Boston. We all would have loved to see that'', he laughed.

''Maybe one day if I'm feeling super excited I may indulge you a little''

''I would pay big money to see that''

''Maybe Jane and I could start a business and make money off of people'', Maura said with childlike amusement.

''Doctor, Jane sure is rubbing off on you. All these jokes and wild escapades. And you dare to think you two aren't meant for each other''

''Just insecurity I guess. I never studied that particular topic you know. It actually never at all occurred to me. I guess when you have never been in love things like that are frivolous to you''

''She's your first love?'', Frost asked a tentatively. His intention wasn't to pry, but just to make conversation.

''Yes. Yes she is.'' Maura answered with a distant look as if she was looking at Jane.

''You're both lucky to have each other Maura. And you deserve one another'', he emphasized. ''Come to me, anytime you need to ask or talk about anything ok. I will never judge you, or lie to you''. Those words meant more to Maura that Frost could ever imagine. She pulled the young detective into her embrace for a long moment.

''Thank you sooo much Barry.''

''Can I ask something again though'', he asked after Maura let go.

''Of course'', she skipped over the lectures about how he had already asked a question and was seeking permission to ask another one.

''Why really did you come to me?'', he knew Maura wouldn't be offended and would understand that he was just plain curious.

''Angela loves Casey and wants grandchildren, she may have told me Casey was better for Jane, but for selfish reasons. Frankie loves and respects Jane too much; he probably would have told me if Jane was with me that means she loves me. But you can see how that isn't convincing enough in my situation'', they both chuckled a little. ''And Tommy….well…I don't think he is the right person to seek this sort of advice from, no offence'',

''None taken'', Frost said raising his two hands in the air to make his point.

''And Korsak…after what happened. I'm not too comfortable talking to him. That is something I will never forgive myself for. And those are really all the options I had, so I came to you''.

They talked a little more, and Frost even made sandwiches for them. When Maura was just entering her car, she heard her phone vibrate. She pulled it out and saw a text from the one person in the world she really wanted to hear from. Few texts back and forth and she was on her way.

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**AN: Ooooh they're going for another da...aate *singing*. What does Jane have planned for after the date? with a packed bag and all...ooooohh...lol. I'm silly, sorry.**


	32. Our plans

**AN : Damn, Maura sure took a long drive home. What was that? Like a week…..? Had an assignment to write guys….send me your love….:D. Sorry this chpt may not end up as good. Had to hurry it out to keep you from the looooooong wait. My usual frequent updates will be back to normal now.(as long as I don't like get hit by a car or anything)**

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Maura pulled up into Angela's driveway and couldn't help the grin on her face when she caught sight of her girlfriend slouched out on a swing-chair. The brunette looked so peaceful and seemed to be humming to a tune in her head.

''Hey gorgeous'', Maura said to the detective as she walked closer.

''Hey beautiful'', Jane rasped before Maura captured her lips. The kiss ended all too soon for Jane who had terribly missed the beautiful blonde. She was happier that Maura wasn't mad or sad anymore.

''I'm sorry I was away for so long''. She caressed Jane's face with her warm delicate hands, memorising every feature of it. ''I cannot believe I am saying this, but it was painful''

They both laughed. ''Doctor! Abandoning science are we?'', Jane asked in mock surprise.

''I am still working on the exact scientific explanation, but I have gathered a few facts'', she whispered against Jane's face, continuing with her exploration. She had now moved to straddle Jane.

''Is that so. Do tell'', Jane raised an eyebrow.

''There was this really lonely woman, who one day met a very hurt woman. The two bonded instantly and became the best of friends. One day one of the women realized she was _truly madly deeply _in love with the other-''

''No fucking way!'' Jane blurted whilst laughing out loud.

''Jane, watch your language sweetheart'', the doctor admonished with faux innocence.

''Couldn't help it, I'm sorry. But did you just quote a song name?'', Jane continued to laugh.

''Yes I believe I did. Does that surprise you detective? I happen to love that song you know''. Maura was now placing soft kisses on Jane's face, still speaking in that sexual tone she used very rarely but Jane totally flipped over.

''I guess it's not surprised. Very soon you may tell me you have abandoned your dreams of being a medical examiner and you want to join a girl-band''

This brought the biggest smile to the doctor's lips. ''I love you Jane, you know that?''

''I do Maura, I do. But if I remember correctly, you were telling me about some facts you have gathered in pursuit of a scientific explanation as to why it hurts when you miss me''

''Ah, yes. You distracted me Jane. Where was I?...oh yes, I remember. So one day the other woman realized her feeling for the other, and somewhere along the line her feelings were reciprocated. They kept this knowledge to themselves till the other woman received a letter from the bold one.'', here she paused a little, and then finally kissed Jane's lips before going on.

''The unimaginable happened, and the two were separated, only to be reunited months and months later. With a few complications they eventually began a relationship. They have been together every day and almost every single minute since then. So when the one woman runs off after a minor breakdown, she soon learns how hard it is to be without her other half. So these are my facts, now I just need to put it into medical talk''. The whole story was so unlike Maura, very Jane like though, but the brunette found it sweet and laughed out loud again. Maura didn't stop kissing Jane all over her face.

When Jane was about to speak, Maura beat her to it really fast. ''I went to see Frost''

Jane's eye went wide. That is one of the last places she thought Maura may have gone (the few minutes she took to dwell on it).

''I wanted to just talk to someone. Meeting Casey just threw me off balance a little. It made me start to question everything we have''

''Maura-''

Maura placed her forefinger against Jane's lips to silence her. ''I know Jane. I know. They were some crazy thoughts that just crept into my head and I just had to deal with them. But I am fine now. I understand. We don't have to talk about it ok''

Jane nodded. Then Maura pressed her lips against hers again. It was a much feral kiss this time around. The smaller woman bunched up black locks into her hands as she pushed harder into Jane. The swing was now swaying from Maura's frenzied actions but none took notice. Maura moved further to attack Jane's neck, leaving evidence comparable to a teenaged make out session – she didn't care. She wanted to devour Jane as best as she could. Her hand found its way inside Jane's clothing and immediately landed on its destination – Jane's breast. The brunette let out a soft moan when Maura started skilfully kneading it, all the while grinding into Jane. The detective seemed too turned on to do much other than moan and run her hand up and down Maura's back. Their current location proved to be less than ideal, so Jane took hold of Maura's nicely shaped bottom and lifted them both off the swing – a rather difficult process it turned out to be. She didn't get to her third attempt before her phone rang.

''Leave it'', Maura purred into her ear. It made Jane weak in the knees.

She left it. Then it rang again.

''I gotta see who it is baby'', the term of endearment just fuelled Maura further.

''Later'', was all Maura managed as they continued groping each other on the front porch.

It rang again. And this time Maura finally withdraw, realizing it might be important. Jane answered without even looking at the caller id. Her eyes were fixated on the terribly horny girlfriend of hers straddling her lap.

''Rizzoli''

''Uh…Jane'', Angela spoke with hesitation.

''You've. Gotta. Be. Fucking. Kidding. Me.!'' She let every word out separately, filled with nothing but anger.

''Jane'', Maura narrowed her eyes at the brunette.

''What? It Ma'', Maura understood her annoyance and shut her pie hole.

''It's….you know…'', Angela tried.

''No I don't! What the hell do you want Ma. You're just in the house'', Jane yelled.

Angela then emerged from the front door, looking guilty as ever. Her eyes met with Maura's and the doctor felt a wave of embarrassment she had never ever felt before in her entire life. Her girlfriends mother had just caught them shamelessly making out on the front porch of her house. Said mother being the overly chatty Angela. Jane just buried her face onto Maura's chest, who was still sitting on Jane's lap.

''You seemed to have…uhhhmmm, you were getting carried away…..so….you are on the _front _porch''

''So you were watching us!'', Jane's eyes nearly popped out.

''Of course not. But then again, it's hard not to given your choice of…'', she waved her hands around not knowing what word to use.

Maura slowly slipped out of Jane's lap and stood on two shaky feet. ''Thank you Angela'', she shyly said, not making eye contact. And very fast, she walked into the house.

Angela was just staring at her flustered and frustrated daughter. ''What, Ma? I can feel you looking at me''

''Just, I've….never mind'', she shook her head.

''Don't never mind me. What is it?''

''I just haven't quite seen people kiss the way you do'', Angela remarked, smirk in place.

''Ok, I am not having this conversation with you''. Jane stood and walked hurried towards Maura.

''MAURA….'', she shouted. ''WE NEED TO GET OUR OWN HOUSE…NOW!'' Angela just laughed behind her. When Jane got to their bedroom she found a tearful Maura. The doctor was looking at everything Jane had left on the bed set out for her. Jane quietly stood behind her and placed a soft kiss on her neck.

''I'm taking you out for dinner tonight''. One of the things Maura fell in love with was Jane's bravado. There were moments when Jane was so sure of herself, it was intoxicating. Her voice took on a deeper pitch, her eyes narrowed a little, and the smirk on her face was ever present. That is all Maura saw when she turned to look at the love of her life. Jane wasn't asking, she was stating that they were going for dinner. And Maura didn't need to be told how outstanding it was going to be, she knew, just by the vibes coming from Jane. She fell a little further in love with her in that moment; something that always seemed to have reached its peak every time she thought about it.

''Indeed you are'', Maura replied. ''It's beautiful Jane, the dress. I love it. Thank you my love.''

''Anything for you Maura.'' they shared a soft kiss that spoke volumes.

Maura slowly picked up the roses and brought them to her nose and inhaled the scent with a huge smile on her face. When she read the card she was in tears all over again. Jane could really be sweet and thoughtful if she wanted to be. And here Maura had spent the afternoon blabbing about not being the right one for Jane.

* * *

So at 7pm a limo arrived to take them to dinner. Maura was awed and all the work Jane had been doing all afternoon arranging for their date. She hadn't shut up about how beautiful the dress was and about how well Jane's attire complemented hers. Jane was just all smiles.

Maura's jaw dropped to the ground when they arrived at their destination. ''Oh my God'', she breathed in utter shock. Not in a million years would she have expected _Jane _to bring her here. She never would have even thought Jane knew of that place. The hostess greeted them by the door and led them to their table. ''oh Jane'', she pulled the brunette into a heart-felt kiss. ''this is amazing Jane. I honestly have no idea how you come up with these things.'', she kissed her hard again. ''you are a remarkable woman. And you are my woman. I never thought I would ever be this lucky in life''

''Well, I'm lucky too you know''

''But the difference is that you may have expected it, or wished it. But I never thought it imaginable that I would ever be this blessed – never'', Maura spoke so softly with a very sad tone, it made Jane absolutely happy she had done this for Maura. And she swore it wouldn't be the last time.

''Come, let's sit and enjoy our meal''

The pair sat down and had a splendid time. Maura confided in Jane about her insecurities induced by the visit to Casey's house. Then she told Jane all about her conversation with Frost. Jane couldn't stop laughing over the fact that Frost had made sandwiches that Maura could eat. And because of their little interruption from Angela that afternoon, they started planning about getting a place of their own with a renewed sense of urgency.

''We don't need a big house Maura'', Jane whined. The detective was all about modesty, simplicity, and practicality.

''Not big Jane, but average sized. Say four bedrooms?'', Maura reasoned.

''_Four bedrooms, _Jesus Maura, it's just you and me'', the detective almost chocked on her dessert.

''One for us, one for guests, and the other for when we have kids'', she spoke as if she were reading a passage from a book.

Jane covered her face with her hands. She suddenly felt nauseous.

''Jane. Are you ok?'', Maura was suddenly worried by how considerably pale Jane had gotten. ''if I remember well, you said you hoped we'd one day have kids''. Jane was still silent. ''Listen, I don't mean now. It could be two or three years from now. But doesn't it make sense to just get a house with that in mind instead of having to move once we start a family. Jane!'' Maura looked up only now realizing she was engaged in a monologue.

Her name finally got her to look up. ''sorry, I just felt a little dizzy''. Clearly she had not heard a word Maura said after ''kids''. But she wasn't actively blocking her girlfriend out, she genuinely felt dizzy.

''Are you ok Jane. You look a little…'', even Maura couldn't pick an appropriate medical term for it.

''I'm ok. It's really fine.''

With that they continued dinner. Jane finally accepted her fate and knew Maura was going to get the house she wanted come what may. She didn't really mind anyway. If Maura was happy, she was happy. So starting Monday when the detective got back to work, Maura's job was going to be house hunting. Boy was Jane glad that she didn't have to be fully hands-on on that one. Angela and Maura doing house shopping was not anything Jane thought she could survive through, work had certainly never come as a better escape than it did in that moment.

When dinner was over, Maura was fully prepared to go home and relax. Her day had turned out to be somewhat emotionally draining.

''When we get home I could do with a nice long soak in some sea salts'', she thought aloud as they waited for the valet in the foyer of the very posh restaurant. Apparently everyone seemed to have finished dining the same time and many couples were lingering around. Each person looked to be dressed in their finest, and Jane couldn't help but notice the many eyes that lingered on her girlfriend – both men and women. She could actually pick out a few that were shamelessly undressing Maura with their eyes, it was pathetic. Maura on the other hand was oblivious as ever, going on about plans she had for the night and the house and many other things Jane missed while scaring strangers off with her eyes.

''Oh, there we are'', Jane said a little too excited. She couldn't wait to leave the sight of all pervy eyes on her Maura. She jumped into the limo and Jane captured Maura lips immediately.

''What was that for'', Maura asked after Jane pulled away.

''I've never seen so many eyes on you before. Buying that dress might not have been such a good idea after all….come to think of it, it's probably just you. The dress may have just a_ little_ to do with it.

''Flattering, detective. I may have spotted a few eyes on you too you know''

''Is that so'', Jane asked, attacking Maura's neck this time. ''I say we make quite a pair then''

''We certainly do''

Maura rested her head on Jane's shoulder the rest of the ride back, occasionally fiddling with Jane's long fingers as they maintained companionable silence. After the limo pulled over a few minutes into their journey, Maura shot up. ''why are we stopping?''

''Oh my God!''

''Jane what's wrong'', Maura yelled in full panic.

''I think we have been kidnapped'', she said seriously.

Jane watched as Maura's eyes darted around the inside of the vehicle and simultaneously tried to take a peek outside. Before she could say anything, the door was opening and Jane was slipping out.

''Jane!'', she yelled again.

''Come on honey'', Jane stretched her hand out to Maura who reluctantly exited the vehicle.

''Your jokes are not funny at all Jane'', she jabbed Jane in the stomach with her elbow.

''Ouch, Maur.'', she rubbed the spot. ''when I am filing charges for abuse, will you testify?'', Jane laughed reaching for the overnight bag the driver was handing to her.

''I certainly will Detective Rizzoli. I am witnessing it first-hand.''

All three of them laughed as Jane led Maura toward the entrance of the hotel.

''We're spending the night here'', she whispered seductively in Maura's ear. The doctor thought she could die from euphoria. Jane had booked a suite for them in a four star hotel to spend the night. It was so difficult having relaxed sex with Angela around. Even when she wasn't in the room it seemed as if she was still watching them. Jane hated that feeling. It took away the pure pleasure of being fully engrossed in an intimate moment with her girlfriend. So tonight, what with Casey and all, she thought they could have the night to reconnect with no interruptions.


	33. Lady in red

**AN : Charlie and Lovely-J22 who reviewed….rest assured there is NO Casey baby! My poor Maura isn't going to have to jump THAT hurdle…no. Jo, you gave me a good laugh- Angela sure is a piece of work.**

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**Totally M rated...totally! **

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The hotels fifth floor seemed to take quite a while to get to. When they eventually arrived, Jane smugly opened the door for a beautiful Maura Isles. She could hardly take her eyes off of Maura's stunning figure. The red dress fit her like a glove, and she wore the most gorgeous smile Jane had ever seen.

''Mi'lady'', Jane gestured for Maura to enter their hotel room.

The room looked immaculate. There was a single double bed neatly spread. Jane wasn't sure she even wanted to be near it, in fear of messing it up. There was a cute love seat facing a television mounted to the wall, and a door leading to the ensuite. On the little dresser was a bouquet of roses and some wine beside it.

''Oh Jane, this is wonderful'', Maura gushed.

''It sure is''. Jane shut the door as Maura walked towards the flowers. She picked up the little note that came with and read aloud, ''Can you dance with me''

She smiled and looked up at Jane, ''I _can _dance with you, but the question I believe you meant to ask is if I _may _dance with you''.

''Yes Maura, MAY you dance with me?'', she asked her girlfriend lovingly.

''There's no music Jane''

''I can fix that''. Jane quickly put the telly on and inserted the CD she had in her bag. Maura meanwhile was just admiring her work and efforts. When the song started to play, Jane put her hand out for Maura to take. The doctor obliged, and was pulled flush against the detective. '_' __I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight, I've never seen you shine so bright, I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance, They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance,  
And I have never seen that dress you're wearing, Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes, I have been blind'' _ Jane sang along into Maura's ear holding her tight against her by the waist. Maura felt breathless as she wrapped her hands loosely on Jane's neck, swaying slowly to the beautiful song.

'' _The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek, There's nobody here, it's just you and me, It's where I want to be, But I hardly know this beauty by my side, I'll never forget the way you look tonight'' _Maura couldn't stop the tears that ran down her cheeks as Jane harmonized into her ears. That deep raspy voice went straight to her soul and Maura suspected her legs wouldn't be strong enough to sustain her till the end of the symphony. But Jane was her pillar, and she was holding onto her as tight as she could now.

'' _I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight, I've never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing, I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side, And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away, And I have never had such a feeling, Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight''_ Jane was so lost in the song as she continued to sing and dance with Maura. It wasn't just a sheer dance. Jane had held onto Maura and sung along into Maura's ear. The same way Maura had sung to her the day of their first date.

''I love you'', Jane whispered at the end of the song. Maura pulled back and looked into Jane's dark eyes that showed nothing but pure love, and then leaned in for a scotching hot kiss.

''I love you too Jane''

''You look absolutely breathtaking today in that dress. Thank you. For loving me the way that you do. And like I promised before, I will spend every day of my life making sure you know that you didn't make a mistake''

''I don't know what to say Jane'', Maura just shook her head, unable to verbalize the feeling she felt for Jane. It was too overwhelming and just a bit much to put to words.

''That's exactly the reason I did this''

''Hmmmm?'', Maura asked looking a tad confused.

''When you sang to me. It was the most beautiful thing ever. And there is no way I could adequately put it to words, despite what I told you that night. I wanted to share that feeling with you. I wanted you to know what it's like when someone just sweeps you completely off your feet and leaves you speechless''

''Is this payback detective?'' Maura tried to joke to rid herself of the onslaught of tears that were threatening to fall continuously.

''Yes I think it is, I didn't want to be the only one who could be made a stuttering mess'', Jane retorted.

''Well, I guess I'm due for payback'', Maura spoke already pushing Jane towards the bed. Jane wasn't going to protest, with Maura eying her hungrily like that.

Eventually, Jane was lead into a sitting position by the edge of the bed, with Maura standing in-between Jane's legs.

''Unzip me'', Maura turned to give Jane access to her back side. Jane followed instructions without a word. The extravagant red dress pooled around Maura's feet as she carefully stepped out of it. Seductively, she bent down to pick it up, leaving her fine ass to Jane's view in all its glory. Slowly she sashayed across the room to rest the dress on the seat. And again, she slowly walked back to Jane, who hadn't moved an inch, by the way.

''Please'', Maura asked again as she lowered herself (one hand on each of Jane's knees) to push her buttocks on Jane's crotch. With slightly trembling fingers, Jane unclasped the bra. Maura pulled it off her body at an agonizingly slow pace, subtly pushing into Jane a little more. Jane couldn't believe how such an indirect contact could cause her arousal to go haywire.

Now in only a black thong, Maura placed a foot onto the seat to unfasten her shoe, then did the same to the other. Both loose, she skillfully kicked them off, walking back to Jane.

''I'm all yours darling'', that's all Jane needed to hear to get her out of the trace she was in.

Maura was roughly, but not painfully, pulled by her sides into the middle of the detectives long legs. Jane covered the pink erect nipple with her mouth and sucked onto it like a baby. The other nipple was kept occupied by her hand, which was kneading into it with so much force it made Maura immediately cry out in pain and pleasure. Their love making sessions had always been a mix of slow sensual explorations, quick fucks for the sole purpose of getting off, or just standard sex, or the occasional 'I love you and I am here' kind of coitus. Tonight's session was under a different heading, and they both knew they'd seek to classify it after the act.

Maura's hands where tangled up in Jane's long locks as Jane moved over to suck on the other nipple. Maura's breasts had turned a different shade of pink as Jane went on - not that Maura was complaining. Reluctantly Jane moved her attention from Maura's bosom and started leaving open mouth kisses all over Maura's stomach. The doctor's knees finally gave in so she went on to straddle Jane. She didn't like the feeling at all. Jane still had all her clothes on leaving no skin to skin contact.

''take these off Jane'', the words were barely out and Jane was already taking her shirt off. Maura moved to give her room to pull it off, then she stood up so Jane could take her trousers off as well. The shoes slipped off easily, leaving the matching set of bra and knickers.

''I have something for you'', Jane spoke between groping Maura.

''Not now Jane'', Maura's voice was filled with the most devilish arousal Jane had ever heard. She almost forwent the gift and continued, but thought better of it.

''Give me a second, I swear'', Jane spoke detaching herself from Maura's body. The doctor felt like a bucket of water had been poured on her. She was so turned on even a second of waiting was too painful. Jane rushed to her bag and was back before Maura could start complaining.

''You look so beautiful, and my God your…..breasts'', she rasped as she started attacking them again. ''they are so delicious Maura, oh God''. The blonde moaned each time Jane bit onto her nipple or massaged her breasts really hard. The uncomfortable wetness was starting again, then she realized she still had her thong on.

''take this off Jane'', she said it as if she were asking Jane to rid her of a disease or something. The detective pulled it off with ease, performing the same action with her own underwear. Stack naked, Jane pressed her pull body weight onto of Maura, who was now lying on the bed. The doctor's legs spread of their own accord. She needed as much of Jane as Jane had to offer.

''Jane, please do something, anything'', she begged. She wanted any stimulation to her sex really. The elegant bedding was most likely wet by this time.

''Tell me exactly what you want Maur, I'll do anything'', Jane whispered into Maura's ear, leaving the poor doctor momentarily dizzy. Words lacking, Maura pulled Jane's thigh against her sex hard. She moaned at her own actions. Jane was kissing her at the same time and Maura just wanted to cum already, the aching was becoming unbearable, yet so pleasurable.

''Oh Jane, I need you inside me…nowwww'', she screamed as Jane applied more pressure to her core.

''God, you're so wet''

''That's the…..ahhhhh….effect you have…..ahhhhh…..on me'', Maura breathed. Jane was rocking harder and harder into her.

''You sound so sexy when you can't think straight''. Jane moved lower, picked up something and rubbed it against Maura's stomach. The doctor shot up immediately.

''Jane'', she said in utter shock.

''That's what I said I had for you'', Jane said with a sly smile playing on her lips. ''Is it ok?'', she asked rubbing in horizontally around Maura's panty line. The doctors moan answered Jane, who kissed her way back up Maura's mouth. The doctor had her eyes closed, relishing in the sensation of Jane's kisses, and that dildo mocking her arousal. Jane quickly sat up straight and strapped the penis on. Maura was looking at her with such lust; Jane just wanted to make it all worth it for her girlfriend.

Carefully, Jane started kissing Maura's swollen lips again. ''when you cum, I want to hear my name come out of these beautiful lips''

''If you can hear it, then you won't be doing a good job my love''

Maura opened her eyes and saw Jane looking at her in shock. So she clarified, ''I want you to fuck me so good that when I cum you won't be able to make out anything I say''. That got her the signature Rizzoli smile, dimples and all.

Jane held the penis in her hand, (feeling completely turned on herself) and guided it towards Maura's soaking wet sex. She carefully stroked it on the length of Maura's folds – up and down. The doctor's nails dug deep into Jane's back with the thrill the act brought about.

''Jane, inside…..I…can't….ahhhh'', Jane was teasing, going up and down outside of Maura's folds. She knew the doctor could no longer take it as she got hold of the penis. Nicely, she guided it to Maura's center, circling over and over again when she got there. It hadn't been her intention to tease Maura again like this, but she was making these sounds that Jane wanted to hear again and again. ''aahhhh, oh, aaahhhh''.

Jane looked down to Maura's face. Her girlfriend looked terribly turned on. Her skin was pink and sweaty, lips swollen and eyes tightly shut. Jane nicely positioned herself again and pushed the penis into Maura soaking entrance. It slid in with absolute ease. Afraid of hurting her, Jane went In slowly.

''AAAHHHHHHH'', Maura called out. Jane smiled. It was an honor to be the one who could bring these noises out of Maura. She could die like that and be content as ever. ''oh Jane'', Maura said as Jane slipped out and then back in. That is just want Maura needed. To feel that fullness within her, Jane atop her, touching her, kissing her, bringing her endless pleasure. It was just what Maura needed. Jane put two hands on the bed on each side of Maura, balancing herself so she could push harder. She thrust in hard the first time, then another. Maura was holding onto the bed cover for dear life.

''Go ha…aahhh….rder Jane. Go harder''

''Are you sure Maura?'', Jane didn't want to turn it into a painful experience.

''Oh Jane, please. Faster and harder…..deeper….ahhhh''

They had had sex many times, but Jane had never seen Maura quite like this. She couldn't even describe it. The doctor looked to be enjoying every second of it. Jane put a little more pressure and thrust the penis deeper into Maura's core. The blonde screamed loud in pleasure. Jane could see she was so close to the release, but she seemed to be struggling.

''Maur''

''It's so good Jane. I don't want to cum yet, but I don't want you to stop,…..ahhhh, ahhhh'', she let out.

Jane rammed into her harder, faster, and deeper, and she saw tears streaming out of Maura's eyes. Maura writhed in ecstasy. Her orgasm seemed to go on and on. She shut her eyes tight, tears falling down, screaming God-knows-what as she came undone before Jane. For her part, Jane continued till Maura rode it all out.

When the doctor came down from her high, gasping for air, Jane nicely slipped the penis out. She watched as Maura's juices flowed out, making her dry swallow a couple of times. Maura had not yet reached the point of speaking coherently, so Jane took the opportunity to just look at Maura's sex. It was clean shaved, swollen, and oozing. It took all of Jane's will power not to just eat it out. She knew Maura needed a break, and they did have the whole night after all – NO ANGELA!

''Jane, come here''. Jane pulled her body a little bit further up, and looked into Maura's eye, while trying to maneuver off of her. ''no, stay there'', Maura said when she realized Jane was climbing off her. ''That was a well appreciated gift.''

''Why thank you Dr. Isles. Anything else I can do?''

''Lots Jane, so much. But now just kiss me and tell me you love me'', Maura still had her eyes closed. Perhaps she was afraid it was a dream she would awaken from. Jane complied, kissing her girlfriend tenderly.

''I love that full- on smile, when you show your dimples'', Jane kissed her lips. ''I love when you look shy when you want to ask something and you think I will say no'', punctuated with another kiss. ''I love when you are polite with people but wishing they would just leave so it can be you and me alone'', kiss, ''I love when you hold my hand when we are in public'', kiss, ''I could go on about all the things I love about you Maura. But most of all'', kiss to the lips again, ''I love when I look at you – like right now, and I can feel the way you love me, even without you saying the words. I love you baby, always'', kiss, ''and forever'', another kiss. This one lasting longer than the other ones. ''I believe you could do with that nice long bath you kept talking about''

Maura, seeming much more energized finally spoke. ''I believe I could''.

Jane rolled off Maura and stood, disrobing herself of the strap she had on. Suddenly she was now feeling a little shy with Maura lying on the bed just looking at her. ''I liked that Jane, thanks'', she winked at her. Jane wanted to die. Maura had never winked at her, or anyone before. It was super sexy and Jane felt the wave of arousal that coursed through her under Maura's gaze.

''You coming'', Jane tried to hide her embarrassment, and arousal. So many pictures and sounds were going through her mind like a movie.

''I think I just did'', Maura replied smugly. Jane had absolutely no come-back, for like the first time ever. She just took her naked body into the bathroom to fill the tub up.

It was about three minutes later, with Jane bent down to feel the temperature of the water, when the smart Dr. Isles swaggered into the bathroom bending down against Jane's body. ''Oh God'', Jane let out. It was barely audible, but Maura's eagle ears heard it.

''You might want to leave that a little hot, we won't be getting in just as yet'', she purred into Jane's ear. Jane wanted to respond and say ''_if you say something else, LIKE THAT, I would be cuming and we would be getting in just about now'', _but she was tongue tied.

Maura held onto Jane's stomach and lifted her so she could stand. The doctor was standing flush behind Jane, a few inches shorter. ''don't say a thing, just listen'', she said into Jane's ear with that voice again. The detective couldn't say a thing, not out of following instructions though.

Maura left sloppy kisses along Jane's back, occasionally licking spots here and there. ''You are so beautiful Jane, so….beautiful'', she spoke between her wet kisses. Jane could feel Maura's breath against her back making her want to scream. The kisses stopped. Then Jane heard a loud clutter as shampoos and conditioners landed on the bathroom floor from the large 'his and hers' sinks tops. She quickly turned back, finding a very determined Maura. She was about to speak when Maura quickly placed her finger to her lips, ''shhhhhhh…'' she said.

Taking Jane's hand in hers, Maura guided Jane to the granite top and ordered her to get on. Seeing no action, Maura pushed her to the cold surface and made her lie down. It was so cold against Jane's back, but when their lips met, she completely forgot about it. Maura climbed onto of Jane and tossed her hair back in that 'movie-way', Jane almost came undone.

''You're the love of my life Jane. If you remember nothing else fifty years from now, remember what i'm about to do to you'', Maura attacked Jane's neck viciously. She sucked onto it like a vampire trying to draw blood. Then she pulled Jane's earlobes into her mouth, sucking on them with the same vigor.

''I will never get tired of tasting your skin'', she was working on Jane's neck again. she knew this was Jane's weakest point and she took full advantage of it.

''I love to feel your erect nipples rubbing against mine'', she nibbed on Jane's jaw, coaxing several moans from her detective.

''There is nothing hotter than feeling your wetness''. Maura was never one to use hyperbole. So when she said that, Jane completely believed her, and felt a bout of wetness sip out of her. She lifted her feet so they were flat on the surface and she spread her legs as wide as she could. Maura settled there like home. They fit so perfect.

With access granted, Maura kissed her way down Jane's body as fast as she could. She let out a gasp when she saw how wet Jane was.

''what did you expect Maura….with all you're doing to me?''. Maura flashed her a satisfied smirk as she continued to pleasure her. The doctor was sure they had done enough of the caressing and teasing and was pretty certain it was time to just get to it. Without further ado, she parted Jane's center with her tongue. The brunette arched her back off the granite top a little, releasing a moan that encouraged Maura. The doctor was determined to lick Jane dry, but the juices just kept coming out.

Skillfully, she circled the tip of her tongue around Jane's clit, causing the detective to cry out in pleasure. She did it again and again, till she could feel Jane pushing her head in – she was ready for more. And that, Maura could give. She opened up her mouth and pressed her tongue flat against Jane's clit and began pushing down. All she could hear were the ''ahhhh's and ooooohhh's'' from Jane. She could already feel her detective tethering on the precipice of an orgasm. Maura pushed her tongue over again, switching to sucking on her core to contain Jane's pre-cum.

Maura was standing on the ground, face in between Jane's widely opened legs sucking the shit out of her girlfriend. Jane was desperately holding onto the side of the stone top, trying so hard to remain conscious. ''Maura that feels sooo…..ohhhh God''. Maura plunged her tongue into Jane. The sound Jane let out was animalistic – Maura didn't stop. The doctor knew all about bring someone to an intense orgasm, and that was just what she was doing with Jane.

''Maura, don't….stop'', she tried. ''Right….there….aaahhhh….don't stop'', she was breathing heavily and pulling so hard at Maura's hair. ''Maura….right…there''. Maura was flicking on her clit with the tip of her tongue and Jane just didn't want it to end. Maura didn't want to stop either. That was Jane's undoing that night - on the sink surface in the hotel bathroom, Jane came the hardest she had ever in her entire life. Maura wanted to swallow all that Jane let out as she came for her. She thrust her tongue in and out, feeling Jane's contractions, until she was content Jane was thoroughly spent.

That was not the end of sex that magnificent night.

Maura had been so turned on she hoisted herself onto Jane the minute Jane's trembling ceased. Seeing the determined look on Maura's face and her darkened eyes, Jane began to protest, ''Maur, I can't baby….''

''Shhhhhh..'', Maura settled onto Jane.

''Maur…'', she tried again.

''Jane, don't do anything. Just lie there. Please''

Maura threw her legs apart and rubbed herself onto Jane's thigh. ''I'm so turned on right now Jane'', she started rocking herself onto Jane's leg harder and harder each time. ''God I watched you cum, it was so….so…damn hot''. Maura held onto Jane's shoulders continuing her movements. It wasn't long before she felt her climax surface. ''I'm gonna cum Jane…'', she whispered, already trembling.

''Look at me'', Jane directed her face to look up at her. That's all it took for Maura to fall over again.

Their bodies lay limb, one on top of the other, having just experienced the best feeling ever.


	34. House hunting

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles**

* * *

Maura and Jane spent the rest of Sunday recovering from their 'after-dark' activities. It was the last day they would spend together before Jane was back to work Monday morning. They were in no hurry, as they didn't have to check out until 9pm that night. And they found it refreshing not having to worry about cooking; Jane jokingly asked Maura if they could have 'house-service', as she had so called it. Maura just laughed and promised she'd take care of it since she wasn't going to be working for a bit.

''You still haven't decided when or if, you will be coming back to work?''

''Yes. I still have a lot to do Jane. Getting a house and furnishing it isn't a job to take lightly''

''I guess you're right''.

They had just finished taking a shower together and they were lying in bed just relaxing and enjoying each other's company.

''Watchu wanna watch?'', Jane asked picking up the remote and scrolling through the movie channels.

''Anything really. Preferably something light''

''Something light?'', Jane laughed. The orgasms must have gotten to her head. That wasn't really Maura-talk. The doctor had a penchant for complicating and over explaining things.

''You know, something that doesn't require too much focus. Something I can just watch and have a good laugh at''

''On it doctor'', Jane saluted and earned a beautiful laugh from her girlfriend.

After going through almost the whole list she settled on a very old movie she was sure Maura had never even heard of.

''The Parents Trap. I presume you haven't watched it'', Jane boasted.

''Who's in it'', Maura asked curiously.

''Lindsay Lohan, Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson'', Jane recited.

''That hardly sounds like a movie you would be interested in watching Jane. Lindsay Lohan, really'', Maura tried to imitate the way Jane would have said it. It was very inaccurate and funny. They both just laughed for a while.

''My little cousins used to love it. And I swear they would be watching it every time we went to their house. I was like 19 or something, and I thought it was really stupid. But one day I actually focused and watched it with them. It was pretty entertaining''

''Well Parents Trap it is''. They snuggled into each other on the bed and enjoyed the movie together. It was hilarious and they both got a good laugh out of it. They stopped midway to order some food and they ate whilst finishing it off.

''If anyone had ever asked me if I could ever spend the whole day in pyjama's watching Lindsay Lohan and snacking on junk I wouldn't have said it was a possibility. But here I am, doing all these crazy things with my beautiful Jane.'', she smiled at the brunette. ''I would never give this up for anything, ever''. Jane leaned in to kiss Maura.

''Neither would I''

They continued watching.

''Do you think he will go back to his ex-wife or just stay with that useless woman?'', Jane quizzed.

''In the movie, yes I do think he will go back to the mother of his children. But real life situations are different. It would-''

''Maura. I was just talking about the film'', Jane had to stop Maura before she launched into scientific explanations of sorts.

''I think having twins would be great'', this caught Jane off guard.

''You would like to have twins'', the brunette asked in shock.

''I think so, yes. It's a fascinating phenomenon and I would relish in the opportunity to watch them every day and study their interactions and-''

''You want them for scientific experimentation?'', Jane asked in horror.

''Of course not Jane. Don't be silly. It's just an added advantage getting to see how two people look the same and came from the same place at the same time but have vastly different likes and dislikes. Or maybe even the same. I don't know. It would just be wonderful don't you think?''

''I guess so'', Jane shrugged.

''We better get to work then detective'', Jane saw the mischievous smile on Maura's face as hers split into a smile too.

After yet another session of love making, the love birds saw it fit to get ready and head back home. By the time they reached Angela's it was a little before 8pm and the Rizzoli matriarch was not at all ready to go to bed.

''Ma! Will you drop it'', Jane yelled from the bathroom. The elder woman had been quick to interrogate them about their romantic dinner and night together. Angela knew Jane would shut her up immediately so she targeted Maura whenever Jane turned her head.

''We're going to bed now if you don't mind. You have the rest of the week to badger my girlfriend whilst I'm at work''. One might have thought Angela won the lottery. Her face spoke volumes about the trouble Maura was in. Maura sat on the kitchen chair looking like she could jump into a fire just to save herself from Angela's wrath. ''If Maura so much as looks like she wants to complain Ma, we are going to have serious problems. Let it never be said that I didn't warn you beforehand'', Jane spoke seriously, pointing at her mother. The woman knew her daughter's tone and chose not to argue. Well in all honesty, the reason she let Jane go was because she knew Maura was a softy and wouldn't want Jane yelling so she'd not say anything. The one thing Angela had forgotten was that Maura couldn't lie.

So on Monday evening when Jane came back from work, the two Rizzoli women had a minor falling out. Angela wouldn't stop questioning Maura about her intimate relationship with her daughter- not to forget the baby talk, and Jane didn't want Maura feeling uncomfortable in any way. It didn't help matters when Maura told Jane she hadn't made a dent on her to-do list because Angela was all up in her nose. It was the first time Angela had alone time with Maura in a long while, and a world of things had transpired, so the woman definitely had an ocean of topics to cover.

* * *

Jane's friends/colleagues were glad she was back and so was Jane. Monday had gone well all in all. She missed Maura though, so they practically spent the whole day texting each other. Jane was happy it was a slow day, so besides catching up on all that happen in her absence, she had little paper work to do and she could balance that and texting the most gorgeous woman on the planet.

On Tuesday morning Maura wouldn't let go of Jane when the detectives alarm rang at 7am.

''Don't go Jane'', Maura sobbed. ''Yesterday was horrible….I don't mean your mother, '' she quickly interjected. ''I missed you a lot''.

Jane turned in her arms, ''I missed you too sweetheart. If you came back to work, we wouldn't be having this problem now would we'', Jane said in the hope that Maura would change her mind. The detective was subtly trying to coax her girlfriend into getting back to work. The truth was that it all stemmed from selfish reasons. Jane hated the new M.E, and she also wanted to spend the day seeing Maura. But for some reason the doctor seemed hell bent on not returning.

''If I come back to work, that means we'll have to live here for a very very long time'', Maura countered.

Jane thought about it for a little while. ''you have a point'', they both laughed.

So when Jane left for work, Maura finally started seriously looking for a place. She met with her attorney Mr Perkins to discuss which areas where on the table. Maura was already looking at things like schools in the area, parks nearby, reported paedophiles. And the other obvious like, distance from the station, and from the other Rizzoli's. Gyms nearby, and anything else along those lines. Between the two of them, it took about three hours to come up with a few areas and pull up the houses for sale therein. It was enough progress for one day so Maura left Mr Perkins office to head to the precinct.

Maura had worked there for a while and the place always brought comfort. When she became friends with Jane and her circle of people she was often in the bullpen and never thought twice about it. Now, one of the reasons she didn't want to go back to work was because she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate and enjoy her job while thinking of everything around her. She wondered what people would think, or if they even knew about her attempted suicide. Rationally she knew those that knew would never spread word, but one can never be too careful. And then there was Korsak. She had shot the man for fucks sake. Dealing with him at family dinners or whatever was ok, but she wasn't sure how working with him and seeing him on a daily basis would impact her. So she had basically ruled out going back to be a M.E at BPD. She hadn't spoken to Jane about it yet. She also hadn't lied to her, because she was just coming to that conclusion as she walked into the precinct on Tuesday afternoon.

It was almost 1pm and she had in hand three khaki bags.

''Maura'', Frost called out first. Jane and Korsak turned to see the beautiful blonde making her way in. She had on a simple skirt, flats and a long sleeved cardi. Her hair was tied at the back and she looked super cute – well at least to Jane.

''Hello Barry. Korask, Jane'', she acknowledged them all. ''brought you guys lunch. You clearly seem to be working hard'', she attempted a joke upon seeing Jane with her feet on the table chatting with Korsak animatedly while Frost played with his 'doll'.

''My my, our Jane here sure knows the art of influence. She got you being all sarcastic and shit''. They all laughed as Jane stood to embrace Maura and then she gave her a light peck on the lips.

''I was starving'', Jane said pulling one bag from Maura's grip.

''I'm sure you were'', that was another attempt at a joke. Because normally she would have gone on to say how Jane wasn't starving because she had ate a good breakfast before setting off for work. ''this is for you…..and you'', Maura said again handing the other two bags to Frost and Korsak.

''Thanks doc'', the two detectives said in unison. ''boy, I sure need me a woman like that'', Frost muttered to himself, albeit a little too loudly.

''Great. Now i have to keep an eye open. I don't trust you anymore partner'', Jane said jokingly.

''I hardly think you have anything to worry about Jane. While Detective Frost is a very attractive man-''

''OK, Maura. Got it – trust you'', they all laughed. Jane wasn't going to sit and hear her girlfriend go on about how attractive her partner was but wouldn't date him because of God-knows-what she was going to say.

Maura sat around for close to an hour while they all had their lunch before heading out. Jane escorted her to her car and finally let go when she had started considering a quickie somewhere secluded.

The new practice became a habit now for Maura. She would make Jane coffee and breakfast in the morning, then look through houses with her attorney or at home before bring Jane and the guys lunch (If they weren't in the field). After a week Maura had complied a list of houses she was going to begin viewing and they would take things from there.

''I still don't understand why you brought me here. I thought the plan was for you to go with Ma to see the houses then bring me with you when you found something you thought was good'', Jane whined on the afternoon they were going to look at the first house Maura had on file.

''Need I remind you, this house is for the both of us, not for your mother and me''

Jane just rolled her eyes.

''It will be fun Jane, come on'', Maura beamed pulling Jane along with her like a toddler. The blonde had managed to convince Angela to stay so that she could experience the new adventure with Jane.

When she had found a job and decided to move to Boston, her mother had arranged for someone to purchase a house in her stead. All she did was move in, and add bits and pieces of furniture she fancied. So it was her first time house hunting and she was beside herself. Added to that was the fact that she was buying a house for herself and Jane. A house that they would turn into a home. A home that would one day house their children and hold memories she would cherish to eternity. She wanted it to be perfect. She wanted it to be a house they would both love and approve of. She wanted to experience the joy of initial witness together with Jane. And though she had told Jane she was going to do part of this with Angela then pull her in here and there, she soon changed her mind. This was something she was going to do with Jane, and only Jane. If Angela was going to tag along, so be it. If Jane was busy, she was just going to have to wait until the detective was free.

''look at the size of this place'', Jane kept complaining. The place was huge. It even had a pool in the back yard. Jane was secretly loving it though, and Maura wasn't fooled by the front she put on.

''Just imagine coming from work and finding me lying on a float in my bikini, sipping on some red wine, listening to music….'', Maura said seductively.

''Ok, we'll take it'', Jane yelled to Mr Perkins. Who apparently was now their real estate agent (Maura didn't care for anyone else' opinion other than his and Jane's)

''I don't think it quite works that way detective'', he laughed. ''it's only the first one, and there plenty more equally ravishing one''

''Fine. But I say we need a pool''

''_Need?_'', Maura smirked.

''It's all your fault. Don't even smile at me like that''.

The whole house hunting experience turned out to be fun, much to Jane's surprise. They had seen five houses in the first week and all were vying for first place. Jane found herself one morning actually asking Maura if they were going to see a house. Maura just kissed her girlfriend, happy that she was enjoying it as much as she herself was.

''I think we always had you doing the wrong kind of shopping'', Maura said to her. Again, they just laughed.

Things suddenly seemed so simple. They were so happy and comfortable with each other. Their temporary living arrangement with Angela was becoming bearable by the day. Though she had put up a huge fight, Angela had eventually found the value in letting Jane and Maura do their own house hunting. Casey had virtually disappeared from their lives and Maura was slowly getting closer to Korsak.

Many times Jane had wanted to bring up the issue about Maura going back to work, but thought better of it. The blonde seemed genuinely happy and Jane didn't see the need in jeopardizing that. And it wasn't as if Maura was getting bored or idle. The woman was just as busy as the detective was. And Jane was starting to like being taken care of. Maura did just about everything for Jane. At first it was weird and Jane had vehemently protested, but Maura eventually got her way – as she always did. So on Jane's days off, she wouldn't let Maura lift a finger. And when Maura had said she was still doing work by feeding herself, Jane had force fed her lunch that afternoon. Then Maura told her she was still doing work by swallowing, so Jane made them skip dinner and made love to her all night. The detective reasoned that sex would make Maura full so she wouldn't have to do anything. But they had both woken up hungry in the wee hours of the morning and that logic was slowly left to pass. When Jane was off work she also did all the cooking, and Maura loved Jane's cooking. So their lives stayed in sync this way, until they finally found the house they would soon call home.

* * *

Jane had been working on a tough case and had blown off seeing the house three times already. And on the last showing she had told Maura to go on her own, until suddenly they cracked the case. A missing piece of evidence crucial to the homicide was found and they closed it smoothly. She just made it in time to see the place. Just driving in told her everything she needed. Two car garage, lovely green lawn with impeccable flower beds. The back yard had a bean shaped swimming pool, and hot tub close to it. The basement was already made into a man-cave, pool table, mini bar and all. Jane fell completely and utterly in love with it. They had been looking around and she had barely said a thing. In her mind, Maura had already bought the house. She didn't even care what the inside looked like. Jane was blown away and that was good enough for her. She knew it was pricey and the detective would put up a fight about buying it, but she was prepared to fight that battle – and win it.

The inside sealed the package. The four bedrooms Maura consistently spoke of. The master with its own bathroom. Another bathroom and a half down stairs. A remarkable foyer and staircase, large kitchen, dining room, living room, study, and laundry room. It was anyone's dream house, and it was going to be theirs.

''This is it Mr Perkins'', Maura said. Despite all the time they spent together, they remained professional with one another.

''Jane?'', he directed the question to the normally chatty girlfriend who was mysterious quiet that day.

''It's wonderful'', was all she managed. Maura gestured for the attorney to leave them alone for a moment.

''Jane?'', Maura pulled Jane from into a hug from behind, who had been looking at the back yard from the large sliding doors. She was surprised to find Jane silently crying. ''Jane…''

''It's so perfect Maura, so perfect'', she sniffled.

''I know baby'', Maura said soothingly, rubbing Jane's abdomen.

''It's expensive''

''I know'', Maura whispered again.

Maura knew that was Jane's source of torment. She wanted to tell her that she could afford it, but she knew that would serve to make things even worse. So she just played along hoping to find a reasonable way to put Jane at ease.

''Ok. What about we let them know we are interested, see if they can come down a bit, and we can go over our finances and see how to work it out? Is that ok Jane? I really love this place''

''ok'', Jane spoke quietly.

They told Mr Perkins their conclusion and then parted ways.


	35. Constance

**AN : Sorry its late. hopefully next chapter tomorrow. thank you again for following and favouriting this...its amazing to know there are people who actually want to read what _I _have to write...**

* * *

''Would like to meet up for lunch?'', Maura asked tentatively. She had to tread cautiously, Jane was still a little on the edge with overwhelming emotion from when they had seen the house two days ago. They both were still waiting to hear from Mr Perkins about the price, and it seemed to be getting the better of Jane – bit by bit.

''Sure. If no one decides to end someone's life today I'm sure I'll be free'', Jane walked over to kiss Maura before leaving for work. The doctor was still in bed, in her pyjamas just like any other morning. On occasion she wondered when she had ceased to become a morning person. While in the process of contemplating what to do with her day, her phone rang.

''Hello'', she answered lazily without even looking at the caller id.

''Maura darling. Did I wake you?'', Constance had a weird habit of speaking to Maura as if they were on talking terms on a daily basis. Anyone hearing the conversation might have thought they spoke regularly. The last time in fact, that Maura had heard from her mother was a few months prior to Jane's incident.

''N-no'', she stuttered a little.

There was an awkward silence before Constance spoke again.

''I know you may probably soon be heading out to work, I was just wondering if you are free today?''

Silence.

She continued, ''I was in town and could spare some time for a meal at your convenience''

Maura was momentarily speechless. Her mother never called her; she was the one who often called when the lack of communication had dragged on for so long. She couldn't believe her mother was actually initiating quality time with her. Maura wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing.

''I am not going to work right now…..I have made plans for lunch, maybe I could meet with you this morning if that's ok'', she finally said.

''Marvellous. I will come over to your place then. I don't much care for the breakfast places in the vicinity'', Constance spoke with genuine enthusiasm. Maura was shocked to no end. Then she remembered….

''I…ah'', she didn't know how to phrase her current situation. ''I moved out mother. I am no longer in the Beacon Hill house''

''Is that so. Well you text me your new address then. It shouldn't be a problem''

Maura thought for a little while. Explaining that she was living with her girlfriend, in said girlfriends mothers home was such a long and complicated topic. She took the faster route. It was too early in the morning for that particular challenge.

''Sure. I will text it right away. What time should I expect you?''

''I will be heading out now actually. That way I can attend to other things I have to shift around''. Suddenly it sounded as if the visit was Maura's idea and Constance was being inconvenienced. Maura knew she'd never understand her mother no matter how much she tried. She was glad to have Angela fill in as a substitute mother. Granted the Italian woman was over the top most times, but at least she was existent in her life. Constance was more or less like a story. She mentioned her to Jane here and there where retelling accounts of her childhood. Maura had realized Jane disliked her mother, even though they had never met, so tried not to mention her frequently. It wasn't that much of an effort anyway; it wasn't as if there was much to say.

''Ok. See you soon then''. Maura hung up and sent the text with Angela's address to her mother. The day seemed exhausting before it had even began.

* * *

''Good morning Angela'', she smiled at the woman in front of her.

''Morning sweetheart. Did you sleep well?'', Angela smiled back. The elder woman loved Maura's company.

''I did….uhhhh''

''You seem fidgety Maura. What's wrong?'' _Damn Angela and her eagle eye. Nip it in the bud Maura._

''My mother rang a few minutes ago. She is on her way over. I hope you don't mind. She won't be long'', Maura rambled.

''Don't be silly. You should have said all this time. Go and get dressed honey. I will make us a beautiful breakfast'', Angela was in helicopter mode and was already in the kitchen knocking pots and pans. Maura wasn't at all thrilled.

''You don't have to Angela.''

''I want to. Now get yourself presentable. It will be a pleasure getting to meet her. Its Constance right?''

''Yes'', Maura smiled. She wished she was nearly as enthusiastic as Angela was.

Maura brushed her teeth, pulled her hair into a ponytail, put on some sweatpants and one of Jane's BPD tees. She didn't want to wait with Angela; she knew the woman would elevate her nervous energy, so she went for the one task that soothed all – Jane.

**You won't believe this – M**

The reply came within seconds, Jane was good like that.

**Coming from you, it's safe to say I will believe it –J**

**My mother is on her way here, and your mother is making breakfast – M**

**Oh God. I don't believe this – J**

**See, told you. It's scary Jane. Can you come home – M**

**Honey, I just got to work – J**

**Sorry baby. You know I would love to be there to….you know….be there…lol – J**

That brought a huge smile to Maura's face. Before she could respond, Jane texted again.

**I know you are smiling…..I love you Maura. And I will see you for lunch. Cavanagh is calling us for some stupid meeting. Do you want me to call you when I get out? – J**

**Please – M**

**Sure thing. Text me if things start getting out of hand. I don't like not being there – J**

**Ok, I think she's here. I love you – M**

**Love u 2 – J**

_That was so fast, oh my God, _Maura muttered to herself walking out of her room.

* * *

Constance had actually been parked for a whole five minutes thoroughly convinced she was at the wrong place. In no way did the house fit the daughter she knew.

Her best bet was to walk in and find out. So here she was, standing by the door.

Angela rushed (forward as ever) to answer the door for their guest. When the door swung open Constance was relieved, she was sure it was the wrong house – it wasn't her daughter answering the door after all.

''My apologies, I must have the wrong house'', Constance said courteously.

''Of course not, you must Constance'', Angela engulfed the woman before she could so much as stretch a hand out. Maura saw this as she walked to the door and shook her head wishing to God her mother wouldn't say anything embarrassing. She scurried fast before Constance got a word in.

''Mother'', they exchanged the European 'two-kisses on the cheeks' greeting.

''Maura'', her mother took inventory of her and shot her a clear look of disdain.

''Please, come in'', Angela shooed the pair in.

''And you are….?'', she threw Angela a meaningful look.

''Angela, it's nice to finally meet Constance. I just finished making breakfast, do make yourself at home''. Maura didn't miss the disapproval written all over her mother's face. For one, she hated being referred to as just Constance by strangers – it was always Mrs Isles, or Constance Isles. And she didn't understand why Maura looked the way she did – cheap pants and a t-shirt. Then there was this loud woman taking command. And why the hell was her daughter living in such a low class place? She couldn't help herself.

''I'm sorry, Maura. Can you explain all of this to me?'', she said in French.

''Angela is Jane's mother…my….ummm, friend. She made breakfast. Won't you join us'', Maura made a point to respond in English. She didn't want Angela to feel inferior, and she also wanted her mother to know she didn't appreciate the behaviour she was portraying.

So the two took a seat at the table as Angela brought over plates, rolls, and all she had prepared for the meal. It was a rather peculiar situation. Constance had so much to ask, Maura didn't know what to say, and Angela knew little to nothing about Constance. She just realized Maura hadn't even told her she was dating Jane, and it was clear the pompous woman knew nothing about Maura's current situation.

Maura might have warned Angela about all of this, but she didn't know what to say really. It was just too overwhelming for her. She felt embarrassed about not having divulged all about her life to her mother, and she felt Angela might despise her. So she had locked herself up in her room texting Jane and waiting for Constance to arrive to deal with it as it went on.

''So Constance. You are visiting from France is it?'' Angela tried to break the tension.

''Yes. I will be leaving in a couple of days though'', she tried to be polite, but failed.

''Well it's lovely that you could come over. You have a very wonderful daughter. We all love her to bits'', Maura blushed a little. Jane certainly got the little bit of charm she has from her mother.

''I don't mean to be rude, but I don't believe we were properly introduced, who are you exactly?''

Angela wasn't too bothered by the crassness, or maybe she just chose to ignore it. ''I am Jane's mother, Maura's friend. They are living with me for a while till they get a place of their own''

Maura was silently eating her breakfast; she had no idea what to say. ''is that so.'', Constance looked at Maura for further clarification.

''Yes'', was all Maura said.

''What happened to your house in Beacon Hill?'', Constance probed.

''I sold it''

''Why?''

The tension was rising further and further.

''It's a long story mother'', Maura kept her gaze down.

''Is everything ok? I feel like there is a lot going on here. I don't mean to pry, but if you are having some problems you can tell me you know''

''I know mother, thank you''

Angela was the one now just watching.

''I will leave you two to catch up then'', she finally said standing up.

Maura looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock for eternity. ''No Angela, please stay'', she said as means of saving herself. She wasn't so sure why she was nervous and a little frightened about her mother all of a sudden. She normally never really cared.

''Its ok honey. I will be in my room if you need anything''

_Honey. So they are on names of endearment terms now, _Constance mused. Her initial thought had been that Angela was the house help, before Maura had labelled her 'Jane's mother'._ Who is this Jane anyway?, _she thought further.

''Please stay'', Maura pleaded with her eyes. Angela saw how helpless and frightened Maura looked. She wanted to help her, and made a decision on the spot.

''Would you give us a minute Constance?'', Angela tugged on Maura's arm.

In the kitchen, Angela began, ''is it ok if I have a word with her Maura?''

''Please''. The unspoken words were understood between the two.

Maura left the kitchen and headed for her room. Constance watched in confusion. ''is she alright?''

''A little. Constance…there is a lot that has been happening that I think you ought to know as a mother''

Constance didn't appreciate her judgemental tone one bit. ''and what might that be?''

''A lot has happened to Maura since you last spoke, and clearly she hasn't mentioned any of it to you'', Angela began softly.

''is she in some sort of trouble?'', Constance voice held a hint of concern, just a hint.

''The rough patch is over now. They are recovering from it pretty well, given the extreme circumstances''

''They?'', Constance caught.

''Yes, Jane and Maura''

''Again, I don't mean to be rude. Who is this Jane? She sure seems to play a huge part in Maura's life''

''She does. She is her best friend, and they are seeing each other''

Constance eyes widened.

''They are in a relationship?'', she asked in utter shock.

''Yes they are'', Angela still spoke gently. She knew from experience that it wasn't the easiest of news to hear.

Constance drew a deep breath in and sipped on her tea.

''Would you like me to start from the beginning? That way it may be less confusing. I am sure you have a tonne of questions''

''I would like that, yes''

So Angela began to relate the story of how Jane and Maura's friendship blossomed, before going on to tell her about what happened with Jane, and subsequently Maura. She paused a little to give Constance a chance to digest the fact that she had almost lost her daughter, and she didn't even know about it.

''How could all this have happened without my knowledge?'', Constance sobbed – with etiquette.

''If you had kept in touch, I'm sure you would have been aware''. Angela didn't want to sugar coat that aspect for the woman. She didn't believe in the type of motherhood Constance embraced.

She then went on with her story, relating events one at a time, trying not to leave anything out. It was a lot to take in on one sitting, but it wasn't the type of story you could chop of in half and finish on a later date.

''So yesterday they went to see a house they really loved but it costs a lot so they are still pondering what to do. You should have seen how excited they were. They are so wonderful together'', Angela was the one now sobbing.

''I feel so ashamed of myself. Missing all of this'', Constance said with actual regret this time.

''Sorry. That's all I can say. Because those two are the best. Anyone would be lucky to have them in their lives. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am every morning when I wake up. They make each and every day worth it for me. All of my children. And Maura is one of them too''

Constance cried some more. All her short comings where being laid bare and reality struck her like hot iron. It was painful, she admitted. She was sure Maura would never forgive her. She didn't even know if she had it within her to beg forgiveness. It was just too much wrong for anyone to forgive. And then she remembered how Jane had called her begging to know where Maura was and she had brushed her off immediately and completely, never to even think of the event ever again till that moment.

''I'm sorry I can't tell you how you can ever gain her forgiveness. But Maura is kind, she may forgive you with time, but the damage is already done and she will never forget'', Angela reasoned.

* * *

Meanwhile, Maura had been a wreck. She was imagining all the thoughts going through her mother's mind as Angela told her all the events of the past year plus. She imagined her mother thought she was so pathetic, who wouldn't, she thought she was pathetic at times.

After a while Jane had called. And when Jane heard the hurt her girlfriend was going through, she told her she was taking a personal day and coming home at lunch time. Cavanagh granted her that with no complaint.

* * *

''I think I have an idea, will you come with me, please?'', when Constance had walked into Angela's home she have never thought she'd hear herself begging the woman, ever!

''Sure, but don't you want to speak with Maura first''

''No. let's leave. I will see her tomorrow I promise''

So the two women took their leave. Constance sent Maura a text when they were in the car.

**Sorry to leave abruptly. Angela is accompanying me somewhere. I promise I will see you tomorrow. I would love to take you and Jane for dinner if it is alright with the both of you – C**

Maura had to read the text about ten times before exiting the room to see if they had left for sure. They had. She couldn't believe it. Did it mean Constance accepted her and Jane together? What had she thought about what Angela had said? Had Angela not told her everything? Where were they going together anyway? She was glad Jane would be home in two hours tops, she needed the comfort of the brunette.

So to occupy time she cleaned up Angela's mess in the kitchen. Cleared the table. Then settled for an afternoon comedy. Jane sauntered in just as the second episode was finishing. Maura leapt up like a little girl to greet Jane. The calm that washed over her was immediate, and welcomed.

''You have been holding up on me Maura'', Jane smirked.

''How so?''

''I wouldn't have been opposed to being greeted like this every day when I got home'', Jane joked, and lifted Maura up with impressive ease taking her straight to their room.

''They aren't back yet?'', Jane asked, placing Maura on the bed tenderly.

''No. I have been stressing about where they went since they left. They didn't seem to be getting along Jane. I'm so worried''

''They'll be fine. If things were as bad they wouldn't have left together''

''True I suppose. I missed you even more today'', Maura let out a sigh.

''It was so awful at work also. Frost and Korsak were glad when I left. They said I was boring today''

They both laughed. Jane was propped on one elbow, tracing letters on Maura's stomach. ''I love you Jane'', it just came from nowhere. Maura even surprised herself. Then she went on, ''like really really love you. I feel like I took some kind of substance''

''Yes, it's called Janetone''. Maura creased her forehead, ''like acetone – Janetone''

Jane knew how to lighten the mood and the two shared a much needed laugh.

''I really really love you too Maura. I may have also overdosed on that Mauretone''

Maura smacked Jane's arm jokingly before they shared a loving kiss. It started to get heated and they both stopped themselves before things got too far. A lot was up in the air with their mothers on the run together, it just wasn't an appropriate time for sex.

* * *

By this time, Constance and Angela had left Mr Perkins office and were en route to the house that knocked their girls off their feet. Constance had done quick work of contacting the man to find out who Maura and Jane's real estate agent was – only to find it was him. It made it the more easier because Constance already knew the man. He actually told her he was planning on contacting Jane and Maura the next day because the owners had refused to bring the house down and he was trying to give them a day to reconsider.

Constance told him to contact them and she paid the whole amount in full to the owners. Mr Perkins signed off what he could, so did Constance, leaving the house virtually in Maura and Jane's ownership. The two just had to sign off the title in their names and all other necessary documents. When that was done, the mothers headed to go and see the house. They were slack jawed. It was breath-taking and it was no wonder the two had fallen in love with it. For some reason it just fit Maura and Jane perfectly. Angela could testify because she knew them both. Constance felt a pang of hurt in that moment, for not knowing Maura that well, and Jane at all.

After a look around, they were ready to leave. Constance put the forms for the sale in a folder, with a small letter for Maura inside. She instructed Angela to give the two, and then bid her farewell.

''Thank you so much for all you did for me today. And especially for being there for Maura''

''It's not hard Constance. Maura is so easy to fall in love with, she's so sweet'', Angela said sincerely.

''Thank you'' Constance said again. And Angela engulfed her in another bear hug. Constance wasn't used to these, but returned it as best as she could. Angela was dropped home and Constance took her leave.


	36. Home

**AN: Did anyone else what to commit suicide after that last episode of R&I? Casey and Jane – Married! I have diarrhoea…..ewwww!**

**Also, I have no beta. All mistakes are my own.**

* * *

''What it is?'', Maura asked with uncharacteristic impatience.

''It's for both of you. I'll leave you to it'', Jane grabbed the envelope from Angela and the matriarch departed the room.

Maura and Jane had bolted the second the heard the key turn. They were so eager to learn how Angela and Constance' time alone had progressed, and what exactly it is they had gone to do – together.

Jane roughly opened the folder (while Maura kept a distance), and sank to the couch. ''Holy fuck'', she whispered.

''Jane!'', Maura scolded, not pleased by Jane's use of profanity in the least. ''What is it?'', she made her way to Jane and pulled the papers gently from Jane's grip.

''Oh my God''. She scanned the paper is pure disbelief before she pulled out the envelope with her name inscribed. ''please read it'', Maura handed the letter to Jane with shaky hands.

''Maura-''

''Please Jane. I just don't have the power right now'', Maura pleaded her case.

Jane glanced at her and saw the fear in her eyes. Maura was scared of what her mother might have written, despite the fact that she had expressed her desire to meet them for dinner and had bought them a house. Constance was funny like that. She could make you believe one thing then turn around and shock you with another. Maura had seen the look on her mother's face when she was around earlier, and she wouldn't be surprised if Constance bought the house because she thought Maura was broke. And also so she wouldn't be embarrassed by her daughter living in a place that is not up to her standard. She may also have just invited Jane just to vet her. Just so she could see the sort of person she was then pour a bucket of ice cold water at the end of the night. Yes, Constance was cold and mean and Maura wouldn't put any of that past her. Maura hadn't even told Jane about the dinner invite because of that. In all honesty, she was just going to pretend as if it was never there and spare her and her girlfriend the unnecessary pain. They had made enough progress and she sure as hell wasn't going to let her mother be the cause of a back-track. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about the house thing anymore anyway.

Jane let all those thought pass through Maura's mind before she began reading aloud.

''My Dearest Daughter

I always knew I failed as a mother, but it is another thing having it thrown in your face. No one has ever made me feel as useless as Angela had me feel today. I have certainly never been more embarrassed. I cruised through life all these years thinking you would be fine because you made a person of yourself. But I learned today that I left scars, scars that you may not even realize you have. You went through all that pain alone Maura. I wish I could say 'why didn't you tell me?', but I know the answer to that already. Angela said you are very kind, and that if I am lucky I may have another chance with you. If not, I would never hold it against you – I deserve it. I am so sorry for being worse than awful to you my girl. I have no excuse for my behaviour other than selfishness. I am glad you are nothing like me Maura, don't ever change. Angela said you loved the house. If you refuse my apology, or refuse to see me, at least please take the house. We went to see it, it's gorgeous Maura. If it is not too much to ask, please, may you and Jane join me for dinner tonight? I would love nothing more than to meet this woman who has made you so happy. I may learn a thing or two from her. Call me darling. I'm truly sorry.

Your Mother.''

Maura threw herself into Jane's arms. She did not in the least expect those words from her mother. She was overwhelmed with joy.

''Do you want to go'', she asked Jane softly through the tears.

''Of course I want to. Do I look like the kind that could pass on an opportunity to teach'', Jane joked. It made Maura laugh and Jane could easily make that her sole purpose for living.

''And the house?''

''That's up to you Maura. And you don't have to make a decision now''

''It's up to us Jane. The house is for us'', Maura clarified.

''Well lets go for dinner. Take it one step at a time huh?''

''Ok''

So Maura called Constance and they arranged to meet at 7pm for dinner. Jane was nervous as hell. The whole idea seemed swell when they were discussing it in the afternoon, but now that it had come down to it, it wasn't so funny anymore.

''Jane, relax'', Maura said as they were driving up to the restaurant.

''I can't Maura. What if she doesn't like me? Oh and what if I put my foot in my mouth like I always do?'', Jane was holding on to the steering wheel looking barely alive. She was pale and slightly shaky.

''You can just try to think before you say anything'', Maura helped.

Jane glared at her for a brief moment before returning her sight to the road. ''You're serious?''

''Well things are so easy with everyone you know. They know you, they understand you. My mother won't. So you can just quickly think through things before you let the words out''

Jane just shook her head and let out a humourless laugh. ''You are going to pay big time for that''

''I know honey. I will willingly take the punishment''

Silence loomed as they approached their destination.

''Jane'', Maura tried.

Jane parked the car and wouldn't look at Maura. ''Jane!'', she tried more vehemently. ''My mother has hardly been part of my life. It will hurt to know she doesn't like you or approve of you, but it will change nothing at all. After we see her today, the next time will likely be two or more years from now. So she doesn't affect our lives in any way. No one is forcing us to be here, and stay. So if she starts to make us miserable, we can simply leave. I won't lie; it will hurt if this doesn't turn out well, only because I have my hopes up. But that hurt will only last a little while. You are a great person, and if my mother is blind to that, it will be like the same mistake she made with me. And that will be her loss. I love _you _Jane, _you._''

Maura punctuated her words with a kiss that Jane melted into.

Hand in hand, they walked into the restaurant. Maura had in a simple ruffled grey dress and some black heels. Her hair was let down and she looked impeccable as ever. Her Jane on the other side had on a red satin blouse with jet black slacks and her hair was pulled to the back. The two looked picture perfect, and Constance let out as gasp as she watched them walk towards her.

''Mother'', ''Darling'', they exchanged their usual greeting. Jane stood decidedly close behind Maura with a plastered smile of politeness. ''this is Jane'', Maura pulled Jane forward from her back.

''it's a pleasure'', Jane extended her hand to Constance. The woman took the hand and passed on the same sentiment. Constance watched intently as Jane pulled out Maura's chair and smiled a sweet thank you.

Now settled, the awkwardness sunk in. Thankfully the waiter approached.

''Welcome'', he bowed, ''shall I get you ladies anything to drink?''

''I will have a glass of tonight's special'', Constance said.

Maura looked at Jane, who just nodded, ''we'll have the same'', she finally let out. That did not go unnoticed by Constance either.

''Mother, thank you for the gift. But you didn't really have to'', Maura broke the silence that was about to begin.

''I know honey, but I wanted to. For both of you'', she looked at Jane.

''Thank you'', Jane said sincerely. And ended there before she lost her mouth. She wanted this to go well for Maura, and if anyone ruined it, she didn't want that to be her.

The drinks came back, offering a much needed distraction. They went on to order as well. Maura saw the sour look on Jane's face and chuckled to herself.

''Are you laughing at me?'', Jane whispered.

''You don't have to look at the menu like it personally offending you'', Maura continued to laugh.

''It might have. I'm hungry. And there is nothing to eat here'', Jane whined.

''Jane come on, you are holding a four paged menu-''

''With nothing I can eat'', she cut in.

''Do you trust me to order something I know you will like?'', Jane looked at her.

''Thank you. Please do'', she couldn't help herself; she had to kiss that smug smile on Maura's face. They seemed to have completely forgotten they were in Constance' presence.

Jane shyly pulled away from Maura when reality kicked in, ''Sorry'', she rasped.

''don't be Jane. Its ok to love her the way you do. That's exactly where I got it wrong''

''Its ok mother''

''It's not Maura. It will never be ok. Look at you'', she waved her hand in Jane and Maura's direction. ''you both look so happy and in love. And you aren't ashamed or embarrassed of it. You show it to the whole world, you don't hold back. You know each other. I don't understand why I couldn't do that too. Why I felt I couldn't hold your hand like Jane does. I hid it, until I got to a point where it became normal to not do it, then I just completely phased it out. Jane-'', she directed her attention to the brunette, ''don't you ever feel ashamed to show her how much you love her. Do it anywhere you are, don't ever stop''

''I won't'', Jane answered, emotions spilling over. The Isles women were in tears and Jane wasn't quite sure what to do.

''I love her mother'', Maura didn't know where that came from. ''I love her so much'', she squeezed Jane's hand harder.

''I can see it. And I know she loves you too'', she looked at Jane for confirmation – Jane delivered. ''I am happy for you both ok, I truly am. Please have the house. I will try to be a better mother Maura. If only you can give me a chance''

''Yes'', At this, Constance stood up and embraced her daughter in the restaurant, something she had never done before. Maura knew what it took for Constance to that, and she knew the woman was trying already. Whatever Angela said to her really made an impact. It left a lasting impression.

''I am sorry for everything that happened between you two. And I am sorry for the way I treated you when you called Jane. I hope I am forgiven''

''It's alright Mrs Isles. It's forgotten'', the two smiled at each other.

Their meal came and they ate in light conversation. Jane spoke of her work as a detective and Constance told Jane what she did for a living. They spoke about Maura's father and Jane shared a bit about her family. Before desert came, Jane was called in to work.

''Murder calls'', she laughed humourlessly. ''I'm sorry but I have to go''

''that's alright Jane. I won't be leaving till after the weekend so I will see you again''

''Sure'', she shook Constance' hand.

''Bye honey. I'll text you when I know what's going on and how long I'll be'', Jane said to Maura.

''that's fine'', Maura said sadly. Jane shared a deep kiss with her before leaving.

''I love you'', she whispered.

''I love you too Jane'', with that the detective walked out.

''My my Maura, that is a very beautiful woman you have there''

Maura blushed, ''She is isn't she?'', she looked back towards the door. ''I consider myself lucky''

''Because you are. She's wonderful darling. Don't throw that away''

''I would never do that. Jane means everything to me''

''I know. I am very proud of you. Finding love like that doesn't happen to everyone''

''I suppose not''

So the ladies sat and talked some more. Maura told Constance about her time in New Zealand and her work dilemma. She also told her more about her relationship with Jane. She dished out her few insecurities and Constance was there to make her see things for the way they were. It was a wonderful catch up for Maura and her mother, and they planned to do it more often.

**Two weeks later…..**

With signing off and house inspections out of the way, Maura and Jane were ready to move into their new home. Maura had spent days upon days shopping for furniture and picking out paint colours for the walls. Jane was a little detached – shopping not being her strong suit. The detective mostly went with whatever Maura picked. The only thing she had put a tremendous effort in was picking up things for the 'man cave'. She had a massive plasma put in, bar decorated with her favourite beers, and a section set up as a mini gym for her. Maura had been in heaven. She sprung out of bed as early as her body would allow, and only rested when she had used up all the energy she had left in her for one day.

They were moving in the next day. It was a blessing not having much to transport. All purchased goods were delivered straight to the house, the only things they had were their clothes and a few personal items really.

Jane took Friday to Sunday off. A house warming party was in place for Saturday night. Even Constance was going to be there.

''I cannot believe this is our first night in _our _house'', Jane mused as they sat together in the hot tub on Friday night. Moving had been slightly exhausting. Not so much from the effort, but from Angela's excitement. The woman could not be stopped; she was up and down like fucking Charlie Chaplin. The two couldn't be happier to finally be on their own.

''It's wonderful isn't it. I would like to believe this is what they call perfection''

''It is'', Jane breathed.

They sat in the water in companionable silence with background music filling the air. _''…__I could stay lost in this moment forever. Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure. Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep Cause I'd miss you babe, And I don't want to miss a thing…''. _Jane was sitting behind Maura holding onto her tightly swaying lightly side to side. After every few seconds she would drop kisses to the blonde's hair and rub her hands along Maura's arms. _''…Then I kiss your eyes, And thank God we're together, I just want to stay with you in this moment forever. Forever and ever, I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, Cause I'd miss you babe. And I don't want to miss a thing….'' _

The song played three more times before Jane got the strength to fish them out of the water and head to bed. They needed the rest; the next day was going to be quite eventful.

* * *

True to form, Angela was at their door step first thing in the morning with Constance in tow. The older Isles woman had gone a lengths way in trying to amend her past ways with her daughter, and things so far seemed to be working out well. Granted, Maura was a little on the edge, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. However, she had willed herself to enjoy what she could while it lasted, and that was exactly what she was doing.

So Saturday came and the party went well. It was really more or less the usual Sunday dinner, with the exception of a few workmates like Suzie Chang, Cavanagh, and the like. To add on to the obscene shopping Maura had already indulged in, they got more gifts. All in all it worked out great. Jane and Maura were thrilled to have such a strong and loving support network. Constance was astonished at the woman her daughter had grown up to be, she would have never in a million years pictured Maura the way she was in her eyes right at that moment, it seemed surreal.

With the stress of moving and the party out of the way, Maura and Jane were able to eventually satisfy their inner most desires. It was their first time making love in their home and Maura was hell bent on making it as special and memorable as could be. And it was. They bathed in passion for long hours that night, making sure both their needs were fulfilled to the maximum.

On Monday morning, Jane woke up to go to work, leaving Maura alone in the huge house for the first time. It was then that she began to serious thing of what she wanted to do with her life career wise. She had managed to avoid it for the past months because she was hiding behind the curtain of seeking permanent residence. With that out of the way as it was, she had no excuse. She could spend the rest of her days attending to Jane. That was a career in its own rights she realized. By the time she made Jane breakfast, cleaned up, met her for lunch, rested, made dinner - Jane was home. Then they spend the night enjoying each other's company and it was another day again. She could go on like this forever.

And then she thought of how it would be if they had children. They could adopt, she could carry. That would be another career as well. Yes, Maura could go on just the way she was. But was that what she really wanted?

So that Monday morning Maura lay on her back in their cosy king sized bed alone wondering what she wanted to do with her life, seeking a source of fulfilment. Part of her felt like a worthless housewife. But Jane had on no occasion complained or condemned Maura. Jane had never asked, or expected Maura to do all she did for her. And Maura enjoyed it; she did it out of pure love. But when thinking about it rationally, it wasn't what she wanted to do forever. It was ok from period to period, on occasions, but not as a permanent strategy.

She knew her potential; she knew how brilliant she was. That sort of brain needed to be put to good use. One thing she knew for sure though, was that she was NOT going back to BPD to be a Medical Examiner. The events of the past scarred her, regardless of how much she told herself she had moved on. And out of everything, going back to work seemed to be the one thing she couldn't move past, it seemed to be the one thing she was willing to not fight for. That was a chapter she would speak of as a story. That was a job she picked for a specific purpose. She picked it for the purpose of hiding from people and dealing with facts and figures instead of emotions or social interactions. She didn't want that anymore. She wanted to make herself better, more outgoing, normal. She wanted to be different for herself, for Jane, and for the children she wanted to have.

These thoughts left her with the serious mission of figuring out 'what next?', as her girlfriend was on the road to a promotion – very soon.

* * *

**AN: Right! This may come as a surprise, (maybe).my apologies. There is one last chapter to this story then an epilogue. I have to be back in uni next week so I will not have time to write this at all. That is why I have also rushed things in the last two chapters. I hate stories that don't end and just leave you hanging, I wanted to provide closure. So in the next few days it will be the end of Where Do Broken Hearts Go. In my spare time I am going to work on a sequel. It will probably just be about 5 chapters, getting the girls to 2013 and seeing what has been happening in their lives since then and where they are heading in the future – again, for closure (I have a thing with it). I will just call the sequel Where Do Broken Hearts Go 2 (simple). That will most likely be up in a month (at most), sorry. And for those really interested in what I have to write, I have a new story idea. I have been sketching it out actually. So be on the look out, it will come after the sequel of course.**

**Thank you all so so so much for taking the time to read this, and enjoy it, and continue reading it. I can not find adequate words to express my gratitude. But please know that it means a heck of a lot to me. Sorry to those I angered, yay to those I pleased. **


	37. The Next Step

**AN : Someone reviewed mentioning how they though I made a joke out of suicide. I know I PM'd you, but I wanted to put this out there for those who may have felt the same too. My intention was NEVER to make a joke out of suicide. It's something that hits close to home for me, and there is absolutely nothing funny about it. so I am sorry if it came out that way. But thank you for expressing your concerns, I do appreciate even that.**

* * *

The year 2007 and started off torturous for Jane and Maura, but by the end of it, it turned out to be the best year of their lives. Maura had begun it in New Zealand, shattered as ever. Jane had started it in a loveless relationship with Casey. Before things got irreversibly out of hand, the two were reunited and were graced with the chance to begin their romance in a place away from all the chaos. From that point, things got peachier and peachier. Their home was a place filled with love and happiness. They respected each other, and sought solace in one another. They were a pillar of strength for each other whenever warranted, and there was nothing they didn't do together.

The turmoil Maura was going through over a job was soon taken care of. With the surprising help of her mother, she landed a job similar to the one she had in New Zealand. There was a wonderful private school in a neighbourhood close to theirs where she was given the opportunity to do what she found out she loved. It took her two months to complete a training course and by the end of October she was an assistant kindergarten teacher.

Who would have guessed that Maura Isles, the socially awkward Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts would one day be spending hours in a room full of noisy 5year olds. But she wouldn't trade it for anything. She loved every single bit of. Exhausting as it was, she liked it.

The adjusting process hadn't gone by without hiccups. Jane had unknowingly gotten used to Maura's permanent 'house status', and it caused a little friction in the beginning. It wasn't anything they couldn't get over though; it was just a matter of adjusting. The morning breakfasts together were no longer a daily occurrence, so were the lunch dates. Even Korsak and Frost sulked from not getting the frequent lunch bags Maura brought. Then at the end of the day they both got home and there was no dinner waiting. But they pulled through, and fell into a habit soon enough.

Jane was good at her job for a reason. And it didn't go unnoticed how Maura kept talking about the children. It wasn't just about the job. It was about them too. Maura wanted a child. The problem was that she didn't know how to broach the subject. Things had been going so well between her and Jane and she was afraid of potentially ruining it. Jane had long ago expressed her desire to have children with Maura, but logically speaking that had to be done under ideal circumstances. As it was, the circumstances were not pleasant enough.

They had passed the phase of adjusting to living together. Then there was the new job for Maura. And the major issue was that Jane had been promoted to Sergeant Detective Rizzoli. That title came with a little more baggage, and fitting a child in was just not the smart move. Not to mention the fact that they weren't even married yet. The sad thing was that Maura knew all this, and she understood it. But it didn't change the fact that she wanted a child.

''Remember you promised me'', Jane spoke quietly in the dark room. It had been the first weekend of January. There had been the promotion, then the celebration. Shortly after it was Thanksgiving, then Frankie and Tommy's girlfriend's birthdays. Then Christmas came about – a very big affair for the Rizzoli's. Maura's parents had for the first time flown to Boston to spend the holidays. The Isles' had actually spent two full days at Jane and Maura's home. Then New Year came. There was no time to breathe, but Jane saw the tiny glint of dissatisfaction in Maura's eyes. She knew nothing if she didn't know her girlfriend.

''I promised you lots of things Jane. What exactly are you referring to in this instance'', Maura responded in the same cool tone.

''You promised me you would tell me. Anything and everything''

''I know'', Maura replied with a sigh.

''I am helpless if I don't know Maura. I can tell when something is not right. And I know it isn't right now. But what I can't pinpoint is the exact problem''

''I know'', Maura said again, starting to sound a little like a broken record.

''So when do you think I will deserve to know?''

Jane was spooning Maura as they lay in bed that night, so Maura reached out to turn the side lamp on and when she laid back down she turned to face Jane.

''I am not happy with myself'', Maura began.

That was not what Jane expected to hear. So she just looked at Maura and waited for her to elaborate.

''I have everything I have ever wanted in my life. I have a relationship with my parents, I have friends, and a woman who loves me with all she has'', Maura was becoming very teary already.

''So why are you not happy with yourself?'', Jane asked gently, caressing Maura's hip with one hand.

''Because I want something I shouldn't be wishing for right now''

Jane swallowed thickly, ''A baby''. She saw the shock on Maura's face. ''I could tell. I wasn't a hundred per cent sure, and I also didn't know why you just weren't telling me''

''Oh Jane. I am so sorry. I know it's greedy and-''

''Stop Maura, please. It's not greedy''

''Then what is it?'', she asked through the tears.

''When you love someone, and you live together, its probably then next natural step to take right''

''Then why am I feeling selfish?'', Maura continued to sob.

''Because you know it isn't the right time. Not in the sense that it is too soon, but because of our present lives '', Jane hoped it sounded gentle and reassuring enough. Maura nodded her understanding. ''I promised to give you everything you want. I don't want to take a short cut Maura. Look at me'', she demanded when she saw the blonde avert her eyes. ''I don't want to bring a child into this home while I'm running around chasing perps and hoping not to be shot. I don't want to have a child I won't be able to put to bed. I don't want to fight with you because things aren't working. And I know it's selfish, but I just wanted a little more time between just the two of us''

Maura was openly and loudly sobbing. Jane embraced her tightly leaving kissed to her temple.

''I'm sorry I didn't talk to you before''

''Its ok baby'', Jane whispered. ''it's fine''

''When is the right time?'', Maura asked when her crying had subsided.

''After I marry you''

All the air was knocked out of Maura's lungs and she could not say a word. She just kissed Jane, pouring all the love and understanding she felt for the woman into the kiss.

* * *

It was their first Valentine's Day together. Maura was beside herself for the whole week pending the day. It was funny when she thought about it, but the last time she had bought a Valentine's gift for anyone it was a boyfriend she had when she was sixteen. The years that followed landed her with no lover whenever the day approached. She could have asked around, but she wanted the gift to be her idea. She knew Jane wasn't mushy and things like flowers and chocolates were not going to do it. Jane preferred more practical things. Gifts she could actually use. So Maura had wrecked her brain for days until she found the perfect things for the detective. Granted it was over the top, but she didn't really care. In fact, she wasn't quite sure if it _was _a little too much. So after a painful headache she decided to just go with it.

Jane had spent the week dealing with a difficult triple homicide and had been exhausted every day when she got home. Maura was resigned to the fact that they wouldn't do much on the day as it was. It was on a weekday, Jane would be busy, and she most likely wouldn't have got the time to get or plan anything. Maura wasn't too bothered anyway, the day never meant much to her. But then there was something about being with Jane that just kind of made it important. At the end of the day, the blonde would be content with a good love-making session and some cuddling afterwards.

So when the case was closed a day prior, Jane was elated. She got her gift for Maura and planned something simple. She knew Maura would understand.

In the morning, Jane woke up to the sound of Maura's very loud singing in the kitchen. _''_ _I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself. Ooh I don't want anybody else Oh no,oh no,….''_

It was loud, Jane could clearly hear it from upstairs and she couldn't help laughing out loud at the ridiculous lyrics. Maura seemed to be having the time of her life. _''….You're the one who makes me come running. You're the sun who makes me shine. When you're around I'm always laughing. I want to make you mine …I close my eyes, And see you before me .Think I would die If you were to ignore me. A fool could see, Just how much I adore you. I get down on my knees I do anything for you….''_

Jane brushed her teeth quickly and made her way to the kitchen. The sight before her was Valentine's gift enough. Maura had the refrigerator door open scanning for something she seemed to have forgotten she was even looking for. The blonde was swaying her hips side to side, going down and up against the door. She looked like a pole dancer and Jane's laugh sold her away.

''Heyyyyy, how long have you been watching me?''

''Long enough to know that you have a lot of hope in the dancing industry'', Jane smirked. ''come here''.

Jane pulled her into a heated kissed. ''I missed you over the last week. I've been very busy and I'm sorry. Happy Valentine's Day my love''

''Happy Valentine's to you too''. They kissed some more. It was very clear where the kiss was headed, and after a week of no sex, Maura wasn't about to halt any action. She reached for the stove and turned it off. Jane swiftly lifted her off the floor and sat her on the kitchen counter top.

''I never noticed how expanse these counter tops are'', the words came out as moan from Maura's lips. Jane wouldn't give her the time of day to speak properly. Maura's one piece nighty was off in no time at all.

''I wanted to do this all week…''

''Me too'', Maura moaned again.

Jane had moved to attack Maura's neck and breasts. Their hips were already grinding into each other. Maura disrobed Jane with great difficulty, trying to feel as much skin as possible. It was quite the satisfaction – feeling their bare breasts rubbing into each other. Maura discreetly directed Jane's hand to the throbbing wetness between her thighs.

No more words were exchanged as Jane plunged her fingers in Maura's sex. It was all Maura could do not to cum right away. Jane knew exactly what to touch, and how to touch it. It didn't take long before Maura was writhing into oblivion on the kitchen counter top.

Jane picked the nighty and put it back onto her girlfriend's body. ''You have a wicked after sex look''. Maura chuckled; she didn't know how to follow up. Jane left the kitchen and re-emerged a minute later with a gift in hand. Maura was sitting still in the same place Jane had left her. ''I'm sorry we don't have a child right this moment. But until we do, I hope she will do'', Jane handed Maura a huge brown teddy bear. It was so soft and had the words 'I love you' on its stomach. When Maura took the teddy Jane handed her a card. With Shaky hands, Maura opened it.

_To Maura, the love of my life_

_Today marks our first Valentine's Day together. I hope we remember it for the rest of our lives. Thank you for showing me a love so great. Thank you for your patience and kindness. I love you, so much…_

_Jane_

Again with the waterworks – Maura cried. She hugged the teddy dearly. ''Thank you Jane. I love it''

When Jane appeared to be walking away to finish off breakfast, Maura grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. ''you gift is outside''

''Outside?'', Jane looked mortified as she made her way to the door.

In the cold dry air, Jane saw parked on their driveway a brand new white Range Rover. It had a small bow tie and what appeared to be a card stuck on the hood.

''Holy fuck! Maura!'', Jane was surprised to find Maura standing right beside her already.

''I figured you could use a car that fits your title. I never got you a gift for your promotion and I thought a car would be perfect with-''

Her words where cut when Jane lifted her off the ground in a bone crushing hug. ''Oh my God Maura!''

''I take it you like it'', Maura raised her eye brows with a smile.

''I love it. And I will let you go this one time only because you said it partly compensates for the promotion gift. But for the years to come just know that this is too much for Valentine's Day''

''Noted''

''Thank you Maura.''

So Jane went wild with excitement that Morning. After they finished breakfast and got themselves presentable. They went to sit in front of the fire and enjoyed their time alone. It was perfect in light of the little time they had to make due with over the week. Maura was sandwiched between Jane and her bear as they watched movie upon movie.

* * *

When Valentine's fever was gone, Jane and Maura were faced with a new problem.

Anniversary.

They were not too sure when to mark the beginning of their relationship. After considerable deliberation, they settled on their first date in NZ – the day Jane asked Maura to be her girlfriend in the middle of a heavy make out session. So their Anniversary was in March.

''Do me one favour'', Jane asked after the conversation regarding the date of their anniversary.

''Sure''

''don't get me a gift for our anniversary''

''Jane!'', Maura rose her voice in shock. ''Why would you think I would ever do that?''

'Please''

''Wait. Is this still about the car? Because-''

''No Maura. I know what I want. I will tell you'' The words seemed to have hit home.

''You better tell me while there is still time so I can get whatever it is you want''

''I will''

It was two days before the day, and Jane still hadn't said a thing regarding her present. Maura asked over and over again. When Jane got upset one day, Maura dropped the story completely. Jane felt bad but she knew Maura would understand and forgive her.

''It's today Jane, but you still haven't told me what you want''

''I will. Would you just leave it alone'', Jane said a bit exasperated with the many questions. Maura told herself it would be the last time she asked, and it was. So the day went by as normal – Jane at work, Maura like wise.

**I'm done here. Heading home now – J**

**Ok – M**

Jane knew just from that word that Maura was vexed with her. There really wasn't a way to make things right other than to wait.

**What time will you be home – J**

**Don't know – M**

Maura was really pissed, and a little hurt.

Jane tried not to make things worse than they were and left work to go home. It was almost 4pm when she made it back. Normally Maura wouldn't be home until 5, so Jane had about an hour to get ready - she took a quick shower first.

At precisely 5pm, Maura pulled into the drive way. Jane ran outside and was by Maura's door before the blonde got out.

''don't say anything. Just come with me'', Jane let the words out fast with her finger pressed onto Maura's lips to ensure the woman didn't verbally protest. When Maura acquiesced Jane took hold of her right hand and pulled her towards the back of the house. Beside their swimming pool was a gazebo with a swing chair on it. ''please sit'', Jane instructed kindly. She held out a small square shaped gift to Maura and sat beside her. ''will just let me get this all out without interruption?''

''Yes. But Jane-''

''No Maura. Please, let me do the talking. Just this once. Then you can say whatever you want when I'm done. Please?'', she begged.

''Ok''. Maura let out a sigh. Jane could see she was losing her patience so she began quickly.

''I wish I could form all those nice Shakespeare words to make this moment perfect, but I'm not eloquent enough Maura. Where my brain lacks, my heart compensates though. I can't say what we have was love at first sight, but I can tell you the exact day I knew I had fallen completely in love with you'', she then motioned for Maura to open the gift.

Maura let out a loud gasp when she saw the framed picture in her hand. It was the Thanksgiving Jane ditched her family for Maura and the two were sinking their teeth into a turkey drumstick. ''Jane''

''That Thanksgiving was the day I was sure you had taken my heart. I couldn't stop thinking about you all day. I was miserable. I love my family to bits you know that. But in their presence that day all I wanted was you. I gave myself a few minutes to think about it, and then it hit me. Like a tonne of bricks as they say'', Maura chuckled a little, Jane smiled her full dimpled smile. ''then I realized it was love. That it wasn't just loving someone, because I loved my family. But it was being 'in love' with someone. So I left and came to you, and the day magically turned special''

Jane looked at the photograph in Maura's hand again. ''you said it was the best day of your life?'' (referring to the inscription Maura had wrote at the bottom saying '**best day of my life'**)

''Up to that point, yes'', Maura's words were laced heavily with emotion.

''I don't want you to ever describe a day as the best day of your life. I want every day to be equally special till you can't distinguish which one is better than the other'', Jane pause a little to pull herself together before continuing. ''it's really strange, because this may be too soon and delayed at the same time'', Maura creased her forehead lightly. ''too soon in the sense that we have been together-together for just a year, and too delayed in the sense that there has been no need to wait this long for the inevitable''

It wasn't rocket science, Maura knew Jane was proposing. It was what Jane had to say before she got to the end goal that kept Maura captivated and quiet.

''I like to give my all in everything I do, but sometimes I fail. When it comes to you though, there is no room for failure. I did in the past, but never again should you concern yourself with a repetition of that – it's not going to happen. So I waited until I was positive I could give this my all. My job is more flexible now, I can be there for you as much as you want and need. And we can work on that family we wanted from now on. I can do it now Maura. And I'm sorry for making you upset the past days. All you wanted was to get me a gift, but there wasn't a right way to tell you what I wanted without ruining this. For our first year anniversary I would love for you to agree to my proposal'', Jane went down on one knee before Maura and pulled the small box out of her pocket. '' Maura Isles, will you marry me?'' she opened the box revealing a silver ring with a big enough diamond for Maura. She purposely asked the question before opening the box. Jane wanted Maura to be looking in her eyes when she asked, instead of at the ring. It worked like a charm. The look on Maura's face would be ingrained in her mind for eternity.

''I'd love nothing more Jane'', she spoke with as much conviction as she could muster given the high emotional levels.

They both stood and Jane lifted Maura off her feet into a full embrace. When she placed her on the ground the two kissed passionately for a long moment. Maura let Jane consume her completely. The brunette dipped her tongue all the way into Maura's mouth producing a sexy moan from the blonde. When they broke apart, Jane took the ring and slid it onto Maura's finger.

''It fits perfectly Jane. I love it. And I love you''

''I love you too Maura''

''Always and forever'', they said in unison.

So the newly engaged couple walked into their home, where Jane had set up a nice dinner in front of the fireplace for them. ''God I can't wait to call you my wife'', Jane spoke in that sexy extra deep voice directly into Maura's ear. The blonde felt goose bumps foaming all over her body in response to Jane's proximity. That's all it took before they had hard core sex then dinner – it that order. Jane made sure to use the penis she know drove Maura into another universe.

The next phase in their life served to create an even stronger bond, if that was possible.

* * *

**AN : I feel sad now. This is it. So up next, the epilogue. Give my about two days – it's the weekend, lol. You can tell me what you'd like to see, and what you thought of the whole story in general. I love to hear your praise and critiques, it will help me a lot with the sequel and my upcoming stories. I seriously adore you guys. Thanks loads…..**


	38. UnbreakableepilogueP1

**AN : I changed my profile name to CollinsJ. Just letting you know. Sorry if it affects anything.**

** There are some words in the vows that aren't mine. I am not going to go through the proper accreditation, it's just a lot of pick and choose here and there – just the vows part though.**

* * *

**Epilogue Part 1:**

Maura was proud to show off her ring. On some days she foolishly wished if she could attach her ring finger to her forehead for everyone to see. She was proud to be in love with a woman like Jane, and she would show it off to everyone who asked.

Angela was obviously beside herself with excited. She was just as excited as Maura was. She said ''my baby is getting married'' to literally everyone. Even Constance sent a congratulatory present for them. The two Isles women and Angela had already begun making wedding plans. Jane chose not to be too involved, that wasn't really her territory. So whenever Maura came gushing about what she wanted for the wedding Jane just agreed.

Jane and Maura (and the extended family) collectively agreed on a summer wedding. June was their chosen month, thereafter, anticipating the arrival of a new family member. It was during the month of May that Maura had received the devastating news that she was barren. This is something she had never considered and it hit really hard to say the least. She experienced a week of severe depression but was resuscitated by wedding plans and her new bond with Constance. She had never in her life been grateful for having been adopted. The experience, albeit worse than horrific, graced her and Constance with common ground. Barrenness was the sole innate trait the two women had. Between the friends she had made at her new job, and the other people in her and Jane's life, she knew of no one incapable of having children. And though Jane had been by her side every second, the brunette couldn't quite fathom the gravity of hurt the situation held. So Maura was more than thankful for her mother, especially at a time like this. Constance helped her come to grips with the life shattering news and she soon learned to move on.

Jane could carry, but she refused only because she thought it would be unfair to Maura. She didn't want to go through something she knew her fiancé yearned for so much but was no able to have. It would have made Maura happy to have part of a real Rizzoli, but Jane knew the ache it would cause in Maura would never go away. Maura would be hurt now because Jane refused to carry, but she knew it was a pain that would soon go away and leave no remnants. She promised to never be the cause of Maura's pain, and she would live to her word till her last breath. So the two decided on adoption. They put in an application before the wedding, knowing it would take some time and by the time the wedding is over they would be closer to having a child.

Maura and her friends, together with Constance and Angela had been fully engrossed in wedding preparation when Jane caught an unsolvable case. It was tearing the Detective Sergeant to shreds and Maura was helpless as to what to do. She tried all manner of console that passed by fruitlessly, until she had to beg Jane to fill her in on the details of the case.

Begrudgingly, Jane related the situation, ''her name is Amy. She's only 17 and in the custody of her 27year old brother. They moved here from Greece five years ago, so they have no family here at all. The brother and his friends made her their sex slave. Who the fuck sleeps with their own sister? That's just wrong. So when a neighbour heard her cries they called the police. One of them shot the other, and the brother and the remaining two friends ran away. The girl was only found this evening – after five whole days. She's with social services and I will be meeting her tomorrow. I don't want to though''

Maura had been moved by the fact that Jane finally opened up. She also felt a pang of pain upon seeing how clearly disturbed Jane was by the whole situation. But when Jane came back from work the next night, she had more news to share – worse news.

''she was raped so many times. She's only 17. We just found out she is three months pregnant, and any of those men could be the father''. Jane wept into Maura's arms that night, as she recalled the poor girls face. She looked damaged beyond repair. She had physical bruises and scaring all over the visible parts of her body. Jane only imagined what was underneath the hospital gown. Part of Maura was delighted she was no longer in that gruesome vicious world. Her occupation held fond and gay days. The most awful would be a child who accidentally fell of the swing set. She felt an inward proudness at her chosen new career path. But that didn't mean she wasn't feeling for her fore lone love. Jane's pain was her pain, and vice versa.

The men were found a week later. Amy had remained in custody being well looked after. Jane made it a point to visit her every day. When the case was closed, and it was determined that the father of the child was the guy who had been shot, Amy finally made a decision. She expressed her desire to return to school and live a semblance of a somewhat normal life. She made it known that she wanted no part in the babies and begged Jane and the social worker to support her in the decision to have an abortion.

When Amy had been having conversations with Jane, she had neglected to mention that she was carrying twins. So when she spoke of terminating her pregnancy, Jane made the decision to ask her to adopt the child if she agreed to follow through. When she learned they were two, she became hesitant to tell Maura. Jane wasn't sure if they were ready for two – at the same time.

Hesitantly, she mentioned it to Maura finally. The blonde was elated. She didn't even know what to do with herself. ''JANE! Do you understand that we could have TWO babies in six months?'' Maura was crying and laughing and screaming and jumping up and down all at the same time. Jane faintly wondered why she hadn't told Maura the first day Amy had given her all this information.

It wasn't an easy process, falling alongside the wedding preparation, but they finalized the agreement. Amy relented to giving Jane and Maura her babies, who in turn offered to take in the girl when she was seven months pregnant till the birth. What made the process move smoothly was that Amy was turning 18 in two months, so she could make her own decisions.

''This is even better Jane. We sort of become part of the pregnancy. Because we get to see Amy every day, and feel them kick and…..'', Maura was just a ball of joy throughout everything. She could barely contain herself. Jane knew she would never tire of seeing different facets of Maura. If she compiled a list of all the Maura's she had witnessed since the day they met, it would make a pretty impressive one. But all those different Maura's were like accessories. They could be put on and removed on any given day. There was a Maura, the real Maura. the one that protruded through the Chief Medical Examiner, through the New Zealand country girl, through the broken, confused, insecure and fragile woman, through the wedding bells and baby jitters. That was the Maura Jane loved the most. The Maura Jane could never do without. That was the Maura with a heart bigger than all the planets combined, the Maura who saw through Jane, the Maura that loved her with transparency, the Maura that held her tight when she cried, the Maura that made her believe she could do anything, the Maura that made her smile and laugh when she was feeling down, the Maura that made love to her till she cried with pleasure, but most of all, the Maura that held her hand and took every step with her regardless of where they were walking towards. That was the Maura she was marrying, that was the Maura she was going to raise children with – accessories or not.

As it turned out, the baby jitters outweighed the fancy wedding – much to everyone's surprise. Jane and Maura devoted most of their time to spending it with Amy, learning all they could about their soon-to-be babies. That left little time to wedding preparations, so they ended up planning a very small affair. By the time June rolled over, Amy was five months pregnant and totally invited to the wedding.

They put together a neat garden wedding at one of the resorts funded by the Isles'. The place held a limited number of guests and it was just what the pair need. On the list were Jane's close work mates as well as Maura's. A handful of the Rizzoli relatives, Tommy and Frankie's connections as well as Maura's parents.

Jane chose to spend the night before the wedding in her 'man-cave' with the guys drinking and playing pool. She had surprisingly befriended two female officers that were somewhat butch like her and were also spending the night at her place. Maura on the other hand, spend the night at Angela's with said Rizzoli matriarch, her mother, and her two bridesmaids (her friends from work as well). The night went well in both households in anticipation of the big day. Jane and Maura weren't too concerned with making the day perfect to point. The schedule was flexible and not timed to every second. They wanted it to be a happy day and in all honesty, they had no one to impress. Everyone invited knew them well and loved them just the way they were. Everyone was there to celebrate and have a nice time – and that is exactly how it went.

''Jane'', she heard her name being called as she had finished her last touch up and was about to head out and get married.

''I'm finished, come in'', Jane yelled. She was sure it was one of her brother beckoning her to hurry. Frost was her 'best-man', and Frankie was the other 'guy'. Jane hadn't been comfortable calling him any of those titles like groomsman or whatever.

The brunette was slack jawed when she saw Mr Isles walk in. ''Mr Isles'', she nervously extended her hand.

''Sergeant'', he did likewise.

''Call me Jane, please''

''Jane'', he paused, clearly trying to gather his thoughts before he spoke. Jane and Maura's father had never had a conversation alone. He was very distant, never condescending, but just appeared passive to a fault. ''I know we haven't had the time to speak privately'', he broke through Jane's thought.

''Yes sir''

''We never really got the time. The ladies were all over the place and you seemed rather occupied.'' He let Jane digest those few words to begin with. ''I am not here to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you may have been thinking I don't care about all this-'', he flailed his hands, ''-the whole time''

''No sir-''

He cut Jane. ''it's ok. I wouldn't blame you if you did. I may have been silent, but I didn't have my eyes closed. I saw all that unfolded before me. I won't pretend to understand exactly why Maura, or you, would choose to be with another woman. I don't condone homosexuality Jane, I just don't understand it well enough. But despite what anyone may think, I love my daughter. I haven't done the best I could, but it doesn't mean I don't love her. Nothing makes me happier than seeing her smile. I couldn't make her happy, neither could her mother. But because she is smart, and beautiful, and lucky, she found her own happiness – she found you. I have nothing to offer you except my gratitude. Thank you for being the person you are to her. Thank you especially for respecting her and understanding her. I worried a lot about her, but I didn't know what to do to help her. To make her fit in with others. But somehow you managed it, so thank you for that''

''You're welcome'', Jane interrupted unsurely.

''You have my full blessing to marry my daughter. I ask that you keep her forever as happy as she is today'', he finished off.

''Thank you'', Jane spoke through the lump in her throat. She resisted the urge to embrace the man. Fortunately he saw it, and initiated the embrace – surprising Jane. With that, Jane was ready to marry the love of her life.

* * *

The brunette stood beside Frost and Frankie in white trousers and a matching white blouse. The top snugged to her slender form with gold beads that matched her brides dress. The two men beside her wore black suits, white shirts and gold vests that also matched the brides dress. Jane had her hair neatly pulled to the back in a lose ponytail, just the way Maura liked it. She wore much flatter heels so she wouldn't tower over Maura too much.

She was starting to feel butterflies as she patiently waited for Maura. The blonde had vehemently refused to show Jane her dress telling her to wait till the wedding. Jane knew better than to beg, when Maura said no in that tone, she meant no - even the gossipy Angela wasn't budging.

The piano sounded the traditional 'here comes the bride' song, as Maura and Constance made a grand entrance. Maura had picked her mother to give her away instead of her father. She knew her father preferred detachment and she had no desire to make him more uncomfortable than he already was. Besides, she preferred Constance do the job, they had formed a sort of strong bond and Maura couldn't deny how good it felt especially having been void of it throughout her life.

When Jane's eyes racked Maura's frame, the brunette was stunned beyond words. She had never seen Maura so beautiful. She was smiling a big smile, tears already threatening to fall from the overwhelming moment. Her gold locks were done in bountiful curls, covered half way with the small veil she wore. She was glowing; the sun had nothing on her. She wore a pale gold satin dress with matching shoes. The dress was long and simple. It had stiches that framed her body to perfection, leaving a heart shaped front that exposed an ample amount of cleavage – for Jane's viewing pleasure. The whole dress was rounded in gold beads and she held a small bouquet with flowers that complemented the wedding colours (gold, black and white).

Jane had not taken her eyes off of Maura the whole time she walked down the aisle, neither had Maura taken hers off Jane. She couldn't help the tears that trickled down her cheeks when Maura finally stood in front of her. ''I can see the wait was worth it. You don't look like you have taken a single breath since you saw me walk in'', Maura tried to sound smug but it was washed away by the feeling of unadulterated joy.

''You look so beautiful Maura, I don't even know what to say''

Maura wiped away Jane's tears with her thumb as she looked deeply into Jane's soul. ''You look beautiful too Jane, so beautiful''

Jane had made it a point to tell the Reverend not to interrupt them if they felt they wanted to express themselves at any given time. So the entire crowd was in complete silence as they watched Jane and Maura look at each other like they were all alone in a world of their own. Maura's brides maids stood behind her wearing dresses similar to hers, except they her knee length and a darker shade of gold, with a black belt around the waist.

The ceremony began smoothly with the Reverend going through the obligatory speech. Angela was weeping and Jane and Maura couldn't help but chuckle a little – it was funny really.

''…the ladies have prepared their own vows'', they heard the minister finally say.

Maura went first. They had discovered that Jane had a much better handle on her emotions as opposed the blonde. If Jane started, Maura feared she wouldn't be able to say a thing. Maura took Jane's hands in her own, looked at Jane and began speaking to her, ''everyone thought I had it all, but I had absolutely nothing until I met you Jane. I didn't know it, but I had so much love bottled up within me, and no one to give it to – then you came along. It was as if the flood gates of love were opened and everything just oozed out of me'', everyone chuckled. Jane used all the will power she possessed to not just scoop Maura off her feet into the tightest hug. ''I want to be your soul provider, and I want to stay that way for the longest time. If I could freeze a moment in my mind, it would be the second that you touched your lips to mine. Because that's the way I always want to feel'', Maura knew it might have been a tad inappropriate to share such an intimate feeling amidst their loved ones, but it was her wedding, and she was telling the woman she loved the most what was in her heart, so what anyone else thought didn't concern her in the slightest. Jane didn't even bother to stop and think about etiquette, she just soaked in all of Maura's words. ''You have my heart in the palm of your hands, and I know for a fact that that is the safest place it could ever be. Love brings me home to you every night, and it will for the rest of our lives Jane''. Maura punctuated the end of her vows with a kiss to each of Jane's hands in her own.

A few sniffles could be heard from the dead silent audience. It was a moment where no one wanted to miss a word of what was said. Their vows held no rare words or academy award phrases. They were just words spoken directly to a loved one. What captivated people was the reverence and honesty in which they were uttered. Waves of pure love washed over everyone that late afternoon. By the time Jane began to speak, their guests were drowning in sap – the good kind.

''I have never been more proud of anyone as I am of you. Your patience and kindness blow my mind away. Every day you let me love you, and you let me be me. For that, I am forever thankful. I am honoured to be able to declare my love for you in front of everyone'', Jane brought both of Maura's hands to her heart. ''the love I feel for you in here, it's not going anywhere. And the way I feel for you today, is same way I will feel for you every single day of our life together – till NOTHING does us part'', she placed as much emphasis as she could muster on the word nothing, hoping Maura could understanding the underlying meaning. Hoping Maura would know that NOTHING could come in the way of their love. She looked at Maura, waiting for comprehension to dawn on her. The room was silent as Maura let out an audible sob. Those that knew their history understood the gravity of the word NOTHING, those that didn't just soaked in the moment. A long pause passed as Maura gathered herself. Jane wiped Maura's tears with the tissue the minister handed her and lifted her head so they could face each other again. ''I'm so sorry Maura'', she wasn't sure what she was apologizing for exactly, but somehow Maura knew and she fell into her arms. A mini 'breakdown' wasn't really part of the plan, but no one had the audacity to instill order. When they broke apart, they smiled at each other, knowing the past had been buried in that moment - Jane's kidnapping, Maura's rush actions and disappearance, Jane's relationship with Casey, Maura's insecurities, and the baby issues. It was like a computer hard drive that had just been wiped clean instantly. They both felt a weight lift off their shoulders as they looked at each other – standing at the alter on their wedding day, before their family and friends (yes, life was good, and fair).

Jane summed up, ''If I can make you laugh anytime during the day, I know my day was worth living. I found a best friend, a lover, and a partner in you - like one of those all in one packages'', everyone burst into laughter, including Maura. ''there we go - the laugh that marks my days' worth.''

A chorused ''awwwwww….'', resounded from the guests before the Reverend proceeded to the ring exchanging bit. They did that part separate from their personal vows opting for the ''with this ring i…..'' lines. When that finished the Reverend announced, ''ladies and gentlemen, I now pronounce the two Mrs Rizzoli-Isles'. May you kiss your bride'', he directed at them. They embraced first – a full bone-crushing bear hug. Jane lifted Maura lightly off her feet then gently let her down without breaking contact. They shamelessly shared a searing kiss, giving a show of a glimpse of what happened behind closed doors. Jane held Maura firmly by the hips as close to her as was humanly possible. Maura's arms hung from Jane's neck as she slid her tongue into Jane's opened mouth. Their tongues battled as Maura brought her hands to cup Jane's face, then they finally broke free. Everyone was stunned beyond doubt. A wave of silence passed through for a few seconds as everyone recovered from the impromptu miniature make-out session. ''Is that the way you always want to feel?'' Jane referred to Maura's vows.

''Always''

They turned to look at everyone staring at them in complete shock. ''What'', Jane said to the crowd as Maura tried to hide her very visible blush.

They all cheered for them and threw confetti as they walked down the aisle hand in hand. When they got to the row Amy was sitting on, they pulled her up to them. Between the two married women she walked. She was carrying their children; therefore she was a big part of the wedding.

Everyone filed out to where they sat in their designated seats and enjoyed their meal. Jane and Maura hated this part the most because they had to attend to everyone and couldn't really have time to themselves. Photographs were taken as people seemed to have a jolly time. Then the dancing began. Jane and Maura requested an untraditional wedding dance.

They had a gazebo set up a little farther from where all the action was. They timed their dance to when everyone was also dancing so they wouldn't draw too much attention. The time they had had their first dance in New Zealand, then the second in their hotel room after their second date had taken their breath away. They wanted a moment like that for their wedding, perfect and alone – and that's exactly what they got, save for the photographer.

While Jane remained a little detached from the particulars of the wedding arrangements, she had taken one specific task in hand. She said she was picking the wedding song and wasn't telling Maura what it was. Maura had protested until Jane told her it was fair because Maura wasn't showing her her dress too. That being said, the mystery was awaiting Maura.

Jane took Maura's hand and kissed her ring. ''Mrs Maura Rizzoli-Isles. I don't think there is anything in the world that sounds better than that''

''I beg to differ'', Maura countered.

Jane raised an eyebrow in question. Maura took Jane's hand and duplicated the brunettes' actions. ''Mrs Jane Rizzoli-Isles''

''Touché''

They stood in the middle of the gazebo as the rhythm of the song began. Jane eagerly repeated their stance from the kiss – her hands gripping Maura's hips and Maura's hands drapped around her neck. They just fit so perfectly like that.

'' _Took my hand. Touched my heart. Held me close. You were always there. By my side. Night and day. Through it all. Maybe come what may. Swept away on a wave of emotion. Over caught in the eye of the storm. And whenever you smile I can hardly believe that you're mine, Believe that you're mine…..''_

Maura listened to the lyrics and instantly teared up. Jane was just so perfect. She had never listened to Westlife's Unbreakable, but was already convinced it was her best song in the whole world. Jane topped it off by reiterating the words into Maura's ear, to make sure HER WIFE heard them clearly.

'' _Shared the laughter. Shared the tears. We both know. We'll go on from here. Cause together we are strong. In my arms. That's where you belong. I've been touched by the hands of an angel. I've been blessed by the power of love. And whenever you smile. I can hardly believe that you're mine….''_

Maura wanted to really really cry. There are those moments in life that are so precious and so perfect a person can hardly contain themselves, this was one of those moments. The camera men continued to do his job, neither of the women even noticed him. From a distance, the other guests stole glances at them and inwardly prayed for that kind of love. Angela and Constance didn't tear their eyes away for a single second. The two women could not for the life of them imagine how the love Jane and Maura had existed in the world, it was just surreal – like some overly dramatic romantic novel.

''…_.This love is unbreakable. Through fire and flame. When all this is over. Our love still remains….''_

When the song got to the last bit of the chorus, Jane pulled from Maura and cradled her face as the blonde moved her hands to take hold of Jane's waist.

''…_. This love is unbreakable. It's unmistakable. And each time I look in your eyes. I know why. This love is untouchable. I feel that my heart just can't deny. Each time you whisper my name. Oh baby, I know why. Cause each time I look in your eyes. Oh baby, I know why…..this love is unbreakable.''_

They embraced for a long time before pulling themselves together. ''My wife. I can get used to that'', Jane tasted it on her tongue.

''I hope you don't 'slip up' and refer to me as your girlfriend again''

''Why would I do that?'', Jane asked

''You may forget. This is all relatively new''

Jane laughed a full throaty laugh. ''Oh Maura. You have no idea how I want the whole world to know you are my wife. I doubt that is something any sane person can 'slip up' on''

They got a few last photographs taken before heading back to the others.

* * *

**AN: As you can see, I couldn't help myself. My fingers just kept going. So part 2 of the epilogue up next. About a couple of days. It's the last part I swear. Again – I changed my name to CollinsJ, again – sorry for any inconveniences. thanks a lot guys, for all the supports. **


	39. UnbreakableepilogueP2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli and Isles. **

**I had no beta (throughout the entire story), all mistakes are my own. Previously named nnatsayi123, changed to CollinsJ. **

**AN: This was fun, and a lot of work. Thank you guys so so so much for the inspiration. This journey is finally, and sadly over.**

* * *

June 2013

Winter had just arrived when the Rizzoli-Isles clan landed in New Zealand. Jane and Maura could hardly believe six years had lapsed since they had last been, it felt like just about a year ago. The two women were celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary, and what better place to spend it than the place that had laid solid foundation to their future. And to make it even more special, the pair had brought along two special gifts – Alanna and Leon. Since the two were born, there had essentially been no time for travel. And Maura didn't see the point of taking them anywhere if they wouldn't enjoy, let alone remember, the experience. But now, they had concluded the trip was worthwhile – Alanna and Leon would be turning five in October- and what better place to take them than their cottage in New Zealand. Their vacation was scheduled for two weeks, and all four of them could be hard pressed to remember a time they had shared so much fun together.

On their first night there, after the kids had gone to sleep, Jane and Maura sat in front of their fire place reminiscing about the day their children took their first breaths.

''_Maura! Can you please calm down? You're not helping me here''. _

_Maura kept pacing up and down, unresponsive to whatever Jane was saying. The two had just changed into appropriate attire for the delivery. Amy had said she would love for them to both be with her in the room for support - Jane and Maura had not objected. Amy felt terribly about having let them down. A little after the wedding she had found out she had a distant aunt who worked on a farm in Boston. Driven by sheer need to see at least someone remotely resembling family she had begged Jane and Maura to let her stay there till she was a month from delivery. They obviously loathed the idea, but Maura especially, knew what it was like to crave family. So while Maura and Jane, mostly Maura, were driving themselves crazy, Amy was being prepped for child birth._

''_Ok, we have to go Maura. Honey, look at me''. One would have thought Maura was the one actually pushing the babies out. She was sweaty, shaky, and out of breath. But she managed to look at Jane. ''we have to be strong and put together for Amy, and our little babies ok. If you go in there like that she's going to freak out. Everything is going to be fine''. She kissed Maura's temple for reassurance. It seemed to help and the two walked into the delivery room._

_Amy had requested that they name the boy Leon. It was her late father's name, whom she had been so close to. Jane and Maura had no qualms with that, they had told her she could name them both actually. But Amy only had a name for the boy, and gave the new parents the honour of naming the little girl. Days upon days had been spent trying to come up with an appropriate name. Maura, ever so diligent, had researched and read on baby names thoroughly. Leon was a name of Greek origin meaning lion, relating to strength. It made sense, since Amy was originally Greek to begin with. So that left her torn between finding a Greek name to match the other, or an Italian one from Jane's origin, or even an Irish one relating to her heritage. It was all so confusing and difficult on Maura, who by the way took it very seriously. Jane had said she wanted to second name Leon as Frankie, after her brother because he was so special to her. And because she couldn't quite put it to words most times, she figured this would make him understand fully how much she loved him. And Maura was also largely fond of the Rizzoli bother. So sadly the girl remained unnamed, while the boy already had two names. _

_When Maura had become too stressed and too preoccupied over the whole name calling thing, Jane had put an end to it and said they would find a name when she was born – period. Jane had used her tone and the face that says 'it's final. This discussion is over', Maura couldn't argue with that. _

_So now in the delivery room, they where both sides of Amy urging and encouraging her to push. The first one was almost coming but the poor girl was worn out. With great effort and support, she pushed the little boy out first. Seconds later, the girl popped out. To everyone's horror, the second one's feet and tiny hands were a blue/purple colour. Maura felt her legs giving in and Jane had to hurry to grab hold of her. _

_Several tests were done hastily as Maura cried her lungs out hoping to a God she didn't quite believe in that her baby girl would be alright. Leon is what held them both together while they waited. When the doctors returned with their baby they were told she had 'blue baby syndrome' from high level of nitrates exposed to the mother. The conclusion was that it was from the water at the farm Amy had been living prior to the delivery. Luckily it wasn't life threatening and when the baby came Jane was the first to hold her in her arms. ''she's beautiful'', was the first thing she said. _

_When she gently handed the baby over to Maura, the blonde whispered ''Alanna Helen''_

''_Hmmm'', Jane asked._

''_Her name. Alanna Helen Rizzoli-Isles''_

''_Am I going to get an explanation?'', she tried to joke her way through the very emotional moment._

''_Alanna means beautiful, which is just what you called her. And Helen B. Taussing was a paediatric cardiologist involved in the discovery of 'blue baby syndrome''', Maura's eyes never left the little baby in her arms._

''_It's perfect'', Jane placed a kiss on Maura's lips, then on her baby's forehead. _

The next morning when they woke up, the family sat around the breakfast table and made a rough draft itinerary for their time in New Zealand.

Alanna looked just like Amy. She was slim and tall with long dark hair. A little like Jane maybe, except her facial features weren't nearly as sharp as Jane's. The little girl couldn't for the life of her shut up- she spoke relentlessly. Intelligence didn't come so naturally to her, so Maura took every opportunity to impart as much knowledge as she could. She seemed to lean towards the arts though. She loved drawing and colouring and reading stories (not so much for the knowledge though – just for the fun of it). Jane and Maura didn't force her to become what she wasn't. Maura knew first hand that intelligence was nothing if you didn't have a 'life'. Alanna did like dressing up though. Many a times they had caught her applying Maura's lipstick and she run off, only to return and do it again. Alanna was also an attention seeker, always wanting to be heard and commended. She entertained the whole household single handedly. Often she would stand in front of everyone and sing or play out parts she had seen on TV or read in a book. In general, she was a free and happy spirit.

Leon was almost the opposite. Tall as well, but bending towards chubbiness. He was quiet and shy, and rather smart. He liked to play sport with Jane all the time, and more often than not was much clingier to her. He was the typical five year old boy though – batman, cars, and all that stuff. She adored that his mom was in law enforcement and cried to go into work with her as much as he could.

So the majority of their trip was spend doing almost the same things Jane and Maura had done on their first trip. They showed their kids around and the two just loved it. It swelled the hearts of Jane and Maura every time they looked at their children. They couldn't believe all they had gotten through just to be at that point. Jane often joked that if she had the time and capabilities she could write a book about of their life story.

On the actual day of their anniversary, three days before their return, Jane and Maura sat and did a recap of their wedding day (almost like they did just about every year). It seemed each year came with a new revelation about the day. On their first year Jane had told Maura about the chat she had with her father. She had been quiet about it for a full year because…..well, she wasn't sure. And the second year Maura had told Jane that she had dressed herself for the wedding, and done her own hair and makeup. Jane couldn't believe it at first until Maura had said, ''I know exactly how you like my hair and makeup and no one would have done it justice other than me''. That was true – it was not professional but was perfect in Jane's eyes. On the third anniversary Jane had come out about being secretly happy that the wedding ended up being an intimate small gathering as opposed to the originally planned extravagant event. And just last year Maura had told Jane that on the morning of the wedding her friends had asked her what sex with Jane was like. _''are you fucking kidding me?'' Jane exploded. ''Jane, you'll wake the children, and will you watch you language. Also no, I'm not 'kidding''', she calmly responded. ''They know about our sex life. And you didn't think to mention it all these years?''. ''well….you never asked me Jane. And I would hardly say they know about our sex life. I didn't go into detail''. ''I bet you would if they'd asked'', Jane snorted. ''They did, but then they stopped me when I started explaining''. _Jane had hung her head and wondered how she was to face them ever again. She was only thankful they had had the decency to stop Maura; she didn't even want to know which particular explicit detail Maura had been going into when they put the breaks on her.

And this year, Maura was revealing something Jane didn't quite appreciate. ''That Thanksgiving I said was the best day of my life, I was wrong. Our wedding day was. Oh maybe not wrong as such, because it was accurate at that time'', she corrected.

''Maur, what did I say….''

''I know, I know. I just can't help it. It really was. And even though the day Leon and Alanna were born was magical, our wedding day takes the trophy''

''I guess I can never dissuade you can I?''

''No''

''But just so you know, it makes me feel like I'm doing a crappy job if after five years I can't out-do that day''

''Jane…''

''I'm kidding Maur. It was special, and that's that.''

''I am only going to have one wedding day Jane. You see the birth our children, we can experience that again if we have other children. Yes it won't be the same event, but the feeling will be about the same. And we have holidays to celebrate every year – valentines, thanksgiving, birthdays, you name it. And that can all be repeated, not identical, but it can happen again. But the day I became a Mrs, the day I became Mrs Maura Rizzoli-Isles, that happens once. The day I walked down the aisle to my life partner cannot be repeated – because I only have ONE life partner, and therefore will only ever have one wedding. So I know you want me to love and cherish every day or celebration we have together, I do, but nothing compares to the day you made me the happiest woman on earth. Nothing can compete with that''. Jane couldn't respond and pulled Maura into a deep kiss hoping that expressing herself physically would put the point across – it did.

Later, they both sighed wistfully as they remembered the evening family get-together at their house after the wedding was over. It was just the Rizzoli's and Isles' hanging about and saying their goodbyes before Jane and Maura went for their honeymoon.

''_I wanted to give this to you'', Frankie said nervously handing Maura a sealed envelope._

''_What is this Frankie? Not another gift I hope''. They had already been given all their wedding presents. _

''_Sort of is'', he shrugged._

_Maura carefully opened it to reveal the letter she had received from Jane telling her how much she was loved. ''Frankie…'', Maura could hardly breathe._

''_I walked out with it that day. And I figured what better time to give it back than now''_

_Maura wept as she pulled Frankie to a painful embrace. ''Thank you so much'', she repeated like a mantra. ''this is the best wedding present ever Frankie, thank you'', she went on._

_Maura and Frankie were on the porch where Frankie had followed Maura who was removing a few remaining wine glasses. It was the first time the newly wed had been on her own so he took the opportunity. Jane saw them as she walked out to help her wife. ''Did I miss something?'', she asked curiously._

''_Oh Jane look'', Maura hurried out of Frankie's arms and into Jane's._

''_Honey, if you let me go I might be able to see what's got you weak to the knees'', she spoke sarcastically – she never could help herself._

''_Sorry'', Maura pulled out and handed Jane the letter. _

''_OH my God'', Jane breathed. It was rumpled a bit and had tear stains on it that smudged a few letters, but it was basically intact. _

''_Frankie gave me'', she squealed, sounding like a little child._

''_You had this all along?'', Jane said pulling him into a hug._

''_Held onto it. Makes for a perfect gift right?'', he joked. Mostly to diffuse the emotions._

''_Thanks lil' bro. I love you you know''_

''_I know Jane. I'm happy for you guys'', he pulled them both into a hug. _

''Your mother did a lot for us you know'', Jane proceeded. They were still seated in the bright night, talking about their wedding.

''She did. The house, and then the honeymoon. I would never have expected that from her.

_The wedding night after everyone had said their goodbyes, Constance and Angela drove the married couple to the airport. Jane and Maura were flying to Scottsdale, Arizona for their five day honeymoon. Constance had got them the package as a wedding gift._

_It was 6am the next day when they walked into the hotel. The place almost made them both fall to their knees in shock. Maura had travelled around the world but never she seen anything quite so magnificent. It was the epitome of 'breath-taking'. _

_Despite the scenery, it didn't take long for Jane to undress Maura. That morning she took all the time in the world to make love to Maura. She worshipped her body inch by inch, freckle by freckly, till the woman came multiple times. Maura returned the favour with vigour. She couldn't quite get past how turned on she was each time Jane called her her wife. That in itself was erotic enough, Jane didn't have to do or say anything else. _

_As the sun rose and Jane attempted unpacking, Maura read the letter over and over again. It truly was the best gift ever. She pulled out a wrapped present for Jane too._

''_Oh boy. More gifts again'', Jane whined._

''_I want you to have it'', Maura spoke through emotions she knew were about to spill over._

_Jane sat by the edge of the bed and slowly unwraped it. Before her were 2 identical notebooks labelled __**JANE. **__''What this?'', she asked sceptically. _

''_I'm giving you this because I want you to know that even when i thought you were gone, you still held my heart. I never let go of you, I don't think I ever would have. I told you what I did in your absence and maybe gave you a little insight on how I felt as well, but this is the depths of it all. That's where I poured every last emotion in me''_

_Jane held them reverently and caressed the lettering lovingly. ''Thank you for giving it to me''. That's all she could manage in that moment. When she saw Maura was about to start crying, she let out a joke. ''I guess this will give me something to read while you go over that letter for the thousandth time''. Maura laughed, and that's all Jane needed to hear to make her day. _

_That night when Maura had fallen asleep, Jane went to sit on the balcony and started reading the first book. It was the hardest thing Jane had ever done. She only got past the first entry where Maura talked about settling into NZ. She spent a good half hour crying over Maura's pain and hating that she couldn't do anything about it. She packed the books away and decided to have a nice time and read them when they got back home – it was hardly the time for such an emotional journal. _

Their time in New Zealand with the kids ended better than well. And when they got home Jane looked at her family and wondered what she ever done right to deserve such a life. She had a wonderful job- one she had always dreamed of. She was blessed with two beautiful and healthy children, and the best thing ever to happen to her – her wife. Maura looked at her family in awe. She had kids she never imaged she'd have, a lovely job she never even thought of. And the best part, her wife – the best thing in the entire world. She didn't know who to thank, and what she'd even say if she found such a being. Life for Alanna Helen Rizzoli-Isles was happy. Life for Leon Frankie Rizzoli-Isles was comfortable. Life for Jane Clementine Rizzoli-Isles was awesome. Life for Maura Dorothea Rizzoli-Isles was perfect. Happy, comfortable, awesome, and perfect, those were their respective definitions of life as they knew it.

* * *

**AN: I don't think there is a point of making a sequel to this anymore. So I decided against it. however, if you do feel like there is something more to be said, let me know. I am open to all suggestions, I just don't wanna bore people. If no one is interested in a sequel, we will move on to the next story then – much much different from this. Not so sad either. Oooh, and I just got another idea as well, so now I have two stories in waiting. Starting to draft the first one already, but there's this thing with school and work – wont they just leave me alone….lol. Anywho….thanks loads again. this stuff is really hard, and I have a new found respect for writers – seriously. And all those that took the time to read and review and PM me, thank you SO much...**


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